


The Sylveride Collection

by Lifeshandful



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Lovers, Multi, Other, one shots, partners, relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 15:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 126,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17124032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lifeshandful/pseuds/Lifeshandful
Summary: Friends. Lovers. Adversaries. A collection of Sylveride one shots.





	1. Aching Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello... I've been playing around with the characters of Kelly Severide and Sylvie Brett, and exploring various aspects. I love hearing what each and every reader thinks so please comment! This is going to be a collection of one-shots just like my other collection - 'The Sevasey Collection'.

**_Aching Heart_ **

Some days, some shifts, some calls, some scenes were harder than others. They stained a person, traumatized a person. And they lingered despite being unwanted. It was a part of their training, to forget, to cope, but it was never that easy. Sometimes situations hurt the heart and the soul. Sometimes a call led to questioning humanity, and the cruelness of the world. It could make a person wonder if there was a higher power, and if the cruelness was a part of some bigger plan that would make sense once it revealed itself as a whole. And then when the shift was over, and the idea of being alone was too much too bare, there was the sanctity that Molly’s provided for firefighters, paramedics and EMT’s, police, and doctors and nurses alike who all shared in seeing the horrors that the world seemed all too willing to offer on an all too often basis.

Sylvie swirled her fingertips of her left hand over the bar top tracing the fine lines of the grain of the wood, feeling the cool smoothness of the varnish coating beneath her fingers. Her other hand gripped the martini glass in front of her as if it was a lifeline. _I told everyone I couldn’t leave my heart in my locker at the start of a shift and pick it up at the end. I said it because it’s the truth._ The thought made her laugh bitterly before she swallowed her drink down in one mouthful. The empty glass hit the bar top with more force that she meant it too but she didn’t care as she signalled to the barmaid for a beer which was promptly placed in front of her.

The coolness of the glass bottle sent a shiver through her spine. _His hand, his skin was so cold, so suddenly._ She closed her eyes and tilted her head back so that she was facing the ceiling as his pale face flashed through her mind; her entire body shuddered and her stomach flipped at the image. She opened her blue eyes slowly, fixating them on the fairy lights that glistened above her. _He should have had more time, should have gotten to see more lights, had more light left._ She dropped her head forward again, bringing the beer bottle to her lips and swallowing half of the liquid down in an effort to forget. To forget the blood that had coated her. To forget the terrified look that she couldn’t ease, couldn’t comfort. To forget the sudden coldness of his skin when there had been nothing left to do that could save him. To forget the distressed image of a mother being told that her child was dead, and the heart wrenching sobs and heartbroken pleas of that mothers as she collapsed to the hospital floor. All she wanted was to forget but then again she didn’t want to either; a child did not deserve to be forgotten.

Kelly sat at the opposite end of the bar; he had come in for a quiet drink which he had already had but had ended up staying having switched to non-alcoholic beer as he observed Sylvie, his concern only heightened as it appeared she had completely shut herself away from everyone, isolated herself. _Can’t really blame her. Not after the shift she had, not after that call._ Chief Boden’s actions had alerted every member of Truck and Squad that something was wrong, that something serious had happened, and they had all instinctively followed him as he never walked out to greet Ambulance 61 upon their return from any call, especially not with the urgency that they all felt.

What shocked them all was the amount of blood that Sylvie was covered in, her clothes saturated, and her pale skin and blonde hair streaked with a reddish hue. Her tears had dried, had stopped, but the evidence was left on her skin as the tears had left tracks through the blood. Her wide eyes gave an insight into how lost she felt, and how haunted she was. _Someone so beautiful looked so broken._ Her silence was the most resounding as she gave Boden a near indistinguishable nod of her head as she made her way through the mass of bodies who parted like the red sea for her heading for the locker room.

It was only after she was inside the safety of the firehouse and out of earshot were the horrors of the call revealed by Gabby. A child had died in what should have been a staple childhood moment, it was something that every kid did at least once. The young boy had been climbing over a fence with razor sharp barbed wire at the top when he got tangled up, his neck torn open and jugular severed. The boy had exsanguinated in the ambulance on the way to the hospital as Sylvie desperately fought to save him. And then they had stayed, or rather Sylvie had stayed next to him with his small hand held in hers until his mother had arrived as she did not want him to be alone. He couldn’t even begin to fathom how hard that was; children were always the most difficult to deal with when it came to death in their line of work, at least that is what he felt. _No one can be prepared for that, no one can just forget._ His eyes stopped at her hand, watching its movements on the bar top, and realising she was trembling minutely. There was no hiding, it was clear to him that she was barely holding it together.

Sylvie placed the freshly emptied beer bottle down in front of her, pushing it further away from her until it was teetering on the edge. The symbolism was not lost on her as she felt just like the bottle, ready to fall over the edge and shatter into a million tony pieces. _I can’t leave my heart in the locker at the start of the shift and pick it up at the end. I can’t. Maybe it’ll break me someday. I just don’t care._ Her own words in her head repeating loudly; somehow now though her own words felt bitter. She had hit that breaking point with this shift, with this child’s death, and she did care despite the hollowness she felt. She didn’t know what she wanted to do, she didn’t want to drink anymore but she didn’t want to go home and be alone either. _I wish I had someone like Gabby has Casey._ There was a minute hint of resentment that she quickly shoved down hating herself for even thinking and feeling it. _There’s a whole firehouse of people, my family but its not fear to burden them, not with this._ She let out a soft sigh as her tiredness set in, alongside the overwhelming sense of loss that only seemed to be growing.

Kelly couldn’t sit and watch any longer; he had been where she was, had wondered if there was something else that could have been done to change the outcome, had tried drinking the memories away but he knew it only provided a temporary relief. There was no book, no set of written rules, for situations like the one Sylvie and Gabby had experience. And people like himself could offer to talk but sometimes it was a matter of careful force, it was reaching out and taking care of someone whether it was welcomed or not. There were many differences between Gabby and Sylvie but the one that stood out to Kelly in the moment was that she was alone, there was no one significant that he knew of in her life, and she didn’t have a roommate either. He pulled his jacket on and signalled the bartender over whilst he pulled out his wallet. “This should cover mine and Sylvie’s drinks.” He put a fifty down then slid his wallet back into his pocket then made his way down to the other end of the bar where Sylvie was.

_If she looks this lost, I would hate to feel just how lost she feels._ “Sylvie, let me give you a ride home.” She startled a little then relaxed despite remaining tense. He knew she had not had a lot to drink but considering how exhausted and lost she looked it seemed like the safest option. Up this close he could also see that it was not just her hands that were trembling, it was her entire body. “I don’t want to go home, to no one, to nothing… that mother has to go home to an empty house and it will probably be strewn with toys, with reminders.” The words tumbled out, there was no stopping them just like there was no way to stop the tears that were filling her eyes, the tears she had fought since he had died, since his little hand went limp and then cold in hers. “Come on, we are going back to mine.” He had made the decision for her; her words tore him apart. _She needs a safe place. She needs to get everything she is feeling out. She needs someone to tell her she is not alone and to look after her._ Kelly was going to be that person for her even if it was just for the night. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close feeling her arm slip around his back as she tucked herself tightly into his side allowing him to guide her out of Molly’s and to his car.

The drive back to Kelly’s was short and relatively quiet with the exception of a few sniffles from Sylvie. Kelly parked and got out then made his way round to the passenger’s side, opened the door and held his hand out which she gratefully took. She was exhausted, it was a bone deep exhaustion but it was not just physical, it was emotionally and mentally. The façade had faded in Kelly’s presence. The way he was taking care of her made her feel safe. _Safe, that is something I haven’t felt in a long time._ That thought made her stomach twist but was quickly forgotten as Kelly guided her into his apartment and over to the couch. He helped her with her jacket then removed his own, laying both over the end of the coffee table before he sat next to her as she curled up into herself.

“What good are we if we can’t save innocent children? What good am I? That boy died terrified, desperate for me to help, and I couldn’t, I couldn’t do any more.” She could barely get the words out but she had to know, had to ask. Kelly felt as though his lungs had suddenly deflated as she looked at him, almost begging him for an answer. The glassy blue eyes were what got him more than anything. _Windows to the soul, to her soul that got shattered by this boy’s death._ “Come here Sylvie.” He was already drawing her body in closer to his, and she readily accepted seeking the comfort she so desperately needed. “You were with him, he wasn’t alone. He felt it, I’m sure… And you, you are amazing. Every shift you save lives.” The pause allowed them both a respite. “We all do this job because we care, because we want to help. We all have bad calls, bad shifts, it’s inescapable. We do our best… That pain you feel means you care and that is a good thing because you fight for them. Saving lives does not just affect that person but a lot of others as well.” He felt as her warm tears landed on his shirt and soaked through the fabric to his skin, he pulled her closer. “You’re not alone Sylvie.” He pressed a kiss to her temple as she cried harder, all the pent up tears surfacing.

“Boden keeps logs of every shift.” It was a statement that had more meaning behind it than she knew. He had waited until her crying had eased, until the gut wrenching sobs had softened. _They are kept for a reason, to be shared in times like these, in moments of doubt._ “I want to show you sometime.” She did not need to feel pressured, not on top of everything she was already feeling.

“Remember what you told me when I first started at 51? You told me there was a lone that can’t be crossed and not to get involved… That was with a kid too.” It felt like a lifetime ago considering all they had been through. _I wish I had listened, I wish I had followed it more._ “Yeah I do but I think I also told you that we all get invested at times… It is human nature.” As he spoke he recalled telling her about Shay and the patient’s suicide. Without even realising he held Sylvie a little tighter. “I don’t know how to separate myself, and it’s tearing me apart. I thought I didn’t care, that I wouldn’t care if it broke me but I do care.” That admission had been rattling around in her head since her and Gabby had left the hospital. “I don’t know how many more calls like that I can handle.” It was brutally honest and it hurt like hell. _I’m not sure if I even have one more call like that left in me._

A slight panic coursed through Kelly at Sylvie’s words, at her tone. _Someone so beautiful has been shattered into pieces… and none of us really noticed, at least not until now._ She had been through a lot even with those she had been partnered with – with Mills leaving, with Chili’s alcoholism and departure, and then with Jimmy, his brother’s death, and his own demise that had left him with severe life changing disabilities. They had all felt those losses but she had been affected the most yet none of them had checked in, checked on her, not really, not like they should have. _Why am I only realising this now?_ He mentally berated himself for not realising sooner especially considering he had seen her cry at Mill’s farewell party, and in the hospital as they waited to hear the news on Jimmy. There was so much he wanted to say, to tell her, but he couldn’t, not now. “I want you to come to me, I don’t care what time it is, I don’t care if its just to cry or because you need a hug or to vent. You come to me Sylvie.” The need to protect her, the need to keep her safe, and the need to heal her or help her heal herself was what had become a priority for him. He couldn’t lose her.

“Thank you Kelly.” She truly meant it; she was thanking him for more than just his words. She let herself curl into him a little more although they were already pressed against one another, and let her eyes close as the fatigue finally got to her. Kelly lifted his free hand to hers that was laid flat in the centre of his chest and covered her hand with his seeing her eyes had closed. Her breathing evened out within mere minutes and he was glad that she was asleep as exhausted as she was. He was prepared to stay there, holding her, all night as he left his own eyes close.

The early morning rays of sun was what woken them. They had remained in the same position all night. “Morning.” They both spoke in unison, neither were in a hurry to move. “Boden’s logs, I would like to see them if you still want to show me them.” _Kelly mentioned them purposefully._ She wouldn’t admit it but she wanted the safety that he provided for her just a little longer. She wanted to be in his presence for a while longer. “Of course. How about I grab a shower and a change of clothes then we’ll stop by yours so you can do the same, then to the firehouse then breakfast.” He figured it was the best way figuring that Boden’s logs may lead her to questions that she may need help answering, and if he was being completely honest with himself he enjoyed her company. “Sounds good. I’ll make some coffee… Wait, I’m not messing up any plans you have am I?” She had already begun to pull herself away from him in her search for coffee although she felt refreshed, more refreshed and relaxed than she had in a long time when she became aware of just how much time of his she had already taken. He grabbed her hands softly making her pause in her movements. “My plans are to shower, go to yours, go to the firehouse, and then to breakfast with you.” He could see her relax and watched as a small smile graced her face. “Okay, I’ll start the coffee.” Kelly let go of her hands after he swept his thumbs over her knuckles with a feather-light touch. He watched as she made her way into his kitchen, seemingly comfortable, for a few minutes before he got up and headed to shower and change.

It didn’t take Kelly or Sylvie long to get ready, even with the trip from his apartment to hers. They arrived at the firehouse, and Kelly immediately got out of the car then helped Sylvie out. Sylvie wrapped her hand around Kelly’s inner elbow as she fell into step with him. He turned his head and smiled at her. They made their way through the firehouse silently passing by a number of colleagues from the shift as Kelly led her to a fairly untouched storage records room that housed Boden’s ledgers as well as years of reports. He flicked the light switch on and watched as Sylvie’s eyes widened almost comically. Sylvie removed her hand from Kelly’s arm once the door was closed behind them as she stepped further into the room amazed at the history it contained.

Kelly walked to the far corner of the room and scanned the shelves, looking at the spine of each ledger until he found the date range he was looking for – anything from July 2014. _July was when Sylvie started or near enough._ He pulled one of the thick ledgers out and turned to Sylvie who was still looking around in amazement. Almost instinctively Sylvie turned to Kelly. The pair ended up sitting side by side on the floor.

“Boden handwrites these. They are his own personal records, and not many of us get to see them.” _But we should._ He thought as he opened the heavy book on two random pages then held it out for her to take, almost as if it was an offering. She reached out gingerly and grasped the book, taking it from him, and let it rest on her lap.

“When did you first see them?” The innocent question caught him off guard. “After Shay died and I was still in exile. I didn’t want to come back. Matt showed me one of these.” _They helped bring me back, they bought me home._ They had helped but they could not magically fix everything. “Boden records the date, what the call was, and what we did… In this column is the number of lives we saved. Every ambulance call is recorded. It doesn’t matter what the call is, it all gets recorded.” His own fingers ghosted over the pages as he explained. Once he finished explaining he shifted his eyes from the pages to her face watched as her own eyes looked at the pages, at the information in front of her.

Sylvie was transfixed with the ledger in front of her, there were so many entries, so many calls, and each was just as important as the last. _Its easy to forget, to focus on the terrible calls._ She realised what Kelly was sharing with her, what he was saying without words, and she couldn’t have felt more grateful. “There are always going to be calls, moments, that haunt us, that hurt us in this job… Its just it seems like every call hurts lately.” That was the raw truth, “And it hurts a little more every time, goes a little deeper.” She turned her neck so that she was face to face with him. “You’re allowed to feel what you do, and you are allowed to break down. We all do. We all need to at times… What I said last night, I meant every single word, anytime, you come to me.” _Special and oh so lucky._ His words, his sincerity, warmed her. She was lucky to have him, they all were. He was special, a rare breed.

“You know you are amazing. Thank you Kelly.” He didn’t reply verbally instead he smiled and placed a kiss on her temple. Subconsciously she leaned into him, settling into his body, as she turned her attention back to the ledger in her lap and began to read more of the entries as he watched her. What she did realise with each turn of the page, with each entry, and with each number was that she couldn’t give up, couldn’t leave.


	2. This. Us. All Of It.

**This. Us. All Of It.**

The firehouse kitchen was organised chaos or at least that is what it looked like even as Sylvie whacked the back of Cruz’s hand with a wooden spoon as it had almost reached its intended destination as Cruz had tried to sneak one of the freshly baked cookies from the tray that was fresh out of the oven and cooling. “They’re not decorated yet.” Sylvie growled with a scowl directed Cruz’s way as he rubbed the red mark that was forming with his other hand but got the message as he held his hands up in a surrendering manner before he stepped out of the kitchen sending a questioning look towards his lieutenant who was watching with avid amusement. Somehow Sylvie had been roped into cooking Christmas lunch for the entire second shift in between calls, and Kelly still wasn’t quite sure how but he wasn’t about to ask especially given the multitude of multi-tasking that was going on in the kitchen. In between the turkey and all the trimmings being cooked, she had also baked numerous flavours of pies, and large batches of cookies that were being decorated once they were cool enough with intricate decorations. The entire firehouse smelt wonderfully delicious and had them all salivating but they weren’t allowed anything until it was all ready.

Sylvie blew out a breath knowing that it wouldn’t be long before everything was ready and they could eat as she turned the oven off to let the turkey rest for a few minutes before it would be served. She felt as Kelly’s hands landed on her hips, she didn’t even have to look to know that it was him, as he pressed his chest into his back and rested his chin on her shoulder. “What can I do to help?” He asked having decided to take the cautious approach and offer to help rather than try to sneak one of the delicious treats that she had made.

“Make sure I never have to do this again.” She answered and he could have laughed but he didn’t instead he kissed her cheek knowing that even though she was saying it now that at some time or another she would end up cooking for them again.

“I can try but what can I do right now to help?” He rephrased the question as she began to decorate the last batch of cookies all while leaning back into him enjoying having him pressed against her back.

“Just stay right where you are.” She answered softly as she had been on her feet for hours and she was already exhausted especially as she juggled all the cooking with a few ambulance calls. She had come to the firehouse extra early to begin all of the preparation and to get the turkey cooking given the size of it as well having left Kelly curled up in bed so that he could sleep through till his alarm woke him.

“I can do that.” He answered as he let his fingers trace circles over top of her shirt on the top of her hips bones while watching her work, amazed at her speed and delicacy as each cookie was decorated beautifully. Within minutes all of the cookies were iced and ready to be eaten as she worked in silence while he watched.

“Now that the cookies are decorated, can I have one?” Cruz asked as he craned his neck up to look at the bench as he was keeping his distance making them both look up and around the room as everyone was watching.

“No, no cookies or any other dessert until after you have had lunch.” Sylvie said with such a motherly tone that Kelly smiled and pressed his lips into her shoulder in an effort not to smirk although he failed miserably. She was telling a grown man, and the rest of the men that they weren’t getting the sweet treats before they are the main meal which she had been slaving over. She had become the unofficial mother hen of the firehouse and he didn’t think she had even realised it; she took care of them when they were hurt or when they had a bad call, and she fed them making sure they ate properly before eating any junk food but he loved that she had, loved that she cared for them the way she did. She was amazing to him and he loved her so much.

“Well how long before lunch is served?” Mouch asked across the common room from his safe position on the couch that was well out of distance from her smacking his hand with a wooden spoon.

“Good things come to those that wait.” With that she slipped out of Kelly’s hands and moved back over to the stove to make the very last thing, the final piece of the meal that she had crafted, the gravy.

Kelly moved back and leaned against the bench in an effort to stay out of her way as she moved effortlessly around the kitchen. “Kelly, can you get the turkey and the roasted vegetables out please?” She asked after a few minutes as she tossed him the oven mitts so he didn’t burn his hands before she moved round and laid out all of the other side dishes including mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, green beans, warmed bread rolls, peas, macaroni and cheese, sautéed Brussel sprouts with apples and bacon, and a whole lot more. The entire bench was covered by the time Kelly added the multiple trays of roasted vegetables and Sylvie moved the turkey to its own serving tray.

“Wow! Sylvie, this looks amazing.” Chief Boden stepped into the room looking at the wonderful feast that was laid out in front of him.

“Thank you Chief… Everybody grab a plate.” Sylvie blushed before she turned and looked over at Kelly who just smiled at her before he reached out for her and pulled her into his side as the men swarmed the bench, their patience well and truly tossed away as they got their first real look at the magnificent meal that she had prepared and cooked for them all.

“I love you.” Kelly murmured as he pressed his lips against her temple watching as the table filled up as each person took their seat.

“I love you too.” Sylvie answered immediately just as softly allowing them a brief and private moment in a very public space surrounded by their family.

“Are you two joining us? We need to adhere to the tradition of a toast and the naming of this turkey before I carve it.” Boden called over to them making them both smile and move towards the table, joining everyone. Kelly slipped his hand under the table, and found hers, entwining their fingers together.

“First off I would like to say thank you to Sylvie for this amazing feast, and to each and every one of you for all of your work this year. We are a family here at Fifty One, and we continually serve the community even on Christmas day with everything we have. Merry Christmas everyone.” Boden kept the toast simple but it was appreciated and appropriate as everyone raised their glasses and mugs to toast with him. “Now what are we naming this bird?” Boden asked as he looked around the table for suggestions as he was ready to carve into the bird and eat the delicious food in front of him. It wasn’t long before the bird was named and then carved with everyone getting a few slices of turkey to add to their already full plates, and then they were enjoying the food as the room filled with happy chatter and laughter.

Kelly glanced around the table before he finally settled on Sylvie next to him, she instantly turned her head and smiled at him. “What’s your Christmas wish?” She asked him quietly catching him off guard somewhat but he already knew what his wish was and it wasn’t just a Christmas wish.

“This. Us. All of it.” He answered, to anyone else listening it was a vague answer but to her it was the best answer that he could give her because it related to a conversation that had had before about what they wanted, or what he wanted and that was her and his family and all the happiness that it bought him. She smiled widely and blushed again as she nodded knowing exactly what he meant. “What’s your Christmas wish?” He asked smiling back at her, the happiness radiating from the both of them.

“All of it, every single piece of it.” She answered back content with the life that she had built, that they had built, and with all that surrounded them. Before anything else could be said, the overhead alarm went off calling for every single one of them, and just like every single time that alarm went off calling them to action they dropped what they were doing and rushed to the scene.

 


	3. Best Sight

**Best Sight**

 

There were shifts that felt as if they would never end, that were so ridiculously busy there wasn’t even a chance to take a proper break, and there was nothing more exhausting than working a double shift especially when those 48 hour shifts were hectic. Not only had Sylvie worked a double shift but it had been in frigid temperatures as the worst of winter gripped Chicago viciously, and the various ills and chills that winter bought with it left firehouses and hospital as well as police stations short staffed and spread overly thin.

 

Sylvie was more than relieved when her replacements on First shift arrived and happily relieved her from her double shift about fifteen minutes before it was due to end. She knew that she would be back at the firehouse tomorrow for her regular shift but for now that was forgotten about as she was in desperate need of uninterrupted sleep.

 

It had been an action completed on auto pilot as she parked her car beside Kelly’s ice covered mustang then climbed out and hefted her duffel bag up into her shoulder before she shut the door and locked her car. She tiredly trudged her way inside and to his front door using the key he had given her just weeks before to let herself into the silent and toasty warm apartment. She let the strap of her bag slide off her shoulder barely catching it before it hit the hardwood floor with a thud instead she silently sat it down beside the door. She shrugged off her coat and hung it over the nearest hook then eased her boots off her aching feet before she moved towards the kitchen and set her keys down next to Kelly’s on her way through to the bedroom glad that she had taken a shower just before she had left the firehouse as she certainly didn’t have the energy for one now.

 

Sylvie couldn’t help the smile that grew as she stopped in the doorway seeing Kelly asleep and on 'her' side of the bed hugging her pillow tightly as the duvet was pushed down to his waist leaving his bare upper body exposed and she would never complain about the view of his muscular back or any part of his body really. She let her head fall lightly to the side and rest against the doorframe as she felt herself relax and warm up all at once.

 

She took a few moments to enjoy the sight before she pushed herself away from the doorframe and made her way over to the side of the bed picking up Kelly’s discarded t-shirt on her way to wear. In a few quick and quiet moments she had removed her shirt and jeans followed by her lingerie and socks then pulled his shirt over her head, inhaling his scent as she slid it down over her body. She carefully lifted the blankets up just enough to get in without disturbing the man next to her as she knew he had been exhausted at the end of his shift and he wouldn’t have had a nap when he got home yesterday morning, and climbed in quickly bringing the duvet right up to her shoulders as her hands and feet were still cold before she pressed her face into his pillow briefly glad that she hadn’t bothered to put any make up on after she had showered at the firehouse. She laid on her side to face Kelly’s back and wanted to reach out but knew her cold hands would wake him with a start so instead she settled down content to watch him as she relaxed down into the mattress. As exhausted as she was she was not ready to sleep.

 

"Sylvie" Kelly’s quiet raspy voice broke out into the silence as he untangled himself from the pillow and turned over to face her, smiling as she came into focus. She was the best sight to wake up too especially after not going to sleep with her beside him, and sleeping without her made for a lousy rest. He was already reaching out to her and for her before he was even settled.

 

"Morning." She whispered back just before a yawn escaped her lips as she edged closer to him and somehow cuddled further into the blanket at the same time. His arm found its way to her back as he entwined their legs together suppressing a yelp at the feel of her icy cold feet against his. His other hand found its way to hers and pressed it against his own chest cringing at how cold her skin was compared to his own. She tilted her head up just enough to kiss him softly, letting her lips brush against his before she rested her head back down on the pillow.

 

"You okay?" He asked softly seeing how exhausted she was given the dark circles under her eyes even in the softly lit room. He knew when he left the firehouse after their shift that she was already struggling with her exhaustion as it had been a shift with very little sleep, and he had a fair idea that her second shift would have been just the same.

 

"Exhausted but I’m good now that I’m here." The 'with you' went unsaid but was understood and he smiled softly at her. "I hate double shifts." She murmured before she stifled another yawn while he drew her even closer to his body knowing they both needed to sleep, her more so but he was still tired too as he didn’t sleep well without her.

 

"Then let’s get some sleep. I’ll make brunch for us later." There was no need to rush as he knew they didn’t have any plans until their alarms went off to wake them for their shift tomorrow, and with the forecast of snow to blanket the city it seemed like the perfect day to stay in the warmth and do as little as possible as they both needed the rest.

 

"Scrambled eggs?" She asked sleepily as her eyes had already closed.

 

"I’ll make us scrambled eggs." He replied happily as he heard and felt as her breathing evened out. With as little movement as possible he lifted his hand from her back and made sure her shoulders were covered with the duvet before he returned his hand to her back and let his own eyes close knowing she was safe in his arms.

 


	4. You're Insane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I love to read comments about what you think of these one shots so please do :)

**You’re Insane**

 

It was late, almost one in the morning, when Kelly and Sylvie tipsily made their way out of Molly's after having more than a few drinks. Sylvie wrapped her hand around Kelly's inner elbow, linking them together, as they slowly dawdled down the footpath as they made their way home. It was warm for the time of the year, so warm that neither of them had bothered bringing a jacket as there was always the option of grabbing a cab if it had become cold.

 

"Tonight was fun." Sylvie stated as she gazed up at Kelly sideways. There had been no reason for the celebratory mood that seemed to be in the air in Molly’s but no one was about to upset it. All of the firehouse had come together, all unplanned, and most ended up playing a few rounds of cards and having a few drinks. It was a generally relaxed night which they all needed.

 

"Yeah it was... You look beautiful tonight." He replied earnestly. He had meant to tell her that she looked beautiful when the arrived at Molly's but they had gotten swept up in the joyous atmosphere and had been separated. Throughout the night his eyes had found their way to her when she wasn’t close by and he couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips at the sight of her. She was gorgeous and sometimes she didn’t seem to even know how gorgeous she was to him. He could see the light blush as it arose on her cheeks and felt as she pressed her face into his upper arm briefly.

 

"Thank you." She was always surprised and amazed at his words and how they made her feel, how the warmth spread through her body and the love she felt for him bloomed inside of her. "What did Chief want to talk to you about?" She asked having seen the two men head outside briefly to talk earlier in the evening and her curiosity got the better of her; usually she would have waited for Kelly to begin the conversation but she was going to blame her impatience on the alcohol flowing through her system.

 

"He just wanted to check in after last shift, make sure we were doing okay." He answered knowing that their last shift had been hard on both of them. "I told him we were." He informed her knowing they had each other, and he didn’t want to put a damper on their evening.

 

"We are." She agreed as she felt a few spits of rain land on her exposed skin. She glanced up at the night sky and saw that the moon had been covered by clouds. The unexpected downpour started, the heavy rain soaking them both in mere seconds.

 

"Dance with me!" He had to speak louder than he normally would so she could hear him over the torrential rain. It was a spare of the moment decision but they were already soaked and the air was still humid. He laughed at her surprised look but she nodded and slipped her hand from his arm as he swept her into his arms and held her close, letting his hands spread across the span of her back. She raised her arms up and wrapped them loosely around his neck and let her fingertips glide lazily over the nape of his wet neck and up into his hair as she pressed her body closer to his so that there was no space between them.

 

“You’re insane!” She laughed as she tipped her head back and let the rain pour down on her face momentarily as they swayed back and forth on the footpath in the rain under the soft street lighting. She tipped her head forward and pressed her face into his shoulder as his lips found their way to her temple and left a delicate kiss on her skin as a soft chuckle escaped his lips.

 

“Maybe a little.” He answered back with his lips still pressed against the soft warm skin of her temple. “I love you.” He murmured against her temple wanting to tell her, wanting her to know how he felt as he didn’t tell her as often as he should or could.

 

“I love you too, insanity and all.” She replied immediately and although her lips were pressed against his shoulder he still knew what the muffled words were. After a few moments she tilted her head back and looked up at him with a wide smile. "Take me home." As much as she loved the spontaneity of his actions and loved the way he held her body to his, all she wanted was to be wrapped up with him with nothing in between them. All she wanted was to feel him deep inside of her, to feel him come undone with her, and be entangled with him just like their hearts were.

 

"You don’t even have to ask." He replied before he caught her lips with his kissing her deeply and eliciting a delectably sweet moan from her that was like music to his ears in the middle of the empty street as the rain continued to fall on and around them. Eventually they had to pull away, both gasping for air as they both smiled widely.

 

"We’re going to have to let go of each other if we want to continue this at home." As much as she hated to say the words it was the truth, and she didn’t really want it let go of him. She loved the intimacy even though they were stood in the middle of a public sidewalk.

 

"Not necessarily." The smirk had her looking at him quizzically but before she could reply he swept her up into his arms with ease using a one person lift technique where one arm was under her knees and the other was around her back.

 

"Kelly!" She laughed as she wrapped her arms round his neck feeling safe and secure in his muscular arms. He was already walking or rather hurrying towards the apartment as they had made it less than a block away before they had stopped to dance. The tipsiness that they had both felt had melted away whilst walking instead being replaced by their lust, by their love for each other.


	5. Bail Out

**Bail Out**

 

_"Could you please come pick me up from the 21st district?"_

 

Sylvie made her way into the 21st district having gotten an unexpected call from Kelly twenty five minutes earlier asking her to bail him out that had woken her up and had her dragging herself out of her nice warm bed, stopping for coffee on her way. The sun was just starting to rise as she reached the front desk silently grateful that Trudy Platt had not started her shift yet as she hadn’t been given any details as to why Kelly was in a jail cell or how long he had been there. She wasn’t sure why he had chosen to call her either.

 

"Can I help?" The desk sergeant that Sylvie had never seen before asked her glancing at the tray of coffee she was carrying and the white bakery bag that was sat between the two takeaway cups.

 

"I got a call from Kelly Severide. I’m here to pick him up." Sylvie answered as the sergeant nodded.

 

"I’ll have him bought up. He’s got one hell of a hangover. An officer bought him in to sober up. We could have charged him with being a public nuisance and disorderly conduct but decided against it after one of our officers vouched for him." The desk sergeant informed her rather gruffly clearly not in agreement with letting Kelly off so lightly before he ordered one of the patrolman to go and collect Kelly. Sylvie nodded and moved towards the bench although she stayed standing as she waited.

 

Kelly looked up as an officer called his name and unlocked the cell door then pulled it open. He scrubbed his hands over his face before he stood up and followed the officer out regretting his nights actions. "Sarg will give you your personal items." The Officer who he didn’t recognise informed him before opening the final door for him to walk through.

 

Sylvie watched as the door opened and Kelly walked out and she immediately completed a visual inspection seeing that he had a small cut to his left cheek that had not been cleaned given the dried blood and one to his bottom lip, and she also noticed how his hand was pressed against his ribs on the left side obviously in some sort of pain and discomfort. She quickly made her way over to join him at the desk as he signed for his personal belongings which included his wallet, phone, a lighter, his keys, and his leather jacket which he put on over his sweater with some trouble.

 

"I don’t want to see you back here Mr Severide... and if I do there will be charges pressed." The sergeant warned Kelly as he laid the pen down. Kelly nodded but didn’t say anything.

 

"Is there anything else or can we go?" Sylvie asked not appreciating the policeman’s tone as she placed her hand on top of Kelly’s shoulder making her look at him for the first time. The sergeant glared at her before he finally answered, "you're free to go." Sylvie nodded and returned her focus to Kelly who was clearly not alright.

 

"Here." Sylvie handed him the tray once she took her own coffee cup knowing he needed something to drink and eat, and glad that she had the forethought to get him a double smoked bacon, cheddar and egg sandwich as they made their way out of the precinct.

 

"Thank you... not just for the coffee and food but for coming to pick me up." Kelly spoke for the first time and his voice highlighted his exhaustion as they reached her car.

 

"Get in. I’m taking you home and I want to check your ribs and clean those cuts." She ordered and he didn’t object at all instead he followed her instructions and got in the passenger's side choosing to eat his sandwich slowly and drink the coffee despite the way it made his lip sting on the drive to his place.

 

Given the early hour the roads were almost entirely empty and it didn’t take long for Sylvie to reach Kelly’s apartment. She had glanced at him multiple times on the drive over concerned at his quietness. She followed him out of the car and into his apartment seeing him struggle to get his jacket off.

 

"Where’s your first aid kit?" Sylvie asked as she took off her own jacket and set her keys down as he walked over to the couch and sat down with a sigh that was followed by a wince.

 

"Bathroom. Under the sink." Kelly grunted as he readjusted the pillow around him. She nodded and moved to get it. She found it quickly as it was exactly where he said it was, pulled it out then returned to Kelly who had his head leaned back against the back of the couch after grabbing a washcloth and wetting it was warm water.

 

"Kelly..." She spoke softly concerned and not wanting to startle him as she moved to sit in front of him on the coffee table making him open his eyes and lift his head up as she opened the first aid kit and laid it out beside her on the table. She leaned forward with the washcloth in her hand while her other hand reached out to his face and took hold of his chin. She delicately wiped the cloth over his cheek washing away the dried blood before repeating the process with his lip seeing him grimace as she did. "Sorry." She whispered in reply to his grimace but he shook his head.

 

"You don’t have to do this, take care of me." He spoke quietly although he made no effort to move away from her.

 

"I’m choosing to do this. You don’t want those cuts to get infected either... Are you going to tell me what landed you in a cell for the night?" She asked without pressing for any answers and fully expecting for him not to answer as she grabbed a wipe and poured some disinfectant on it. "This is going to sting." She warned quickly before she began to clean both cuts as quickly yet as thoroughly as she could.

 

"I’m a mess, everything is... I have this feeling that I need to wreck everything and I can’t stop even though I don’t want to wreck anything... I went out last night to have a few drinks and unwind, didn’t want to be at Molly’s though, and I got into it with this guy. He threw the first punch but then his mates joined in... I was outnumbered pretty quickly. Cops broke it up and I got mouthy, at least from what I recall." He hadn’t meant to tell her all of that but it came out before he could stop it. "When they asked who I was going to call to pick me up, I found myself phoning you because I knew you’d come and I knew you wouldn’t yell or scream about me being stupid although I sort of expected you to just let me walk from the station." He admitted feeling like he wanted to explain, that in part he owed her an explanation of why she was up before the sun had even fully risen and picking him up from the station.

 

Sylvie was stunned at his admission, at his openness as she hadn’t expected it as she placed two butterfly bandages over the cut to his cheek to hold it closed. "You can call me anytime you need to Kelly even if it’s just to talk or whatever and I wasn’t going to let you walk home from the station... Now let me check your ribs then you can get some sleep." She wanted to comment on his self reflection but knew from his demeanor that he wasn’t ready to explain any further and given how exhausted he looked it didn’t seem fair to push him on it.

 

Kelly leaned back on the couch and raised his sweater up to reveal his bruised skin. Sylvie glanced at him as she reached out and felt along his ribs relieved that they didn’t feel broken and he didn’t show too much pain. "I’d recommend icing them and taking it easy. They don’t feel broken although you probably already knew that." She told him honestly before she stood up and cleaned up the used supplies then put the first aid kit back where it belonged. She walked back into the lounge and could see that he was almost asleep with a glass of water and two pain pills making him take both pills and finish the glass of water. She walked over and held out her hands for him to take, "You’ll be sorer if you sleep on the couch."

 

Kelly with her help stood up feeling as his body protested and let her help him into his bedroom and to his bed. She helped him remove his sweater as he grimaced from lifting his arms up as they pulled at his tender ribs before he got into bed. She tucked him in after she quickly got him a fresh glass of water and put it down on the bedside table. "Thanks Sylvie." He murmured sleepily.

 

Sylvie left the bedroom and closed the door behind herself before she looked around Kelly’s apartment. The usually tidy apartment was a mess, a clear indication of the disarray going on inside of him. She really did not want to leave him alone, not in the state of mind he was in. Even though she knew she might be overstepping she began to tidy up as quietly as she could passing the time as she waited for him to get up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please comment and tell me what you think!


	6. Sweet Actions Of A Sweet Man

**Sweet Actions Of A Sweet Man**

 

Kelly poked his head around the edge of the doorframe of the bedroom door looking at Sylvie who he had left moments before after she had fallen asleep on the couch in the lounge despite having murmured about how much she wanted to have a bath before turning in for the night. She was stretched out on the couch with the side of her face pressed firmly into one of the cushions and her knees bent, drawn up towards her hips, and her feet crossed over. He had picked up on her unspoken words, on what she was saying without saying, and that was that her body was aching after she had been tackled to the hard cold concrete and covered by Herrmann and his fifty pounds of gear as a secondary explosion tore through the warehouse too close to where she had been called into to treat a patient who have been thrown and seriously injured by the initial explosion. And while he would be grateful for Herrmann and his actions, he couldn’t help but be worried about Sylvie and how quiet and shook she had been since, and he wished that Herrmann had been gentler when he tackled her. He hated that he had been too far away to be the one to cradle her body against his as he covered her body with his own but in the end all that mattered was that she was alright, that they all made it home for another day even though their shift had overrun by almost nine hours as the call had come in half an hour before it was due to end, and the scene was an absolute mess with multiple victims and structural issues that hampered the rescue efforts.

 

Kelly kept his footsteps light purposefully as he moved from the bedroom and into the lounge and across to the couch. He kneeled down on the hard wood floor and raised his hand up letting it gently rest down on the side of her head feeling the silky soft blonde hair beneath his palm as he let his thumb brush over her temple with a slow graceful movement that was reserved solely for her. He smiled softly as she leaned into his touch and a small breathy moan escaped her parted lips. "Sylv... sweetheart." He spoke softly not wanting to startle her awake instead hoping to ease her awake. She shifted towards him, her hand already reaching out for him, and that movement made his eyes catch sight of a darkening bruise, one of many he suspected, to the underside of her wrist that extended along her inner forearm up towards her elbow. He raised his other hand up and linked their fingers together, catching her hand in his. A pained sounding moan left her lips as she stretched out and her eyes opened searching out his immediately.

 

'How long was I asleep?" She asked, her voice seeped with her exhaustion, as she slowly relaxed back into the couch.

 

"Not long... I’ve got a cold beer with your name on it, and a nice hot bubble bath ready and waiting for you to get into." He told her making sure that he kept his voice soft not wanting to disturb the peaceful atmosphere that they had created around them. He had already put a few fresh thick fluffy towels over the heated towel rack so they would be nice and warm when they were ready to get out, and left the lights off as he had lit a few of her favourite vanilla scented candles, and had a few bottles of icy cold beer waiting to be opened.

 

"Join me?" She asked as she gave his hand a light squeeze wanting to be close to him, truthfully she needed the comfort that he provided as today at the call had frightened her for many reasons. She knew he wasn’t particularly fond of having a bath and usually she wouldn’t ask him to join her in the tub, although often she found he would make his way into the bathroom and sit beside the tub to keep her company, but given that they both could have died by being engulfed by a fire ball she hoped he would make an exception.

 

"I am... lets get in before the bubbles dissipate." He stood up keeping a hold of her hand before he held out his other hand seeing her smile widen at his simple answer. He wanted to hold her in his arms, have her against him, and know that she was safe and at home with him. She sat herself up and slid her other hand into his as he helped her to stand up. She stood up feeling her body protest as she ached all over. He watched closely as she moved from the couch seeing her grimace and hearing the small winces that escaped her lips as she moved. “How sore are you?” He asked concerned that she was hiding how truly injured she was.

 

“Nothing that a bath, some arnica, a bit of sleep and a lazy day with you won’t fix.” She answered with a smile trying to placate him as she didn’t want him to worry despite knowing it was futile as he was already worried. She was sore and there was no denying that as her body was marred with bruises that had only deepened in their colouring for the past few hours which he had yet to see. Kelly led Sylvie through to the bathroom. She walked in and stopped to take in the sweet actions of her sweet man before she turned to face him as he had turned to watch her. "What’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?" She asked as she moved her hands up his forearms coming to rest to just below his elbows and stepped closer to him so that her body was pressed against his as she looked up at him.

 

"Let’s get in the bath." He shook his head as he couldn’t tell her what he was thinking, how he was terrified today, terrified that she hadn’t gotten down in time and even after the smoke had cleared and he saw that she was alright he was still terrified as it was the first time he realised that he could lose her, the first time it really settled in deep in his bones and in his heart.

 

"Alright." She knew that he wasn’t ready to talk, wasn’t ready to tell her what was bothering him and she would allow it for now because she knew he would tell her eventually. He raised his hands to the buttons of her flannel shift and gently began unbuttoning each one as she copied his actions and unbuttoned his shirt. Stripping down was quick but she felt and heard as Kelly’s breath hitched as she turned around to grab a hair tie to pull her hair up into a messy bun and showed him her bare back that was an array of black and dark purple bruising that stretched from her shoulders down to her hips. She turned around and looked at him as she tied her hair up. He was shocked and he wanted to reach out, to ghost his hands over her back but he wasn’t going to cause her any pain.

 

"You hit the ground a lot harder than you should have." She could see the tick in his jaw that told her that he was angry that she had been hurt but he wouldn’t voice it. He knew he would have cradled her body differently if it had have been him to send her to the ground but what was done was done and he couldn’t change it but he could help care for her.

 

"I’m fine, now get in the bath so I can get in and lay back against you." She knew there was nothing she could say that would ease what he was feeling so she decided to distract him and she wanted nothing more than to be in the steaming hot bath with him knowing that it would be at the perfect temperature now as he always made it hotter so she had time before she had to get in. He nodded and stepped into the tub then eased himself down into the hot water before he held his hand out for her. She slipped her hand into his and stepped into the tub then twisted around carefully as she felt him grasp her hips lightly and she knew he was being cautious of the bruising as he helped her ease down into the tub so she was sat in between his legs as the bubbles settled around them. She laid back against his chest and rested her head on his shoulder as she craned her neck to face him. She reached down and grasped his hands in hers then gently pulled them up to rest over her stomach, he responded immediately as he flattened his hands out and she laid hers over his. He turned his head toward her so that they were face to face, before he tilted his head up and pressed a kiss to the centre of her forehead.

 

"I love you." She whispered as he pulled his face back and faced her again as he noticed a faint small scratch to her right cheek that was most likely from a turnout jacket buckle. She watched as he closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds and felt as he exhaled before he bowed his head forward closer to hers and his arms tightened around her holding her closer to him involuntarily.

 

"I was terrified as that secondary explosion rang out knowing that you were in there and I wasn’t by your side, I was to far away from you... I’m sorry for that." His confession stunned her and pained her at the same time but she was grateful to know the answer to her earlier question about what was going on inside of his beautifully complicated mind.

 

"And that’s why I love you... I was terrified... I was terrified for you today as well... but we’re here and we’re both alright." She wanted to reassure him but she knew how he felt and wanted to share that with him so he knew he wasn’t alone in those feelings.

 

"I love you." He was absolute in his words because he truly did love her. "And I hate that you got hurt. I always hate when you are hurt just like I know you hate it when I’m hurt." Every word he meant and there was nothing more to say because he knew that she knew because she felt what he felt.

 

There was nothing more that either of them needed to say because their words were in their wordless actions. It was the way he held her a little tighter and a little closer with all the caution he had as not to cause her any further pain. It was in the way she let her fingertips dance over the top of his hands that told him she was with him. It was the way they laid face to face and stole soft languid kisses until the bubbles disappeared, the water cooled and the candles melted until they flamed out.

 


	7. I Didn't Know I Had It In Me

**_I Didn’t Know I Had It In Me – An extension of 4x07_ **

Sylvie turned off the ambulance and pulled her weary body out of the cab, shrugging off her heavy turncoat. She closed the door and lifted her hand to her hair, brushing her fingers over trying to push the wispy bits back from her face. She pushed herself away from the ambulance and made her way across the apparatus floor, wanting nothing more than to grab something to eat then curl up on her bed for as long as she could before the next call came in.

“Brett!” Capp called from the Squad table where he was sitting with Severide, Cruz and Tony.

“Yeah?” She asked softly as she came to a stop beside the table.

“Nice work on the roof. You really saved Severide.” Capp snickered although she had saved him and Cruz as well. Severide simply raised his eyebrows at Capp’s words before he looked to Brett.

“Thanks… I didn’t know I had it in me.” Brett replied repeating the exact same words that she had said to Chili.

“Yeah, thanks Sylvie.” Cruz smiled knowing he had been the one to call for her help and she hadn’t hesitated. She really had been the difference between them staying on that roof or all ending up on the ground. Sylvie gave them a small smile and a nod before she walked away, heading inside. She decided to forego the first part of her plan of getting something to eat, instead heading straight for her bed in the bunkroom as the sudden onset of exhaustion almost overwhelmed her.

**Chicago Fire**

Severide watched as Brett walked away before he turned his attention back to the table, mainly to Capp and Cruz.

“How close were you really?” Severide asked knowing that it had to have been close given the distance that he had dropped with the victim.

“Too close.” Cruz answered honestly.

“Brett really was the last thing anchoring us to that roof.” Capp admitted giving her the credit she deserved. Severide nodded in recognition before he stood up and walked off, heading to find Brett.

**Chicago Fire**

Severide stopped at the end of Brett’s bed seeing her curled up but her eyes wide awake. She looked exhausted, frazzled almost but he wasn’t about to say that to her.

“Are you okay? Really?” Severide asked, his voice soft and quiet despite it only being the two of them in the room. Brett looked up at him and slowly moved to sit up.

“Yeah…are you?” She asked in reply knowing that losing his position of Lieutenant couldn’t be easy especially considering the reasons behind it.

“I wasn’t the one on the roof nearing the edge.” He replied as he sat down on the edge of the bed beside hers.

“I wasn’t the one heading for the ground.” She countered softly.

“Bre…Sylvie, you said you didn’t know you had it in you… Was that just about the actions up on the roof or something more?” He asked concerned about her, it was common knowledge that she had gotten attached to the baby that had been delivered in the ambulance, seemingly breaking protocol about dropping off and moving on to the next job but then again they had all broken that protocol, had all become involved at one time or another.

“Just surprised myself that’s all…” She didn’t give a clear answer but then again she didn’t have one.

“Alright… If you want to talk, or… uhh anything, just come and find me.” He could see the exhaustion worsening and figured that he wasn’t going to get anymore from her.

“Thank you.” She replied as he stood up.

“Get some sleep.” He replied with a smile before he walked away leaving her on her own. She laid back down and curled back up letting her eyelids close.


	8. Rest And Review

**Rest and Review**

 

Kelly stopped outside his quarters as he returned from a Squad call slightly confused that the blinds in his quarters were shut tight given that when he had left they were open and pulled up. He glanced around the bunk room and found it empty. With a huff he continued on and let himself into his quarters smiling at the sight in front of him, his mood instantly lightening as Sylvie was laid on top of his bed on her side with her back towards him.

 

"Kelly?" Sylvie's soft murmur of his name caught his attention once he had quietly closed the door and then set the files that he had been given to review down on his desk before he shrugged off his jacket and set it over the back of the chair. He moved lightly around the bed and sat down on the edge of the bed.

 

"Are you alright?" He asked softly as he reached his arm out towards her and let his hand rest on her hip as his thumb lightly caressed the jut of her hip bone over top of her shirt and the palm of his hand rested on top of her thigh. She looked tired, more tired than she had just a few short hours ago when he had last seen her as she left the firehouse for a call.

 

"I have a headache but it’s not too bad... How was your call?" She answered him before changing the topic as she reached her own hand out and rested it on his knee that was closest to her as she did a quick visual inspection of him for her own peace of mind as she always did especially when he had been on a Squad only call.

 

"A little girl got her hand stuck in a drainage hole in a ball pit. Capp had a great time whilst we freed her. Not even a scratch. The mum was more freaked out than anything... How long have you had a headache?" He replied concerned that she wasn’t feeling well as he knew that she would downplay how bad it really was but he did see the small smile she gave at his comment about Capp. He raised his other hand up and pressed the back of it against her forehead checking for a fever that was nonexistent before he let his hand drop to her neck and let his fingers caress her jawline.

 

"It’s just a small headache, nothing else. It only started a little while ago... How’s the paperwork going?" She told him the honest truth before she changed the subject knowing that with the annual review going on within the firehouse that the amount of paperwork everyone had to fill out and review had seemingly doubled, and given the increase of Squad calls over the last few shifts that Kelly gotten behind on the files that he had to review although he was up to date on the reports for each call as she had caught him more than once filling it out inside the Squad truck after they had arrived back, wanting to get it done before moving to shower or eat or sleep or do whatever else he needed to do even when he was bone tired and weary.

 

"Well I just got given another set of files to review, and Chief needs them done by the end of shift... At least everything else is up to date." He was honest as he glanced back at the files he had put down just minutes before although he was unable to hide the exasperation in his voice. It felt like he’d just get through all of his paperwork and then have more given to him to review, and it felt like it was never going to end even though he knew it was drawing to a close.

 

"I should leave so you can focus." She made no effort to move from his bed comforted by the familiarity that it held of him but she knew that he did need to focus given the deadline that he had.

 

"It’s quieter in here. It will be easier to sleep and help get rid of your headache... I can sit and review the files while you rest." He knew she had come into his quarters because it was completely quiet and she was able to darken the room significantly unlike the bunk room in the middle of the afternoon, and he wanted to be near by so he could make sure she was alright.

 

"Yeah..." She murmured lulled at the movements of his fingers and at the warmth that radiated from his body.

 

"Get some sleep, I’ll be right here." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before he regretfully pulled himself away from her and stood up. He smiled at the way she snuggled down before he turned and walked back over and sat down at his desk. He took the first file and opened it, and began to read through the serious stack of paper that was contained inside of the file. Half way through the file he found himself pausing and turning around to look at the gorgeous woman who was curled on his bed, now asleep, looking adorable as hell as she had turned over in her sleep onto her other side allowing him to see her face more clearly. He watched for a few long seconds before he dragged his eyes away from her and back to the file in front of him despite how much he didn’t want too look away from her.

 

An hour and a half later Kelly was finally through two thirds of the files in front of him, two thirds of the way through the reviews that needed to be done in between more than a dozen glances towards the petite blonde who was sleeping contently on his bed. Although he wouldn’t say it out loud he was more than thankful that the alarm hadn’t rung out sending them scurrying out of the firehouse, and allowing her to get the rest that she so desperately needed. He raised his hands to his face and scrubbed them over his face before he rolled his shoulders to ease the tension that had built in them then moved his neck from side to side to stretch it out as his neck felt tight from staring down at the files on his desk.

 

With one last quick glance at Sylvie he closed the finished file and shoved it on top of his completed pile before he leaned back and toed off his boots. He quietly stood up and walked over to his bed, being careful not to jostle or wake Sylvie as he laid down next to her as she had left more than enough room for him to lay in his back.

 

With practised ease he slipped his left arm underneath her neck and let his hand rest in the centre of her back just below her bra strap as he eased himself closer so that her body was pressed into the side of his, all without waking her up just like he had done many times before. He smiled as she moved closer even in her sleep as her left leg moved to drape across both of his thighs, her head moved across to rest on his chest right over his heart, and her left arm stretched out and her hand rested flatly over his collarbone with her thumb placed delicately against his suprasternal notch - the visible dip between his neck and both of his collarbones. The palm of his right hand landed on the side of her knee that was up near his hip as he let his fingers wrap round the top of her knee cap lightly.

 

She was beautiful to him, absolutely gorgeous, and sometimes he couldn’t fathom that she was his just as much as he was hers. In these moments he loved to just watch in admiration and amazement as she slept seeing how she responded to him even in her sleep, and showing him how loved he was. "I love you." He whispered so as not to disturb her but even his softly whispered words garnered a physical response as a small smile graced her lips and her hand that had been tucked between their bodies flattened out against his side over his rib cage and he was sure she could feel his heart beat. Sure he had files to review and a deadline that was nearing closer as their shift progressed but being beside her, having her curled into him, and smiling in her sleep, in that moment being beside her was the only place he wanted to be in the quiet peace of a still firehouse.

 


	9. Lazy Morning

**Lazy Morning**

 

It wasn’t often that Kelly and Sylvie got a morning where they had nothing to do and nowhere to rush too but when they did they happily took full advantage. And a lazy Sunday morning was well deserved especially given the week that they had both had with long chaotic shifts that all overran and even though they wouldn’t complain about the extra pay it had left them physically ravaged.

 

Kelly's lips parted and a soft breathy moan escaped as he finally woke from the deep sleep he was in. With half lidded eyes he looked over at Sylvie who was curled up facing him with her hands tucked in between her face and the pillow with a serene look on her sleeping face which made him smile. He turned his head towards the alarm clock on his bedside table and read the time, _08:47,_ before he turned back to Sylvie and rolled onto his side to face her whilst scooting his own body closer to hers. He loved the way she immediately shifted towards him even as she slept peacefully, it was almost as if there was a magnetism between them. He reached his hand out and rested it on her hip, letting his fingers rest up under the light blue cotton fabric of her sleep singlet as he mindlessly brushed his thumb right over the soft skin of the crest of her hip.

 

“Why are you awake?” Her quiet sleep laced voice broke the silence of the morning as she spoke to him without even opening her eyes.

 

“I’m enjoying the view.” He replied quietly and earnestly as he watched her smile grow and she finally opened her eyes.

 

“Hi.” She murmured as her eyes met his. She slipped her hand out from its place of entrapment and laid it on the side of his exposed neck allowing her thumb to brush over the edge of his unshaven jaw in time with his own movements on her hip.

 

“Hi.” He replied as he pressed his forehead against hers with a wide smile on his lips.

 

"I could stay here all day with you... just like this." She spoke softly enjoying that it was just him and her uninterrupted. She knew that there was nothing that either of them had planned or had to do and she was honestly relieved as she was content to just be with him in their own world that the bedroom and the greater apartment afforded them. She let her lips lightly brush over his in a light kiss relishing in the soft warmth of his lips against hers.

 

"I was just thinking the same thing so let’s do it. We'll order food later and get it delivered... You, me, in bed... sounds pretty perfect to me especially today." He knew that she was just as exhausted as he was and that neither of them had slept that well in the past week even when they weren’t on shift. And all he wanted was to have her against him and to spend every moment that he could alone with her.

 

"Perfect... might even have a bubble bath later." She answered knowing she could easily persuade him to join her especially given that she would naked and that was a sight he couldn’t resist seeing or touching, and it would do them both good to relax. She watched as his smile turned into a cheeky smirk at her words.

 

"I might just have to join you." There was an intimacy in having a bath together that he loved when having one with Sylvie, and all he wanted was to have her in his arms as long as he could before they had to re-enter the world outside.

 

"I’d like that." She replied with a smirk of her own that matched his before he kissed her again enjoying the lazy no rush kisses of theirs. There was no need to rush anything, they had all day and all night, and they were going to take their time, enjoy each other’s presence, steal kisses and stay entwined with one another for as long as they could.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love reading your thoughts and feelings on these one shots so please comment :)


	10. Hit And Run

**Hit And Run**

 

It was one of those nights were the effects of Sylvie's shift still lingered and filled her with an unexplainable sadness that left her wanting to get drunk and be alone because she knew she wasn’t going to be good company if she was around anyone. The apartment was silent and she welcomed it as she thought over her final call, thought what she could have done differently and if it would have changed the outcome. She hadn’t stopped performing CPR on the young woman until Kelly had wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest and away from the victim who had died, who she couldn’t bring back no matter how hard she tried, how many compressions she did or breaths she gave as she single handedly bagged her. Sylvie still couldn’t explain what happened, couldn’t explain why even though she knew she was dead she continued to try and revive her, and she certainly couldn’t understand why she found herself in tears as she curled into Kelly's chest who just held her tightly as he whispered reassuring words to her and made sure that no one else could see her meltdown as he moved them so they were out of sight behind the Squad truck.

 

Sylvie walked out of her bedroom after having showered and gotten dressed, putting only an oversized black sweater that stopped mid thigh and a pair of black lace panties on, and walked into the darkened kitchen. She stood on the tips of her toes and reached up to the top shelf of the cupboard and pulled out a full brand new bottle of pretty pink coloured bubblegum flavoured vodka. She held the bottle close as she grabbed a glass and made her way over to the couch, setting the bottle and the glass down on the table in front of her before she curled up on the couch with her legs crossed then covered her bare legs with a blanket that had been draped over the back of her couch. She leaned forward and took hold of the bottle, quickly uncapping it and pouring herself a large glass then quickly swallowing it down before refilling the glass and setting back into the couch as her mind went back to the call not having really left it.

 

Sylvie was a quarter of the way through the bottle of vodka when the sound of someone knocking on her door startled her and made her jump causing the blanket that had been covering her bare legs to fall to the floor in a crumpled heap. She leaned forward and sat her glass on the table next to the open bottle before she stood up, pausing for a second to get her balance before she made her way to the door as whoever was on the other side was persistent in their knocking. She unlocked and pulled the door open wide and with haste making Kelly step back and drop his arm down.

 

"Hey." Sylvie looked up at him as she spoke still embarrassed at her early morning breakdown in his arms but she couldn’t just close the door in his face despite how much she wanted to be left alone.

 

"Mind if I come in?" Kelly asked placing his hand flat on the door as he was concerned about her, had been concerned since their last call. It was hours later but her eyes were still red rimmed from crying which suggested that she had cried since she had left the firehouse which she had hightailed out of as soon as she got back given that the shift had overrun.

 

"I’m not really up for any company Kelly." She kept her voice soft, her emotional exhaustion was evident even to herself. She didn’t want to be rude, it wasn’t in her nature but she really just wanted to be alone. She just didn’t want to have to worry about being a host or holding herself together.

 

"I’m not here to make you talk if you don’t want to but you do need someone tonight and I’m here Sylvie..." He wasn’t leaving her alone not in the state she was in. He had wanted to come and check on her earlier but he kept getting delayed after missing her at the firehouse. He had never seen Sylvie so distraught at a patient's death and the way she fought for the patient and then broke down in his arms as he pulled her away tore something inside of him open although he wasn’t going to tell her that as he didn’t want to make her worry.

 

"At least I won’t be drinking alone. I hope you like bubblegum vodka..." She turned around having resigned herself to the fact that he wasn’t leaving and headed for the kitchen to grab another glass and another bottle of vodka. She couldn’t even be bothered to change or at least put on some sleep shorts as she moved from the kitchen back to the lounge, taking her seat and folding her legs underneath her as Kelly walked into her apartment, shut and locked the door behind him then took off and hung his jacket over the arm of her couch and sat down as she refilled both glasses. She picked up her own glass and leaned back, settling down although she angled her body towards him.

 

Kelly picked up his own glass, having already seen she was at least a quarter of the way through the first bottle, and mirrored Sylvie's positioning as he faced her. "When was the last time you had something to eat?" He asked figuring if they were going to have a drinking session then they needed to line their stomachs.

 

She tilted her head to the side before she raised the glass to her lips and swallowed down half the glass then let her arm rest back on her leg. "You have some catching up to do on the vodka but the answer to your question is that I don’t know, I think it might have been that pitiful excuse of a dinner at the firehouse." She answered him knowing that it had been a hectic night and no one had gotten groceries which meant it was sandwiches and snacks but that was between calls so all she ate was half of a peanut sandwich before she had to run out for another call.

 

"I’ll catch up on the vodka after I order us a pizza. You’ll thank me in the morning. Any preference on what flavour?" He asked as he pulled out his phone as he watched her shrug in answer before she finished her glass of vodka and poured herself another. He quickly ordered a pizza for delivery than finished off his own glass before she poured them both another glass. Two more glasses were downed in quick succession for Kelly while Sylvie worked through her original refill.

 

"I don’t know what happened this morning, why I couldn’t stop, why I couldn’t let her go even though I knew that she was gone." Sylvie spoke quietly admitting that she didn’t have any answers to the questions that she was sure he had to have before she finished off her glass and put it down on the table making sure to keep her eyes on it, somewhat ashamed by her admission and her actions.

 

"Hey...hey look at me please Sylvie..." Kelly shifted closer to her as she finally looked up at him. "That fight that you showed is what makes you a great paramedic... and sometimes the things we see, the things that we deal with every shift... they weigh on us, we carry them with us... and there’s no shame in feeling what you feel. We all face things that break us from time to time but what defines us is our strength to keep doing what we do and being accepting of what we feel." He paused frequently so that she could take in what he was saying and to collect his own thoughts. There were victims that he could recall, that he would always remember like Peter who died in the building collapse that recorded the video message for his wife, and the case of Courtney Harris who he spent days searching for and then recovered her body years later from a chimney.

 

She let out a sigh then raised her arm up and ran her fingers through her tussled hair. "But I couldn’t stop myself... If you hadn’t of pulled me away when you did, I don’t know what I would have done or how long I would have continued for." She tilted her head back and looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds before she turned back to look at him. "And then I lost it. All I wanted to do was collapse and you held onto me and let me cry. You shielded me from everyone and everything else. What example am I setting if I can’t keep myself together when a patient dies?" Her voice changed as she spoke from downtrodden to grateful for him and his actions to sounding lost as she posed her rhetorical question.

 

"That’s why we are there for each other. We’ve all had to pull someone else away during a call at times. I know you had to stop Jimmy on occasion. You’re human Sylvie." He told her before a knock at the door interrupted. "I’ve got it." He added on as he sat his empty glass down next to hers then stood and made his way to the door, opening it to see that it was their pizza being delivered, he quickly paid for it then shut and locked the door.

 

While Kelly was paying for and getting the pizza, Sylvie had refilled their glasses to the brim knowing that he had caught up to her in regards to his consumption of vodka. They were almost through the first bottle and she was starting to feel a little tipsy but she wasn’t worried. She looked up at him as he set the box down and opened it up before he sat back down, this time a little closer to her. He put a slice on one of the napkins for her and handed it to her. "Thanks." She murmured knowing she wasn’t going to get out of eating even though she wasn’t really hungry.

 

The two ate in relative silence. Sylvie had realised after a few bites that she was hungry and Kelly happily obliged as he kept handing her a slice every time he grabbed one. Once the pizza was finished the first bottle of vodka was finished and they made their way through the second enjoying the silence. Sylvie poured the final two glasses of the second bottle and with a lot of concentration handed the glass back to Kelly. During the meal and the multiple glasses of vodka the two had made their way into the middle of the couch so that they were facing each other with their shoulders touching. She turned to face him taking in his soft features; her hand reached out for him letting her fingers softly trace over the natural lines on the back of his hand.

 

"Why did you really come here Kelly?" Her words were only slightly slurred but she wanted to know the answer, the true answer. She had known him for a long time, knew who he was and the man that he was but she still wanted to know his answer, hear his answer.

 

Kelly twisted his body around and lifted his hand to her neck letting his thumb skim over the edge of her jaw and brushing over the corner of her lip. "I was worried and I care, I care about you Sylvie." It wasn’t the alcohol talking as he meant every word and it would have been the same answer even without the alcohol. Sylvie made a bold decision as she shifted slowly, easing herself down into his lap with her knees on either side of him and her hands on his shoulders. He quickly moved his free hand to her hip as his eyes found hers.

 

"I felt safe today for the first time in the longest time. You made me feel safe, you make me feel safe Kelly." She told him the part that she didn’t want to admit, didn’t want to think about because when he held her in his arms and when he shielded her from the world around them she felt safe and that was something she hadn’t felt in a really long time, if ever. "I want to feel that again even if it’s one last time." She let her walls fall and that was largely due to the vodka but she did want that feeling of safety to envelop her one more time, if she only got one more time than she could live with that. She tilted her head forward just the slightest and her hair fell from behind her hair as she pressed herself closer to him feeling as his hand tightened around her hip while his other hand moved to push her hair back behind her ear so that he could see her face again.

 

"Tell me what you want Sylvie." He had to hear her say those words, had to hear her explicitly state exactly what she wanted and needed. There was a part of him that desperately wanted to give her that feeling of safety any way he could but in the back of his mind he knew that it had been an emotional day for the both of them and they had both had a lot of vodka but she didn’t seem as drunk as he had seen her on occasion over the years. He felt as her hands moved from his shoulders and up to his face, cupping his cheeks as she lifted her head up. Her light blue eyes drilled into his dark blue eyes and he knew. He knew that they needed each other, they needed the physical release for all of the emotional torment of that last call.

 

"You, Kelly, you." Her voice was firm but still gentle as if she was suddenly sober. She knew what he was asking, knew he was asking for her consent and she was giving it. She leaned forward and kissed him softly, letting her lips brush against his languidly. She let out a soft moan as she felt him rise in between her legs trapped by his jeans as she ground down on him, rotating her hips lightly, wanting nothing more than to have him encased in her.

 

"Bedroom?" He was already sliding his hand down her back to her bottom and lifting her up with him as he stood as he pulled away from her to catch his breath and for her to catch hers as their chests were heaving against each other’s. He felt as she locked her ankles around his back. "Over there." She pointed over her shoulder enjoying the feel of him holding her just like he had earlier that day before she attached his lips again as his kisses were intoxicating, actually he was intoxicating.

 

The two made their way to the bedroom with a bit of difficulty as they left a trail of clothes on the floor as they went, piece by piece coming off in between kisses and laughter and soft breath moans and groans as they went. Sylvie was amazed but not the least surprised at Kelly's gentleness as he laid her down on top of her bed and held himself above her as she had wrapped her arms around his neck, and his necklace pooled in the valley of her breasts as she lifted her head up to kiss him once more as his hands roamed her body exploring every inch they could.

 

He pulled away from her, kissing a trail down her chest and stomach then to each thigh before his mouth and his fingers found their places, where she desperately wanted him to be, and minutes later she had her head tilted back in sheer pleasure as her back arched up and her hands clawed at the bedding beneath her as she called his name, her voice reaching a fever pitch as he teased and edged and pleasured her relentlessly. She was trembling as he raised himself up again and she immediately reached up and pulled his face down to meet hers, kissing him like he was the air that she needed to survive as she tasted herself on his lips.

 

He smiled as he easily lifted her up and rolled them over before he shuffled up the bed so he was sat up against the pillows and head board and she was sat in his lap just as they had been on the couch. He pushed her hair back from her face seeing her relaxed and noting her rosy red cheeks and swollen lips before he slid her hands down over her back letting his fingers dance lightly over her spine. There was something about her, it was in the way she wasn’t shy like he would have that, and the way she responded, it was the little noises that sounded like music to his ears and how he wanted to elicit those sounds from her again and again, and it was how natural it felt between them. He had this overwhelming need to be deep inside of her, to feel her body against his, to feel the way her body responded to his, and to elicit more of those gorgeous sounds from her lips.

 

Her hands moved to lay flat on his chest as her fingertips grazed his collarbones as she felt as he spread his legs a little wider in turn spreading her legs wider. She smiled widely as she shifted just enough to take him into her body, letting a soft moan slip past her parted lips at the feel of him deep inside of her. She wanted to close her eyes at the feeling of being so full and so safe by him but she couldn’t, not when his beautiful eyes were looking directly into hers. There was no hurry, no need to rush, and she didn’t want him to leave her body so she was going to prolong it as much as she could.

 

He couldn’t look away as she guided him into her body as he felt the way her body welcomed him in and felt the way her entire body reacted. The way her hands clutched at his bare skin before they flattened out again as her hips made minuscule movements which he could only describe as heaven and hell equally given that it was pleasurable and torturous at the same time as he wanted to have her trembling and tightening around him but he also wanted to draw her pleasure and his out. "You are beautiful." The words slipped out of his mouth without much thought but she was absolutely gorgeous, and it wasn’t just because she was naked in his lap in one of the most intimate act that could happen between two people. He didn’t give her a chance to reply as he once again captured her lips with his own heatedly, letting his tongue explore her mouth as he began to move a little just enough to create a small amount of friction and allow the pleasure to build within each other.

 

Overwhelmed. That was the best word to describe what Kelly and Sylvie were feeling in their post sex glow. He shuffled down into the bed with her on his chest and still deep inside of her as he wasn’t ready to leave her body, and pulled the duvet over their rapidly cooling bodies. She turned her head to the side and buried her face into the space where his neck met his shoulder unable to stop herself from smiling as she closed her eyes as his fingers tracing lazily up and down her spine was lulling her already relaxed body. She felt as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder before her exhaustion and the remnants of all the vodka she had consumed finally took hold and she fell asleep feeling safe and content.

 

Kelly knew just by her breathing and by the way her hand had stopped moving against his collarbone that she was asleep, and knowing that she was asleep made it easier for him to fall asleep in her bed with her.

 

Kelly woke with a start and a dry mouth, not enjoying the aftertaste of the bubblegum vodka before he glanced over at the clock seeing it was almost 6am and the first streams of daylight had begun to stream through the open curtains. He looked down at Sylvie seeing that she was still in the same position on top of him asleep only her head had found its way to the pillow. Without waking Sylvie he moved her body off of him having to withdraw himself from her body as he did so hearing the soft moan that escaped her lips although she showed no sign of waking and then subtly slipped out of her bed. He turned back and covered her bare body up before he left, following the trail of clothes as he picked up his own and redressed, picking up her two pieces of clothing and piling them on the couch as he did. He hated to leave her but he had too as he couldn’t bare to see the regret that he guessed that he would see when she woke up because for him something changed between them, and as he quietly slipped out of the front door of her apartment he knew it would be the one and only time, after all they were her words in a way. He wasn’t usually one to hit and run but he had to put the night down to being tipsy and vulnerable for both of them. It was complicated but he was glad that they could have the night they had, and he only hoped that she had felt safe like she needed too and like he wanted her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!


	11. Don't Apologise - Sequel to Hit and Run

**Don’t Apologise- Sequel to Hit And Run**

 

The shift had been painfully quiet, it was as if Chicago had paused as the first of the fall weather appeared bringing the cooler temperatures with it, and it wasn’t much warmer in the firehouse as Sylvie seemed painfully intent on avoiding him in every single way possible, not that he could blame her given he had left her to wake up alone after their night together but it was noticeable as she wouldn’t even be in the same room as him. He readjusted his beanie and zipped his Squad jacket right up before he buried his hands deep into his jacket pockets as he sat on the firehouse's roof looking out over the city as it lit up as night had descended. He blew out a breath and could see it in the air as he tilted his head back against the chair and closed his eyes as he remembered vividly their night together, remembered every single moment, every noise and reaction, just everything. He opened his eyes and shook his head as if he could erase the thoughts away by that simple action but he couldn’t. She was all he had thought about the remainder of his time off.

 

Sylvie didn’t know what to say or feel, and she felt all over the place. It didn’t help that there were no calls to distract her from everything that was going round repeatedly in her mind. All of her thoughts had revolved around Kelly and the night they spent together in the past thirty six hours or so; she thought there was something powerful between them but she had woken up alone, to him gone along with any trace that he had been there with her except for the small marks that littered her body. She pulled at her blonde hair tugging it up into a messy bun, annoyed at the loose wisps of it that kept brushing along her face and neck as she paced the halls of the firehouse relentlessly and restlessly.

 

"You’re going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep up that pacing Sylvie." Casey stated as he walked out of the bathroom having walked past her before he entered seeing how lost in her thoughts she was. She startled as she spun around to look at him wide eyed stopping immediately. "Sorry... Are you alright?" Casey asked frowning as she looked completely wrecked. They had all been witness to her breakdown last shift but none more so than Kelly but he had remained tight lipped, and Casey had barely seen him the entire shift.

 

"Uh huh." Sylvie gave him a non-committal answer resisting the urge to start pacing again and she didn’t really want to have a conversation with Casey. "I have to go." She excused herself rather ungraciously as she turned away from him and headed in search of Kelly as she couldn’t take the avoiding and tension any more. She searched through the firehouse making sure to avoid everyone as she checked all of the usual places - his quarters, the locker room, the bull pen and Squad's table on the apparatus floor - but he wasn’t anywhere in the firehouse that she could see and she wasn’t about to ask if anyone had seen him as she did not need to raise anyone’s suspicions given that they were already watching her. She let out a sigh as she grabbed her jacket and beanie and headed outside needing to escape the stifling atmosphere inside.

 

Sylvie stepped out into the brisk night air as she slipped her beanie onto her head then pulled her jacket on and zipped it up. She almost welcomed the cold air as it wrapped around her even though she usually despised it as she lent against the wall and looked out at the quiet street. She knew she was all over the place and her head was a mess. She really did not understand how Kelly had just left her to wake up alone, not when he had told her that she was beautiful while deep inside of her and not when he held her the way he did; his actions had left her absolutely bewildered and a part of her was angry at herself for allowing him in. She also still did not completely understand her reaction at the final call of the previous shift or her subsequent breakdown. She was a mess, she had resigned herself to that fact, as she let her head fall back against the brick wall with a harsh thud that made her wince involuntarily. She turned her head to the side and caught sight of a ladder up against the side of the firehouse as she realised where Kelly was, feeling stupid for not considering it even with how cold it was but she knew it was an ideal place to talk given the privacy that it allowed.

 

Kelly was distracted, deep in his thoughts, and startled out of them as he heard footsteps climbing up the ladder. Before he could get up, Sylvie appeared and got onto the roof stopping as soon as his eyes looked with his. She put her hands in her pockets and bit down on her lip as she rocked back and forth on her heels very slightly looking completely uncomfortable before she finally let out a deep breath and slowly crossed the roof over to him.

 

"Hi." She murmured softly still unsure of searching him out and unsure if he would talk to her as she felt the tension within her rise.

 

"Hi." He answered as the awkwardness grew between them and that was the very last thing he wanted. He couldn’t help but notice how the cold affected her, paling her skin but giving the tip of her nose a soft pink blush in the darkened light.

 

"So... about the other night..." She was trying to gauge him as she sat down in the chair that was aptly placed next to him just off to the side.

 

"Yeah..." He trailed off hating the disconnect between them and he knew it was his fault but he did not know what to say because he was trying to read her just like she was him. He wanted to reach out and touch her, he wanted to hold her in his arms but he wasn’t sure how she would react so instead he balled his hands into tight fists inside his pockets.

 

A few minutes of uncomfortable tense silence passed by before Sylvie finally spoke asking the question that she needed answered the most, "Why did you leave before I woke up?" His head whipped round to face her so fast it would have been comical if it had been about almost anything else. She watched as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair and his jaw tensed like he wouldn’t say what he wanted too. She waited for a minute or so before she bowed her head and turned her face away from him as she took his silence for an answer; she decided to leave him alone as she stood up and headed back towards the ladder.

 

"I didn’t want to see the look of regret on your face." He caught her off guard with his admission as he finally spoke just as she reached the edge of the roof. She spun around and looked at him to see that he was looking at her with such a solemn look on his face that she knew he was telling her the truth.

 

"What?" She asked as she walked back towards him stopping half way as the awkwardness melted away. She was unable to comprehend why he had resigned himself to thinking that she would regret their night together.

 

"It was different, amazingly different, for me... And it wasn’t because we had a lot of vodka or because we had had an emotionally draining shift. It was because I was with you, it was you and me and maybe I’m crazy..." He trailed off having a hard time explaining what he wanted too especially when he wasn’t sure what was going on in her mind. His words drew her in as she stepped closer until she was beside him, knelt down on her knees to his side on the cold hard rooftop. "And when you woke up I didn’t want to see the regret that I was sure you would feel in the morning so I left even though I hated too." He didn’t want to look at her even as close as she was.

 

She wanted to climb in his lap and wrap her arms around him tightly at the vulnerability he was showing her. She couldn’t resist what she wanted so she stood up and climbed into his lap which he welcomed as it was exact same position that they had been in twice during their shared night as she managed to get her legs on either side of his so that her knees had encased his thighs. She raised her hands, grateful that they had stayed relatively warm, and rested one of her hands on the side of his neck with her thumb rested on his stubbled jawline while her other hand rested flat over his chest. "You very stupid yet very beautiful man." She told him softly as she leaned in close to him feeling as he pulled his hands out of his own pockets and one of his hands found its way to the top of her thigh while the other moved to cover hers in an effort to keep her from freezing. He raised his eyebrow at her as she had insulted and complimented him in one sentence. "Why would you even think that I would regret you?" She had to ask to understand what was making him think that.

 

He bowed his head forward to rest against hers briefly before he pulled back to look at her again as his hand involuntarily tightened around hers that was pressed flat against his chest. As she sat in his lap and as he looked at her he suddenly felt as though he couldn’t breathe as he realised how stupid he had been to think that she would regret their night together and she was asking him why but he realised that he did not completely understand his own thought process. "I... _one last time_... I’m sorry." He reiterated her words as they flashed through his mind before he apologised hating that he had hurt her especially when she was already hurting.

 

"Don’t apologise. I was the one who said _one last time_ because if that was all I got with you then I could live with that... And it was just as amazing for me. With you, I didn’t want it to end, I didn’t want you to leave my body or ever let go of me." It was the truth and she wanted to share it with him so that he knew that he was not alone in what he felt. "And I don’t want just that one night with you but you have to tell me what you want Kelly." She said it, put it out there, and waited with baited breath for him to answer.

 

"You, I want you Sylvie, I want a relationship with you." She barely finished talking before he answered her. He wanted her, he wanted to see where their connection would take them, he wanted a relationship with her because it was not solely about sex, not with Sylvie. His words made her smile and her eyes brightened before he leaned forward and captured her lips in his, kissing her until she was left breathless.

 

"We’ll figure it all out." She smiled as she said it looking at him. It was unorthodox and there were still things they would have to figure out but for now it was enough just to be in each other’s arms enjoying the quiet silence with things cleared between them.

 

"We will." He responded immediately as he turned to look at her and smiled. She melted against him as she pulled back from him and shifted slightly so that she was lent against him with her head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her as they turned their attention to the pretty view of the city that they served even in the bitter cold of the night.

 


	12. Washing

**Washing**

 

Sylvie smiled as she looked up from where she was sat on the couch reading a book as Kelly walked into the living room with a laundry basket overfull of freshly laundered clothes held against his hip. He stopped at the table and set the basket down as he smiled over at her; he loved seeing her curled up on his couch only clad in one of his old shirts completely relaxed and engrossed in whatever book that she was reading at the time in her hands.

 

"Do you want a hand?" She asked as she set her book down on the arm of the couch after she slid the bookmark in to mark her page.

 

"I can fold our washing." He replied casually as he pulled out a t-shirt and folded it as he did seeing as her head snapped up towards him with a look of surprise. "What?" He asked as he continued to fold and pile the clothing up on the table once it was folded.

 

"You said our washing." She hadn’t moved from the couch but her eyes were on him watching for his reaction.

 

"Yeah, I washed your clothes with mine. I did our work clothes separately though and used that stain treatment you told me about. It saves you having to go home to do it." He shrugged his shoulders as it seemed pointless for her to wash her clothes separately when he was already doing a few loads, and it meant she didn’t have to go home if she didn’t want too.

 

She just smiled at him as she unfolded her legs that had been curled beneath her and got up from the couch then made her way over to him, only stopping once she had fitted herself in the small narrow space between him and the table. He stopped folding and wrapped his arms around her pulling her into him as she ran her hands up his arms to his shoulders as he looked down at her still not understanding her surprise.

 

“Thank you for doing my washing.” She leaned up and kissed him. Whilst she was surprised that he had done it so flippantly, she wasn’t surprised that he had done it for her because she had done the same although it still caught her off guard as it was such a natural progression for them.

 

“I did have an ulterior motive, you know? Now you don’t have to go home at all.” He teased before he stole another kiss from her as she laughed, and he knew that there was a lot of her items at his place just as a lot of his stuff was at hers nowadays.

 

“I like your ulterior motives.” She laughed knowing exactly what he was thinking and she didn’t mind in the least. The more time they got to spend together the better. She quickly kissed him again before she turned around in his arms so that her back was pressed to his chest as she pulled one of his work polo tops from the basket and began folding his while he focused on kissing her neck and letting his hands wonder over her body which she thoroughly enjoyed.


	13. On The Other Side

**_On The Other Side_ **

Chaotic scenes and combative patients were never a good combination, on their own was hard enough but a mix of both could be incredibly dangerous. Sometimes it felt as though no one was grateful anymore especially for first responders who regularly risked their lives for someone else’s. It had been a hard fought battle as the fire ravaged the entire apartment block although given that it was still relatively early in the evening most of the occupants had yet to return home.

“Sir, Sir. You have a burned hand.” Sylvie was exhausted like most of the first responders on scene. Every single paramedic and EMT encountered difficult patients regularly, and they were trained to deal with them, if one technique did not work there was always another to try. “Let me treat it for you.” The supplies already in hand to treat the second degree partial thickness burn to the outer edge of his hand. “It’s fine.” The male patient snapped angrily, and loudly enough for a few of the nearest firefighters to turn, casting a cautious eye over them, all ready to intervene if needed. A simple hand gesture, a silent communication, had them at ease and turning away as they went back to cleaning up whilst others finished overhauling. All of the first responders were more than ready to finish and leave the scene as the smoke still lingered, and their weary bodies protested.

It was so sudden that she didn’t even see it coming, couldn’t avoid it in any way, or prepare herself for the first impact or the second. The force knocking her over. The man delivering a violent unexpected backhand to her soft smoke scented skin. The second impact was her body with the cold hard concrete, her head bouncing off it, painfully. A small yelp followed by a grunt escaped her parted lips.

Kelly was tiredly dragging his feet towards the Squad truck when his attention landed on Ambulance 61, mainly on Sylvie who looked just as tired as he felt. “Overhaul’s complete Chief.” He stopped to report as there was no point radioing it in when he was passing Boden. Before Boden could reply he saw Kelly’s eyes widen and was moving before he could even ask anything. Kelly knew he wouldn’t make it across the street in time as the man moved fast, his hand making contact with Sylvie’s face and sending her hurtling to the ground. He instinctively winced as he moved, closing the distance quickly as Capp and Tony followed, both men not quite sure on who they would be restraining – their Lieutenant or the patient.

The blood was felt as it ran down her skin and thick droplets landed one by one on the ground. The bright red blood was a stark contrast against the dark grey of the concrete. The rush of pain had her instinctively reaching for her face, two sources, her cheek and her temple on her right side as she struggled to register and recognise what had just happened to her. She blinked heavily as her vision blurred. She moved to sit up, only stopping when two warm and familiar hands landed on her.

Kelly had knelt down next to her, his hands reaching out instinctively and stopping her movements as she moved to sit up. His left hand wrapped around her right wrist and gently eased it away from her face seeing the large cut to her cheek right over her cheek bone then a longer cut to her temple that ran into her hairline, her blonde hair becoming a pink hue as the blood mixed and stained. His right hand finding its way to her waist. “Sylvie.” He suspected a minor concussion immediately just by the way her eyes were glazed. It felt like she was underwater as he called her name, and she immediately felt herself relax under the warm expanse of his hands.

“I’m okay.” She breathed out heavily as she moved to sit up again, this time she managed with Kelly’s help. “No you’re not but nice try.” He was slightly relieved by her words. He glanced over at Capp and Tony who had created a wall with their bodies between them and the violent man who had hit her. He sent a silent nod to both men, a thank you, as they spared a quick glance at them. He wanted to get her as far away from the man as he could. “ I thought I could convince you.” She sent him a small smile as she got to her feet with his help as he was not letting go of her. “Not when you’re bleeding, and I can guarantee you have a headache. I would even go as far as to hazard a guess that you have a minor concussion from your head hitting the ground which is why you are getting checked and cleared by a medic who isn’t yourself.” They walked the short distance to the Squad truck where he made her sit down on the front bumper and protectively stood in front of her. She couldn’t help but smile at his words; Mr Stubborn himself and his refusal to get checked or treated in the past was refusing her right to refuse treatment.

He raised his eyebrows at her waiting for an argument but he knew when she began to smile she was no longer going to be argumentative, at least not about this. He lifted his hand from her wrist and waved one of the medics over who had seen the entire incident but had waited realising the pair needed a few moments to themselves. He moved himself so that he was stood to the side watching every move. He squeezed her hand, having moved from her waist, as she winced from the antiseptic seeping stingingly into the cuts as they were thoroughly cleaned then closed with butterfly bandages. Next was a neurological examination which she passed although neither the medic or Kelly were truly convinced. “Ice and take some pain relief. I’d also suggest that you are not alone for the next twelve to twenty four hours in case of a delayed concussion.” The medic handed her an instant icepack which had already been activated before removing his blood stained gloves and packing up his kit. “She won’t be alone.” The words left his mouth without a single thought but it meant it, his protective need out in full force. “Thank you.” Sylvie dismissed the medic knowing Kelly’s concern hadn’t lessoned despite her receiving medical treatment and the clearance to continue with her shift. She waited until the medic left and they were alone, or as alone as they could be in the very public place, and gave his hand a gentle pull making him step closer inadvertently shielding her again as he positioned himself in front of her.

“I am alright really, a small headache but a painkiller will sort that out as soon as I am back at Fifty One… It’s a part of this job, considering we are at a much higher rate of being assaulted than you as a firefighter are. It’s not an enjoyable part but it’s unfortunately something you may have to deal with, I have too.” It was the unfortunate reality of being a paramedic, it is fact, and as much as it sounded like she was trying to compartmentalize what had just happened, her words were more about making him realise and understand his. “I know.” His reply was simple and spoken quietly but she could see the storm of conflicting emotions brewing inside of him, and knew she was not going to get any more out of him as he needed to step away and process it all. Their conversation was nowhere close to being over but it was on pause until their shift was.

**Chicago Fire**

The end of shift came too quickly for Sylvie and she knew that the conversation that had been put on hold with Kelly at the scene would be finished. He wasn’t going to let her forget it that easy, and given the large painful bruises that she was now wearing she knew he wasn’t going to let it go as they were a constant reminder. She let herself into her apartment knowing Kelly was just a step behind her. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and have a nap as her headache had prevented her from getting much rest in between the flurry of calls that they had overnight but she knew that the conversation couldn’t wait. Ever since the patient assault she could see that Kelly was struggling and every time he looked at her face and saw the closed wounds and growing bruising he would close his eyes and take a deep breath before he would check in on her. She doubted that he got any sleep for the remainder of the shift despite Squad having a noticeable lack of calls.

Sylvie wondered into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, tiredly trying to kick her boots off but failing until Kelly appeared and knelt down in front of her and gently removed her boots from her feet. He knew she was tired and sore even without her voicing it, and hadn’t had any sleep as he had listened to every alarm throughout the night as he battled his mind that wouldn’t let him sleep as he went over their conversation at the scene when she had got hurt.

She reached her hand out and rested it on his neck, letting her thumb brush over his jaw as he looked up at her with so much emotion in his eyes it amazed and stunned her but his eyes always had a way of stunning her. “How are you doing?” She asked even though she didn’t need too, she had a fair idea of the internal battle that was raging inside of him but she wanted to hear it from him, hear it in his own words. “I’m the one who should be asking you that.” He replied immediately with an almost indignant tone in his voice which only made her smile. “You know just like I do. I just wanted you to say it.” She answered immediately as her thumb brushed over the corner of his lips knowing that all the time they spent together had taught them to read each other fairly well.

“I’m going to get you an ice pack and some Tylenol because I know you haven’t had a chance to take any first before we get into anything else whilst you get ready for bed.” It was his way of taking care and showing her his concern, and despite the fact that it was morning he would gladly spend it in bed with her. She gave him a soft nod and let her hand drop away from his face making him catch her wrist in his own hand, and he lifted her hand back to his lips then placed a soft kiss to the back of her hand before he let go and raised himself up off of the ground. She waited until he was out of the room before she forced herself to stand back up and then stripped down leaving herself just in a pair of underwear and a singlet top then crawled into bed under the covers impatiently waiting his return.

She was rewarded a few seconds later when he returned with a glass of water, a bottle of Tylenol, and an icepack that had been diligently wrapped up. Kelly smiled at the way she had already tucked herself into the bed and was waiting for him as she always did. “My very own, very sexy nurse,” She said as she took the Tylenol and glass of water from him making him smirk as he threw the icepack down then stripped down himself and crawled into the bed with her. As soon as the pills had been swallowed down and the glass was on the nightstand, she curled herself into him taking the time to entwine their legs together as he tucked the icepack between the pillow and the side of her face against the bruised and swollen skin.

“I know you don’t want to hear it but sometimes patients do lash out, its not something they mean to do, it just happens. It’s rare but it is a risk that could present itself.” Sylvie figured they would both sleep easier if they talked now rather than wait as she laid her hands on his chest. “Usually when they do it can be avoided, the contact, but I just didn’t see it coming this time.” That was the simple reality and explanation as to why she hadn’t been able to get out of the way or at least brace herself for the fall which had left her sorer than she thought it would. She knew that he knew but it wasn’t something that could be easily accepted especially given it was against human nature as most people were not violent by nature but fear and shock had a role to play when these situations arose.

“I couldn’t do anything to stop him from hitting you, I couldn’t get to you in time… I guess I just never really put myself in your shoes until it happened, until this shift.” The way he spoke, the way his voice shook made her realise that he was shaken by the whole experience despite how minor it was. “What do you mean?” She asked even though she knew what he was getting at about being in her shoes. “You are always on the outside waiting for me to come back out when I go into any building or into any other dangerous situation and you are the one by my side when I get hurt but I never considered what it was like for you to watch that, for you to watch me being hurt, or hearing over the radio what is going on and being unable to do anything to prevent it. You are left to pick up the pieces and that was me this time, and I just wasn’t prepared for it, for any of it. How did I miss it? How did I not realise what you went through each and every time?” The words flowed out effortlessly and with no filtering, and she was glad for it, glad that he was telling her of the internal battle raging inside of him because that was how they would work through it together.

“Kelly… You were there when I needed you the most just like you always are. You were the one who got to me first and you are the one that is here now…It was something that I knew I had to accept when we first started seeing each other, that you would go into burning buildings and be in dangerous situations, it was something that I had watched more times than I can count and I had to remember that when things between us changed, when we became more than colleagues. It is a part of you, a part of who you are, and what you do, and there is nothing that would make me want to change that, change you or what you do… And I’m lucky.” She was honest with him and whilst it had taken some getting used to as their feelings changed and grew she knew it wouldn’t get easier but he had always returned to her and that was the reason she could do it, as well as the fact that she was on calls with him rather than waiting for him to return after a shift, the not knowing would have killed her.

“Lucky?” He asked bewildered at her final sentence despite how amazed he was by her and the way she had learned to deal with it. She had a knack for amazing him constantly. He ran his fingers up and down her spine slowly feeling the way her body responded to his actions.

“I’m lucky because I know that you always have support, that you have another person by your side or at least close by. And I know that our firehouse family would do everything possible to get you out, to bring you home…to bring you back to me.” That was the truth that bought her the most peace, the truth that soothed her mind and eased her heart. “We’re lucky because we are loved and we have numerous people who would fight to bring us back, to bring us home.”

“I love the way you see things.” He truly did love the way she saw things, the way she saw people and situations. And her words bought him a peace he had not expected to find so soon after watching her be assaulted but he had found that peace because of her, because of the way she saw the world, and because he realised that if he wasn’t there that there would always be another member of their crazy firehouse family that would be. “I love you.” His lips brushed against hers in a chaste kiss knowing that she was sore. “Love you too.” She spoke softly as she pressed her forehead against his, not caring that it was applying a small amount of pressure to the wound of her forehead.

Kelly watched as her eyes fluttered closed and he felt her entire body go lax in his arms as she finally fell asleep as her exhaustion got the better of her. He couldn’t help the smile that formed as he took her in, and the knowledge that she was safe and in his arms helped. There would still be times when his need to protect her got the better of him but he knew that they would resolve it. He felt as she curled in closer to him despite there being no room separating them already and instinctively he closed his arms tighter around her before he let himself fall asleep with her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for continuing to read and share your thoughts and feelings in the comments below :)


	14. Dessert For Dinner

**Dessert For Dinner**

 

Kelly walked into his and Sylvie’s apartment with a few grocery bags in his hands as he found Sylvie sat at the breakfast bar on a stool with a book open in front of her but even from where he was by the front door he could tell that she was not reading. He immediately wondered how angry she still was after their earlier fight that had made her walk away from him; their argument had been one of their most argued topics as it was about his inability to communicate with her, and although he knew she was right just like she was every time before when they had this fight he still got defensive about it. She didn’t even turn to look at him as he let his keys fall down loudly on the table beside the door or when he walked into the kitchen and put the bags down on the bench in front of her.

 

Kelly went about unpacking the groceries and putting them away, glancing at Sylvie every few moments as he did as her expression was unreadable which was unusual. "I uhh I thought we could have dessert for dinner." He told her as he got to the bag that contained their dinner, or his idea of dinner. He had gotten all of her favourites in part to apologise for their argument and for his major downfall. "I’ve got the chocolate truffle ice cream, red velvet ice cream, vanilla ice cream, rocky road ice cream, hot fudge sauce, caramel sauce, strawberry sauce, sprinkles, mini marshmallows, white and milk chocolate chips, whipped cream, some cake pops, strawberries and some blueberries." He listed off everything as he pulled each item from the bag and placed each item on the bench in front of her. She looked up at him and he could see the disappointment that lingered clearly in her eyes before her eyes swept over all of the items he had placed down.

 

“Dessert for dinner doesn’t change anything Kelly... It doesn’t absolve you or resolve anything that we argued about this morning.” Sylvie was hurt, that much was clear to him, and she couldn’t keep having the same argument over and over without anything changing. All she wanted was for him to use his words; she knew how intelligent he was but he sure acted stupid and didn’t use his brain nearly as often as he should have outside of the firehouse. She heard the soft sigh that escaped his lips as he turned away from her and grabbed two clean bowls and a spoon for them each as well as a spoon for each container of ice cream.

 

“I know it doesn’t and I know you’re right... I really am sorry... How about we eat and talk?” He wasn’t trying to placate her as he spoke because he hated when they argued and hated that he had hurt her. She was an unwilling participant when it came to his inability to talk, to communicate what was going on inside of his head but sometimes it was hard to explain when he wasn’t even sure of it all. He pulled a stool out and sat on it so that he was still facing her.

 

“Nothing changes even when you say that you are sorry each time we find ourselves having this argument.” She told him as she reached for the chocolate truffle ice cream. She wasn’t one to turn down ice cream. And maybe subconsciously it was her way of showing him that even though she was hurt that she wasn’t going to walk away from him, not when he was trying the way he was and she knew he was trying but old habits always lingered and were easy to fall back into. She peeled the lid off and easily scooped some of the softened ice cream into the bowl in front of her then added a small swirl of whipped cream and a handful of milk chocolate chips before she looked over to Kelly who was assembling his own sundae.

 

"It’s not that I don’t want to tell you what’s going on inside my head, it’s just sometimes I can’t because I don’t even really understand it, I don’t understand what I’m thinking or feeling or why I react how I do... I’m pretty good at the whole acting before thinking thing, not that you haven’t noticed... And then there are other times when the burden is too big to bare or share, and I don’t want to worry you..." It wasn’t an admission that surprised Sylvie but hearing him voice it did surprise her. The self reflection was not something that Kelly did very often, in fact it was a rarity.

 

Sylvie leaned forward and reached across the bench once she let her spoon drop against the side of the bowl and then took Kelly’s hands in her own, running her thumbs over his knuckles on both hands. "I need you to let me in instead of shutting me out, instead of closing yourself off from me, especially during those times when you don’t know how to make sense of whatever it is that is rattling round in that head of yours... You and me, we are in this together - the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, and everything else - and we will work through whatever it is together. You know talking to me might actually help you figure it all out... All I want is for you to let me in Kelly, let me share the burden... I feel what you feel Kelly. I feel it when you’re hurt or happy or anything else that you feel, I feel it too whether you tell me or not." She tore her eyes away from his and turned her head to the side so that he couldn’t see the tears that were causing her eyes to well as her voice shook as she finished speaking. It hurt her to know that he felt he couldn’t share with her what he felt even when he was trying to figure it all out, and it hurt to know that he even when he was hurting he still felt the need to protect her from every bit of it. She hated the distance that grew between them every time he retreated to his own world, and hated how long it would take for that distance to dispel. A few tears fell silently and made their way down her cheeks leaving a watery trail before they dropped off her chin and down onto the bench below her.

 

Kelly quickly moved from his stool around the bench to her. He hated that she was crying as the realisation of his behaviour set in, and he hated that she felt she had to hide her tears from him. He turned the stool and her body towards him before he cupped her cheeks in his hands making her look up at him as he ran his thumbs under her eyes collecting the tears that were flowing freely now. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, he wanted to tell her that he would do better but he suddenly felt as though he couldn’t talk as he felt his own eyes well with tears as his emotions spiked. He felt as her hands landed on the side of his neck with that delicate grace of hers that always amazed him. Her gorgeous light blue eyes shone in the low lighting of the kitchen and they looked like fine glass that could break with the slightest tap. He tried to take a few deep breaths before he found himself leaning in and pressing his face into her neck as his chest heaved as her hands moved from his neck as one hand went to rub his back while the other found its way up into his hair as her fingers grazed his scalp lightly in an effort to comfort him.

 

Sylvie felt as though her heart was breaking at Kelly's sobs that racked his strong body as his hot tears landed on her bare exposed skin while her own fell down her face. She wrapped her legs around his hips and pulled him closer into her body. It felt as though the steel clad walls that Kelly surrounded himself with had crumbled violently in a matter of seconds, and all that he had buried away was coming out, was being revealed in the rawest manner even without words. "I love you, every single part of you, every single thing about you Kelly. I’m in love with you, I love you." She whispered softly through her own tears for him.

 

"I need you to breathe baby for me otherwise you’re going to make yourself sick. Just take a breath for me baby." He was almost hyperventilating as she spoke a few minutes later knowing that he needed to get some air into his lungs but not wanting him to stop letting out all of his pent up emotions. "Just take a breath baby, nice and slow... that’s it." She coaxed him slowly feeling as he took a shuddering breath. "Good baby, good." She murmured softly as he exhaled and inhaled slowly although he made no effort to move away from her and quite frankly she was glad.

 

She felt as Kelly spoke and heard a jumble of words but couldn’t understand him given his face was pressed firmly into her neck after a few minutes spent calming himself down as his breathing had finally returned to normal with only a few small shudders occasionally. "What was that baby?" She asked making him lift his head up, removing his face from her neck just enough to see his red rimmed puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

 

"The ice creams melted.” His words made her glance over to her bowl which was now full of melted ice cream but she couldn’t care less about it as her focus was on him. It seemed like such a mundane thing to say and be thinking about.

 

“It doesn’t matter. It’ll refreeze.” She told him knowing that the tubs of ice cream could be put in the freezer and would be fine. He pulled back and straightened up then bought his hands up to his face and rubbed his hands roughly over as he wiped away his tears.

 

“I’m sorry... I just wanted to treat you with your favourites... I’m sorry... I love you, I really do… I don’t mean to hurt you, I never want to harm you in any way... And I promise that I will do better, that I’ll try my hardest not to shut down, not to shut you out. I love you, I love you so much.” He sounded so broken but she knew he meant each and every word that he spoke.

 

She slipped her hands into his once more and squeezed them tightly; although she was grateful for the breakthrough she knew there was more to uncover. “It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay... Why don’t you go lay down on the couch while I put everything away then I’ll join you.” She knew that for now the emotional toll of his breakdown was enough and that they both needed to rest before continuing their conversation, and to be honest she wanted to snuggle with him as she needed him near just as much as he needed her but they were on their way to resolving it. He gave her a soft tired nod of acknowledgement before he moved away from her and towards the couch. She stood up and moved round, putting the tubs of ice cream in the freezer then put the rest of the ingredients in the fridge and pantry, and let the dishes sit in the sink.

 

Sylvie crossed the room and Kelly reached out for her as she climbed onto the couch with him tucking herself down between the back of the couch and his body. He turned on his side so that they were facing each other. She leaned her head forward and kissed him softly silently telling him that it would all be alright and that she loved him. He kissed her back just as softly hoping to convey everything he hadn’t been able to say to her. They two settled in the silence of the apartment both with the knowledge that there was more to say and more to work on for both of them but for now just being together after their argument was enough.

 


	15. I Wanted To Let Him Die

**_I Wanted To Let Him Die_ **

Sylvie sat up against the cold brick wall of the firehouse. She had only meant to be outside for a few minutes after she had showered and changed, had washed off all of the blood, but once she sat down it felt as if she couldn’t get back up, her body exhausted and aching. She curled her hands into fists and dug her nails into the palms of her hands, hard enough to leave marks that would linger. The tightness in her chest from her earlier panic at being kidnapped still had not subsided or eased despite all the deep breaths she had taken.

_I wanted to let him die. I encouraged Mills to let him die._ She hated herself for even considering it especially given it wasn’t who she was. She helped people, not killed them. _How could I even think that letting him die was going to save us? That it was going to help us when we were being held at gunpoint?_ She let her head drop back against the wall harder than she had meant too and closed her eyes as she recalled what she and Peter had been through, recalled the feeling of the zip-ties being tightened around her wrists, recalled the way the car shifted violently as Mills tried to save them, and recalled the feeling of the kidnapper’s blood flowing onto and over her skin, the feeling of his flesh beneath her fingertips.

She didn’t even hear the footsteps but she felt the warmth as someone sat down close next to her, bringing her out of her thoughts. She dropped her head down, and opened her eyes, barely hiding her startled surprise as she found Kelly Severide was the one who had bought her out of her revelry and who had sat down next to her.

“Come here.” He spoke softly as he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close to his side. She rested her head on his shoulder, and let her eyes close again as her exhaustion was overwhelming despite her brain still in its panicked mode as she recalled everything. She felt his lips press against her temple, pressing a delicate kiss to her skin.

“You are safe. You are alright.” The way her whole body trembled had not gone unnoticed by him as he kept his voice low, reassuring her softly.

“I wanted to let him die.” Her admission was spoken so softly that he wasn’t sure if he heard her correctly but he knew he had. He reached his free hand out and took her hand in his, uncurling it as he had caught sight of the small trail of blood that she had drawn by digging her nails into her palm, that was beginning to run down her arm.

“But you didn’t. You didn’t let him die.” Kelly wasn’t sure if he would have fought to keep someone who was holding him hostage alive despite what was in his nature but he also knew that she didn’t need to hear it either.

“I still wanted too. I still wanted to let him die.” That was what was eating her, it was how strongly she had felt about it. She had been so adamant at the time, that it was their only way out.

“You’re not a bad person Sylvie, not for wanting to survive, not for wanting to stay alive. They held you at gunpoint. You did what you had too.” The details that Mills had relayed to him were proving important given the state she was in, and he couldn’t blame her for it.

She didn’t say anything, in truth she was too exhausted to say anything else, instead she let herself relax. The Lieutenant had made her feel better with his kind words and even kinder actions. They made no effort to move even as the cold seeped into their bones although the heat of their bodies was enough to keep them warm and it gave them both time to recover from the day’s events.


	16. Don't Give Me A Pass

**_Don’t Give Me A Pass_ **

**Kelly: Hey! There she is.**

**Sylvie: Hey.**

**Kelly: Come on over.**

**Sylvie: Uh Herrmann told me to come by so…**

**Kelly: I bet. Grab a seat. Make yourself at home.**

**Herrmann: Hey Brett. Thanks for coming by.**

**Kelly: What are you, what are you drinking?**

**Sylvie: Vodka and cranberry please.**

**Kelly. No, no, that, she doesn’t want that. Uh…uh… two scotch and sodas. Wow![brushes his hand against her cheek] It’s crazy right? I mean, come on, hey, Herrmann, I’m not the only one who sees it right?**

**Sylvie: See what?**

**Kelly: Herrmann, what… I ordered some drinks, where are the drinks?**

**Herrmann: I think you had enough.**

**Kelly: Come on man, what are you talking, I’m, I’m not driving, don’t worry about it, don’t worry about it.**

**Herrmann: I’m your friend and I’m telling you I think you had too much to drink. There’s people that you work with here.**

**Kelly: What are you talking…her? What are you talking… I’m just busting… I’m just… I’m just playing around. I’m just having fun. I’m just getting, no, her.**

**Sylvie: Let me, uh, let me find you a cab.**

**Kelly: That’s funny. That’s funny. Are you guys putting me on. Guys I’m, I’m sitting down, I’m having a drink, I’m enjoying myself and now all of a sudden its an intervention.**

**Herrmann: Nah, nah, no come on, its just your buddies wanting to make sure you get home safe. Come on Kelly. Lets go.**

**Kelly: You know… you know what? Brett, come on. You and me, we’re going over to Game Day. It’s at the end of the street. We’re gonna go. We’re gonna have a blast.**

**Otis: Game Day burnt down man.**

**Kelly: Oh yeah…umm… Town Lounge. Anybody? Alright fine. Later.**

Sylvie watched as Kelly left Molly’s. She had half a mind to go after him given his state but she barely knew the guy, barely knew the Lieutenant. She looked at Otis and Herrmann with a confused questioning look as they both returned behind the bar.

“Vodka and cranberry, wasn’t it Brett?” Herrmann asked hoping but knowing he wasn’t going to get out of explaining to the young paramedic what had just happened, what she had walked into.

“Uhh, I’ll forego the drink. Should he be alone?” She asked clearly concerned that Kelly had walked off in the state he was alone as she glanced back at the heavy wooden door of Molly’s.

“Kelly, he, he just needs time. He’ll make it back to the firehouse, kind of like a homing pigeon.” Herrmann answered as he knew all were aware that Kelly had been crashing at the firehouse in between shifts, although no one had questioned him instead they pretended they didn’t know despite the worry that they all felt.

“What did he mean by he’s not the only one who sees it?” Sylvie questioned as she took a seat at the bar watched as the two men exchanged weary glances.

“Shay… Leslie… the paramedic…” Herrmann struggled to explain before he looked at Otis.

“Shay and Kelly were soul mates, not in love soul mates, but inseparable best friends. The love they had for each other, like nothing else…” Otis paused having recalled some of the intimacies of Shay and Severide’s relationship he had learned about when he had lived with them, albeit briefly before he continued, “You and Shay share some physical features.” Otis explained without further details.

Sylvie looked at them with anguish, she knew that 51 had lost a paramedic due to a line of duty death and she had heard of Leslie Shay’s name but she hadn’t known much more and she hadn’t wanted to pry given the closeness of those in the house as she was still an outsider. She stood up and gave both men a nod before she turned on her heel and left the bar. She heard her name being called but she didn’t stop.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie ended up at Fire Academy, her footsteps echoed on the floor as she walked along, slowly passing by the glass encased rows of badges until she got to the case that held the most recent. She stopped and let her eyes wonder over the badges, stopping over those of Firehouse 51. The last badge that was on the wall was the one she had come looking for specifically, for Leslie Shay’s.

Sylvie felt like she was intruding. She took a step back and then looked all around her, looked at all the badges that surrounded her, at all the history that surrounded her. _We honour those who died in the line of duty by continuing our work, and saving as many as we can._ Brett remembered those words, she had heard a few different versions but it all meant the same, you honoured those who died by saving others.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie ended up at home, after her late night visit to the academy, in her bed staring up at the ceiling. The sun had barely started to rise, but still made its appearance known as it shone through the curtains. She had tried to think of how she could navigate all of the challenges that she now realised she was facing but Sylvie couldn’t shake the uneasiness that she felt from the night before at the condition that Lieutenant Severide was in as he left Molly’s and the way no one went after him to make sure he was alright, or at least that he got home safe. She sighed softly as she kicked the blankets off and got out of her bed, heading to the shower to get ready for the day.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie made her way into the firehouse for her shift, she was over an hour early but she figured that if Herrmann’s suspicious were correct about Severide being a homing pigeon then he would be here and she wanted to check in on him despite not wanting to make it harder for him to grieve. She had stopped and picked up two strong black coffees and some breakfast.

She wondered through the firehouse and quickly found him as he was sat on the bench in front of his locker scrubbing his hands over his face but she could tell even from a distance that he had had a rough night and was very hungover. “Lieutenant?” She kept her voice soft and quiet as she approached making him look up at her wearily. “Figured you could use this.” She stated as she held out the large coffee and small paper bag to him that contained a bacon and egg sandwich and a muffin, foods that would help soak up some of the alcohol.

“Thanks.” He grunted not showing how grateful he was for the small action as he took both items from her. “Brett… I’m…uh I’m sorry about last night.” He knew he had probably made her uncomfortable in his sad drunken state but here she was at the firehouse extra early with a coffee and some food for him despite it all, and he suspected she had come in search of him to make sure he was alright after the previous night but he wasn’t going to ask her as he didn’t want his suspicion confirmed.

“Already forgotten Lieutenant.” She answered as she gave him a soft smile then turned around and began to move towards her locker to put her bag away. She could give him some leeway given what she had learned and considering he was grieving, it was the least she could do considering she was the replacement with a striking resemblance as had been pointed out the previous night by Otis in way of an explanation.

“Brett.” His call of her name had her stopping and turning back around to look at him. “Don’t do that… please… don’t give me a pass that easy.” He told her not wanting her to forgive him so easily especially considering how rude and how blunt, he had been with her since her arrival. Subconsciously he wanted her to stay mad at him, it would be easier and at least he could feel something other than the overwhelming grief that he felt, and maybe he wanted to work for her forgiveness like he had to work for Shay’s. At his words, the confusion was portrayed on her face and even as she stepped closer to him and let her bag drop softly to the ground he made no effort to move, no effort to shy away from her as she sat down on the edge of the bench and faced him.

“Life’s too short to hold grudges Lieutenant, in this job that is learned all too quickly… And I’m not giving you a pass. You did nothing wrong… and at least your hand was warm. Now I might have held a grudge if your hand was freezing cold.” She smiled trying to lighten the mood and trying to explain why she wasn’t mad at him. Maybe it was a small piece of a pass but she wasn’t going to admit that. He looked at her as he listened to her words, and he even found himself smiling at her last comment about the warmth of her skin and the grudge she would have held if his hand had of been cold. “Finish your coffee and food before it gets cold then have a steaming hot shower. It will help.” She figured he didn’t want to talk about much more or delve deeper into anything else, that much she could sense. She turned away from him again as she stood and picked up her bag, heading to her locker to get ready for her shift hoping that they could be amicable at the very least as they would have to work closely together at times.


	17. Ill And Idiotic

**_Ill and Idiotic_ **

Sylvie Brett watched as Kelly Severide arrived for his shift looking as if he had already been through hell. He was as pale as a sheet, his face flushed, his breathes were short and sharp as if he was struggling, and he was sweating profusely despite being bundled up with more layers than he could possibly need. She glanced around the common room at everyone else but everyone was too engrossed in what they were doing to have noticed him; she turned back to where she had last seen him but he wasn’t there anymore. She stood up and made her way to the locker room in search of him.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly felt terrible but he wasn’t about to call in sick for a shift. Staying busy would help keep his mind off how bad he felt, at least that was his thinking. He sat down on the bench in front of his locker and felt exhausted despite the fact his shift hadn’t even started. His body protested as he opened his locker, he didn’t have the energy to even get changed but he was going too as he began to strip his layers of clothing off, shivering as the cold wrapped around him. He rushed to put his shirt and Squad jacket on then added a beanie to his head hoping to beat the cold but failing.

“Severide? Kelly?” Sylvie called, as she walked closer to him, trying to garner his attention although it seemed that he could barely focus. He turned his head towards her after she spoke his first name and she could see how unwell he really was with his eyes sunken and duller than she had ever seen them.

“What are you doing here?” She asked softly as she sat down on the bench with her body twisted so she was facing him.

“My shift to work.” He answered before he turned his head away and bought his hand to his mouth as a coughing fit began.

“And you’re sick.” She stated the obvious once his coughing subsided.

“I’m fine.” He wasn’t about to admit he was sick, he could still do his job.

Before she could say anymore the alarm sounded and alerted the entire firehouse to a call for Squad 3 only as another truck and ambulance were already on the scene. She sighed as she watched him hurry out of the locker room.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie had been staying close to the radio listening as Squad 3 answered back to back calls. She suspected that Kelly was pushing himself and subsequently his men in an effort not to have to stop and think about how sick he felt; not that she believed he would put them at risk and push them too far however it was only Squad who seemed to be getting endless calls this shift.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly let his head rest back against the seat and let his eyes close as a wave of nausea and dizziness came over him. He felt absolutely terrible. His entire Squad knew he was sick, it wasn’t something he had been able to hide. He’d made it through all the calls that seemed to be endless but he was glad that they were almost back at the firehouse.

He felt as the truck shuddered to a stop and opened his eyes, blinking heavily before he pushed open the door and let his weary body almost fall out of the seat. He closed the door then pressed his forehead against the cold metal before he pulled himself away and headed for his quarters, not having the energy to strip out of his turnout gear. He was completely unaware that he was being watched.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie had watched as Kelly headed inside after having steadied himself against the door of the Squad truck. She had done a brief visual assessment and he was paler than before in the locker room, and decided she needed to make sure he was okay. She quickly crossed the apparatus floor to the ambulance and pulled a med kit before following in his footsteps knowing he had either gone to the locker room or to his quarters, she was guessing his quarters.

She figured her guess was right as she approached his quarters seeing the blinds all drawn. She raised her hand to knock on the glass but retracted it deciding to just walk in. She knew it wasn’t polite but it was a matter of his health. She opened the door and stepped inside as the small room was dimly lit by the desk lamp. She cast her eyes over to him, he was laid face down on the bed in all his gear.

Kelly had heard the door to his quarters open and close but didn’t have the energy to move. He forced himself to move his head to the side and open his eyes just enough to see who had disturbed his peace.

“Either you let me check you out or I’ll go to Boden right now and make you take a trip to the hospital in the ambulance.” Sylvie threatened already seeing the protest forming.

“That’s not fair.” Kelly mumbled, as much as he wanted to protest he didn’t have the energy and his entire body ached. She smiled softly and put the medical bag down on the floor before she moved in closer to him.

“You told me you were fine this morning and you’re clearly not... Let’s sit you up and get your turnout gear off first.” She told him already using all her strength to roll him over and pull him up so that he was sat on the edge of the bed. He lightly gripped her forearms to steady himself as he felt dizzy again.

“Dizzy?” She questioned which was answered with a slight nod. She allowed him a few moments for the dizziness to pass before she bought her hand to his forehead. His temperature was almost too high and his skin was slick with perspiration. His eyes were half lidded as he watched her move round him carefully and remove his turnout jacket, followed by his boots, suspenders and turnout pants. He was left in just his pants and his long sleeved shift; he shivered violently hating how cold he felt.

Sylvie frowned as she pulled the thermometer back from his ear seeing the reading of 103.5 Fahrenheit. She knew it was far too high and she needed to get it under control quickly otherwise a trip to the hospital would become a necessity.

“What?” Kelly asked hoarsely before a cough escaped from his lips which quickly turning into a coughing fit, his chest aching more and more.

“Lay down.” She ordered lightly pushing on his shoulders as she spoke. The fact that he wasn’t protesting and was complying readily worried her more than she wanted to admit. He went to wrap the blanket around him but she stopped him as she wrapped the blood pressure cuff around his arm taking his blood pressure which was a little on the high side.

“When was the last time you had something to eat and drink?” She asked knowing she hadn’t seen him have anything to eat or drink since he’d got to the firehouse, and she was almost sure that he wouldn’t have had anything whilst out on call or even in between calls.

“Don’t know.” He mumbled even though he did; he knew he hadn’t eaten in over twenty four hours and he had avoided drinking anything more than a few sips of water at a time as it made his stomach queasy. Even though his half lidded eyes he could see the worry on her face.

“Need to keep you hydrated, or at least stop your dehydration from getting any worse... Kelly, I’m going to put you on an intravenous fluid drip. Then I’m going to give you some ibuprofen to help reduce the fever... It will make you feel better.” She told him thinking through her plan aloud but also letting him know what she was doing as she pulled on a set of gloves and prepared his arm before she slid the needle in. She worked swiftly and had the fluids flowing into him via the intravenous drip in a mere matter of minutes. He had all the symptoms of the flu and considering it was going around the firehouse it wasn’t hard to figure out even if his stubborn self had refused to admit it.

She watched as his eyes closed and he let the exhaustion overwhelm his weary body after he struggled to swallow the two ibuprofen pills down. She pulled her gloves off then disposed of them before she moved across the small room and sat down in the office chair knowing he needed to be monitored for a while.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie returned from a call and made her way back to Kelly’s quarters having left him asleep with a second bag of intravenous fluids flowing. She quietly let herself into the small quarters to see him still asleep, she stepped closer and knelt down on the floor next to him. In the dull light provided by the desk lamp she could see that the fluids and ibuprofen were working; his colour was coming back and he wasn’t sweating. She lifted her hand to his forehead gently and was relieved that the fever had reduced greatly although it was still slightly elevated. Although she would never say it aloud, as not to jinx the firehouse, but silently she was grateful that there had been no further calls for Squad so that he could rest.

She stood up and moved over to the chair, allowing herself to sit down and finish the small amount of paperwork whilst she had the time, occasionally turning to do a visual check on him.

She closed the folder and let her pen drop down on top of it before she ran her hands over her face.

“You’re still here.” It was half stating and half questioning as Kelly opened his eyes as saw her sat at his desk. His throat was scratchy but he did feel significantly better than before. He watched as she turned around and gave him a smile.

“How are you feeling?” She asked seemingly ignoring his words as she relaxed back into the chair after turning around to face him.

“Better… thank you.” He replied meaning his words. She gave him a small nod before she glanced up at the intravenous bag seeing it was almost empty.

“The fluids are almost finished. Once they are I will take the line out. You should have a shower and eat something afterwards. You’ll feel even better.” She offered her advice although her tone hinted that it was more than a suggestion.

“Yeah... you’re probably right.” He smiled teasingly making her smile.

“Probably?” She questioned with a raised eyebrow as she stood up and made her way over to him seeing that the last of the fluids had flowed into him.

“Ah-huh.” He didn’t say that she was right, that she had been right from the moment she found him in the locker room, although he knew she was right and that she had cared for him even though she didn’t have too.

 


	18. Clearance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little Easter special... Happy Easter everyone!

**Clearance**

Kelly groaned as he woke up, it was fair too early to be up as he opened his eyelids and peeked at the alarm clock on the bedside table: 07:36AM before he closed his eyelids again and rolled back over, unsure as to why he had woken up in the first place given that he and Sylvie did not have a shift, and they had both been exhausted as Easter always meant busy shifts. He reached out for Sylvie but his hand only met the rapidly cooling sheets which made him open his eyes again just as he heard the front door to their apartment open then close, followed by the sound of her boots being kicked off before she made her way across the apartment as her light footsteps gave her a way. A slight frown settled on his face as he pushed himself up and got out of the bed, immediately reaching for his discarded black boxers and tugging them on before he made his way out of the bedroom.

Kelly’s eyes widened in confusion as soon as he walked out of their bedroom as he found Sylvie had placed multiple grocery bags on the table. “What are you doing up so early?” He asked catching her off guard as her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “We got groceries just the other day.” He added knowing that they had gone to the store and stocked up on all of the essentials which they had not eaten their way through yet.

“Oh… uhh… morning. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Sylvie fumbled over the words as they rushed out which only intrigued him more. Her eyes darted from him to the bags and back again. “I just had to pick up a few more items.” She shrugged as she turned away from him making him raise his eyebrows at her questioningly.

“Like what?” He pressed unmoving from his spot just outside the bedroom door, and he knew that they were back on shift tomorrow so there really wasn’t a need for more groceries and especially not the amount given the five bags he had counted.

“The store was having some great specials.” She was as vague as possible as she turned back around so she was facing him. “You should go back to bed, get some more sleep.” They had been at Molly’s until closing and even after they got home it was another hour or so before they finally settled down to get some sleep.

“Specials on what?” He had an inkling on what she had bought but he was enjoying seeing her squirm.

“It’s the day after Easter Kelly, all the Easter chocolate and candy is now on clearance.” She pinned him with a glare that was more amusing to him than she intended. “And you have to get there early to get the good stuff.” There was an err of indignant petulance that he found adorable.

“So you bought enough chocolate and candy to fill five grocery bags?” He couldn’t help the smile that made its way to his lips as he pushed himself off of the wall that he was leant against and made his way over to stand in front of her, looking into the overflowing bags as he did. She wrapped her arms around his waist as she pressed her body into his as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to his own body.

“I didn’t think I got that much… It just happened.” She shrugged making him chuckle before he pressed a kiss to her temple as she lightly pushed at his chest.

“Well maybe next Easter I will just have to go with you.” He didn’t relish the idea of getting up so early but for her he would. “But for now I reckon we should go back to bed and we will figure out where to put all of this later.” His shelves had never been so well stocked of food until she had moved in with him, and he doubted they even had room for all of the chocolate and candy but he could see that she was still as tired as he felt.

“That sounds good.” She was tired but she liked that he suggested he would go with her when the next Easter clearance sale began, if only because that meant she could get more as she would have an extra set of hands to carry the bags. She let him lift her up off the ground and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her back to bed. She didn’t miss the last glance at the table or the smile that spread across his face at her insanity for all things chocolate and candied.


	19. Turning Black

**Turning Black**

 

_The smokes turning black! Everyone out!_ Boden's call had every member of Truck and Squad turning around and heading back towards the way they came in knowing that if Boden was calling that they had under a minute to get out, stopping them from searching the two storey house for any victims.

 

"Copy that Chief. On our way." Kelly radioed seconds after Casey had confirmed he had heard the order having already started his making his way out; Truck had taken the bottom floor while Squad took the second floor. Kelly was following behind Cruz who had Tony and Capp in front of him when he stopped and turned back looking through the smoke filled hallway to see something brightly coloured moving sluggishly on the floor.

 

Kelly glanced back to see that he was the only one left, his men not realising he was no longer with them before he turned back to the movement of colour and quickly made his way towards it, realising very quickly that it was a child, a toddler, a small girl that was no older than 2. He scooped her up and tucked her into his turnout coat just as the flames roared around him sending him ducking into the nearest room hearing a small cry from her. He tightened his hold on her realising that there was no way out as he had stepped into the bathroom with no window knowing she needed oxygen as she was suffering smoke inhalation but it was nothing short of a miracle that she had survived as long as she had and was still crawling around.

 

Sylvie stood next to Boden as he called it, as he gave the order to evacuate, silently watching as each member of Truck came out followed by every member of Squad except for the man she loved. "Where’s Severide?" Sylvie was asking before Boden was able to making everyone look towards the house as the fire conditions had deteriorated rapidly that was lit up only by the raging inferno and the flashing lights of the fire trucks and ambulance. "Where’s Kelly? Where is he?" She asked again looking back and forth from the house to the men that he led not even bothered that she her professional demeanour was slipping as she always called Kelly by his last name just as he did when they were on calls.

 

"He was right behind us." Cruz answered worriedly looking back at the house as the smoke was fully black.

 

"Severide! Report!" Boden yelled through the radio already holding Cruz in place knowing that he was already gearing up to head back in. "Severide, report!" Boden glanced at Casey who naturally moved closer to Sylvie and placed his hand on her shoulder just as an explosion ripped through the house sending large balls of fire out of the windows as glass shattered and fell around every member of Firehouse 51 who stood on the outside.

 

Kelly knew he had run out of time, knew that there was no way out before the flashover happened, and he clambered into the bathtub holding the small girl as tightly as he could against his body once he hastily took off his flash hood and covered her mouth with it so that she breathed as little toxic smoke as she could before he tucked his turnout coat around her again. Just as he got into the tub and secured her against him, the flashover happened and he felt the blasted heat lap at his exposed skin making him grunt out in pain and tighten his grip on the small child who he could hear whimpering against him.

 

Sylvie felt her legs tremble as she looked up at the house that was barely standing as she heard Boden still calling for Severide to report as Otis and Casey supported her, holding her up. "No! No! No! Kelly!" She murmured as tears welled in her eyes as Boden ordered Herrmann and Casey to go in to recover Kelly. She felt as Casey moved from her side and knelt down on the ground in order to gear up.

 

Kelly lifted his head gingerly as he listened to the sound of the fire knowing that the explosion had passed and the danger had lessened enough that he could make his way out and he just hoped that there was a way out left. He quickly pulled his mask off as he unwrapped his turnout coat just enough to remove his hood from the small girls face and slipped his mask over giving her some much needed fresh oxygen before he clambered out of the tub ignoring the pain he felt as her bright green eyes watched him and her hands curled a little tighter around his polo top as she was surprisingly alert despite the fact that the heat from the fire had her dehydrated and suffering from smoke inhalation. He stumbled a few times and coughed as the thick toxic smoke penetrated his lungs and blurred his vision as his eyes watered as he made his way through the second story and down the steps as they crumbled beneath him.

 

Sylvie watched as Boden glanced at her before looking at Casey and Herrmann who both signalled that they were ready despite the grim task that was a near certainty. Boden signalled them to go ahead before ordering Engine 51 to charge the hoses and be ready to open the lines as soon as the three were out of the destroyed and smouldering house. Casey looked back at Sylvie who had silent tears running down her face as she kept watch of the house. Before he could say anything to her although he wasn’t sure what he could say except that they would bring him out, she broke free of Otis' loose hold and ran towards the house.

 

Kelly winced at the bright flashing lights as they hit his eyes and made him squint. "Kelly!" Sylvie's voice wobbled as he caught sight of her running towards him, her relief and terror were evident just as he sunk down to his knees on the hard concrete path coughing violently hearing the hiss of the water as it flowed through the hoses and onto the smouldering remains of the house. She slid down onto her knees in front of him as she carefully took his face in her hands, her palms delicately placed on his cheeks. "Little...girl." Kelly rasped out between harsh coughs as he loosened his hold and his hands shakily reached for the buckles on his turnout coat. "It’s alright Sev, I’ve got it." He felt Casey gently knock his hands away from his turnout coat although he hadn’t noticed him before he spoke as he was too focused on Sylvie and her watery blue eyes and tear stained cheeks even as his oxygen tank was removed from his back by Herrmann as Casey removed the mask from the toddlers face.

 

"Let’s get them to the ambo then separate them. Get them away from the smoke." Emily knew that Sylvie needed a few moments to collect herself and for her to take over as she realised that Kelly was holding a young child in his arms, had risked his life for her, and had terrified Sylvie all within the space of a few minutes as she slipped an oxygen mask over Kelly having seen that he had given the child his mask. Casey nodded and wrapped his arm around Kelly’s as Sylvie moved to help him up with one arm laid over his hand that was still holding the child who was clinging to him to help support her. As soon as Kelly was sat on the bumper of the ambulance with Sylvie once again just off the side to him Matt knelt down in front of him and quickly unbuckled his turnout coat then removed the little girl from his arms and handed her over to Emily to treat before he turned back to him.

 

Kelly reached up to remove the oxygen mask from his face only to have Sylvie reach out and grab his hand as she moved into paramedic mode having already seen the large second degree burn he had to the nape of his neck. "Leave it on, we need to get you to Med to be treated." She told him knowing he was suffering from smoke inhalation given that he was coughing violently, short of breath, his eyes were irritated, his skin was red in colour, and his voice was hoarse; and he needed proper treatment for the burn as she pressed the stethoscope down onto his chest as listened to his lungs. He gave her a soft nod in acknowledgment as he let his hand drop back down to his lap. "Casey can you help me get his turnout jacket off?" Sylvie asked as Casey hadn’t moved from in front of him as Boden had taken over both of their duties. She moved back into the ambulance behind him and glanced at Casey as she discovered that there were burnt holes in the back of his turnout coat before they gently eased him out of his jacket and pulled his suspenders down. Sylvie carefully lifted his shift up to examine his back and was relieved to find a few first degree burns, nothing more serious and put his shift back down.

 

"How is she?" Kelly coughed as his voice was inhibited by the mask on his face looking past Casey towards Emily and Herrmann as they had finished checking her over and had affixed a child's oxygen mask to her face. Emily lifted the toddler up off of the gurney and rested her on her hip as she reached her small hands out towards Kelly wanting to be back in his arms. "She’ll need to stay on the oxygen for a while just like you but there isn’t a scratch on her. But I think she wants her favourite rescue squad Lieutenant until we can locate her parents." Emily moved to stand in front of Kelly watching the way the little girl who hadn’t spoken a word reached as far as she could towards him after being told that there was no one else in the house which left more unanswered questions than answered one. "We can transport you both together to Med." Emily added as Kelly reached forward and lifted the toddler out of her arms and into his.

 

Kelly looked up at Sylvie as the toddler curled into his chest settling straight away as Herrmann and Casey put the gurney into the ambulance. He knew he had terrified her, could see the lingering tear tracks on her paler than usual skin, and he wanted to reassure her that he really was alright. "On the gurney." Emily ordered as both Casey and Herrmann stepped forward and helped Kelly up into the ambulance as he was weak and still struggling to breathe who accepted the help readily. Once the two men were out of the ambulance Sylvie climbed in as Emily got into the drivers seat. "We’ll meet you there." Casey stated just before he shut the doors and patted the door twice signalling to Emily that she could leave which she did heading for Chicago Med.

 

Sylvie smiled softly at the way Kelly held the little girl in his lap and his large hand rubbed her back despite how much he was trembling from the comedown of his adrenaline rush and as the pain set in. "What’s your name sweetie?" Sylvie asked as she turned Kelly’s oxygen up a little more concerned that his breathing wasn’t improving before she curled her hand up in Kelly’s free hand smiling as the little girl reached forward and pressed one of her hands on top of theirs. "Grr...ace!" The little girl told them excitedly drawing out the 'gr' as her voice was obstructed by the small oxygen mask that was affixed to her face before she turned her attention back to Kelly who coughed harshly again making Grace frown up at him in concern.

 

"Lay on your side Kelly." Sylvie hoped by having him lay on his side with the gurney tilted up at a 45 degree angle that it would relieve some of the pressure in his chest and help him to breathe as the last thing she wanted was for him to have to be intubated to help his breathing improve, and she knew that was the last thing he would want. "I’m 'right." Kelly tried to reassure her as he followed her instructions shifting Grace so that she was cradled in his arm and laid against his side as he grimaced in pain as the skin pulled over his flexing muscles as he moved which did not go unnoticed by Sylvie. She raised her hand to his forehead and gently ran her fingers through his hair. "You will be." She answered softly as she considered starting an intravenous drip of saline given that he had been around extreme heat and he couldn’t drink normally for fear of aspirating until they got his smoke inhalation treated to the point where he wasn’t almost coughing up his lungs. She bit down on her lip to stop herself from saying what she wanted too as she knew Emily was listening as she drive them towards the hospital instead she turned her attention to Grace who was extremely content and had very mild smoke inhalation symptoms which was largely due to Kelly’s actions.

 

Kelly could see that Sylvie was biting her lip hard enough to draw blood and knew that she was concerned although he knew she wouldn’t voice anything until the two of them had complete privacy, that was the way it worked when they were at work, it was the line between professional and personal that occasionally blurred especially when it came to injuries and terrifying moments. "We’re three minutes out!" Emily called from the drivers seat momentarily shifting his attention before he looked back to her just as another series of harsh coughs rattled through his chest and made him wince as he suppressed a groan feeling as Sylvie softly stroked her fingers through his sweat soaked hair whilst he took as deep as breath of oxygen as he could as he tried to stop himself for coughing. The oxygen was providing some much needed relief and he could feeling his lungs getting better even though it was painfully slow although it wasn’t the first time that he needed to be treated for smoke inhalation.

 

The ambulance stopped and the doors opened signalling their arrival at Med. Kelly went to sit up and get off of the gurney with Grace tucked securely into his side but Sylvie's hand moved from his hair to his chest lightly pushing him back down and he retreated mainly for her peace of mind as the gurney was pulled out. Emily swiftly lifted Grace up and out of his arms rattling off her vitals to Natalie Manning as Sylvie relayed his vitals to Will Halstead. Sylvie stopped herself from entering the room that Kelly had been wheeled into, allowing Will and Doris to examine and treat Kelly and taking a few moments for herself as her attention turned to Emily who was with Grace in a room across the emergency department helping to settle her in the crib that had been dutifully prepared prior to their arrival. Sylvie knew that Grace was lucky and that she was lucky because of Kelly and his actions but she couldn’t shift the terrifying feeling that had settled deep inside of her as her eyes slipped closed as she recalled the scene of the house exploding in front of her that she was sure had killed him and then the feeling of utter relief as he stumbled out with Grace in his arms.

 

"Sylvie?" Will put his hand on her arm startling her as she was bought out of her revelry making her realise that she had zoned out for longer than she had meant too. "Sorry." Will apologised as she turned around wide eyed and alarmed. "Sorry, how is he?" Sylvie asked as she saw that the curtain was closed along with the glass door as she silently buried her feelings for now. "We’re giving him 100% oxygen to treat the smoke inhalation. We’ve also started a intravenous line to give him some fluids as the heat has left him dehydrated. Doris is just finishing up dressing the second degree burn on his neck and the five small first degree burns on his back but he’s refused any pain medication. I’ll keep him under observation for the next hour or so until we get him breathing easier... You know the drill about keeping the burns dressed and I’ll get a pack of everything you will need to do that... Doris is almost finished so you can go sit with Kelly if you want." Will advised as he knew she already knew everything given that she dealt with burns and smoke inhalation regularly. "Thanks Will." Sylvie was grateful to Will and relieved to hear that Kelly would be discharged within a few hours. "I’ll be in shortly, I just want to check on Grace first." She added knowing that Kelly would be more worried about her than himself because that was the man that he was, the man that she loved before she stepped away from the desk and headed off towards Grace's room.

 

Kelly winced as he moved onto his side to ease the weight on his burns as his neck movement was limited due to the now dressed burn on the back of his neck whilst being careful not to dislodge the cannula that was delivering fluids to his system intravenously. "Can I get you anything?" Doris asked as she covered him with a blanket once she had placed his turnout pants and his burnt shirt on one of the chairs along with his burnt turnout jacket then checked that the pulse of oximeter was still firmly affixed on his finger. "No thanks." Kelly rasped as his voice was still hoarse from the smoke. Doris simply nodded and gave him a small smile before she left the room leaving him alone, leaving him waiting for Sylvie.

 

Sylvie leant against the frame of the door seeing Grace smiling and babbling happily even with an oxygen mask firmly affixed to her small face. "How’s she doing?" Sylvie asked looking over the monitors. "She’s a strong little girl. We’re keeping her on oxygen for now and DCFS are on their way but she’s in perfect health." Natalie told Sylvie as Emily held Grace's flailing hands. "Thank you." Sylvie was grateful that the toddler was alright before she stepped away.

 

Sylvie slid open the glass door and closed it before she slipped in behind the curtain seeing Kelly on his side in the hospital bed with his eyes half lidded as the oxygen masked fogged up with every breath but his breathing was much better. She made her way to the side of the hospital bed and placed her arms on top of the railing with one of her hands taking the hand he was reaching out to her and entwining their fingers together seeing him smile behind the mask. "I just checked in on Grace and Natalie said she’s in perfect health however they are keeping her on oxygen. DCFS are on their way as there was no one else in the house with her. I spoke to Will and he said you should be released within the next few hours as long as your breathing continues to improve." She told him keeping her voice soft and low still slightly in paramedic mode as he squeezed her hand gently.

 

Kelly raised his other hand to lift the mask off his face only for her to reach out and catch it stopping him. "Leave it, the more you have it on the sooner you can be discharged." Sylvie stopped him partly because she wanted him to be discharged as soon as he was cleared but partly because she wasn’t ready to shift into their private world where she would have to admit that she was terrified while he would hold her as he reassured her that he was alright. He tugged on her hand knowing exactly what she was doing and considering he was still laying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask on his face he would let it go for now but there was one thing that couldn’t wait, that he needed her to hear from him. "I’m 'orry." He needed to say it to her. She didn’t reply with her words instead she leaned over the railing and kissed his temple allowing that little blur of the line. She pulled back just as the door opened and Chief Boden and Casey stepped in.

 

"How are you feeling Severide?" Chief Boden asked taking notice of the burns to his exposed neck and back having already been updated by Will Halstead when they arrived. "Better Chief." Kelly answered hoarsely before he coughed and grimaced as the movement pulled at the burnt flesh painfully. Sylvie pressed the call button as she didn’t want to leave his side with Doris appearing in moments. "Everything alright?" Doris asked as she walked in. "Can he have some ice chips?" Sylvie asked hoping that the ice chips would sooth his throat and moisten it so his coughing wasn’t as harsh. "I’ll get some." Doris turned and left the room.

 

"Chief..." Kelly knew that he would be reprimanded by Boden once he was better and not in a hospital bed but he had questions. "Do we know the preliminary cause?" He asked through the mask just as Doris slipped back into the room and handed Sylvie a small cup of ice chips before leaving again. "Here Kelly..." Sylvie murmured softly as she lifted the mask up for a few seconds and slipped an ice chip into his mouth before putting the mask back on before she looked at Boden and Casey. "Looks electrical for what we saw during overhaul. We found an overloaded power board which appeared to be the point of ignition." Casey explained as he was worried for his friend and for Sylvie. "Was there a nursery for Grace?" Kelly asked making both men look at him in confusion as Sylvie fed another ice chip to him repeating the same process she had with the first one. "Yeah Kelly there was." Casey confirmed seeing Kelly relax a little bit as his eyelids fluttered slightly as the adrenaline had well and truly run out. "Get some rest Severide. I’ve called in Chout to cover the rest of your shift Sylvie." Boden told them before he took his leave giving Casey a few more minutes knowing that even if Kelly was released within an hour as Will was predicting that he would be in no state to finish his shift which only had seven hours left as it was just after one in the morning.

 

Casey stepped closer and rested his hand on Kelly’s blanket covered knee just as Kelly coughed again making his entire body tense. "Grabbed a spare shirt and your jacket from the Squad truck. I’ve already cleared it with Boden so when you get discharged give me a text or a call and I’ll come pick you both up, it doesn’t matter what time. I’ll bring you back to the firehouse so you have your car." Casey told them as he set the fresh shirt and his jacket down on the end of the bed although his words were directed at Sylvie more than Kelly knowing that they had driven together to shift in Kelly's mustang, he had already planned to get their duffel bags and put them in the trunk when he got back so that they could go straight away. "Thank you Casey." Sylvie was grateful as it was one less thing she had to worry about as she turned her attention back to Kelly who coughed again followed by a wince as he pulled at the burn by moving his neck. "Get some rest Sev." Casey told him before he left seeing that Kelly needed to rest and knowing that Sylvie would be right beside him the entire time.

 

Sylvie raised her free hand to Kelly's hair and ran her fingers gently over his scalp seeing him struggle to keep his eyes open. "It's okay Kelly, get some sleep hun." She spoke softly knowing it would help and take some of the stress out of her body having already seen that he was fighting falling asleep. "Don’t want to just yet." He replied resolutely despite how tired he felt shifting again as he tried to get comfortable but only ended up feeling even more uncomfortable. She could guess why he didn’t want to go back to sleep but she didn’t push it figuring that she would once they were home and he was showered as the soot and smell of smoke still lingered on his skin. Instead she chose to give him another few ice chips as they seemed to be helping with lessening the coughing as the oxygenation levels in his blood were rising steadily which was a relief as it meant he was improving as the silence settled around them.

 

Kelly startled lightly as Will Halstead loudly announced himself as he stepped back into the room as Kelly had been dozing lightly lulled by the movement of Sylvie's fingers idly moving over his scalp and her thumb moving lightly across his knuckles of his other hand. Kelly didn’t miss the glare that Sylvie sent towards Will as he stopped next to the bed on the other side so that he had a clear view of Kelly's back and leaned over to remove the oxygen mask from Kelly’s face now that his oxygenation levels were back where they should be. "How are you feeling Kelly?" Will asked lightly as he looked over the monitors to see that his vitals were back to normal although he still had a bitter cough before seeing that the bag of saline fluids was just about finished. "A lot better." Kelly answered, neither Will or Sylvie missed how exhausted he sounded or how hoarse his voice still was. "I’m just going to listen to your lungs." Will put his stethoscope on and pressed it against Kelly’s chest first pleased with how his lungs were sounding compared to when he arrived in and was admitted even as Kelly coughed again.

 

Sylvie moved her eyes from Kelly to Will and back again as Will examined Kelly again. "Right, seeing as you are lucky enough to have a highly skilled paramedic at home with you, I am happy to discharge you. I am going to go get started on the paperwork and will be back shortly with everything you need to take care of those burns. I’ll have Doris come in and remove the I.V. now. Oh, I just checked on Grace and we’ve moved her to the paediatric ward but she’s doing really well.." Will told them both before he left to do what he needed to do so that he could get Kelly discharged, and sensing that they would want an update on Grace. "Thanks Will." Sylvie said just before he closed the door.

 

"Have long have we been here?" Kelly asked as Sylvie helped him shift and sit up before she pulled out her phone and sent a text to Casey letting him know that they were ready to be picked up and taking a glance at the time. "It’s almost 3 so a little over two hours. We'll get home, get showered and then get some sleep." She answered knowing that they both needed to shower and sleep and she wanted to get off her feet as they were hurting from standing for so long but she wasn’t going to complain about her feet being sore when Kelly could have died just a few hours before. He gave her a tired nod just as Doris stepped into the room ready to remove the cannula from his inner forearm, working quickly to remove it as painlessly as she could before applying a small bandage as there was a small amount of blood just as Will returned giving them the package he had assembled with more than enough supplies to redress the burns until they were healed and antibiotic cream to help them heal before he let Sylvie sign Kelly’s discharge papers on his behalf.

 

"What do you want to wear?" Sylvie asked once they were alone again knowing that putting on anything was going to hurt and rub against his raw and burnt skin but it was too cold outside not to wear anything. "Just the shirt please." He looked at her seeing that the wall she had up was still holding strong, not that he could blame her, as he moved so he was sat on the edge of the bed with his legs dangling over. "Here, let me help." She moved so she was stood in between his legs then picked up the fresh long sleeved dark navy blue polo shirt that Casey had bought and helped him put it on being as careful as she could as he grimaced and winced with every movement knowing he had refused any pain medication. His blue eyes bore into hers and she could see that he was holding in and hiding just as much as she was but she could see the fear that still lingered in them. She raised her hands up to his face and idly swept her thumbs over his defined cheek bones as softly as she could feeling as his hands raised up and loosely wrapped around her wrists. "I love you Kelly." She needed to tell him despite how terrified she was that it would open the floodgates to the tears that she had been struggling to suppress since she had seen him stagger out of the burning house before she pressed her forehead gently against his and closed her eyes for a few seconds to calm herself. "I love you." His hoarse voice broke the silence between them and made her open her eyes to look into his again before she pulled her head back from his just as the door slid open interrupting them making them both turn to see Casey stood looking like a kid who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Oops." Casey murmured innocently as Kelly groaned at being interrupted and from the pain of moving his neck to look at him.

 

Sylvie shook her head lightly as she stepped back so that Kelly could stand up as she grabbed his jacket and hers as well as the medical supplies while Casey grabbed his discarded turnout jacket and pants as well as his burnt shirt from the chair. "Woah... you okay Sev?" Casey caught Kelly's arm as he wobbled from his exhaustion as he made his way round the bed. "Yeah, Yeah, fine. I just want to go home." Kelly answered wondering how long his voice would stay hoarse but he knew from past experience it would be a while given the severity of his smoke inhalation as Sylvie carefully positioned herself on his side and wrapped her arm around his lower back where there were no burns as he placed his arm around her back. The three walked out of Chicago Med somewhat slowly before Sylvie and Casey quickly and carefully got Kelly situated in the front passenger seat of Boden's warm SUV. The short drive back to the firehouse was quiet as Sylvie kept an eye on Kelly from where she was sat in the backseat seeing him shift in an effort to relieve the pressure on his burnt back but it only seemed to result in his grimacing and becoming even more uncomfortable.

 

Casey pulled into the firehouse's apparatus floor as he had had Cruz pull Kelly's mustang in a few minutes before so that he didn’t have to walk very far leaving it idling so that the heater was warming the interior up. Sylvie was out and opening Kelly’s door before Casey even had a chance to get out. "Let’s go home hun." Sylvie spoke softly seeing Cruz had opened the passenger door to Kelly's mustang figuring it was easiest to get him in the car first before she gathered their things. Kelly used what little energy he had left with Sylvie and Cruz's help to get out of the SUV and into the passenger seat of his own car. "Okay?" Sylvie asked quietly as she leaned in and helped him with his seatbelt. "Uh-huh." Kelly shifted so that he was twisted and leant more towards the drivers side to keep his weight off his back. "We’ll be home soon." Sylvie told him before she stepped back and closed the door.

 

"I put both of your duffel bags in the trunk already. I’ll sort out the requisition for a new turnout jacket... If you need anything just call." Casey informed her before he handed her Kelly’s quilted jacket and the pack of medical supplies. "Thank you." She answered before she walked round and got in the drivers seat, feeling as her own exhaustion caught up to her but she knew it would be a while before she got to sleep. She quickly placed both items on the back seat before she pulled her own seatbelt on then out the car in gear and pulled out glancing at Kelly who was watching her with half lidded eyes. She reached over and took his hand in hers, entwining their fingers together which made him smile.

 

The empty streets in the early hours of the morning were an advantage as it cut the usual drive time from the firehouse to their apartment in half. Kelly rallied as he pulled himself out of the car as Sylvie grabbed everything including both of their duffel bags before she met him on the path and wrapped her hand around his inner forearm as they made their way into their apartment building and then into their apartment. "You want to take a shower or just go to bed?" She asked as she put their duffel bags and the supplies down on the table and hung his jacket over the back of the chair before she took off her own jacket, understanding if he wanted to crawl into bed given how exhausted he was and the pain he was in despite the soot and smell of smoke that lingered, and figuring that she could change the sheets in the morning. He turned to look at her and could see she was waiting for him to answer instead he made the few steps over to her and reached his hand out for her which she took needing the skin to skin contact as much as he did. "Shower with me." He murmured hating how scratchy his throat felt but they both needed to shower. "Come on then." She lead him through to the bathroom and quickly reached in to turn on the shower readjusting it so the temperature was just above warm so that it wouldn’t agitate his already agitated skin even more before she turned back to him as they both allowed their walls to tumble now that they were in the privacy of their own apartment.

 

"Let’s get you in." Sylvie spoke softly as she was already undressing him as carefully as she could letting his clothes drop to the tiled floor before helping him step into the shower as he positioned himself just slightly out from under the water's spray trying to keep his back as dry as he could so that Sylvie didn’t have to redress his burns tonight. She made sure he had his hand placed firmly on the wall to keep himself balanced and upright before she quickly stripped out of her own clothes adding them to his on the floor then she stepped in with him. He reached out and gently pulled her so that she was directly under the stream of water before he moved his hands to her waist as she pressed her hands to his chest and flattened them out as the warm water flowed down over them.

 

"I couldn’t leave her... I am sorry. I never want to terrify you like I did today... I terrified myself today." It was his way of opening the floodgates and allowing them to truly be in their own private world as he admitted his own feelings. "I know..." She trailed off grateful that the water was mixing with the silent tears that had started to fall but he knew that she was crying as he raised his right hand up to the left side of her neck and let his thumb brush idly over her jaw to the corner of her lips and back again. "I know and that’s just one of the reasons why I love you. Seeing you with Grace tonight... I know that what you did was right... When you didn’t come out I was terrified and then, and then... I just, when the house exploded, I, I thought you were dead..." She trailed off struggling for the words as her voice shook and there was a fragility to it that even she hadn’t expected. "I’ve never been more relieved than I was when you came out of that house." She let out a breath that she felt she had been holding in for the past several hours since she had seen him go into that house along with everyone else. It was always the same as she felt like she always couldn’t breathe when he went inside until he was out.

 

He wanted to tell her that he was always going to come back, always going to make it out but he knew that was a promise that he couldn’t make especially given how close he came to death. "I love..." He began to speak but was quickly interrupted as he coughed violently, the steam of the shower was to blame. "Deep breaths. You’re coughing because of the heat. Let’s get washed up and get out." She was concerned at how harsh his coughing had become again and noticed that he was short of breath again as she reached out and grabbed his shampoo working quickly to lather his hair up and then wash it out before she took his body wash once again quickly and methodically lathered the liquid soap over his skin while being as careful as she could knowing he was sore. She manoeuvred him around so that he was under the water to rid his hair and body of the thick lather of shampoo and body wash noticing how he was putting more weight and energy into holding himself up as his hands were braced agains the wall. As he enjoyed the warmth of the water running over his skin, enjoyed the feeling of being clean again, she quickly shampooed her own hair and soaped her own body up but not before catching his eyes and the small tired smirk that was adorning his face making her smile as she shook her head, the man never failed to amuse and amaze her. She stepped closer to him and leaned up, capturing his lips with hers kissing him softly as he moved with her so that she could rinse off. "I love you too." She pulled back just enough to tell him, to reply to his broken words, as she reached back and turned the shower off.

 

Within minutes both were out of the shower, dried and climbing into their bed together. They laid on their sides and entangled their legs together. "Stop..." Kelly grunted out softly as he pressed his face into her chest knowing she was monitoring him and his breathing as she let her hand rest on the back of his head and let her fingers sweep back and forth through his hair being careful to avoid the nape of his neck where the large white bandage was affixed over the second degree burn. She pressed her lips lightly to the top of his head. "Never going to stop hun." She spoke softly knowing he was telling her to stop worrying about him but she wasn’t going to do that just like she would never stop loving him because it had become engrained in her. "I know neither am I." His words were muffled against her but it was nice to feel his warm breath against her own skin especially given how close she came to losing him; his choice of words did not go unnoticed nor did the double meaning behind them but she wasn’t going to pull him up on it as he was almost asleep as she could feel him relax against her which she was grateful for just as she was grateful that he was home in bed with her. There was more that would be said in the light of the day but for now they were doing what they needed to do and that was to hold each other a little tighter in comfort and reassurance knowing that things could have ended so differently.

 

 


	20. Secret Is Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update for all of the wonderful readers.

**Secret Is Out**

 

It was late at night and way to humid to be comfortable as it was the peak of summer in Chicago, and there were warnings everywhere about conserving power and water for all. Sylvie groaned at the uncomfortable feeling of her sweat soaked T-shirt as it stuck to her skin as she peeled herself away from the passenger’s seat of the ambulance and all she wanted was a cold shower and a fresh change of clothes before the next call came in.

 

"I’m going to bed." Emily said as they walked into the quiet firehouse as she was handling the heat a lot better than Sylvie was but she had also been in front of the air conditioning for a lot longer especially with this last call where the house was even hotter than it was outside by several degrees.

 

"I’m heading for a shower." Sylvie wanted a brief respite from the heat and it didn’t matter how small it was just before the two separated with Emily walking into the bunk room whilst she disappeared into the bathroom for a shower.

 

There was nothing like stepping into a cold shower even if it was the middle of the night. Sylvie tipped her head back and ran her hands through her short hair as the water flowed down over her body as she let out a soft sigh of relief.

 

Kelly was still sat at his desk looking over some paperwork that he had finished just as 61's call had come in when he noticed that Emily was walking into the bunk room. He frowned as Sylvie didn’t follow her in. He stood up and slipped out of his quarters quietly catching Emily's eyes as she nodded her head towards the locker room. He nodded in thanks as he shifted course and headed in that direction slightly concerned that Sylvie wasn’t with her and somewhat surprised that Emily had known he was looking for her given that they still weren’t exactly out in public. He smiled as he heard the soft fall of running water as he got closer knowing she was the only one in the locker room besides him.

 

Sylvie raised her hands up and twisted her hair up, wringing the water out before she pulled it up into a messy bun thankful that she had left her hair band around her wrist before she reached out and turned the shower off. Admittedly she could have stayed under the cold water for a lot longer than she had but she took conserving water warnings seriously and she wanted to try and get some sleep before another call had the alarms sounding. She reached out towards the hook for her towel before realising she hadn’t grabbed it and with that realisation let out a frustrated groan.

 

"Forgotten something?" Kelly’s soft teasing voice made her smile as he had noticed that she had forgotten it so doubled back to get it from her locker for her as he held it out towards her.

 

"Thank you, what are you doing up?" She gratefully took the towel and wrapped it around herself even as the hot air was already drying the water from her body before she pulled the curtain back and stepped out of the shower seeing that he was stood directly in front of her. Even to her he looked exhausted and she knew the heat wasn’t helping but she immediately worried that something else was keeping him awake.

 

"I feel restless." His hands were already on her towel covered waist as he pulled her as close as she could be to his body. She didn’t miss the smirk on his lips as she matched it.

 

"Restless? Really?" She wrapped her arms up around his shoulders with her hands loosely laced over the nape of his neck as she moved her face closer to his.

 

"Uh-huh, really." He nodded just as she kissed him, capturing his lips with hers as he kissed her back as his hands gripped her waist a little tighter. She let out a soft moan as he managed to turn them around and trap her body between his and the wall and his hands began to roam electrifying her skin. She pulled back just a slight amount so her head was rested against the wall and her lips were barely touching his knowing they were treading dangerous yet fun territory given that anyone could walk in at any second but he was highly addictive, and she missed having him this close despite having spent the night before together at his apartment. Both of them were breathing heavily but they both knew they had to stop before they went any further, after all they couldn’t have sex in the firehouse. He quickly closed the minute gap between their lips again as he kissed her again loving the way she reciprocated and her hands tightened around his neck. Neither of them could get enough of each other.

 

A shocked gasp had them pulling themselves apart frantically and Kelly instinctively twisted his body around so that his back was to Sylvie so that she could rearrange the towel around her body in as much privacy as his body would allow. Sylvie's eyes went wide as she quickly refastened her towel around her body then put her hand on his back and Kelly had the decency to look sheepish while Stella went from shocked to hurt to angry. They had planned to tell her and everyone else once they had it all worked out themselves, and they had spoken honestly with each other that it was best to keep it private until they had things figured out without prying eyes and ears watching them.

 

"What... What the hell?" Stella couldn’t believe what she had just witnessed, one of her best friends and her ex-boyfriend making out and getting handsy with each other like a couple of teenagers in the locker room of the firehouse. She had gotten up as she was unable to sleep having decided to retrieve her book from her locker to read.

 

"Stella..." Sylvie had no idea what to say or how to explain or even where to start but she could clearly see that Stella was hurt. It also did not go unnoticed how tense Kelly became as she could feel it beneath her hand although she could understand given she felt exactly the same. Neither of them wanted Stella to find out the way she had.

 

"You’re really going to stand there and say my name after what the two of you have done?" Stella spat bitterly feeling betrayed by both of them in that moment.

 

"That’s not fair Stella. You have no idea what Sylvie and I have or haven’t done, and we have been over for a long time. Don’t forget you were the one that walked away." Kelly blindly twisted his arm back behind him and around Sylvie holding her against his back. He wasn’t being malicious with his words as he reminded her who had been the one to walk away from who but they had been over for a long time before he and Sylvie had even begun to explore their relationship.

 

"Not fair! Not fair! And you think this is fair! My supposed best friend is hooking up with my ex-boyfriend and I’m the one that is out of line! Are you kidding me? After everything? And then you don’t even have the decency to say anything instead you sneak around! Sylvie was the one telling me that she had never seen you be with anyone the way you were with me... What was that Sylvie? Was that you wanting Kelly to yourself? You listened to me, hugged me when I cried and then you do this... that is not what friends are supposed to do." Stella's voice was getting louder with each sentence as she seemed to focus on Sylvie and her past actions especially as she noticed how protective Kelly was of Sylvie given the way he was holding her to her body and had placed himself in front of her.

 

"This wasn’t planned Stella." Sylvie spoke softly trying to calm and defuse the situation as the last thing they needed was an audience. What she had told Stella at the time was true as she had never seen Kelly the way he was with her but she had seen the distance grow between them. However at the time she also never envisioned that she would begin a relationship with Kelly, or that he and Stella would break up.

 

"Is that all you can say? That it wasn’t planned?" Stella’s voice was still loud and the sound of multiple sets of footsteps alerted all three of them that they were about to have company which Kelly and Sylvie definitely did not want.

 

"What’s going on?" Herrmann was the first round the corner suddenly wide awake at the scene in front of him. He quickly turned and ordered everyone back to the bunk room before they could see what he had seen although Casey stayed next to him only turning back around once everyone was out of the locker room. Although Herrmann wasn’t sure whose dignity he was protecting more, the last thing they needed was more drama. Herrmann did not miss the sheer look of pain that he could see in Stella's eyes as she glanced at him before she turned back to Kelly and Sylvie.

 

Casey moved from beside Herrmann and positioned himself just off to the side but in the middle of the three as both he and Herrmann silently filled in the pieces as it wasn’t hard considering how Kelly was protectively holding Sylvie to his back even though he did not need too. "Kidd, go with Herrmann." Casey ordered to defuse the situation as Herrmann nodded and forcefully guided Stella out of the locker room.

 

As soon as Herrmann guided Stella away, Kelly turned himself around so that he was facing Sylvie and he could see how hurt she was by Stella's words. Neither of them were under any illusion that it would be good when Stella and the others found out but they definitely did not consider her finding out how she did when they had spoken about it previously. "It will be alright." He assured her even though he had no idea what would happen. Sylvie was well aware that Casey was watching them and as much as she wanted to press her face into his neck and wrap her arms around him she refrained from doing so. "I know... I need to get dressed." She let her hand rest over his heart for the briefest of seconds as she spoke softly. "Meet me in my quarters." Kelly nodded his head knowing that they would talk in private before he turned to look at Casey as she walked away clutching her towel tightly to her body.

 

"You want to tell me what is going on?" Casey asked as he turned to face Kelly and crossed his arms over his chest. "Let’s go to my office." Kelly quickly decided, hoping for at least a small amount of privacy. Casey simply nodded and followed after Kelly seeing how most of their crews were watching them. Kelly waited until Casey closed the door and quickly closed the blinds before he spoke as he was looking out of the window into the dark night sky. "Sylvie and I are seeing each other, and Stella just found out." Casey rested his head back against the metal frame of the window as the dynamics within the firehouse got even more complicated although he knew there had always been something between Sylvie and Kelly although neither of them had ever acted on it until now.

 

**Chicago Fire**

 

Herrmann guided Stella outside into the humid night air and only let his hand drop from her back once they were on the sidewalk in front of the firehouse. "They are together Herrmann, I walked in on them making out like a couple of horny teenagers." Stella finally turned herself around to look at him, hating that she wasn’t sure how she felt and hating that she was letting her emotions get the better of her. "My best friend and my ex-boyfriend are together, and I had to find out like that. I don’t know what is worse - what I just learnt and saw or the fact that I spent hours talking to Sylvie, crying to her and then she ends up with him."

 

"You and I both know Brett and Severide. You need to take some time to comprehend things before you talk to either of them. What I do know is that neither of them would ever do anything to intentionally be spiteful or just to hurt you." Herrmann didn’t miss the sharp glare that was sent his way but he ignored it as he had seen how distraught Stella had been when things had started to unravel between her and Severide. Before he could say anything else he caught sight of Otis and Cruz walking out to join them.

 

"What is going on?" Otis asked, it was half nosiness and half concern as he had seen how shocked Stella was.

 

"Brett and Severide are sleeping together." Stella didn’t mince her words as both men looked at her shocked although Brett's disappearing acts now made more sense given how secretive she had been.

 

"Stella..." Herrmann reprimanded lightly at how freely she was sharing news that was not hers to share. He understood she was letting off steam but he had also seen the shock on both men’s faces as he realised that no one had been privy to what was going on between Brett and Severide, and after all she did not have all the facts.

 

"Don’t Stella me Herrmann... Not after what they’ve done." Stella pointed towards the firehouse as her tone became even sharper. Herrmann held his hands up in a surrendering manner and decided it was best to leave her to cool off for a bit as he retreated back into the firehouse leaving her with Otis and Cruz.

 

"What do you... How do you know they are sleeping together?" Cruz asked in shock which he was unable to hide as he looked at Otis.

 

"Pretty obvious when I walked past the showers and his hands are sneaking up her towel as he’s got her pinned to the wall and she’s kissing him like he is air itself..." Stella held her hands out clearly frustrated as her voice began to rise again.

 

"It’s Brett... She wouldn’t go there... I mean she’s seen Severide as the womaniser he is, and isn’t that against the girl code or something?" Otis questioned as the disbelief was evident in his voice. He looked at Cruz who looked at him before they both turned back to Stella.

 

"She’s there Otis!" Stella raised her voice again startling both men. She scrunched her hair in her hands as she let out a breath and turned away from both men. She felt stupid for all that she had told Sylvie and she felt betrayed by both of them but she was also angry at herself for feeling what she was after all she had no right too.

 

**Chicago Fire**

 

Sylvie got herself dressed in a fresh uniform as quick as she could then pulled her hair up into a messy bun feeling terrible for the whole thing, not for being with Kelly but for not telling Stella earlier. She closed her locker door and scrubbed her hands over her face before she hastily made her way out of the locker room and then slipped into Kelly’s quarters where he and Casey had retreated too.

 

Kelly turned around and smiled at her softly as she leaned back against his desk and smiled back at him. "You okay?" She asked very softly very aware that Casey was watching them closely. "Yeah." He murmured just as quietly knowing she wasn’t so he wasn’t going to ask, at least not when they had company.

 

Before anything else could be said Herrmann knocked on the door and let himself in then firmly closed the door behind himself as he looked between the three of them. "Your secret is not going to be a secret for much longer. Stella’s already told Cruz and Otis." Herrmann informed Kelly and Sylvie. Sylvie pressed her hands to her face as she tilted her head up towards the ceiling for a few moments before she let her hands drop and turned back to Kelly who had instinctively reached out for her hand with his.

 

"I should go and talk to her, to them." Sylvie figured it was best to try but she was at a loss for how to deal with it all given it was not how her and Kelly had wanted to share their relationship, not how they envisioned it but then again they should not have been kissing each other in the firehouse either before they were open about what was going on between them.

 

"I would give them all some time." Herrmann advised knowing that if either Sylvie or Brett tried to talk to Stella now it would not go well. In fact he was certain it would only result in more yelling. Casey and Herrmann both watched, slightly fascinated, at the silent conversation that was held by Kelly and Sylvie for a minute or so before they reached a silent agreement.

 

"We wanted to figure things out before we involved everyone else. We knew it wasn’t going to be easily accepted by certain people but this, what we have, is real. We are dating." Kelly declared his and Sylvie's relationship after their silent conversation as they had to figure out how to deal with the fallout of it. Sylvie squeezed his hand as he spoke.

 

"You don’t have to explain to any of us... You have both been alone for a significant length of time. There is no impropriety." Casey knew that they did not have to tell anyone anything about their relationship, and quite frankly he could understand the appeal of keeping their relationship away from their firehouse family. As far as he had seen it had not affected how they interacted with one another whilst on a call although he was slightly interested in how long they had been dating as they had hidden it very well. On a personal note, Casey was glad to see Kelly happy especially as he had seen how settled he had been in the past few months which he definitely deserved although now it made sense, and he knew Sylvie had been through a rough few years so if they found happiness with each other then who were any of them to judge.

 

"We’ll leave you two and go check on everyone." Casey decided to give them some space as he nodded towards Herrmann who nodded back knowing that everyone was awake and trying to work out what was going on if they had not already. Casey followed Herrmann out of Kelly’s quarters.

 

Sylvie waited until the door was firmly closed before she pushed herself up and off of the desk and turned her body into Kelly’s as he was already wrapping his arms around her body and drawing her in close to him. She pressed her face into his neck as her hands clutched the back of his shirt. She felt as he pressed a kiss to her hair and in response she kissed the top of his cotton covered collarbone.

 

After a few moments Sylvie pulled her head back and tilted her head up so that she was looking at his face. "We knew it wouldn’t be rosy... but I’m sorry, I feel like I have put you in a really terrible position." Kelly raised his hand from her back and up to her face brushing a loose strand of hair back behind her ear as he spoke hating what it was doing her.

 

"Kelly..." She reprimanded lightly as she moved her hands from around his back and up to his neck as she let her thumbs stroke idly along both sides of his jaw. "Do not apologise to me, not for this... We made this decision together, to be together because it’s what we want. And if anyone cannot accept us, cannot accept that we are together, cannot be happy for us then they are not the people that they claim to be or care for us... We have not done anything wrong." Her voice was firm as she made sure he kept his eyes on hers, and she meant every single word because she was happy, he was happy and they were happy together. He couldn’t help but smile at her, at her words and the way she said them.

 

"You are amazing." He murmured softly before he pecked her lips with his own and then rested his forehead against hers knowing that until their shift ended that he wouldn’t be able to have her in his arms again once they left the privacy of his quarters especially now that their secret was out. "So are you." She murmured back softly as she relished in the safety, warmth and comfort that he provided as he held her in his arms.

 

A few minutes later Sylvie and Kelly parted, both knowing what they had to do and that was go out and face their colleagues. "Ready?" Sylvie asked feeling nervous as she definitely did not feel ready. "We can’t avoid it, not when it’s about you and me but we don’t have to tell them anything more than we want too." Kelly could feel her nervousness hence why he avoided answering her question directly because he was nervous as he knew how personally they both could take things. With one final nod to each other, Kelly placed his hand on Sylvie's back as she turned around and they made their way out of his quarters.

 

**Chicago Fire**

 

Stella walked into the common room with Cruz and Otis following at a cautious distance behind who still looked as shocked as she felt. Everyone with the exception of Kelly, Sylvie, Casey and Herrmann had convened as they tried to guess what was happening as they watched as Stella stomped across to the coffee machine while Cruz and Otis practically collapsed down into the nearest chairs. Everyone’s eyes flicked back and forth between the trio as Stella loudly poured herself a cup of coffee whilst Cruz and Otis looked at each other dumbfounded. Stella turned around and leant back against the counter as she held her cup with both hands.

 

"What’s going on?" Mouch dared to ask as the atmosphere was tense, and the tension was very different than the usual firehouse tension.

 

Cruz looked at Stella almost hoping she would stay quiet and say nothing but it was Otis who interjected... "It seems the Brett can keep secrets after all... her and Severide are sleeping together... Stella walked in on them in the locker room." Everyone's eyes went wide as all of their attention turned to Stella who simply nodded in confirmation at Otis' statement before she turned back around so that she was facing the kitchen instead of her colleagues as the room filled with quiet chatter.

 

A hushed silence fell over the room as Casey and Herrmann stepped into the room and surveyed the men and women knowing instantly that the gossip had already started. Both men glanced at each other but said nothing as they moved to sit down at the large table knowing all eyes were on them except Stella’s who was still facing the kitchen with her back to everyone. Despite the very late or very early hour depending on how a person looked at it, the exhaustion had been pushed away as the room buzzed to life again with hushed voices.

 

Stella moved from where she was stood at the coffee maker and over to the table, taking the seat opposite Herrmann and next to Casey who was sat at the head of the table. "If you want to talk, you know where we are Stella." Casey extended the offer understanding that things were complicated but things could not boil over whilst on a call either. She simply nodded in recognition but refrained from saying anything further as she simply was at a loss for words as her brain was overloaded as thoughts swirled around endlessly.

 

The room fell silent a few minutes later as Sylvie stepped into the room followed closely by Kelly who hadn’t removed his hand from her back as she leaned into his side, they both stopped and looked around at everyone. "Sylvie and I are dating...Anyone that has anything to say about it should say it now and now only... You’ve got two minutes." Kelly saw Sylvie's quick smile towards him before she turned back to the room as he glanced at his watch to keep time.

 

"How long?" Otis was the first to ask as he had been trying to piece the timeline together in his head since Stella had told him and Cruz the news.

 

"Almost five months." Sylvie answered looking at her roommates who looked betrayed and would not look directly at her before she let her eyes glance over in Stella’s direction.

 

“Does anyone know outside of the firehouse?” Capp asked as Kelly nodded towards him as he had raised his hand.

 

“No.” Kelly answered before he glanced around the room as his fingers swept over Sylvie’s back.

 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Cruz asked, the hurt in his voice was evident as he worried why they had kept it such a secret.

 

“We had to figure things out before everyone else decided to share their opinions.” There was a masked harshness and an unspoken warning in Sylvie’s words that even surprised herself but what she did know was that it did not matter what anyone else thought, it was only what she and Kelly thought and felt that mattered.

 

“Thirty seconds left...” Kelly warned as he lifted his eyes from Sylvie and looked around the room waiting until the time was up... “Time’s up.” With that final statement, Sylvie looked at Kelly and smiled at him which he returned before the two turned and headed for the apparatus floor knowing that sleeping was out of the question until their shift had finished.

 

Kelly and Sylvie didn’t say anything until they sat down at Squads table. “What are you thinking?” He asked as he brushed his fingers against hers. “I guess I’m just waiting for the storm to come... It doesn’t feel like it has...” She shrugged as she knew that Stella, Cruz and Otis had not said everything they wanted too. “And we will weather that too.” He assured her as she took his hand in hers and entwined their fingers together. “I know.” And she did know because they were stronger together.


	21. Confrontations

**Confrontations - Part Two of Secret Is Out**

 

The final few hours of shift had passed by in a quiet radiating tension and everyone was relieved when 8am came as they could leave the firehouse especially given that there had been no calls since 61 had returned, and Kelly and Sylvie had been caught kissing in the locker room by Stella.

 

Sylvie slipped her hand into Kelly’s as she raised her bag up onto her shoulder as the two left the Squad table where they had convened heading for their cars as they had driven separately to work. She pressed her face into his shoulder briefly feeling the tiredness set in. “I’ll pick up breakfast from Breakfast House and meet you back at mine. I think we should eat then have a nap.” Kelly knew she was coming home to his as they had already spoken about it before they had changed out of their uniforms and grabbed their bags. “And maybe we should continue what we started this morning after our nap.” Sylvie smirked seeing him smirk back. “That’s an excellent plan for the day.” He said before he kissed her temple as they reached the sidewalk.

 

“Brett! Wait up!” Cruz called out making them both stop and look back at a quickly approaching Cruz with Otis not far behind him. "Can we talk... alone?" Cruz asked once he reached them as he glanced at Kelly.

 

"Sure... I’ll catch up with you." Sylvie felt it was only fair to talk to them, to hear them out, especially after she has inadvertently lied to them. She saw Kelly nod and felt as he slipped his hand out of hers before he stepped away leaving the three of them to talk. He had no doubt that Sylvie could handle herself but he still felt protective and somewhat hesitate to leave her alone but he had to respect her, and decided it was better to get breakfast and be at home when she arrived rather than arriving after her. She lightly folded her arms over her chest after she watched him pull his mustang away from the curb.

 

Cruz watched the way Sylvie smiled as she glanced back over at Kelly as he got into his car before she turned back to them. It was that simple look between the two that spoke volumes and made almost everything he was going to say seem wrong because who was he to hurt her when she was happy and he knew she had been happy for the last several months before he even knew the reason. He glanced at Otis before he turned back to her as she was waiting for either of them to speak first.

 

"Severide? Really?" Otis tutted still reeling from the early morning announcement. His words immediately had Sylvie on guard.

 

"What’s that supposed to mean Otis?" Sylvie asked defensively already hating where this conversation was going, and that it was being held outside of the firehouse.

 

"Come on Brett, he’s a man whore and you’re just another one of his conquests, another name to add to his ever growing list... This isn’t you, you don’t hurt your friends... Whatever he said to get you into his bed, to spread your legs for him, must have been really special... Did he tell you he loved you? That you were special? That he had never felt anything like what he feels for you before?..." Otis' words was mockingly distasteful and hurtful as they flowed out of his mouth without any second thoughts.

 

"Otis!" Cruz reprimanded stopping him seeing how pained she was by what he was saying. He placed his hand on Otis' chest and pushed him back a small distance to create some space.

 

Sylvie bit down on her lip as she unfolded her arms and hefted her bag strap higher up on her shoulder. "Is there anything you want to add?" Her question was directed at Cruz who knew this conversation had gotten completely out of hand. There was nothing she could say to Otis, not when he thought so little of her and of Kelly and of their relationship.

 

"Are you happy, I mean really happy?" Cruz had to ask, he had to know. After all, she deserved to be happy even if he didn’t necessarily agree with her choices.

 

"You’re asking if she’s happy?" Otis' voice was several octaves higher as he asked in disbelief at how Cruz had softened so suddenly.

 

"I am, I really am." Sylvie was happy, and it wasn’t solely because she was with Kelly but he was a large part of her happiness although given their current attitudes she was not about to explain that to either of them. "I’ll see you next shift." She decided to remove herself from the situation and even though she still lived with them she figured that giving them some space would be best and she loved being with Kelly at his apartment. She turned around, not giving them any time to reply, and walked away grateful that she had parked close by as she wanted nothing more than to be away from almost everybody.

 

**Chicago Fire**

 

Kelly was concerned as he moved round the kitchen as the coffee brewed having stopped and picked up their breakfast on his way home. He couldn’t help but be worried from the moment he pulled away from the curb of the firehouse, feeling as though he had fed her to the wolves in a way as he had seen how they had reacted when they had walked into the common room together. Before his thoughts got too far, Sylvie walked through the door and quickly shut and locked it behind her as she let her bag sit down next to his. She crossed the room and walked straight into his arms which he wrapped around her tightly holding her to his body as she wrapped her own arms tightly around his body and pressed her face into the centre his chest. He could feel how tense she was and how her breaths were harsh due to their shallowness, and he knew that it hadn’t gone well between her, Cruz and Otis.

 

After a few moments she pulled her head away from his chest and craned her neck back so that she was looking up at him. "Let’s have breakfast." She knew they had to talk, had to discuss what had happened but she was starving and the delectable smell of one of her favourite breakfast's from Breakfast House - the Chef's Special Crepes that were served with fresh blueberries, strawberries and dulce de leche sauce while Kelly had the Challah Oven Baked French Toast with diced caramelized apples although they usually ended up sharing. "It’s ready and waiting." He begrudgingly unwrapped his arms from around her but before he could completely, she leaned up and captured his lips with hers, kissing him passionately. She poured every ounce of emotion into that kiss only pulling away when they were both left gasping for air.

 

They both took a seat at the table, and Kelly poured them both a large cup of freshly brewed coffee. He reached his hand out to hers, entwining their fingers together as they began to eat. He wanted to ask, wanted to know, but he had to let her open up to him without pushing her. "The only thing Joe asked me was if I was happy, and I assured him I was, I am." Her first words once they were about half way through their meals made him visibly relax as he knew Cruz was looking out for her because he cared but he tensed at how cautiously she spoke as if she was choosing her words very carefully. "Okay... what about Otis?" He hesitated to ask but clearly something had happened that had her rattled.

 

Sylvie let her eyes drop to their joined hands and she put her fork down before she looked back up, her eyes found his. There was a part of her that felt attacked, a part of her that wanted to cry, and a part of her that was so angry that she wanted to scream. She knew that Kelly would be hurt for her, would be disappointed, and would feel some sort of misguided guilt; it was the last thing she wanted as she had meant what she had said in his quarters hours earlier that he had nothing to apologise for, not for them being together or for the grief they had been and would be given. "He was cruel, unfair... unjust..." It was the easiest way to explain what he had said without repeating it although she knew he wasn’t going to let it go that easy.

 

"What was it he actually said?" He could see how pained whatever had been said had left her, and he had to know so he could help somehow. "He was derogatory... it doesn’t matter... and I really don’t want to relive it." She wanted to spare him as she shook her head softly as nothing that had been said was worth repeating. "Please Kelly, let’s just finish our breakfast then have the nap that we both need and want." She preempted him as she could see that he was worried but they were both exhausted, and all she wanted was to spend the day with him as they had planned. "Okay..." He nodded as he unwillingly accepted that the conversation was over for the immediate time but he knew her and knew she would tell him eventually.

 

**Chicago Fire**

 

Sylvie let her fingertips swirl over Kelly's bare skin, up and down his chest and torso, with a featherlight touch as she watched him sleep peacefully. As exhausted as she felt she just couldn’t fall asleep even with his arms wrapped around her. She swore that she could watch him sleep forever considering how peaceful he looked and how at ease he was but she loved seeing his gorgeous blue eye too even when they were stormy.

 

Sylvie's mind went back to Otis's words, to the way he was so quick to be so cruel about the man who held her in his sleep and who had her heart especially without any of the facts. It wasn’t a new revelation that she loved him, that she felt more for him every day, but it was different somehow this time and she knew it was because she did not have to hide her feelings any longer, that they did not have to hide their relationship any longer. The truth was that crush that she had when she first met him had not gone away instead she had kept it well hidden until he uncovered it from the dark and dusty corner of her heart, reignited it like petrol covered wood that had a match flicked onto it, and made it bloom beautifully like a flower. He wasn’t the man that she had first met just like she wasn’t the woman he had first met; they had seen each other grow and change over the years, and with that came an understanding that they were more then their pasts, more than the way they were perceived by others.

 

She pressed her face into his shoulder with her nose pressed against his collarbone and she placed a soft kiss just below it to the skin that her lips could reach as she settled down knowing that even though sleep was not coming to her she could at least relax with him. She closed her eyes and kept twirling her fingers over his skin.

 

**Chicago Fire**

 

Kelly startled awake and it took a few seconds for him to register what had woken him up so abruptly which was that someone was banging on the door relentlessly. Sylvie was already moving away from him as he sat up with a groan, grumpy that their nap had been interrupted.

 

“Maybe if we ignore it, it will stop.” He grumbled although whoever was knocking was persistent as he forced himself up and off of the bed before he reached for a pair of navy blue sweatpants and pulled them on so he could drag himself to answer the door. He glanced at Sylvie seeing she was getting out of the bed as well and pulling on a pair of black knee length tights and a long black cardigan over top of her red singlet top. He did notice however that she looked more exhausted than before he had fallen asleep as the dark circles under her eyes seemed to have darkened.

 

“Alright, alright, I’m coming!” Kelly yelled harshly annoyed at the interruption to the plans they had made as he made his way out of the bedroom. Not even him yelling out stopped the person from knocking, persistence was definitely driving whoever it was along with impatience.

 

Kelly unlocked and pulled the door open to find Stella standing there rocking back and forth on her heels. She looked past him which made him turn around as Sylvie walked out and stopped with wide eyes as the two women looked at each other.

 

“I just want to talk...” Stella held her hands up as if she was surrendering to signify that she was coming in peace. She knew that they had to work together so the least they could all do was work out how to be amicable to one another. And in the hours since she had watched them walk out of the common room she had calmed down and realised that she need to figure things out.

 

Kelly looked at Sylvie seeing her give him an almost imperceptible nod. “Come in.” He said as he stepped aside although he was still on guard. “Want a coffee?” He asked as he shut the door after her. “No thanks.” Stella answered as she looked around the apartment and it was clear to her how much he changed as there was Sylvie’s things scattered around in between all of Kelly’s things.

 

Sylvie wrapped her cardigan tightly around her body as she made her way over to the couch and Kelly joined her whilst Stella sat in the armchair. All three of them felt uncomfortable and nothing was going to change that for a while, if at all.

 

“I’m sorry, I could have… I should have given you both the chance to explain. I was just… I am still shocked.” Stella began as she dug her hands into her own knees; she wanted to keep the conversation as calm and as rational as possible. There were so many emotions that she felt but she had spoken to Herrmann and Cindy after shift who had pointed out that she was wrong to tell everyone the way she did, and that it had been a long time since things did not work out with her and Kelly. They also had pointed out there was fault on both sides but that it would not have been easy for them either.

 

Sylvie glanced at Kelly before she turned to look at Stella. “We always planned to tell you, to tell everybody.” Sylvie paused trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to say correctly while maintaining her and Kelly’s privacy. "But we wanted to and needed to figure out our relationship first." It was the easiest way to explain without having to provide any further details despite it being a reiteration of what she had said earlier.

 

Stella nodded as she could understand how they wanted to keep what was going on between them out of the firehouse, she could guess that it was beneficial in the long term. "What Otis said to you Sylvie... I overheard him and he shouldn’t have... I know both of you and I know that you would not have done all you have if it wasn’t serious." She wrung her hands together as she spoke as she had realised that neither of them would have put themselves into the position they were in if the relationship was not serious and did not mean anything to them. She was still struggling as she still felt an array of emotions but she had overheard what Otis had said, had understood what had been insinuated, and she knew that it was wrong. Maybe hearing what Otis had said had also allowed her to gain some perspective before she had even talked it through with Herrmann and Cindy. "It’s going to take some time for me to wrap my mind around, to get used to it." It was her way of telling them she didn’t want it to ruin what they had but that she would need some time.

 

"Thank you." Kelly felt like he should thank Stella as he could see how uncomfortable she felt but he couldn’t help but wonder what Otis had really said as it was a missing piece that was needed. He turned to Sylvie seeing her smiling softly before she instinctively turned towards him and with that small look he knew she was alright.

 

"I...uh... should get going." Stella stood up as she pointed lazily towards the door needing to take some time out for herself until the start of the next shift. It felt weird being in Kelly’s apartment again after such a long time and especially with how everything had changed as it wasn’t her things around but Sylvie's.

 

"Stella..." Sylvie paused until Stella turned back to look at her.

 

"I know, it’s okay." Stella didn’t let Sylvie say what she was going too. It was the subtle looks, it was the closeness, and it was who they were that told her all she needed to know about Kelly and Sylvie and their relationship; and that was that they were indifferent to what anyone else thought and they really did love each other, that there was an intimacy between them that neither of them had ever had before. With one final nod towards both of them she walked over to the door and let herself out.

 

Sylvie let out a breath as she turned to Kelly and within seconds she was sitting in his lap straddling him with her arms looked over his shoulders around his neck with her fingers rested on the nape of his neck. His large warm hands covered the expanse of her lower back. She had felt him tense and knew that she had to tell him about her conversation, or rather what Otis had said, especially now that Stella had alluded to it. Kelly knew she was gathering herself and he waited for her to talk.

 

"Whatever made me spread my legs for you must have been special...and that I was just another conquest... That's just a small part of what Otis said to me before Cruz stopped him." Her voice was soft but the hurt was evident as was the betrayal she felt. She felt Kelly tense beneath her, felt his hands tighten around her, and she could see how worried and angry he was. "What he said doesn’t matter because he doesn’t know us. I know the truth just as much as you do, and that is the only thing that matters. We know the truth. We know what we want. We have each other." She assured him that those distasteful words were simply that, words, and whilst they hurt they were not going to change things between them.

 

Kelly sat quietly as he processed what she had just told him. He was hurt for her, and he was angry that Otis dared to think of her like that. But she was right that they knew their truth and that mattered more than anything. However it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be having a quiet word with Otis in the near future about being respectful and that if he couldn’t be then to keep his mouth shut. "It still hurts you though." It was the only thing he could say before he tipped his head forward and pressed his forehead against hers. The silence settled between them as they both took comfort in each other knowing that they would face adversity but they knew their truth.

 

They stayed where they were for a few minutes before Kelly gently manoeuvred them so they were laying down on the couch together. They were laying on their sides facing each other as Sylvie entwined her legs with his as he pulled a blanket over them. She tilted her head up and gave him a soft smile before she leaned in and brushed her lips against his, drawing him in with a kiss which he was quick to reciprocate.

 

“You’re a tease.” She giggled softly as she pulled away from him but not without pecking his lips again before she dropped her head down into the cushion that they were sharing as his hands were roaming her body with a featherlight touch not staying in one spot for more than a few seconds and they were not going near where she wanted them the most.

 

“You love it.” He replied with a smirk grateful for the lightness of it. He noticed her smile disappear and saw that she became solemn. “What is it?” He asked as he paused his hands in their roaming.

 

“Not so much of a secret anymore, and there have already been enough confrontations as it is… I just, with you, it all melts away. It’s nice.” She wasn’t worried or stressed about the long term impact that their relationship would have on the relationships with the others because he and the life they were creating were what mattered. It was a weird revelation to think about but there was something calming about it too.

 

“We’ll get through it all.” They had built their relationship upon a solid foundation of years of friendship that wasn’t about to be undone by the harsh reactions of those they loved. He pressed a kiss to her nose.

 

“We will.” She was in agreement that they would. She felt herself relax just as his hands resumed their wondering as she pressed her face into his neck. She bit down on her lip stopping herself from telling him about her earlier realisation, from telling him that she loved him as she wasn’t sure either of them were ready to say or hear it even though she felt his love just as he felt hers.

 


	22. Let's Go Home

**Let’s Go Home**

 

Sylvie took one last look around her bedroom for the final time. It was a strange feeling to no longer think of this apartment as home, the apartment that she had shared with Cruz and Otis. However it meant she was starting a new chapter in her life, and it was one that she couldn’t wait to start as she was moving in with Kelly, they were moving in together into ~~his~~ their apartment.

 

Kelly stepped into her bedroom having returned from putting the last small cardboard box and a duffel bag into the backseat of his car to find her stood in the middle of the bare room that he had spent a fair share of nights in with her. He smiled at her as she turned around to look at him and smiled back at him as he stopped in front of her and reached his hands out to her waist feeling as she turned back around and lent back against his chest allowing him to rest his chin on her shoulder. "We made a lot of fantastic memories in this room." He said softly before he placed a kiss on her neck just below her ear. "Yeah we did." She placed her hands over his as she recalled some of those memories including the nights where they would lay in bed and talk for hours about anything and everything or the nights spent exploring each other bodies with vivid passion and devotion to committing every single feature of each other to their memories.

 

"You’re going to see them all the time between the firehouse and Molly’s... And they will get over this and be happy for us." It sounded ridiculous to say but he knew it had been weighing on her mind especially given the icy reactions from both Cruz and Otis who hadn’t taken the news all that well when she had told them that she was moving out of their shared apartment to move in with Kelly despite giving them plenty of notice. She had spent more time at his place in the last six or so months than her own apartment however they weren’t moving in because it made financial sense but because they both wanted too and they had been anyway just without the ease of access to her possessions. To be honest things were still frosty between the trio so much so that they had made themselves scarce as he and Sylvie moved her belongings out. And even though Kelly wouldn’t tell Sylvie it he would make them see sense if their iciness continued because he was not going to let them hurt her or ruin this important moment in their relationship for her.

 

"Thank you." She truly loved that he had said what he had because he knew what she was thinking without her even having to voice it. It only cemented that her decision was the right one, not that she had doubted it given they were practically living together before they even discussed it. She was saddened and somewhat shocked by Cruz's and Otis' reactions, and that they couldn’t just be happy for her and for Kelly but she was not going to allow them to interfere in their relationship. "Let’s go home." She craned her neck and captured his lips with hers kissing him softly as she felt him smile. "I love the sound of that." He whispered against her lips before he kissed her again; it wasn’t the first time she had said those words to him but he always loved hearing them just as he had loved them the first time. "So do I." She whispered back before she untangled herself from him and leaned down to pick up her handbag from the floor.

 

Kelly followed Sylvie as they walked out of the room and down the metal stairs stopping once they got to the kitchen island. She reached into her bag and pulled out her keys then removed the apartment key from the ring and placed it down on the counter top. She let her hand rest over it for a few seconds before she let her hand drop down near her side and find his as he immediately entwined their fingers together. With one final brief look around the two left the apartment, flicking the lock as they went.


	23. A Peak Into The Future

**_A Peak Into The Future_ **

Kelly looked around the cab at his members of Squad who looked just as weary as he felt as Tony finally bought the truck to a stop inside of the firehouse as the door shut around them as they returned from a Squad assist call at the scene of a car accident that had involved two cars and a badly damaged steel street light. They had stripped their gear off just before they had left the scene as it was soaked with sweat, and given how late it was into the night it would be straight to the showers before hitting their bunks.

Kelly felt the impact shoot through his body as he jumped out of the truck and landed on the concrete of the apparatus floor then stretched his body out before he closed the door and headed towards the doors that lead into the common room. He stopped short and felt as Capp almost walked into his back as he stilled at the sight of Sylvie with a baby cradled in her arms against her chest swaddled tightly in a pastel pink blanket stood in front of the kitchen island. She had her back to them and was swaying back and forth lightly, and the guys were smart enough to know to leave them alone as they slinked off to the locker room to shower. The baby definitely had not been there when Squad had left for their call. But what struck him the most was how natural she was, and how gorgeous she was with a baby in her arms. He had never seen her as maternal but he was now, he could see her with their child. The thought of her having his child didn’t scare him instead it filled him with a happiness that he could not quite explain as he could see a part of their future.

“Where did this little sweetheart come from?” He asked making sure to keep his voice soft and low as he walked up behind her making her turn around to face him. He placed his left hand on the baby’s back over her hand, while his right hand found its way to her hip. He realised that the baby could be no more than a week old seeing she had her thumb in her mouth and her little eyelids were fluttering as she was being lulled to sleep. Sylvie handed him a wrinkled and folded up piece of paper which he unfolded and began to read… _‘To whoever finds my sweet baby girl, please know that I did not want to give her up but I have too because I want for her to have a life that I cannot give her, that I have not had. She deserves to be a child and grow up with a family who loves, cherishes her and adores her, who is proud of her and who will support her unconditionally even when she does not live up to the expectations that they set for her although I hope she never feels the weight of that burden because it is such a heavy one to bare. She was born just two days ago, and I was alone as I welcomed her into this world. Please make sure she is safe and loved, and that she has a family. I wish I could keep her but please tell the woman who becomes her mother that she was so immensely loved before she was even born and that she was protected as much as I could protect her. I haven’t named her because that is for her family to do, for her Mom and Dad to do… And to my sweet and oh so precious baby girl I hope you grow up to be who you want to be and do what you love. I want you to know that I loved you with every fibre of my being but I had to do this so you could have the life that you deserve, that you desire. I want you to know that if I could have kept you, that if I could have raised you, I would have done so. I want you to know and believe that this was for the best for you even if you don’t think it was. I’m not some druggie or a drunk, I’m just a young woman who fell in love with someone I shouldn’t have but don’t think for one second that I regret what that love made and that was you. I’m sorry for leaving you the way I am but I know you will be taken care of by those of Firehouse 51 as they are an incredible bunch of heroes after all they saved me years ago, and I know that whoever gets the gift of having you as their daughter will be blessed just as I have been by being able to grow you and bring you into this world…”_ Kelly read the letter twice before he refolded it up and sat it back on the bench before he turned back to Sylvie seeing how affected she was by all of it, not just the baby in her arms but by the letter and in turn the memories that it had dredged up along with questions that it had undoubtedly raised of her own adoption. The firehouse was a safe haven not just for them but for children that needed to be safe and loved like this cute baby that was settled in her arms.

“Is she healthy?” Kelly knew that Sylvie would have examined her first before doing anything else. “She’s perfect.” Sylvie answered as her eyes wondered back to the letter before she turned to look back at him. “Whoever she was loved this little girl.” She added as he agreed wholeheartedly with her, that was evident by the words of the letter, by the way it was written. “Yeah and she will continue to be loved by a family which is what the point of this is.” He replied as he tightened his hold on her hip a little bit more seeing her glance down at the baby again. “I know… Chief had Med and DCFS notified, a social worker is on their way to collect her but it may be a few hours yet.” She told him seeing that the little girl was finally asleep but she didn’t stop swaying.

“Why don’t we go and sit down on the couch? Rest while she sleeps.” He suggested knowing she had been on her feet most of the day, and he suspected that handing over the baby to a social worker would be a lot harder than she realised when it came time too. “Yeah.” She couldn’t help the yawn that escaped her lips as he untangled himself enough to lead her over to the couch. He sat down putting his feet up on the table and watched as she sat down next to him, arranging herself so that her legs were up and laying across the remainder of the couch and her back was pressed against him with her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and the baby who was perfectly still on her chest sleeping soundly. He craned his neck and pressed a kiss to her temple.

“Someone or some of us here helped her mother. It made an impression, engrained a sense of safety in her, to the point that she felt this was the best place to leave this little one so she can have the life that her mother was unable to give her… That is a part of what makes this house so special… I want this little girl to get the family she deserves, the family that is wanted for her… It takes a special kind of strength to do what she has done for her child.” Sylvie was seeing a perspective that she hadn’t really thought about or looked at before in regards to the ones, the parents, that decided to give their child up in order for them to have a better life.

“Yeah it does… Are you thinking about your own birth mother and adoption?” He broached the subject cautiously making her pull her eyes away from the baby to look at him. He could see her take a deep breath before she exhaled it as she tried to formulate her answer which he would wait for as long as she needed.

“It entered my mind when I first read the letter. I made Otis make a couple of copies of it just in case it gets lost, and if she ever comes here in search of answers I hope she will find them. This little girl deserves to have that letter when she gets older and wants to know where she came from; and I know it doesn’t answer a lot of the questions that will come up but it’s a start at least. It’s her mother’s words, it’s her mother’s letter, and that is something every child should have… I never got a letter or a picture or anything but I wonder sometimes. Sometimes I wish I had the answers to the questions that I have and even the ones that I don’t have… This little one has more answers than I do and she’s not even a week old but I am happy she does because it helps, or at least I think it will.” She was honest with him as she kept her voice soft. She stopped talking and looked at him seeing the way he was looking at her with such sincerity and love that it took her breath away. “Most of all it makes me know what I want for our child if we have one.” She spoke cautiously not wanting to freak him out.

“And what is it that you want for our child when we have one?” It felt inexplicably natural to be talking about their child or their children as he changed the ‘if’ in her sentence to a ‘when’ in his highlighting that he wanted what she wanted.

“Everything that is wanted for this one… To be surrounded by love and laughter and happiness… To be surrounded by family… To feel safe and secure… And not to have to ask and search for any of the answers to any of those questions that come up in situations like these.” It was the most beautiful answer that Kelly could ever have imagined and he knew with certainty that their child or children would have all that because he would make sure of it just as she would and just as their extended family would.

“I would move heaven and hell to make that happen if needed, for our child to have that, for our child or our children to have what we didn’t.” Their child would never have the questions that she had instead would only have answers. Their child would never have the dysfunction that Kelly had growing up, and would never have absentee parents like his had been. Their child would be loved and adored just as he loved and adored her. “I promise you that.” He wanted to pull her into his lap and wrap his arms around her as tightly as he could but he wasn’t about to disturb her or the baby.

“I know you would, it’s the man that you are.” There was that incredibly big heart of his that had her falling even more in love with him although she was sure that it was impossible to love him anymore. She knew that he would remember the promise he had made to her and live up to it every day that he could; she didn’t need him to promise her that though because it was who he was but she knew he needed to make that promise after all he had chosen to be better than Benny in every facet of life even though there were times that he struggled with it however it was not something she would ever hold against him because he chose to be better and he was.

“I love you Sylvie.” He told her as he smiled. He could picture them in the exact position with their own baby. The promise that he made to her was not just for her though, it was for himself as well and a reminder of the type of man, the type of father, that he wanted to be for her and for their children. “I love you Kelly.” She didn’t miss a moment as she loved how he lit up every single time she told him that she loved him.

“Go to sleep. I’m not going anywhere.” He could see how exhausted she was as her eyelids kept fluttering despite how much she tried to keep them open, to stay awake. He raised his hand up and gently brushed a few loose strands of her short blonde hair away from her face as she let her eyelids close for the final time and her breathing evened out just before he moved his hand back so he was holding both of them again.

Kelly was suddenly wide awake as he couldn’t take his eyes off of Sylvie and the baby girl cradled asleep on her chest. It was the most natural thing in the world, and the most beautiful sight to him especially as both of them slept peacefully as he kept watch over them.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly groaned and instantly tightened his arms around Sylvie and the baby who was still cradled in her arms against her chest as Sylvie pressed her face further into the side of his neck before he became away of the bright flashes of lights that were assaulting them and heard the whispers of voices. He cracked his eyes open to see half of the firehouse stood in front of them with their phones out taking photos. “What’s going on?” His voice was thick with sleep although he wondered when he had fallen asleep but knew it hadn’t been for long given that the baby wasn’t crying to be fed but he did notice she was awake just looking up at both him and Sylvie with her big eyes as her little face was turned towards them.

“I just got a call from DCFS and the social worker is on their way to take this little one.” Boden informed them pausing… “In approximately thirty minutes.” He finished smiling at the scene in front of him. Who would have thought that Kelly and Sylvie would be asleep on the couch with a baby securely in their arms? Boden certainly had not pictured it but he had seen it, and the way Kelly was enthralled with the baby girl was so special, even in his sleepy state he was attentive to the baby. Boden smiled as Kelly had always been great with kids and he knew he would be a great father someday.

“Do you know who Chief?” Sylvie asked as she turned to face him, having twisted her neck so that her head was still resting against Kelly’s shoulder but her face was no longer pressed into his neck as she glanced down smiling at the precious little girl in her arms who had begun to babble quietly as her tiny hands clenched with fistfuls of Sylvie’s shirt. The answer to Sylvie’s question was important because she wanted her to have the best chance at having the life she was given up for.

“No I don’t.” Boden answered realising what Kelly had already realised, that this was going to be hard on Sylvie.

“She’s due for a bottle. Least I can do is make sure she has a full stomach before she leaves.” Sylvie turned her attention solely to the baby after she glanced at the time.

“You stay there, I’ll make it.” Herrmann volunteered; after all he was an old hand at preparing bottles with his five kids, before he herded everyone else away not even waiting for an answer.

Sylvie looked at Kelly and asked quietly, “Can you take her for a few moments? I need to go to the bathroom.” She didn’t want to move but the need to relieve herself was reaching a desperate level. “I’ve got her.” He answered immediately as they slightly untangled themselves and transferred the baby onto Kelly’s chest before she hastily made her way to the bathrooms.

Kelly watched as Sylvie walked out of the room before he shifted slightly and moved the baby further over onto the left side of his chest so she could listen to his heartbeat. “It suits you, both of you.” Boden’s comment made Kelly look over at him and he couldn’t resist smiling at the man. “They’re pretty amazing, aren’t they Chief?” Kelly knew of Boden’s love for Terrance and for James, after all he had witnessed that love over the years but he would always recall the pure joy and sheer love that graced Boden’s face when Terrance was born in the back of the Squad truck as they rushed to the hospital. “They certainly are Kelly.” Boden replied happy that his once tormented Lieutenant was genuinely happy.

“Here. One bottle for the little angel.” Herrmann presented the bottle to Kelly along with a bib which he immediately took both as he moved the baby so that she was cradled in his arm so she could drink the bottle. Herrmann draped a burping cloth across his shoulder before he glanced over at Boden and sent a nod his way as both men vacated the immediate vicinity and headed over to the kitchen. “Thanks.” Kelly remembered to say as the baby girl happily took the bottle and sucked hungrily as he looked at her the whole time absolutely enamoured at how tiny and perfect she was.

Sylvie returned from the bathroom, having taken the brief opportunity to splash some cold water over her face whilst in there, and stopped at the entrance to the common room. She couldn’t help but to smile as she once again saw how much of a natural Kelly was with kids. The look on his face was what she really loved, it was the way he was looking at the little girl and how he had the biggest smile on his face as he watched her eagerly drink the bottle of formula. He was totally unaware that everyone else was watching him and smiling as they snapped a few more photos. She took in the sight for another minute or so, wanting nothing more than to commit the scene to her memory, before she forced her feet to move and made her way back over to him and sat down beside them making him glance at her before he turned his attention back to the baby. She gently reached her hand out and stroked the baby’s cheek seeing how intently her big baby eyes were watching Kelly as she rested her chin on his shoulder.

There were no words spoken between the two of them or anyone else as the baby girl finished her bottle and with ease Kelly quickly and effectively burped her before he handed her back to Sylvie for another cuddle before the social worker would arrive to take her away. Kelly resituated himself and wrapped his arm around Sylvie’s shoulders as she leaned into his side as they both watched the baby girl as she looked up at them with her big eyes and her little hands clutched around theirs.

Sylvie looked up at Kelly after a few minutes and he could see the internal struggle she was having as her time was coming to an end with the little girl. She shook her head lightly before a soft gurgle interrupted their silent conversation and captured their attention once more seeing the little girl looking at them with her beautiful wide eyes as she kicked her little legs and flailed her arms at them.

**Chicago Fire**

Chief Boden met the social worker and led her into the common room after he had checked her credentials and had filled her in on the situation seeing she was prepared as she walked in with an infant carrier even giving her the letter and the health report that Sylvie had filled out. Immediately upon entering Sylvie and Kelly once again untangled themselves and stood up although Kelly was quick to place his arm back around Sylvie’s lower back and rest his hand on her waist.

“This is Tess from DCFS. Tess this is one of our paramedics, Sylvie Brett, and Lieutenant Kelly Severide.” Boden introduced them seeing how uncomfortable Sylvie was growing as the time had come to hand the baby girl over. Both Kelly and Sylvie nodded their heads towards her.

“Thank you Chief… Hi everyone… We have a family who is ready to foster this baby already and I can say they are amazing.” Tess informed them all having already lined up a temporary foster family until something more permanent could be arranged.

Sylvie knew she would not be able to hand the precious baby over to the social worker even though it was in her best interests so she turned towards Kelly who knew immediately what she was asking him to do even without verbalising it, and he gently took the baby from her arms and held her to his chest. Sylvie moved so that she was solely facing Kelly and the little girl with her back to Boden and the social worker. “You’re going to be okay little one.” Sylvie whispered to the baby as she ran her hand over her back taking one last look before she stepped back and turned and walked away unable to watch what was about to happen. It was something she had seen before but this time felt different and she couldn’t be the one to put the baby into the carrier to be taken away into foster care.

“I’ve got her.” Herrmann murmured softly as he followed Sylvie out of the common room until Kelly was finished with the social worker. Kelly nodded his head in thanks before he turned his attention back to the little girl in his arms although he was desperate to make sure that Sylvie was alright, he knew he couldn’t just hand her over without asking anything.

“If you would like to put her in the carrier Lieutenant then we can get out of your way.” Tess hurried him as she set the carrier down on the coffee table in front of him making him scowl although it went unnoticed by her.

“Will you make any attempt at finding her mother?” Kelly asked although he suspected that he already knew the answer as he began to sway lightly from side to side.

“Unfortunately there is not much we can do in cases of abandonment even at these safe haven sites. The mother has made her decision and what we focus on is what is in the best interests and welfare of the child. This little girl is lucky given that she is only a few days old her chances of being adopted are significantly higher compared to that of older children.” Tess answered way too clinically for any of their liking but unfortunately they were the facts as miserable as they were.

“Can you make sure to include a copy of the letter that the mother left with her in your file, and make a special note that she was here at this firehouse?” Kelly knew it was important; Sylvie had made him aware of just how important it was for a child of adoption to have any facts that they possibly could if they decided to look into it later in life.

“Of course Lieutenant.” Tess answered hurriedly which only served to irritate Kelly but he bit his tongue and instead chose to nod his head before he flicked his eyes to Boden who looked every bit as annoyed as he felt before he returned his attention to the baby girl in his arms who was captivated with him and had captivated them.

“Alright sweetheart let’s get you settled in.” Kelly murmured softly as he shifted her in his arms and very gently placed her down into the carrier then he knelt down so he was at her level. “There’s a family waiting out there for you that are going to love and cherish you.” He continued speaking as he buckled her in and made sure she was secured tightly so she was safe. “I know you won’t but if you can, remember Firehouse Fifty One. There is always someone here to help.” He knew it was impossible for her to understand or recall when she was older what he was saying but it gave him a sense of peace as he was finding it incredibly difficult while he tucked the blanket that she had come with around her little body making sure that she was warm and cosy. With one last final grab of his finger with her hand, he stood up and nodded towards the social worker who promptly reached forward and picked up the carrier.

“Thank you Chief.” Tess stated already heading to leave.

“I’ll walk you out.” Boden offered seeing as Kelly shook his head before he took his leave going after Sylvie and Herrmann.

Kelly felt terrible but he knew it was better for him to do it, to hand her over to DCFS, instead of Sylvie. He made his way into the bunk room seeing that she had gone to his quarters and that Herrmann was sitting with her. He could not see her as her back was to the windows and to him but he knew just by her body language that she was crying. He crossed the bunk room with quick strides and slipped inside his quarters seeing that Herrmann was not saying anything instead he was watching on helplessly. Herrmann looked up at him with a sense of relief knowing that Sylvie needed the man she loved to comfort her this time before he stood up. He patted Kelly’s shoulder as he made his way out taking an extra few seconds to draw the blinds closed as Kelly nodded in thanks before he moved in front of Sylvie and knelt down. He was taken back by the tears that were streaming freely down her face as she was not even trying to hide them from him like she usually would, and for that he was grateful.

“Come here.” He knew that they would not be disturbed as he stood up and helped her up, manoeuvring her effortlessly as he lay down on his back on the bed and settled her down on top of him with his arms wrapped securely around her with one of his large hands rubbing her back.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying.” She sniffled as she took a few quick swipes at her face with her hand to try and wipe away the tears. It seemed insane to her to be so emotional considering it had only been a few hours since the baby girl was found and in her care. “I’ve done it before, watched it before, handed a child over, but this time I couldn’t. I’m sorry.” She rambled through the sniffles as she fought to stop her tears although she was quickly losing that battle as more poured down her cheeks and saturated Kelly’s shirt as they landed. She shifted slightly and pressed her face into his neck as she flattened her hands out against him so she could feel his heart beating beneath her hand which was settling to her.

“Its natural honey especially with all that has been going on lately. You and that little girl have a connection and she’s starting her life similarly to how you started yours. It is who you are too, you are maternal, and only want the best for her… And maybe our conversation made it more difficult to let her go.” He wanted to assure her it was natural for her to feel the way she was given he had a hard time himself. He knew there was not much more he could say, that he had to let her feel what she was, and support her as he always would but he hated that she as hurting, that she was upset. “I love you.” He kept his voice soft before he pressed a kiss to her hair as her face was securely pressed into his neck as he held her a little tighter against him still feeling her body tremble and her chest heave as her tears landed on his skin.


	24. Freak Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another double update!

**Freak Out**

 

Sylvie looked across at Emily as they pulled into the firehouse and shuddered to a stop with her one good eye while she held an ice pack over her right eye having taken a good hard elbow to the face during their call that had started off as a simple woman in distress call and ended in a full blown domestic which Sylvie and Emily had to get in the middle of until the police arrived to haul the man, the attacker, away so that the woman did not end up dead. Her eye had started to swell and blacken immediately and she knew that it was bad when she got to Med and Maggie insisted that Will examine her immediately after handing her an ice pack, luckily it was nothing more than a black eye that would defiantly be around for a few days maybe even a week.

 

"Go see Severide first. Let him freak out because he is going too before you see everyone else." Emily suggested knowing that he would freak out as soon as he saw her as she reached up and pulled Sylvie's hand and the ice pack away from her face to take a quick look at her eye that was still swelling and blackening even with the ice over it. Sylvie groaned as she repositioned the ice pack over her eye at Emily's words as she knew she was right. Kelly would be worried and despite how many times she would reassure him that she really was fine his worry wouldn’t ease, and she knew that he would become angry at the man whose elbow connected with her face and marred her skin momentarily before his caring and protective nature would override that temporary anger.

 

"Maybe he won’t freak out this time." Sylvie knew even as she said it that it wouldn’t happen given their past history as Emily rolled her eyes at her. With another soft groan knowing she couldn’t avoid the inevitable Sylvie pushed her door open and got out of the ambulance as Emily copied her actions.

 

Sylvie separated from Emily who headed for the door nearest the Squad table that lead directly to the common room while Sylvie went for the door nearest the locker rooms as it was the most direct route to Kelly's quarters. As soon as she walked out of the locker room and into the bunk room, Kelly quickly came into view as he was sat at his desk looking over some paperwork although she couldn’t discern what it related to exactly. She didn’t bother to knock instead she quietly let herself in and made sure the door was closed firmly behind her then went and sat herself down on his bed.

 

"Hi hun." Kelly greeted her without looking in her direction as he quickly scribbled down the last of his sentence to finish his last report before he turned his attention to her. "What the hell happened?" Her holding an ice pack to her face immediately had all of his attention as he quickly stood from his chair and moved to sit beside her in the bed.

 

"It’s just a bruise." She withdrew the ice pack from her face to show him the damage.

 

"That’s not just a bruise Sylvie." He gently raised his hand and grasped her chin, moving her head so that he could see it’s entirety. "What happened?" His voice took on a hardened edge as the thought of someone hurting her made him angry.

 

"We got called to a domestic. The man he came back. He would have killed her. We had to do something until the police arrived... I caught his elbow with my face." She let the half melted ice pack fall gently to the bed before she raised her hand up and wrapped it around his wrist gently tugging his hand away from her chin. As soon as he let his hand fall she raised her hand up and entwined their fingers. "Hey... don’t go there please. We’re fine, I’m fine, our patient made it to Med, and the guy is in CPD custody." She knew she had to shift his focus as she could see all the conflicting emotions surfacing in his as he went tense and rigid.

 

“It’s still darkening. And why weren’t CPD called at the same time?” His eyes trailed over her face again as he felt her give his hand a small tentative squeeze and his voice softened as he spoke. He knew what she was doing, knew that she was trying to reassure him silently, and he allowed her too.

 

“It was a woman in distress call. None of us knew that her attacker would return... Kelly, it’s a black eye, nothing more. I’ve seen you with one or two in your time. It will be gone in a few days.” It was an effort to placate him and his worry and also remind him that she had seen him with a few black eyes in the time that she had known him although it had been a while and for that she was grateful.

 

“Still… it should not have happened.” He answered as there wasn’t anymore that he could say. “We need to get you some more ice otherwise that eye is going to be swollen shut completely.”

 

Sylvie smiled at him as he moved into his caring and protective phase. His reaction was unsurprising as she knew how exactly he would react although she was surprised that he had passed through the phase of anger a lot quicker than usually. “I don’t think icing it anymore is going to help.” She answered knowing she had been icing it for at least the last hour, and had already been through two ice packs. It was inevitable but she also knew that Kelly just wanted to help. He raised his free hand up to her face and cupped her cheek before he leaned forward and captured her lips with his, kissing her with every bit of gentleness he had in him.

 

He pulled back from her just enough that their lips were parted but he could still feel her breath against his skin and he looked at the confusion to her face again. “I’m not going to ask you not to get involved because I know you and I know that you care... but next time could you please try ducking if you have to get involved.” It was his way of asking her to consider her own safety without explicitly asking but she couldn’t help the small laughter that escaped her lips as her laughter made him chuckle.

 

“I can’t promise but I will try ducking next time.” She replied before she kissed him again knowing that it was all okay just like it always was when one of them got hurt no matter how little it was, or how bad it was.

 


	25. Noticably Distracted

**_Noticeably Distracted_ **

Sometimes becoming distracted was inevitable, sometimes it was needed and welcomed, and other times it could turn disastrous especially in their careers. Kelly had seen and felt how distracted Sylvie was, and how that distraction had spanned over days, not minutes or hours but she hadn’t let him in despite how desperately he wanted to be let in but he know understood what she went through every time that he failed to let her in although he knew she wasn’t shutting him out intentionally. He had spent a few extra hours at the firehouse after the end of their shift to catch up on all of the paperwork that he was behind on whilst Sylvie had headed to his apartment wanting nothing more than to stay out of the bitter cold weather that Chicago was experiencing as Fall changed into Winter which had announced its arrival loudly.

“Sylvie?!” He called as he walked into his warm apartment seeing the fire on and feeling the warmth of it but not seeing or hearing her moving around as he usually would when he got home on the days that they left shift separately; usually he would find her humming away as she cooked something or he would find her curled up on the couch with whatever book that she was reading. He walked over to the table and put his bag down before he took off his quilted Squad jacket then looked around the apartment as he kicked his shoes off as well knowing that he wouldn’t be leaving the apartment for the rest of the day especially as it had started to snow heavily while he was on his way home.

“By the fire.” She called back softly letting him know where she was in the apartment. She knew he was worried, had seen it present on his face every single time he looked at her even if it was just the quickest of glances, and she hated that he was worried about her. She knew that she had been somewhat distant and that was the last thing she ever wanted to be with him.

Kelly smiled as he walked towards the fire, finding her laid down on her side on the rug in front of the fire watching the soft flicker of the flames with a light blue knitted blanket folded in half and draped across her bare legs whilst her head was rested on one of the pillows from the bedroom. He also noticed that she was wearing one of his old CFD shirts that was not fit to wear to work anymore as it was faded and thread bare in places but it was fine for wearing around the house and he definitely loved when she wore it. She rolled over onto her back and looked up at him with wide eyes that were filled with a sea of emotions that he couldn’t separate or read clearly. He eased himself down next to her and laid down beside her as she rolled over onto her side so that she was facing him. He reached his arm out and wrapped it around her as his hand spanned across her lower back whilst his other hand snaked underneath her neck and his hand found its way to the nape of her neck as she curled into him letting them find a comfortable way to be entwined.

“Do you want to tell me what’s rattling around endlessly in that gorgeous mind of yours?” He asked softly as her hands grasped the fabric of the front of his shirt loosely as she blew out a soft breath. She tilted her head back and looked towards the ceiling as she shifted her legs to entangle them with his, the contrast of her bare skin and the soft denim of his jeans was noticeable, as the soft blanket slipped off in part and slid to the floor leaving her exposed.

“As I get older it feels like I want answers more and more to the questions that I have never been able to ask… A few shifts ago when we were called to the group home… it just stirred up a lot of things and I was not expecting it to have. I have thought about it before at times over the years but I just cannot seem to get it out of my head now.” Her answer was abstruse, but at least she was finally providing him an insight to what was plaguing her. He raised his hand up from her lower back to the side of her face with his palm caressing her cheek as his thumb brushed over her bottom lip as he delicately turned her head towards him so that they were face to face again as he felt that she had more to say so he remained silent to allow her to gather her thoughts and not to push her. “I could have ended up in one of those homes, I could have ended up in the foster system being shuffled from family to family, house to house but I didn’t, I was one of the lucky ones… And despite being one of those lucky kids that got to have a great life with a wonderful family, I still can’t help but feel like I’m missing this huge chunk of information that would help fill in some of those unanswered questions that I have… I always figured that it would be enough, that I didn’t need to know, but I feel like I do, like I do need to know, to fill in that piece of the puzzle about myself.” She didn’t know if she was making sense but it was just some of the thoughts that were going around and around in her head, that had been plaguing her for the last few days constantly but she did know that it felt relieving to voice them, to let the words fall out of her mouth without any concern for what he would say.

“Sylvie, honey, it is alright to want to know the answers to the questions that you have and if you want to then I am here beside you every step of the way. And if need be, I understand if you want to do this alone as well but please know that you are not alone in this or anything else ever.” His unconditional support was what he needed to give to her and he would but he also understood that if she needed to go on this journey alone then he would still be the silent support there beside her as she found the answers to the questions that had obviously lingered for a long time but the call at the group home had bought them to the forefront of her mind. He could understand her need to learn about where she came from, and what her birth parents were like as well as why they gave her up for adoption.

“It’s scary, and that’s just it, I don’t even know if I want to find my birth parents. I mean they have never once reached out in all of these years… I feel so divided.” She let out a huff as she rushed out the words but she also loved the way he cared, and the way he was supporting her unconditionally. She was terrified of finding the answers, and of not finding the answers, and she was terrified that what the answers would bring if she did go searching for them. Would the answers bring her pain or happiness or contentment or any other mixed variety of emotions depending on the answers that she was given if she could even track them down.

“You’re allowed to be terrified, and anything else you want to feel… The only advice I can offer if you decide to is maybe that it is best to do it in small steps even miniscule steps. Go at your own pace, and if you decide you don’t want to do it, or you start and do not want to continue, then that it is okay either way. You do not owe anyone anything. The only thing person you do owe is yourself; you have to be honest with yourself.” He couldn’t even begin to imagine the difficulty she was having or would have. There were so many questions that were unasked and unanswered. He also knew it would be a highly emotionally process that could hurt her or strengthen her, and he didn’t want to see her hurt.

“You’re amazing, I don’t ever want you to forget that.” She was so touched by his words, by the way he was telling her that he was with her, and while she still did not know what she was going to do, she did know that he would be there by her side every step she took being the pillar of strength that he could be not because he felt that he had too but because he wanted too. She watched as he smiled at her before he kissed the tip of her nose then rested his head back down on the pillow and looked into her eyes. “I love you.” She murmured softly needing him to know.

“I love you too and I am here, whatever you decide.” He reiterated that for her, to her, so that she knew she did not have to go through any of it alone.

“I know.” She murmured again before she kissed him as the two let the comforting silence settle over them as they basked in the warm glow of the flame from the fireplace and the comfort of being in each other’s arms as the snow began to settle outside.


	26. Tumbling Over The Edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triple update...

**Tumbling Over The Edge**

 

A highway overpass was never a place that any first responder wanted to be called to for a suicidal person but that is where Firehouse 51 found themselves just as the winter sun was beginning to rise, it was the type of call that had all hands on deck from Ambulance, Truck and Squad. The police department had stopped the traffic from flowing underneath the overpass bridge but the danger still remained high. The woman who had to be in her mid thirties was clearly distraught and no one could get near her and she certainly wasn’t engaging with anyone that had tried to talk to her. A police negotiator was on their way but everyone knew they didn’t have the time to wait for the negotiators arrival.

 

"Chief, can I try?" Brett didn’t even know that the words were going to come out of her mouth before they did but she couldn’t stand back and wait or watch as the woman continued to crumble in front of them especially when she was right on the slippery edge of the bridge. She could see the shock reverberate through her colleagues at her request but none more so than Kelly who looked at her with worry.

 

Boden looked at Casey to get his opinion. "We’ve got to try something Chief." Casey gave a small shrug as in 'it can’t hurt' as he knew the woman hadn’t responded to him or Severide, and thought having a woman try couldn’t hurt considering that the only females on this shift were Brett and Foster. "Alright but I want a line on you, and your radio open at all times. If I give the order for you to come back, you do so. Understand?" Boden relented not liking the idea but he also didn’t like the idea of this woman being hurt or killed because they did nothing. "Yes Chief." She answered before she turned towards Kelly giving him a soft reassuring smile just as Cruz began getting her fitted into the harness. In less than a minute Sylvie was in a harness and attached to the line. Everyone took a step back, and it seemed as though everyone was holding their breath in anticipation.

 

"Ma'am, my name is Sylvie Brett and I am a paramedic. I’d like to know your name so we can talk, and I’d like to come closer so we don’t have to yell." Sylvie inched closer only to stop as the woman turned to look at her. The woman had red rimmed eyes and her cheeks were red from the cold but she looked hauntingly calm which sent a chill through Sylvie’s spine.

 

"You can come closer without the rope." The woman threw down the gauntlet in hopes that the paramedic wouldn’t take it. Sylvie drew in a steady breath knowing that if she looked back at the people, at Kelly, behind her that she would be ordered to step back and do nothing. Disregarding orders wasn’t something she did but she didn’t think twice about it as she quickly unclipped and removed the harness from her body. She could hear Boden, Kelly and Casey all addressing her over the radio but it wasn’t going to stop her. The woman watched with some sort of rabid fascination as Sylvie stepped closer only stopping once she reached the guard rail.

 

Kelly cursed under his breath at Sylvie’s actions, at her disregard for her own safety but he couldn’t be angry given that he had risked his own safety before. He silently signalled, using hand gestures, to his men to spread out and be prepared for a quick grab and drag if need be before he turned his attention back to the radio as he heard Sylvie speak.

 

"What’s your name?" Sylvie asked seeing the woman up close, and noticing how she her entire body was trembling from what she guessed was in part due to the cold.

 

"Zoe... why couldn’t you just leave me alone?" The distraught woman asked as she looked down at the road below.

 

"It’s not in my nature, and you look like you could use someone to talk too." Sylvie answered honestly as she kept the tone of her voice light despite the seriousness of the situation. She could feel Kelly's eyes on her but she had to forget about that and focus solely on Zoe.

 

Zoe let out a stifled laugh. "What’s the point? It won’t change anything."

 

"Can you at least tell me what made you come up here this morning? The sun rise is pretty but there’s better viewing spots." Sylvie spoke as she hoisted herself up and over the guard rail, sitting herself down on top of it, within arm's reach of the suicidal woman.

 

"What the hell is she doing?" Cruz asked quietly as he looked to Severide for an answer or an indication on if he was forming a back up plan in his mind that he had yet to share. Kelly just shook his head to focused on listening to the radio and keeping his eyes focused on the women in front of him. "Everybody fan out and be ready for a rush if needed." Casey knew Severide couldn’t give orders right now, not when he was watching Sylvie risk her life as he gave hushed orders using more hand signals. Severide moved off to the side so his own body was pressed up against the guard rail but still keeping a far distance so he didn’t spoke the woman.

 

Sylvie wanted to reach out to Zoe but she knew not too as she watched Zoe contemplate her question instead she waited patiently. "Have you ever been in love Sylvie?" The question caught her off guard, it wasn’t one she expected but then again she didn’t expect to be on the side of the overpass with a suicidal woman on the brisk winter morning. "And had your heart ripped out?" The last question made Sylvie slide down so that she was standing although she kept a firm hold of the frozen metal of the guard rail.

 

"I thought I knew what love was, what it felt like to be loved but I have only recently learned what real love is, what it feels like and looks like... And I’ve had my heart broken but that heart break made me realise that he wasn’t right, he wasn’t the person that I was meant to be with." Sylvie answered softly making Zoe look at her. It might not have been the appropriate answer to give someone as distressed as she was but Sylvie hoped it would provide some hope and make her reconsider. "Tell me what got you right here right now Zoe?" Although the pieces were starting to appear, there were still more details needed to complete the picture.

 

"Do you believe that we all someone, someone that completes us? Soulmates?" Zoe asked pausing before she continued... "I did. I had the perfect guy, the person that completed me. Someone that loved me unconditionally. And he was taken away from me all because he wouldn’t give it up." There was anger in her voice.

 

"Give what up?" Sylvie asked as she took the smallest step closer.

 

"He...Lance...the engagement ring that he bought for me. He was stabbed to death because he would not give up the ring. I didn’t care about the ring, I would have chosen him over all of it. I did choose him over everything, over my family, over my friends, over everyone." Zoe was clearly bitter but she was grieving for the man she loved and lost as she balanced precariously on the edge.

 

"Zoe... Zoe look at me" Sylvie ordered knowing she was losing Zoe to her grief. She waited until Zoe turned her body fully towards her. "Lance wouldn’t want this for you... he would want you to be warm at home right now, not here in the bitter cold. I’m sure he would tell you that if he could, and I know that this shouldn’t be how it ends." Sylvie was grasping for anything that would make Zoe stop.

 

"I can’t live without him, I can’t. We were going to pledge 'till death do us part', it would have been in our vows." The calm rationale side came back and that only concerned Sylvie more as she glanced at the road beneath them once more. "Maybe none of us are meant to be loved, you’ve had your heart broken. But maybe everyone needs to lose the person they love, at least the world won’t be over populated anymore." Sylvie was completely bewildered by Zoe’s calm demeanour and even more confused by her words. Before she could react, before she could even say anything else, she felt as Zoe grabbed her, pulling her grasp from the guard rail as gravity shifted around them.

 

"Nooo..." Kelly yelled as he ran as fast as he could towards Sylvie as Zoe grabbed her whilst she stepped back, stepped off of the ledge taking Sylvie with her. He reached out as his body collided forcefully with the guard rail and managed to snag Sylvie by her wrist feeling as someone grabbed onto the back of his turnout coat to keep him on top of the bridge. He felt as her body impacted with the concrete on the side of the bridge and only tightened his grip as he slide his other hand down and secured that tightly around her wrist just below his other hand.

 

"Brett, raise your other arm up!" Casey yelled down as he leaned over the guard rail to see that Kelly's bruising grip on her thin wrist was the only thing stopping her from falling and meeting the same fate as Zoe whose body now laid beneath them, and that Tony and Capp were keep Severide on the safe side of the guard rail by holding his weight as Cruz stood beside him leant over ready to help haul her up. "Brett, I need you to reach your other hand up to me so we can pull you up." Casey repeated more forcefully but he failed to garner her attention.

 

"Sylvie... look at me." Kelly spoke softly although his voice was brittle and wobbly sounding and the panic stricken face that he wore showed how terrified he was. Sylvie managed to strain her head upwards as she tipped her neck backwards revealing a nasty cut to her temple that had blood streaming down the side of her face. She locked eyes with him and chose to focus solely on him. "I need you to give your other hand to Casey so we can get you back up here." Kelly instructed as Sylvie gave a strangled nod of acknowledgment. She raised her arm up and felt as Casey grabbed onto her hand as his other hand slid down around her wrist. Both men hurriedly hauling her up and back over the guard rail with the help of Cruz and Herrmann who both grabbed onto her as well.

 

As soon as her feet were back on solid ground she faltered and Kelly quickly caught her as he pressed her close to his body with one hand spread flat across her back with the other went to her cheek as he examined the visible wound to her head. She slid her hands inside of his turnout jacket and clutched his shirt in her hands unable to stop herself shaking. "It’s okay, you’re okay." He murmured softly concerned that she was going into shock.

 

"Get her in the ambulance. Severide stay with her. Foster drive them to Med to get checked out." Boden ordered although he kept his voice low.

 

With Foster's help once she applied a small piece of gauze to stem the bleeding from her head wound, Kelly managed to guide Sylvie over and into the ambulance. Once the doors were closed she couldn’t seem to let go of him so instead he managed to squeeze himself onto the gurney with her as they headed for Med.

 

"How's she doing?" Foster asked concerned for her partner.

 

"I think she has a concussion and she’s freezing ." Kelly informed her as he felt Sylvie's hands unclench his shirt as her breathing fastened and her skin paled significantly as it became almost translucent as she fought to keep her eyes open.

 

"Put a warming blanket on her. And I need you to check her pupils with a pen light." Foster instructed as she activated the lights and sirens and accelerated whilst providing an update to Med concerned that Sylvie had not said anything and could be more injured than they first thought. "Lieutenant! Can you do that?" She asked worried that she didn’t get a response.

 

"Yeah… yeah… I’ve got it." Kelly was already moving around and getting off the gurney as he grabbed the blanket and tucked it around her as his voice betrayed his worry then as he searched for a pen light. "Stay with me Sylvie. We’re almost at Med." He informed her as he noticed that the gauze was bright red as it was soaked through with blood, and her eyes were half closed. Kelly waved the pen light over Sylvie's eyes making her try to move her head away to shield her eyes from the light.

 

"Pupils are dilated." Kelly called as he dropped the pen light down on the seat beside him. "It’s alright Sylvie, you have a concussion." He soothed her as he took her cold hand in his warm one and entwined their fingers whilst he delicately ran the back of his fingers from his other hand over her uninjured cheek.

 

"Z...Zoe?" Sylvie questioned as she finally managed to get her eyes to focus on Kelly although the ringing in her ears was distractingly painful. She knew what had happened, had seen Zoe sprawled on the ground beneath her as she hung precariously but she hoped that there was a chance she had survived.

 

“She didn’t make it love.” He had to tell her the truth, he knew he couldn’t hide it from her but it hurt him to do so.

 

“What did I say wrong?” She asked as she looked up at him with sheer pain, a torturous look that he would never forget.

 

“You didn’t say anything wrong Sylvie, you didn’t. Sometimes people are so set that their minds can’t be changed. No one could have saved her.” It was the truth but he knew it still hurt to hear and to know that you couldn’t save someone that you desperately wanted too. Of course the beautifully fragile woman in front of him was still concerned about the woman who tried to kill her as she tried to reconcile what had just happened.

 

"We're here." Foster interrupted as the ambulance came to a succinct stop and the doors were pulled open. Kelly followed alongside the gurney, only letting go of her hand when April stopped him from going any further which he immediately hated not being able to be with her. "She’ll be fine. They’ll come get you soon Lieutenant." Foster guided him to the nearest chair in the waiting room knowing that the rest of the firehouse would be arriving shortly. Kelly wanted to pace as he waited but instead he rubbed the nape of his neck repetitively and bounced his leg up and down once he had slipped off his turnout coat.

 

Sylvie didn’t put up a fight as Will and April assessed her despite how much she hated being examined. She didn’t even argue when she was sent for a scan but as soon as she was bought back to her room she asked for April to get Kelly. She still couldn’t comprehend how it had gone so wrong, how the call had ended so horrifically but she did know that she felt responsible, she felt as though she had failed, and she knew she had a lecture coming from Boden given all the protocols that she had broke. It was like it all happened in slow motion but at the same time it happened so fast that it was uncontrollable.

 

"Will is going to be in to get that head wound stitched up in a few minutes." April advised before she let Kelly into the room then she excused herself and closed the door giving the couple as much privacy as possible in the busy emergency department.

 

Sylvie stretched her arm out and wiggled her fingers towards Kelly, he instinctively took her hand in his as soon as he was within reach, glad that her skin didn’t feel so cold anymore. "How are you feeling?" He asked once he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead as he sat down on the edge of the bed angling his body towards her.

 

"Concussions suck." He could have laughed at her pouted lips and the way she said it as she sounded a bit like a naughty child who had been scolded.

 

"Yeah they do... Everyone’s in the waiting room..." Kelly knew how she felt having had a few concussions in his time. Before he could say anything else Will stepped into the room with her results and to suture the open wound.

 

"The scan came back clear, there’s no swelling. The X-ray on your arm and shoulder also came back clear as well however I would recommend icing your wrist to help with the bruising and swelling. I’m going to suture that wound closed and then you’re free to go but I want you to take it easy and follow the usual concussion protocols." Will informed them both as he pulled on a fresh set of gloves and then opened a suture kit up.

 

"Thanks Will." Sylvie gave a soft smile that was laced with uncertainty as she tightened her grip around Kelly’s hand. The duo sat in silence as Will sutured the head laceration then bandaged it.

 

“All done. Any issues then give me a call or come back in.” Will told them as he peeled off his gloves then left the room.

 

“Thanks. Let’s get back to the firehouse so we can go home.” Kelly smiled softly as he stood up off of the bed then helped Sylvie up. He caught the silent grimace as she moved and knew she was sorer than she was admitting to being.

 

Sylvie stopped him from moving as he went to pick up her radio, beanie, and jacket, and he turned back towards her. She stepped closer to him and tilted her head back so she was looking up at him given their small height difference as both of her hands slipped into his as she took a deep breath to steady herself. "What I said when I answered Zoe's question I really did mean it. I meant every single word of it when I told her that I only learned recently what real love is, what it feels like to be loved and what it looks like. It’s in the small things you do that come so natural to you. It’s the way you look at me from across a room. It’s so much more than any words can explain and I want you to know that I feel it everyday and I hope you do too." Sylvie knew he had heard what she had said over the radio but she felt the need to clarify, to explain, and to share with him how he made her feel. "I love you Kelly."

 

"I was so proud yet so petrified today as I watched you... and when she grabbed you it was so... it was so instinctual... the need to save you, the need to have you against me, to have you in my arms. It felt as though my heart stopped and I couldn’t breathe even as I ran towards you... I feel and see the love you have for me everyday, please don’t ever think I don’t... I love you Sylvie, I am in love with you." Kelly didn’t feel obligated to tell her any of it but he wanted too. He leaned down and captured her lips with his own in a soft and languid kiss that shared more than words could explain.

 

"Let’s get you out of here." Kelly spoke breathlessly once they parted.

 

"How mad is Chief Boden?" Sylvie asked as he helped her get her jacket back on and then slipped her beanie on but kept her radio in his hand. She leaned into his side as his arm slipped around her lower back and his hand found its usual resting spot around her hip.

 

"He's happy you’re safe but he will want to talk to you." Kelly answered honestly figuring she had a fair idea of what was ahead in regards to disobeying direct orders as she had done.

 

"I think I’d rather get it over with now while I have this headache rather than get another headache later." Sylvie answered just before they walked out into the waiting room where the entire firehouse was waiting.

 

Kelly felt as Sylvie pulled away from his side as everyone stepped forward to hug her and reassure themselves that she was alright. He smiled softly as he watched her sure everyone she was fine before Boden ordered everyone back to the Firehouse for shift changeover. Sylvie looked at him and gave him a small smile as she stood beside Foster. "Sylvie, with me." Boden ordered earning a small timid nod from her. Everybody filed out to their respective vehicles and climbed in, happy to be heading back to the firehouse with the end of their shift in sight.

 

Sylvie glanced one final time at Kelly as she got into the passenger's seat of Chief Boden’s buggy before they pulled out with Truck 81 leading, Ambulance 61 following and Squad 3 behind with Chief's vehicle rounding out the convoy.

 

"I’m sorry Chief." Sylvie figured it was best to rip off the figurative bandaid. "I should have never removed the harness and gone offline... It’s just, I thought I could make a connection, I thought I could help. I didn’t see her doing what she did." Sylvie had had plenty of time to think about every action and word whilst she was being examined and treated.

 

"My job is to keep you safe Sylvie. I want you, and everybody else, to go home at the end of each and every shift whole. That being said I want you to know that you did everything right, unfortunately she didn’t want to be saved and sometimes we can’t fix that." Boden told her firmly but also sensed she needed the reassurance given the traumatic events of the morning.

 

"Thank you Chief." Sylvie was somewhat surprised given that she had prepared to be reprimanded but given the headache that she had she was thankful that he hadn’t raised his voice. She let her head rest gently against the cool glass as the streets passed by as the silence settled over them.

 

It was nice to see Third shift ready and waiting so that they could head home immediately. Kelly crossed the apparatus floor as soon as Chief's vehicle pulled in and opened the door as Sylvie slipped her hand in his as he helped her out. Chief Boden gave them a stern nod before leaving them alone.

 

"I’ve grabbed our bags and put them in the car already." Kelly murmured against her temple as she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her body against his, he reciprocated by wrapping his arms around her as he used his body against the bitterly cold wind that was blowing through the apparatus floor.

 

"Let’s go home." Sylvie smiled softly. She was going home with the man she loved and as terrifying as the morning had been, and as sad as she felt for the life she couldn’t save, she was thankful that she was going home with Kelly. There were still things that she had to process and there would be moments from that call that would haunt her but she knew she would make it through because of all that she had.

 


	27. Could Have Ruined It All

**_Could Have Ruined It All_ **

**_“Sylvie: How could you do this? You almost ruined everything I have worked for – here in Chicago.”_ **

**_Hope: That’s what I’m saying. They made it look like…_ **

**_Sylvie: These people mean the world to me, Hope. These friends that I’ve made, these friendships I’ve earned, they are the best, most important relationships I’ve ever had and you attacked them Hope. You had a chance to have an incredible life with incredible friends, working at the best firehouse in the city. That’s a fact. And you blew it. So take your excuses, take your lies, take your drama, and take it all back to Fowlerton.”_ **

**_**_ **

[ **_Sylvie Brett_ ** ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm3951257/?ref_=tt_trv_qu) **_: I just want to say that for part in bringing my friend, my former friend, to Firehouse 51, I am truly sorry. This place is special to me and I would never knowingly or willingly do anything to jeopardize what we have here. I love all of you and I feel terrible about what happened._ **

Sylvie wished she could take everything back, wished that she had not let Hope anywhere near the firehouse, her home, and her family but she could not change any of it as much as she wanted too. Yet again she had been the naïve fool who could not see what had been right in front of her, who could not see what Hope had been doing, and all the trouble she had caused until it had all unravelled and the trail of destruction was all that remained and was left to clean up.

What she had said to Hope outside of the apartment building was all true – the people of Fifty One meant the world to her, each and every single one of them. She was angry at herself for not seeing it, for defending her to everyone, and she truly was sorry that Stella had been the target of Hope’s bitter and twisted actions. She still could not believe the audacity that Hope had to try and blame everyone else and not admit or take responsibility for what she had done, not take ownership for her cruel and twisted actions.

As she sat in her car parked outside of the firehouse and watched as Stella was welcomed back by the guys after her short stint in public relations she felt her heart sink once more at just how much Hope’s actions had affected the firehouse, the people who made that firehouse what it was, and if it had not have been for Chief Boden’s and Matt Casey’s tenacious efforts it could have stayed that way with Hope doing more damage and making more illegal changes if anyone else had knowingly or unknowingly crossed her. Hope could have ruined any of them, career wise or financially or any other deviate way that she was capable of if she had not have been caught. She glanced at the clock knowing she had a few more minutes and waited, she didn’t want to face everybody but she couldn’t hide from any of them after all she was the one who had invited the devil in disguise into their home, into Fifty One.

And when she asked to say something at the morning briefing she looked at all of their faces, well the faces of the men and women who would look at her, and she told them that she was sorry, she meant every word but she knew it didn’t change anything, that it didn’t magically repair or make them forget that she was the one to bring the devil in. And when the alarm sounded she was relieved to escape but she wanted to say more even though there was nothing more she could say other than apologise a thousand more times if it would fix everything but she knew it wouldn’t.

And when she returned from the call she made sure to stay out of everyone’s way, to avoid everyone in an effort to give them some space although she was ready to take what they needed to give in an effort to get past the situation even if that meant yelling and screaming and blaming her because she blamed herself so why shouldn’t they. They had every right to blame her especially Stella who had told her that it was Hope all along, it was Hope who had mislaid her pay check, but all she did was throw it in her face that it was about Hope having slept with Kelly, and the unresolved feelings that lingered between both Stella and Kelly.

She found herself sat in the back of the ambulance with a clipboard on her lap and a pen sat on top of it, if anybody looked from afar it would look like she was taking inventory but she wasn’t instead she was sitting and staring blankly at the wall in front of her as she went through everything in her head repeatedly again and again as she tried in vain to make some sense of it all. She knew everyone was inside as she had heard the call that lunch was ready but she wasn’t hungry.

“Sylvie.” Cruz suddenly appeared at the ambulance doors and made her jump as she had been so lost in her thoughts sending the clipboard and pen crashing to the floor with a loud clatter.

“Hey.” She spoke softly as she reached for the clipboard and the pen, picking both items up and placing them back on her lap where they had been sitting before.

“Lunch is ready. There is a plate saved for you.” He informed her knowing she was still punishing herself for Hope and her actions, and that she was isolating herself from everyone because she felt guilty, even in the apartment with himself and Otis.

“Thanks but I’m not hungry.” She answered quickly, if she was honest the thought of food made her stomach recoil.

“Okay.” He wanted to say more but he knew she wouldn’t listen and that he couldn’t change her mind or force her into coming inside to eat something. “No one’s mad at you Sylvie.” He left that parting remark for her to think about as he made his way back inside.

Sylvie closed her eyes and lent her head back against the side as her mind once again found its way back to Hope and the damage she had done and could have done. She didn’t understand how she could have ever been so blind to Hope and her devious ways even when all of the facts were presented to her so plainly even if the facts only seemed to be speculation and rumours at the time. Once again she was a fool, and that foolery had caused pain to those she cared about the most. She opened her eyes and let the clipboard and the pen clatter to the floor of the ambulance again as she stood up and climbed out, making her way outside into the cool air as she felt like she couldn’t breathe, like her lungs had suddenly stopped working and her chest felt incredibly tight. She made sure she was out of sight of the apparatus floor and from the street before she let herself sink down to her knees on the cold concrete. The people inside the firehouse were the people that she trusted the most in the world yet she had been so quick to dismiss some of them and their concerns and for what, to be left red faced and in an unfair position where she could not be around them without feeling self-hatred even though she felt it was selfish as it was not about her in the effort to repair that damage that Hope had done and restore the unique family dynamic that Fifty One prided itself on. She managed to scramble back until her back was pressed up against the brick wall and she pressed her face into her knees as her arms were wrapped round her legs.

**Chicago Fire**

Cruz walked back into the common room of the firehouse and nearly everyone looked up at him expectantly as he sat back down at the table. He shook his head as he pushed his own plate of food away suddenly not interested in eating any of the food that was in front of him. All he wanted to do was to make Sylvie see that they didn’t blame her for Hope’s actions or the fact the Hope had got the job in the administration of Firehouse Fifty One but he knew her and knew that she cared about everyone.

“She’s avoiding us.” Otis stated the obvious but something had to be said as he looked at Cruz.

“Yeah.” Cruz answered with a shrug knowing that everybody knew she was even if they didn’t completely understand why.

“Have you seen her eat anything since she had the run in with Hope outside our building?” Otis asked worried as he knew he hadn’t seen her eat or drink anything since last shift, since Hope’s deceit had been uncovered and since she had been fired. Sylvie hadn’t told them about her run in with Hope instead it had been one of their neighbours who gave them a decent rundown of what was said between them. It appeared as though Otis and Cruz were having a simple conversation but everyone was listening and their concern was growing at their words.

“No but we haven’t really seen much of her either. She’s blaming herself and trying to give us space.” Cruz answered honestly, he felt lost.

“Wait, what run in with Hope?” Stella asked interjecting into the conversation because despite all that had happened and as hurt as she felt by the whole situation she was worried about Sylvie just like everybody else even though they hadn’t voiced it however it was evident in the worried glances that were being exchanged around her.

“One of our neighbours told us as they were worried. Hope tried to say it wasn’t her fault and Sylvie went off on her apparently, told her to that she ruined everything and that she should go back to Fowlerton. We didn’t get many more details but it sounded pretty intense from what we were told… Anyway what are we going to do?” Otis explained leaving out some of the details that the neighbour had shared before he asked what they were going to do because he knew he was at a loss on how to help Sylvie get past everything she was feeling just as Cruz was. He suspected she felt a lot more than guilt though, it was unfair for any of them to think it didn’t hurt her to lose someone she considered a friend even though she had ended the friendship after Hope’s actions, but he also knew she was waiting for them to take it out on her too.

“She’s family and what Hope did has nothing to do with her. She didn’t even know that Hope had applied for a job here until that briefing in the bullpen.” Gabby interjected that fact knowing that Sylvie had been blindsided and surprised by all of it.

“She apologised this morning at the briefing even though she didn’t need too, none of this is on her.” Herrmann voiced as others nodded their heads in agreement. “Lets do what we do best… look after our family. She’s hurting for us and for herself.” He finished his thought having seen how withdrawn she had become with all of them.

“We’ve tried talking to her but she has shut down.” Otis admitted knowing that they had tried in the privacy of their shared apartment but all she did was apologise again and slip back into her bedroom.

“There’s more to it than just Hope I think.” Gabby knew Sylvie was having difficulty in her personal life especially after finding out the guy that she really liked and had been dating was married but it wasn’t her story to share.

“Where is she Cruz?” Kelly asked as he looked at Stella who he knew felt terrible over the whole situation even though he didn’t know all of the details.

“In the ambulance, doing inventory.” Cruz answered slightly confused as he looked over at his Lieutenant.

“What are you thinking Severide?” Casey asked figuring he already had a plan.

“You’ll see. I’ll be back soon.” Kelly was already up and out of his chair before the words were even out of his mouth. Everyone watched as he pushed the doors open to the apparatus floor and walked through them before they all looked at each other unsure of whether to follow or leave the determined Lieutenant to it. Somehow, silently, it was a unanimous decision to stay where they were and let the Lieutenant do whatever it was he had failed to share with them.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly walked determinedly out to where Ambulance 61 was parked and looked in only to find it empty. He turned around and scanned the apparatus floor but couldn’t see Sylvie anywhere. Truthfully he had only come up with a rough plan that could easily backfire but he had to try as the entire dynamic of everyone in the firehouse felt off balance. He walked outside and scanned the area with his eyes a few times before he finally spotted her. He made his way over slowly and sat down in front of her.

“Sylvie.” He called her name softly to get her attention and not startle her although he failed on the not startling part as she jumped involuntarily. She quickly lifted her head up and her hand followed as she hastily rubbed her face while she took a few deep breaths.

“I was going to lift you up and throw you over my shoulder then carry you inside but you look as if you’re about to throw up so I will have to go with plan B.” She looked sick and like she was hardly keeping herself together and that concerned him immediately as she hadn’t looked as bad as she did at the beginning of shift.

“If that’s plan A, I don’t even want to know what plan B is right now.” He chuckled at her words.

“What are you doing out here?” He asked figuring that would be a good starting point.

“Needed some air. I’m sorry about Hope and all that she did to you.” The apology was automatic but it confused him.

“We had a night together, that’s all. There’s nothing to apologise to me for.” He told her honestly still somewhat bewildered by the turn of events.

“Yes there is, she tried to ruin what you have with Stella, and don’t even say that you don’t have anything with Stella.” She pre-empted the statement that was already on the tip of his tongue. She had been thinking over every minute detail since she found out everything, and everything that could have happened if Hope hadn’t have been caught and stopped. “All this damage and for what? A trail of destruction that’s changed everything.”

“It only changes everything if you let it…why don’t you come inside and talk to everyone? No one got to respond to you this morning.” He reminded her as he stood up and held his hands out for her to take so he could help her up.

“Hasn’t it already changed?” She asked as she looked up at him imploringly.

“Plan A is back on the table…Family don’t just give up on each other so come inside with me.” He was seriously considering carrying her into the firehouse to face everyone but he didn’t want to pressure her although he wasn’t going to leave her outside of the firehouse overthinking everything.

“You wouldn’t do that… and what is there to be said?” She challenged him before her voice faltered as she asked the question she feared the answer too. He didn’t answer instead he hauled her to her feet making her head spin and she physically faltered as he caught and stabilised her. He realised that what Otis and Cruz had said about her not eating was correct, that Hope had left her in a terrible state, and that she hadn’t been taking care of herself at all. “Sorry.” She apologised as she leaned back against the wall letting her head settle as he made sure she didn’t fall.

“When was the last time you slept and had something to eat?” He asked as he looked over her, truly looked at her and realised just how much of a toll this was all taking on her. It had been the closest he had been to her all shift and he could see the dark circles around her eyes even under the make-up that she wore, and the way she faltered made him realise that her body was protesting the lack of self-care.

“Don’t know.” That was the truth as she couldn’t remember the last time she ate or slept. Everything had felt like it had passed by in a blur since her stand-off with Hope.

“Come on.” He said as he kept a hold of her forearm as he led her back into the firehouse.

“Do they hate me? They should, I bought her here.” She stopped just as they got to the Squad table as her insecurities surfaced making him stop too. He turned his body into hers, shielding her unintentionally from any prying eyes as she held onto the back of one of the chairs to steady herself again.

“Just hear everyone out.” He implored knowing that there was no ill-will towards her instead there was only concern for her.

She took a deep breath and gave him a soft nod before they started walking again. They reached the common room and everyone looked up as they walked in. She wanted to turn around and walk out but she knew that it couldn’t be avoided.

“Sylvie…” Gabby started only to be interrupted.

“I really am sorry for everything. I’m sorry that me being here bought Hope here, and I’m sorry for all that Hope did. I didn’t know what she was doing, I couldn’t see it until it was too late… I understand if you hate me but I want you to know how much you all mean to me and that I meant every word that I said this morning but again I…” Sylvie interrupted needing to apologise once again as she rushed to get the words out.

“Sylvie stop!” Cruz said abruptly making her frown and look towards the doors thinking it wasn’t a good idea to come in and face everybody, she wished she had stayed outside for longer.

“What Hope did is not on you Sylvie. And we aren’t mad at you.” Otis started before he looked around the room.

“We’re worried about you.” Mouch added sincerely as the others nodded in agreement.

“What?” Sylvie asked softly as her head swam once more.

“Sit down.” Kelly directed her to the seat he had been sitting in seeing that she was faltering again and she allowed him to push her weary body down into the chair. Kelly looked at Gabby and cocked his head towards Sylvie silently telling her to keep an eye on her before he headed into the kitchen wanting to grab something sugary for Sylvie to eat along with the plate that had been put away for her.

“We know you would never hurt anyone of us, and you would never intentionally bring someone in to hurt any of us including yourself.” Herrmann told her.

“Hope hurt you too, broke your trust, and you’re allowed to be hurt and mad at her. We are mad at what she did, at her, but not at you. So you need to stop punishing yourself for her devious actions.” Gabby told Sylvie needing her to know that it was alright for her to feel mad or sad or whatever else she felt.

“And you need to take care of yourself.” Kelly added on as he sat a plate of food down in front of her.

“I’m still sorry for everything.” Sylvie told them not even attempting to touch the food in front of her.

“She’s gone and Stella’s back. Everything is right again or it will be when you stop punishing yourself.” Casey added on as Sylvie nodded softly.

“Now eat… Squad outside for drills.” Kelly pointed at her plate before he called for his men to head outside to run drills; what he was trying to do was give Sylvie a bit of space as she looked overwhelmed, and he knew that Stella still needed to talk to Sylvie.

“Herrmann, Otis, and Mouch with me. I want the compartments cleaned and restocked.” Casey ordered realising what Severide was trying to do by clearing out the room and giving the women some space. With a groan, the men all filed out leaving Sylvie, Stella and Gabby in the common room.

Sylvie watched as the men filed out of the room and onto the apparatus floor before she looked at Stella and then to Gabby before she turned back to Stella.

“I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said about you and Hope and Kelly. I shouldn’t have said any of it. Everything she did and said, I’m sorry for it all. I don’t want our friendship to be ruined.” Sylvie apologised profusely to Stella hating the distance that had grown between them because of Hope and her actions.

“I’m sorry too, I’m sorry that I let Hope interfere with our friendship.” Stella apologised as well. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“Everything’s a mess.” Sylvie stated as she didn’t want to talk anymore although she wasn’t going to explicitly state that as she didn’t want to shut down the conversation as it felt good to talk to Stella again without fighting.

“Eat your food. I’m going to go help sort the compartments.” Stella excused herself realising that Sylvie was shutting down. Stella got to the doors and stopped then turned around, “We’re okay Sylvie”, before she made her way through the doors.

Sylvie watched as Stella walked out and the doors swung closed. Gabby placed her hand on Sylvie’s shaking wrist catching her attention and making her look at her. “It’s all going to be alright.” Gabby assured her sensing she still didn’t believe any of it.

“I’m really not hungry… I don’t feel well.” Sylvie pushed the plate away from her, the sight was making her feel even sicker. She knew what Gabby was telling her, what everyone was telling her, but she couldn’t shake the guilt and the hurt that she was feeling.

“Alright, go and lay down until our next call… I can take 61 out of the rotation for a while if you want?” Gabby was compromising hoping that if she wouldn’t eat that she would at least try and sleep, and it looked like she was in desperate need of sleep, no matter how little she got.

“No, please don’t take us out. I’ll go and lay down, hopefully that will help.” Sylvie knew what Gabby was doing and while she was grateful for it, she couldn’t help but think it would not help her to feel better despite how exhausted she felt.

“Alright, go…” Gabby pointed towards the bunk room as Sylvie stood shakily and made her way out of the common room and towards her bunk. Gabby let out a soft sigh and scrubbed her hands over her face before she stood up and picked up the untouched plate, quickly covering it and returning it to the fridge. Gabby walked out onto the apparatus floor quickly garnering everyone’s attention and shook her head softly before she moved towards Casey as Severide moved towards him as well.

“It’s going to take some time.” Gabby stated as a matter of fact, sounding exasperated.

“Where is she now?” Kelly sensed that she wasn’t eating at the table like he hoped.

“Trying to get some sleep… She didn’t have anything to eat, said she is feeling sick. I would say it has to do with the stress of everything.” Gabby informed them both as Matt rubbed her shoulder lightly seeing she was more worried than she was letting on.

“We’ll keep an eye on her on calls as well…” Matt knew the entire house would keep an eye on Sylvie out of sheer concern.

“Until she becomes the patient…” Gabby uttered making both men look at her in surprise at her words.

“Stella can step in if need be.” Matt volunteered immediately hoping it would ease his wife’s worry but knowing it wouldn’t.

“You seem to be the only one who can get through to her at the moment.” Gabby directed her words at Kelly who had managed to coax her inside somewhat surprised that he had been able too.

“I don’t know why.” Kelly shrugged as he truly didn’t know why, maybe it was because she knew how stubborn he could be and that he wasn’t going to let her sit outside and wallow for any longer, or maybe it was because she didn’t have the energy to fight him, if he was being honest with himself he suspected it was the latter reason. “I’ll check on her after we run the next set of drills. Let Capp run the next one.” He added as he decided on the spot giving her enough time to get to sleep, hopefully.

“Thanks.” Gabby was grateful as she wasn’t quite sure how to get Sylvie through this considering she had never seen the blonde so down on herself. Kelly simply nodded before he moved back towards Squad leaving Matt and Gabby.

“We’ll get her through this.” Matt pulled Gabby into his side to comfort her although his words were of little comfort.

“Yeah.” Gabby responded before she pulled away from him, heading towards the ambulance.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly was grateful for the quiet of the firehouse as everyone was still out on the apparatus floor and in the driveway completing drills, doing inventory, and cleaning. He had slipped away to check on Sylvie just as he had promised Gabby using the guise that he needed to get something from his quarters so that he could check on her as he made his way through the bunk room. Instead of finding her asleep like he hoped he found her laying on her back staring up at the ceiling with her eyes wide open, unblinking and unmoving.

“Thought you were trying to get some sleep?” He asked as he stopped and lent himself up against the partition with his arms folded over the top edge of the glass. She didn’t move and it was almost as if she hadn’t heard him. “Sylvie?” He called worriedly as he moved around the partition and closer to her bed, he kneeled down and reached his hand out, gently poking her hand and making her finally turn to look at him. Her blue eyes were so full of sadness and pain that it floored him and left him breathless.

“I stood in the office just days ago and I told her that I would hate to think that she would mess with any of you just to make herself look good, and she assured me. She assured me that she wouldn’t. She lied straight to my face and I couldn’t even see it, I believed her despite everything... How dumb am I? How stupid am I? Even after Connie told me that she told stolen all of that money yet I believed her and yet again I am the idiot. I am the one that was left to clean up the mess that she created but I am the one who let the devil in here. I let her in, that was my mistake. Her mistake was hurting all of you but I was the one who bought her in, who let her in so it makes it my mistake. But what she did wasn’t a mistake, it was vindictive and bitter and twisted, and I don’t know how to reconcile that with the person I once knew.” The anger was evident but her voice was soft and it was almost as if she was on the verge of breaking down but she had composed herself enough not too, after all what right did she have to cry when it was her fault that Hope had been bought into all of their lives.

“You’re not stupid Sylvie… You gave her a second chance because you wanted to believe in her… and that is what makes you a good person.” He was quick to reassure her, and was sincere in his words because he was speaking the truth. He was reminded of when she first started at the firehouse and had reminded him about giving people, even those that did not necessarily deserve it, a second chance because everyone did deserve a chance with all the grey areas in life. “And punishing yourself is not okay. You were hurt by her. What Hope did, it is not your burden to bare.” He had to get through to her, had to figure out how to get her to see that she was not at fault but she was blaming herself and letting the guilt that she felt become all consuming.

“I can’t just wash away the guilt, can’t just forget about it… I look around here, I look at Stella and it all could have been lost… And I don’t understand why you aren’t all angry because you should be because I am.” That omission wasn’t startling to him but it was to her. “Maybe some people, people like Hope, don’t deserve second chances. I was wrong about everyone deserving them just like I was wrong about Hope.” She had begun to believe that, believe that second chances shouldn’t be given but should be earned and even then maybe they still should not be given. It felt like she had been wrong about a lot of people lately, like she had lost her way of reading people. “She played me and I let her. She plied me with her Mom’s cookies and bought out that stupid scrapbook from our childhood. And I fell for it.” She blew out a harsh breath before her stomach turned despite having nothing in it to turn at.

He felt sad that what Hope did had impacted her so much so that her core values and beliefs had been tested and were shaken. “We are not angry with you Sylvie because you weren’t the one to do anything. You weren’t the one that acted maliciously. You were not the one behind any of her actions.” He wanted to say more but he noticed how pale she had become and before he could even ask if she was okay she was off her bed with a hand clasped over her mouth and running towards the bathroom.

Kelly followed after Sylvie and found her leaned over one of the toilets gagging and retching, and even to him it sounded painful because he knew she had nothing in her stomach to bring up which would only make it worse. He knelt down in behind her and placed his hand on her back while his other hand pulled her hair back even though it was already tied up there were loose strands that had fallen forward. “Just breathe nice and slow.” He told her softly as she groaned in pain as her stomach ached and her throat burned but at least she had stopped gagging. The pair sat in silence for a few minutes as Sylvie got her breathing under control and her nausea lessened.

“Sorry.” She groaned feeling stupid as he helped her up off the floor then let go of her as she made her way over to the sink and promptly rinsed out her mouth, splashed cold water on her face and washed her hands.

“Don’t worry about it… You really need to have something to eat Sylvie even if its something small. And get Gabby to put in an intravenous line and run fluids to hydrate you. It will make you feel a lot better.” He knew that she knew what he was saying was right and she didn’t have the energy to argue with him as she slowly nodded.

“Alright. I’ll go and get Gabby once I get you back to your bed. I don’t want you falling over on me.” He replied relieved that she was not putting up an argument.

Kelly made sure Sylvie was not going anywhere before he walked back out onto the apparatus floor capturing both Casey and Gabby’s attention easily as they had been waiting for him to reappear. Both were already making their way over to him as he nodded towards Ambulance 61.

“Gabby get your med kit and go put an I.V in her. She needs fluids. I’m going to get her something light to eat, hopefully her stomach will be able to tolerate it.” Kelly almost ordered although his concern was overwhelmingly obvious to both of them. However he made sure to preserve her dignity but leaving out the detail of her throwing up just minutes before.

“Did she say much?” Casey inquired as Gabby gathered the supplies she needed quietly not wanting to garner any unwanted attention.

“She’s hurt and she’s angry, and she doesn’t understand why we aren’t. She just needs time.” Kelly answered as vaguely as he could as he scratched at the back of his neck.

“I’ll go get this line started.” Gabby informed them before she left the two men to it, heading to find Sylvie to rehydrate her. Kelly was trying to keep his concern masked but Gabby knew him well enough to know that he was truly and deeply concerned.

“I’ll keep Truck and Squad drilling for as long as I can.” Casey offered knowing an audience was not what Sylvie needed at the moment. Kelly simple nodded in both recognition and approval before he followed after Gabby to get Sylvie some light to eat from the kitchen.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie looked up at Gabby as she walked in and knelt down beside her where she was sitting up on top of her bed having already prepared herself to have an intravenous line put into her arm. “Ready?” Gabby asked as Sylvie simply nodded in reply before she looked away, not wanting to see the needle go into her arm. Gabby made quick work of intravenous line and had the bag of fluids flowing as quickly as it could into her before Kelly returned with a banana and a small snack pack of crackers knowing both were plain enough that they shouldn’t upset her stomach any more than it already was.

“Thank you.” Sylvie knew she wasn’t going to get out of eating either of the items as Kelly sat at the end of her bed having already handed her the food while Gabby stayed close by. Sylvie picked at the banana, pulling it apart in small pieces and eating it piece by piece slowly as she really did not want to throw up again although she did feel a little better for the fluids.

“I’m calling in a replacement for you so they’ll be here as soon as those fluids are finished. You are going home and getting some sleep… No arguments.” Gabby could see that Sylvie was about to protest but quickly shut that down as she stood up.

“Cruz and Otis drove together this morning so one of them can drive your car back tomorrow morning. I’ll tell Boden that I’m driving you home.” Kelly added on knowing she was too tired and in no state to drive home, the last thing that she needed was to be in any sort of accident on her way home. He pinned her with a glare that had her biting her lip to stop her protests as she knew she wasn’t getting out of it. Instead she gave him a soft nod in agreement as in all honestly she was too tired to argue a battle that she had already lost the moment she nearly collapsed in front of him.

It didn’t take long for Gabby and Kelly to organise everything like her replacement and giving her a ride home as well as getting her car back to her apartment the next morning, thankfully Cruz had offered to drive it back for her, and all in time for her bag of fluids to run dry and Gabby to remove it after she had grabbed her bag from her locker.

“Ready?” Kelly asked after he put his radio on then held out his hand for her to take, to help her up.

“Uh-huh.” She faltered once more as she stood up with his help but he and Gabby were quick enough to grab her so that she did not hit the ground.

“Lets get you out of here.” Gabby knew that they needed to get Sylvie out without raising any attention for her own sake. Both Kelly and Gabby kept hold of each of her arms as they made their way out of the firehouse and to Kelly’s car. Kelly helped Sylvie into the passenger’s seat as Gabby put her duffel bag in the trunk.

“I’ll check in on you when I can. Call me if you need anything.” Gabby returned to Sylvie’s side and told her wanting to make sure she was okay as Kelly made his way round to the driver’s side and got in.

“Thank you.” Sylvie answered tiredly. Gabby glanced at Kelly and they shared a look that spoke volumes before Gabby stood back up and closed the door then watching as Kelly pulled out away from the firehouse. Kelly glanced over at Sylvie who was settled comfortably looking out through the window as the scenery passed by.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly looked over at Sylvie as he parked right outside of her apartment building seeing her finally turn to look at him. “I’ll walk you up.” It wasn’t an offer rather it was a statement as he moved to get out of the car and round to the passenger’s side to help her out which she accepted when he held his hand out for her to take after he had grabbed her duffel bag and slung the strap over his own shoulder. As soon as she was out of the car and he had closed the door then locked the car, he pressed his hand to the small of her back as she still did not look well.

The two made their way into the building and up to the apartment Sylvie shared with Cruz and Otis. Kelly had to take her keys from her as her hands were trembling and unlocked the door, letting her step inside first with him following closely behind before he sat her duffel bag down next to the closet. She turned around and looked at him letting her hand lightly grasp his forearm. “Thank you.” She spoke softly grateful for the care he had shown her and was showing her especially considering she felt as though it was undeserved. He stepped closer to her and pressed a kiss to her forehead before he pulled back to look at her eyes. “Get some sleep, and if you need anything just call me.” He wanted to tell her to forget about Hope and about everything she did but he knew that would not be helpful as she was not going to forget but instead she had to figure out a way to move forward. She gave him a tired nod as she let her hand drop down away from his arm. “Lock the door behind me and then to bed.” He pulled himself away from her knowing he had to get back to the firehouse but now he didn’t want to leave her on her own as he wanted to make sure she did get some sleep and have something to eat afterwards. “Okay.” She murmured tiredly as being in his presence was relaxing and suddenly she felt as the exhaustion hit her full force making her want to curl up in her bed for the rest of the day and well into the night. With one final look at her, he let himself out and waited until he heard the door lock before he made his way back out to his car to get back to shift.

 


	28. Ten Questions

**Ten Questions**

 

The apartment was quiet as the full moon filtered through the half drawn blinds and bathed the bedroom in a warm glow despite how cold the winter weather was outside. Kelly let his hand lovingly stroked over Sylvie's bare spine repeatedly as she used her fingertips to lightly trace patterns over the warm expanse of his torso; he was laying on his back while she was curled into his side with her legs entwined with his as they faced each other sharing a pillow. The taupe coloured sheet was draped loosely around them both over their hips.

 

Kelly couldn’t help but smile as he looked at her seeing her in her unguarded state and completely relaxed against him. "Hey gorgeous." He placed a kiss on her nose making her smile wider and a soft pink blush arise on her cheeks before she leaned up and captured his lips with hers in a soft kiss. "What are you thinking about?" He asked as she pulled back and settled down again as her fingertips resumed their movements over his torso.

 

"I’ve just... missed this, missed us, missed you these past few weeks." She answered honestly as she had missed just being alone with him; sure they had seen each other at the firehouse but within those walls they couldn’t be as unadulterated as they were when they were alone. It had been a long few weeks as winter had arrived with an unexpected brutality that had meant long and hectic shifts, and then their time off shift had been filled with other commitments that had meant they had barely seen each other and when they had it had been surrounded by their friends and colleagues.

 

"So have I. I’ve missed you." It felt so natural for him to say as he truly had missed being with her. He had missed having her in his arms, had missed talking to her about anything and everything, and he just missed her. "Did you go see that little girl again?" He asked recalling the little four year old who they had come across in the back of a car during one of the many multiple vehicle accidents that they had attended recently due to black ice that had instantly attached herself to Sylvie and could not be pried away from her by anyone, and Kelly had heard from Foster that the girl was pulled away crying by a social worker at Chicago Med after she was checked out and cleared.

 

"No, I didn’t want to make it any harder on her but I did check in with the social worker and they found a distant relative willing to take her." She kept her voice soft and as even as she could. "I don’t want to talk about work right now." She added on as she really didn’t want to recall the last few weeks before she pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

 

"Fair enough. What do you want to talk about then?" He asked understanding the need to change the subject and talk about anything else as he watched her purse her lips as she thought about it.

 

"I don’t know." She shrugged her shoulders as he chuckled at her making her smile. "Why don’t we ask each other ten questions? And we have to answer honestly. However we can pass on a question if it’s something we really don’t feel comfortable answering but it means that person gets to ask another question so we both get ten answers. We can take turns." It was an idea that popped into her head and she figured it would let them both learn more about each other, about things they had not yet explored between themselves.

 

He could see how her eyes sparkled as she told him her idea and he was grateful for the stipulations she added as she knew she had added them for him but he also felt that he owed it to her to be as honest as he could with his answers to her questions. He knew that it was not something she had planned especially given that they had not even made plans to see each other but he had been at Molly’s having a quiet drink with Casey when he saw Cruz and Otis were there and he had casually asked where Sylvie was, and once he received the answer he finished his beer and took his leave claiming that it had been a long few weeks and he was tired which was true but like he had admitted earlier he had missed being with her.

 

"Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to. Just forget I bought it up." She had watched his facial expressions and he hadn’t said anything but she could tell he was thinking hard about what she had said as her fingertips stopped their dance and she flattened her hand out over his heart.

 

"No, no. I want to, I like your idea." He assured her quickly as he moved his hand up to her hand that was on his chest and covered it. "Now you my gorgeous woman get to ask your first question." He smiled at her with his smile that reassured her it really was okay. Sylvie looked into his eyes to read him to make sure he really was okay with her idea and she could see that he was. Sure she had been the one to suggest it but she had no idea what she wanted her first question to be. "You have no idea what to ask, do you?" He couldn’t help the smirk or the laugh that escaped his lips at the surprised and somewhat blank look on her face which earned him a light push on his ribs from her free hand that was between them.

 

"I’ve got it. What did you think when you first met me?" Sylvie asked as she had always wondered what he had thought as she recalled how icy he was although she understood why. He turned and looked up at the ceiling and she knew he was thinking although she could sense his hesitation but she did not push him for an answer as she felt his hand pause in its movements on her back.

 

"I wasn’t thinking about much of anything back then... I was too consumed by my grief but I remember thinking you were a firecracker given how you basically told me off and informed me that I needed to give people second chances. You ended up worrying me though... I was worried at how involved you were getting with that one mother and I didn’t want you to get hurt... I guess I always felt protective of you.” Kelly took his time as he spoke wanting to answer the best he could but he had to admit that a lot of the days in the first two or so months after Shay’s death had passed by in a blur. However he did remember how she had bailed him up with a fierceness that he admired especially when he was not on the receiving end, and how protective he felt of her. As he finished speaking, he turned his head back to her and placed a soft quick kiss on her nose as he subconsciously pulled her body in closer to his despite there being no room left between them.

 

“I remember the night, not long after I started, I walked into Molly’s and you were sat with all of the guys playing cards. You asked me if I was okay and gave me one of those smiles that I love seeing as you tipped your bottle towards me.” It was such a minor interaction between them but she could still recall it vividly because even surrounded by everyone it was him that stood out to her and she wanted to distract him. "I’m sorry if I was too harsh on you." She added on almost as an afterthought but it was heartfelt as she had not meant to make things harder on him.

 

"You weren’t, I needed the wake up call back then..." He paused as he resumed his movements with his hand on her back, moving lightly up and down her spine. "I’m stealing your question so what did you think of me when we first met?" Her question had made him curious as he knew he hadn’t been the most welcoming or the easiest.

 

Sylvie looked at him as she considered her answer. "It was easy to see that you were heartbroken and struggling, and that me being there wasn’t helping but there was something alluring about you as well, something warm, something safe... It seems surreal considering everything now but I had the biggest crush on you." She was honest just as she had asked him to be but she was watching closely for his reaction.

 

"How did I not know you had a crush on me?" He chuckled as he gave her a teasing smile and wiggled his eyebrows at her seeing her cheeks redden with a pink tinged blush.

 

"Guess I was good at hiding it." She shrugged although she was sure that she had not hid it that well at the time. “Next question, if you could only choose one superpower, what would it be?” It was random but it was nice to have an element of fun too.

 

“You’ve clearly been living with Otis for too long.” He chuckled as he pondered what his answer would be. “There are a lot of superpowers to choose from, and I’m sure that most of them would come in handy at some time or another...” He trailed off as he thought out loud.

 

“Kelly...” She prompted wanting him to choose one.

 

“Is the ability to heal super fast a superpower? Because if it is then that’s the one I would choose.” Given their line of work it seemed appropriate and a surprisingly levelled head choice.

 

“Mr Practical.” She commented teasingly.

 

“Alright, alright... what’s one of the most embarrassing things you have ever done?” He asked his second question and he had to admit he was thoroughly enjoying this little question and answer session in their relaxed state.

 

She mock glared at him before smiling at him. “I’ll preface this with saying I was a teenager and I grew up in Fowlerton... I was drunk on this horrible home brew, I was 17, and we were bored, well Hope was whereas I was just trying not to throw up. Anyway, we ended up deciding that flashing the next passing car on the highway was a great idea, after all the highway was surrounded by ditches that we could duck into, and it was one of those tick off lifetime items. So we flashed the first car that came along and thought nothing of it until the car did a u-turn and the flashing red and blue lights lit up the night sky. We were that drunk that we weren’t going to be stealthy in the slightest. We couldn’t even stand up straight. And of course in a small town there was no way that anyone did not know the local sheriff." Her cheeks were flaming red by the time she finished speaking and she couldn’t hide her grimace as she recalled that night and the next day rather vividly. Kelly couldn’t help the deep laugh that broke through his lips as he could imagine Sylvie young and drunk with the most innocent yet guilty expression on her face. "I couldn’t look at that sheriff ever again but at least he had the decency of discretion, and I was a paramedic called to many traffic accidents that required his attendance." She pushed her hand into his ribs again lightly as he shook his head but he stopped laughing as she stole a quick kiss from him.

 

"What is your favourite memory from when you were a little boy?" She wanted to change the subject and she loved the way he recalled his good memories as his eyes would sparkle and there was an extra warmth that radiated from him.

 

"I’m not sure if it’s my favourite but it was the one that I immediately thought of." He paused as he took a few moments to gather himself and he flattened his hand out around her hip with his arm against her back. "I was like seven or eight and it was the middle of winter. Benny was supposed to pick me up from school but he didn’t show up. It was really icy and it had started to snow again as I was walking home. I was freezing as I didn’t have my jacket either as Benny said I didn’t need it that day, all I had on was a pair of jeans, a long sleeved top and a pair of well worn sneakers... Anyway, I was hurrying home and I slipped on some ice. Next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital with my wrist in a cast and a thick sling, and I looked like a panda as I had two very dark black eyes and a concussion." He was trying to give her the background context she needed to understand the next part and why her question evoked this particular memory even though he could see her confusion. "I remember my Mom arriving and she was really flustered but she got to take me home straight away. She asked me where my jacket was and I told her that Benny told me I didn’t need it so she took off her own jacket and wrapped me up in it until we got home from the hospital, I still remember how comforting the scent of her perfume was, how safe I felt. We got home and I felt really sick and I was in pain. Mom made a makeshift bed on the couch and she laid next to me all night as I couldn’t sleep. She spent the entire night trying to make me feel better and look less like a panda with ice packs whilst telling me any and every story she could think of. That night was the first night she had ever told me about how she felt when I was born that I could recall anyway. She said ‘ _I held you and there was this incredible and almost indescribable rush of love that I felt for you and I will always love you Kelly, I don’t want you to ever forget that. The moment I saw those beautiful blue eyes of yours I knew you would forever be special. Don’t ever let anyone convince you that you are any less'._ I didn’t realise it at the time but she was talking about Benny. It was probably the last time that Mom and I really spent any real time together before things really began to fall apart." Kelly swallowed thickly as he allowed himself another moment. He felt her hand that was over his heart move back and forth slightly beneath his own hand. “My next question for you is why do you have a fear of clowns?” He didn’t need her to say anything about the memory he had chosen to share and she hadn’t because she knew him; however he was somewhat intrigued to hear her answer to his next question.

 

She let out a soft groan and pressed her face into his shoulder briefly as she wished that her clown phobia had stayed a secret before she lifted her head back up. She seriously considered passing but she would not do that to him given how open he was being with her with his answers to her questions. “They are just terrifying, everything about them is. They are not fun or cute. I’ve always been scared of them and I know it’s stupidly irrational. I hated going to the annual fair every year, I swear Fowlerton’s fair always had a ridiculous amount of clowns. The last year I went to the fair I was seventeen and I counted six clowns. I was out of those fair grounds so fast that I spent the rest of the day locked in the safety of my bedroom... And seriously what goes on inside a person’s head that makes them think that they want to be a clown when they grow up. Seriously it’s deranged.” She was wide eyed as she had rushed out the words feeing the familiar internal sense of panic rising within her even as she spoke about clowns. She bit down on her bottom lip as soon as she said her final word as she took a few deep breaths and willed herself to calm down.

 

“It’s okay. What’s your next question?” He had felt her tense against him and had noticed the way her breathing had altered so he hoped to distract her from her thoughts hating that he had asked such a stupid question given her reaction.

 

“I’m okay.” She reassured him softly as she thought about her next question. “What is something you would like to try but haven’t?” She asked knowing that she may be able to surprise him in the future with whatever he answered.

 

“I’ve always thought it would be cool to go up in a hot air balloon. Or...” He trailed off with a smirk as he looked at her seeing her realisation at what she had asked and what he was thinking about.

 

“Or...” She repeated waiting for him to carry on.

 

“The _Kama Sutra_ comes to mind.” He teased knowing there were positions he would willingly try with her if she was willing.

 

“I think that could be arranged.” She answered seriously smiling at him which he reciprocated.

 

“I’m holding you to that.” He was serious as he made a mental note to find a copy of the book again. He had first seen it years ago as Shay had been reading it and she had left it open on the table which caught his interest especially because after a drunken night on the couch they had ended up talking about some of the suggested positions.

 

“I have no doubt you will.” She could have laughed at his surprise as she seemed to catch him off guard. He captured her lips with her, kissing her feverishly as she reciprocated until they separated and lent their foreheads against each other’s. “It’s your turn.” She whispered against his lips knowing that if she didn’t that neither of them would get through the rest of their questions.

 

“I want to know what one of your most important memories is from when you were little.” He was stealing and rewording her question again but she didn’t mind.

 

“Dad and I went on a road trip, not long after a learned that I was adopted and really understood what it meant. I’d never felt so lost until that moment in my life, it felt like my whole childhood up until that point had been this carefully constructed web of lies... I hadn’t said a single word the whole trip to Nashville to the Mossy Ridge Trail. We hiked in silence until we got to this one particular waterfall. It was beautiful, probably one of the most beautiful things I had even seen up until that point in my life. Dad told me that we were going to sit by the waterfall until I was ready to talk. And I hated him for it, for that stubbornness." She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "I don’t know how long we sat there for but it was a long time until I told him I hated him for lying to me, for keeping it a secret from me, for the way I found out. And he accepted it so readily and I hated him for that too as we lapsed into this silence just watching the waterfall flow. He eventually broke the silence and he told me that I could be mad and be hurt, that I could feel whatever I needed to feel, but I was still loved and that would never change. And that when I was ready he would do whatever he could to answer the questions that I had, to help me find the answers if I wanted his help. That feeling of not knowing who I was or where I came from was dwelled because I was still his daughter. I think that’s what I was most scared of, that because I was adopted they could decide that I was no longer theirs one day.” She still vividly recalled that defining conversation from years ago and it truly was one of her most important and pivotal memories from her childhood.

 

“I’m glad that you had him, you had them, that you have them.” He knew how her history weighed on her just as his did, and he knew that she knew very little about her birth parents which sometimes ate at her.

 

“Yeah...” She placed a kiss on his collarbone at his caring words. “My next question is where are the best and worst places that you have had sex?” She asked seeing him smirk as she shrugged although he didn’t miss the devious look in her eyes.

 

“Usually it’s not about the place, it’s about the person...” He answered diplomatically as he shifted beneath her, squirming almost. She shot him a look. “Anywhere with you is the best.” He said smoothly although as much as it sounded like a deflection there was a truth in it.

 

“Very smooth.” She giggled lightly although she knew that there was some truth by his tone .

 

“My turn... what is your favourite body part of mine?” He was excited to hear her answer because he knew how well thought out it would be.

 

“Your hands and your eyes.” She answered immediately, not even having to think about her answer as she had thought about it before. “I love your hands for so many reasons. I love how your hands hold mine. I love how your hands feel against my skin, I love how warm they always are. I love the way your hands make me feel; how they can be comforting and loving and how they make my skin electrified. I love how strong they are and how rough they can be, yet how soft and gentle they are. And then there is your beautiful blue eyes and how expressive they are. I never got the expression that eyes are like windows to the soul until I looked into yours. I love when we are out or at work and I can feel that protective gaze even if it’s only for a few seconds in the midst of the chaos that we often find ourselves in.” The words came so easily because she truly meant every word. His hands and her eyes were particular favourites although she loved every single part of him.

 

“You are incredible.” He replied smiling at her adoringly as he curled his hand around hers on his chest. He had never thought of his hands they way she had described them nor had he realised the affect his eyes had on her.

 

“Thank you... What I want to know next is have you always been a reader?” She asked as more often than not if he was not doing a crossword then he would have his head buried in whatever book he was reading, and he always looked peaceful when he was.

 

“I guess to a degree, I started reading more when I was a teenager. It was easy to get lost in a book than deal with things at time. I guess it became a form of escapism at the time, and then it came in handy when I went through the academy. It became engrained in me to keep a book or magazine on me, to get lost in the words on the page and the story or to wind down after a tense situation.” He had never thought about why he read until the question had been posed to him but he answered honestly as he first really began reading when news of Benny’s affair with his teacher and his mother’s breakdown became public knowledge. He didn’t want to think about that time in his life so he moved onto his next question. “Sunrises or sunsets?” He asked wanting to think about something else.

 

Once again she could feel how he had tensed beside her and she could feel how much he needed a change of subject. "Hmmm... I don’t know. They can both be welcome at different times. Sometimes it’s nice to see it rise and other times it’s nice to see it set." She liked both for different reasons and simply wasn’t going to choose. He hummed in response as he understood the greater meaning behind her words because after a hectic night the sun rising was a welcoming sight and after a hectic day sometimes it was nice to see the sun set signalling that it was over. "Have you always been such a natural with kids?" She had always wondered if his paternal instincts were natural or whether those instincts had been nurtured; either way she knew it was something special that he had and that he would be a great father one day.

 

"It’s not something I’ve really ever thought about... I treat kids how I wanted to be treated when I was those ages. They are a lot more resilient than they are given credit for. I guess I always could deal with kids easier because their uncomplicated most of the time. I still check in with J.J from time to time and his Aunt updates me too..." He paused as he wondered if he should say what he was thinking or refrain from it... "When I met Nicholas for the first time it stirred up a lot of things. I had no romantic interest in Renée but I had to admit seeing Nicholas made me think about what could have been if he had of been mine. What it would have been like to be a father and what type of father I would be. I was excited to be a dad, terrified but excited, and I wanted to be everything that Benny wasn’t, I wanted to be the best... It’s dead history now though." He looked up at the ceiling and swallowed thickly wishing he could take back his words. "I remember the first time I held Andy's boys, Griffin and Ben, and it was a surreal feeling. They were both these tiny squirmy babies... I remember sitting with Andy one night after a really rough shift, Griffin was a toddler and Ben was only a few months old anyway Griffin climbed up and curled into my lap while Andy held Ben in his arms. Andy looked over at me with that stupid smirk of his and cocked his head to the side and he then suddenly he had his serious face on and he told me 'I didn’t have anything to fear when it came time to having my own, that my fears were unfounded and that I could follow my own path in fatherhood'... If you ever wanted to see a natural it was Andy. He loved his boys, he lived for them." It was like he couldn’t stop his mouth from speaking and it was so rare for him to take about Andy but he recalled the relief that he found in those words even if he had sent a glare Andy’s way at the time.

 

"I’m sad that I never met him but it sounds like he was pretty wise when it came to you." She had not heard much about Andy although she knew it was one of those things that was rarely spoken about but when he told her tidbits about Andy and Shay she always treasured them.

 

"Wise and Andy were not often said in the same sentence." He chuckled as the tension that had built within him broke with her words as he turned his head back towards her. "But yeah you’re right he knew what I needed to hear even when I didn’t know." Years of friendship had been the reason for that understanding between them, and he missed it. "He would have loved you." Kelly knew that deep in his heart that Andy would have loved Sylvie because of her love for him and his love for her. He kissed her temple and smiled as he could imagine Andy vividly telling Sylvie their stories and kicking his arse if he screwed things up with her.

 

"Yeah?" She asked somewhat surprised at his statement and she wondered why.

 

"Yeah, I’m pretty sure he would have given you his playbook on how to deal with me. I’m sure it was extensive. But seriously he would have loved you. You would have provided him some comfort, eased his worries." He didn’t feel the need to elaborate any further as he thought of his next question. "What’s one call that you will always remember? Like one of the most significant ones." He asked although she had stated she didn’t want to talk about work.

 

"There’s been a few but I think one of the most profound calls for me was the one with the woman who was stabbed to death by the junkie and she had two daughters. I still don’t even really know why, I mean I’ve lost patients before and heard their final words but that changed something, broke something and I had to piece myself back together." She cuddled closer to him subconsciously as a shudder ran through her spine as she recalled that scene. She felt as his hand wrapped back around her hip and the one holding her hand closed a little tight around hers which she was grateful for.

 

"You know you never have to suffer alone though right?" He wanted to make sure she knew that she was not alone. He hated that she had dealt with the emotional trauma of that call by herself.

 

"I know but it’s hard to explain something that you don’t understand yourself." She knew he would understand that. "Anyway, what I want to know is what do you feel is your greatest accomplishment in your life so far?" She suspected she already knew his answer but wanted to hear it from him.

 

"There’s a few..." He didn’t miss her quick look of surprise as he paused. "Obviously making Squad when I did and being a Lieutenant is one but there are others like getting clean and staying that way, and where I am, where we are now." It had taken a lot of growing to get where he was now and it had not been without heartache and pain but he felt it could be counted because he was proud of them. "What did you think I would say?" He asked intrigued by her surprised look.

 

"Exactly what you did about how you were the youngest ever to make Squad and your rank but I like your other two." She was proud of him, proud that he realised and recognised how much he had grown and how he acknowledged just how much he had been though.

 

"Thank you. Now my next question is what is your dream date?" He really wanted to know what her idea of a dream date as he was hoping that one day he would get the chance to spoil her by making her dream date a reality.

 

“Life isn’t a fairytale.” She shrugged as her words had him looking at her skeptically. “All that matters is that you are with the person who you want to be with, sharing in that moment together.” Her sincerity did not go unnoticed as he smiled at her.

 

“Fair point but what would your dream date be if you could have the fairytale?” He pushed her for an answer as he kept his tone light. He saw her purse her lips together and he knew she was thinking about her answer.

 

“If I could have a fairytale date... It would be you in a tux and I would be in a gown. We would have dinner and dance with a beautiful view of the city uninterrupted.” There was a beautiful simplicity in her fairytale date but it was the first thing she imagined so she said it.

 

“That sounds pretty perfect.” He could visualise what she had said and he made a mental note to file it away for safe keeping. And he loved how dreamily her voice had sounded when she finally answered.

 

“Yeah it does... now I’m going to steal your question and ask what is one call that you will always recall?”

 

“Peter.” It was the first name that popped into his head. “We were called to this collapse at a building site and Peter was one of the construction workers. He was trapped beneath but alive and talking , well giving me advice, although he wasn’t in a good condition as he has internal bleeding. The whole structure was unstable and we were running out of time. I made the decision to amputate his leg as we couldn’t wait for a trauma surgeon to arrive but it was too late. He died before I could precede.” Kelly paused as he blew out a breath. “What really got me was his widow, Georgie, and what he said to her in the goodbye video that he filmed on my phone that day.” He finished knowing that call had stuck with him especially when he felt that he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Peter’s words about not waiting to long to marry suddenly made a lot of sense but he kept that tidbit to himself. “When do you feel the most protected and taken care of?” His next question had spawned from thinking about Peter and Georgie.

 

She raised herself up and over him so that her legs were on either side of him as he pulled himself up so that he was raised up as she settled in his lap straddling him now that the sheet had fallen away from their bodies. One of his hands moved to her waist while his other hand rested on the top of her thigh as one of her hands once again found its way to his chest and the other covered the one rested on her thigh. His question had surprised her but she knew it had most likely stemmed from his answer to her question.

 

“This. Us.” She began as she looked into his eyes. “We’re here together. Just being with you makes me feel safe. I know that you know that I don’t always need to be protected but you do it anyway because that is who you are and you do it in your own way.” It wasn’t the easiest question to answer but it also was the easiest question to answer because it was who he was and the small things that were so natural to him made her feel protected and taken care of. Sure there were times when he could be overprotective but she knew it was because he cared and for that she could never be mad at him for it.

 

“Thank you.” He replied grateful for her view on life and on him. She shook her head at him lightly as he didn’t need to thank her for anything in her answer.

 

“I have one last question for you.” She realised that she was at her tenth and final question and marvelled silently at how quickly they had reached it. She took a deep breath as she hesitated with her final question and debated internally whether she should ask or not but she knew if she didn’t that she would wonder now that it was in her head. “Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I went to Vegas with you?” As soon as she said the words out loud she felt him shift beneath her and watched as he looked up at the ceiling before he stilled and his eyes found hers again. She had thought about it before, it was fleeting but she had wondered about it, wondered what would have happened if she had said yes to him that day.

 

“You made the right call not to come with me back then... At the time I was running away from almost everything, and I believe that if we had gone to Vegas together I would have ended up hurting you. We wouldn’t be here, wouldn’t be like this.” He was so resolute with his words and she realised that he had thought about it too. He was watching closely for her reaction and was somewhat relieved when she nodded at him in acceptance and understanding. Her eyes conveyed everything he needed as her hand that was rested on his chest moved up to his neck just as she leaned forward and kissed him which he reciprocated before she meant back again.

 

He looked at her knowing he had one last question for her and it was important. “Are you happy? Do I make you happy?” It was a question that plagued him given that they were still hiding their relationship and given their individual histories, he worried. His eyes found his hand that was caressing her thigh as he waited for her answer but he did not miss the way her breath hitches by his words.

 

“Kelly look at me.” She could see his deeply hidden insecurities come to the forefront and hear it in his voice as he asked her. She waited until he raised his eyes to hers. “I have never been this happy. I am happy. You make me happy, actually you make me feel so much more than just happy.” She wished she could say more, could reassure him more, but for them it was all in their actions.

 

“Thank you.” He whispered before he moved both of her hands up to either side of her rib cage and used his strength to pull her down on top of him and wrap his arms around her. She laid down on top of him with ease as he entwined their legs together and she pressed her face into the side of his neck as her thumb skimmed over his jaw softly from her hand that was still rested on the other side of his neck. Her other hand found its way to his ribs and she let her fingertips ghost over the scar that was there from when he was caught in the explosion at Chicago Med.

 

“I’m glad you came here tonight.” She kept her voice soft but the smile that graced her face gave her away.

 

“So am I.” He replied as he let his fingertips dance over her spine endlessly once more before the sound of the front door slamming made them both startle as the silence of the apartment was broken as Cruz and Otis’ voices penetrated the walls and the sanctuary of her room causing her to groan softly and press her face further into his neck which made his chuckle softly.

 

Neither of them made an effort to move as they relaxed into each other enjoying each other’s presence. They didn’t always need words to communicate instead it was with simple touches and being entwined with each other.

 


	29. Confused Cooking

**Confused Cooking**

 

Sylvie stopped at the entrance to the common room at the sight of Kelly in the kitchen cursing up a storm. She cocked her head to the side and smiled mildly amused. "What are you doing?" She couldn’t resist asking as she made her way towards him, at the sound of her voice he spun round looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

 

"I’m making dinner. I pulled cooking duty." Kelly answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world as he turned back to the bench truly seeing the mess that he had spread out in front of him.

 

"And what exactly are you making?" She questioned as she looked round at the mess on top of the kitchen bench with multiple trays lined, and then vegetables spread everywhere.

 

"I figured a couple of tray meals full of chicken and vegetables would be easiest." He carried on cutting up vegetables, still having a few more to cut up having already placed the chicken into a few ziplock bags to let it marinate while he did so. She smiled at him slightly surprised at the forethought he had although she was not going to say it aloud.

 

"Want do you need a hand with?" She asked as she washed her hands as he looked at her after having tossed another pile of vegetables onto one of the trays.

 

"Could help get the last of these veggies chopped before I toss them with a bit of oil and some seasoning." He was surprised that she had offered but he was not going to turn it down given that he still had to get the food in the oven to cook and time was rapidly passing by as he had been delayed with a call to a car accident.

 

"I’m guessing these were your go to meals when you were a candidate." She commented as she slid in beside her and grabbed a few of the red potatoes then began to quarter them as he had been, adding them to the tray.

 

"Nope, not at all... I was terrible cooking as a candidate. Eventually I got banned from the kitchen as a lot of it was uneatable. I’d hate to know how many pans I destroyed by leaving the element on when I had to rush out on a call." He answered with a small chuckle as he could still recall how his Lieutenant had made it a direct order that he was never to step in the kitchen unless he had some miraculous transformation that turned him into a chef. Although he had learned to cook over the years, even now he still relied heavily on take out and eating out.

 

"Sounds like it was smart way to get out of cooking for the masses." She smiled softly as she tossed the last of the potatoes on the tray just as he finished the pumpkin.

 

"And I wasn’t even trying too. I still made the occasional batch of sandwiches and toasties here and there but anything more substantial was left to someone else." He admitted recalling the weariness that always surrounded anything he served.

 

"How did you survive outside of the firehouse? I’m guessing you ate a lot of pizza." It was a fair enough assumption as he tossed a light drizzle of olive oil and seasoning over each tray of vegetables as she went to clean the chopping boards and knives.

 

"Yeah, spent a lot of time at Andy's as Heather always fed me and Casey... Geez, that was a lifetime ago." He hadn’t meant to say it but it was the truth. Heather had always made sure that he and Casey had at least one decent dinner when they were off shift.

 

"Is the chicken in the fridge?" She asked changing the subject and shifting his focus sensing his sadness.

 

"Yeah... Just need to put it over those two trays then they can go into the oven with these." He was grateful that she hadn’t questioned him further about Heather or Andy instead shifting his focus back to the task at hand. He opened the preheated oven and slid the vegetables in before he closed the oven to begin the cooking process just as Sylvie returned with the marinated chicken and began to place it on the trays that had already been lined. He slid the trays into the oven as soon as the last piece of chicken was on the tray. "Thank you." He glanced at the clock as he set the timer on the oven.

 

"You did everything..." She replied just as the alarm went off for an ambulance only call which had her heading out. "Don’t forget about it." Her parting remark had him shaking his head but smiling none the less as he cleaned up all of the scraps.

 


	30. Marked

**Marked**

 

The pull of his skin over his muscles as he tugged his soot covered and sweat drenched polo shirt off over his head made him wince and his eyes immediately searched out Sylvie’s who was stood by the open doors of Ambulance 61 as she prepared to complete inventory from what he could gather as she held a clipboard and pen in her hands. He couldn’t help the smirk that he sent her way as he knew exactly why his back was sore although he was not complaining given the way she had come undone beautifully beneath him just hours ago before their shift had started.

 

“Woah! What happened to your back Severide?” Capp asked from his place behind him seeing the upper part of his back was covered in fresh thick red scratches.

 

"Go colour a picture Capp." Kelly answered quickly but not quick enough as multiple sets of eyes were on him or rather on his back and the scratches. In his peripheral vision he could see the bright red blush that was forming on Sylvie's cheeks as her eyes met his briefly before she looked away and into the back of the ambulance not wanting to give away that she had been the one that had marked him as they still were not out in the open.

 

"Someone got lucky last night..." Cruz whistled before he spoke passing by as he headed for the kitchen in search of something to eat.

 

"With what? A cougar?" Herrmann asked with a smirk before he grew serious inspecting the scratches closely. "Your back is pretty marked up Severide."

 

"So are you going to tell us who it was?" Casey asked unable to resist throwing the comment his way feeding the frenzy that the men were in which only earned him a sharp pinned glare from the man who was the centre of attention and hated being so. Whoever said that firemen were not gossips had clearly never seen them circling for any answers as if it was like a shark feeding frenzy.

 

“I had a very nice time with an incredible woman. And I don’t kiss and tell.” Kelly threw his dirty shirt over his shoulder as he spoke although he knew it would not quell the speculation given that there wasn’t a lot going on and idle firefighters were always on the search for entertainment. He once again caught Sylvie’s eyes from behind the ambulance doors across the apparatus floor seeing her smile softly at his words; it was the smile that was reserved just for him and he knew it, it was the smile that said ‘thank you’ and ‘you are the sweetest’ and every other thing that couldn’t be conveyed verbally whilst they were still in view and earshot of people.

 

"She certainly marked you." Casey smirked as he got a decent look at the raised red flesh against his tanned skin having come closer to look.

 

Kelly shook his head lightly as he ignored the continued mutterings of the men and headed for the interior of the firehouse in desperate need of a cold shower as he willed his mind to forget momentarily the conjured up memory of their last act together.

 


	31. Grief Striken Demise

**_Grief Stricken Demise_ **

Sylvie stood outside of the hospital room looking through the glass at her former partner who had been the master of his own demise, who had disobeyed direct orders as his grief and anger clouded his rational judgement and walked right into a ball of fire. The damage was extensive, the burns would be a permanent reminder and the loss of his eye meant he lost his career as both a paramedic and a firefighter, now his life would be lived from inside a long term care facility. She wondered how much more he and his family had to suffer, and wondered how cruel the world could be but this wasn’t exactly an accident, it was a deliberate act of defiance that led to this, that led to her being outside a stark and sterile hospital room mourning the loss of him, of another partner and friend, despite the fact he was alive instead of being at home.

She didn’t know how long she had been stood there looking into the softly lit hospital room watching the illuminated screens through the glass but it had been long enough that she felt herself swaying lightly from exhaustion. She let her eyes close briefly as she thought about how they had all tried to help after his brother’s tragic death in that building collapse as she let her hand fall onto the metal frame of the window in order to steady herself.

“Sylvie.” Kelly said as his hand landed on the small of her back, the warmth immediately radiating into her own skin through the light cotton of her work shirt. She didn’t even realise how cold she felt until that moment, she hadn’t even realised that goose bumps had formed on her exposed skin. She opened her eyes and turned her face to look at him and was immediately struck by the concern that was evident in his blue eyes. She realised that he was holding her steady as his other hand landed on her forearm softly, his thumb delicately brushing over the very edge of her wrist.

“How long have you been here?” He asked knowing everyone else had left hours ago yet she was still here, still in her uniform, despite not being allowed in to visit him. He didn’t know why he found himself back at the hospital especially after everything but he had and he was glad that he returned because it looked like Sylvie wasn’t doing too well.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged as she said the words because she had lost track of the times hours ago. It had felt time had slowed painfully so, and she truly had no idea.

“Let me take you home so you can at least shower and get changed into something more comfortable.” He offered hoping it would at least make her feel a little better or at least fresher. Or rather he hoped to be able to get her away from the hospital knowing that keeping watch was not helpful and only hurt more.

“Everything he said, everything he did, and this is how it ends. Grief stricken insanity.” She knew her words sounded harsher than she intended even as they were laced with sadness. She hated that he had been the one to lead to his own demise, hated that she had only been able to watch from a distance as he had pushed her and everyone else away, and she hated that it had ended this way.

“Sylvie you did your best to reach out and help him but he didn’t want anyone’s help. There’s no way any of us foresaw that this was how it was going to end, that he would erupt on a call and disregard crucial orders that could have saved him from all of this, all of the pain and torment that he now has to live with. None of us were going to be able to stop him from walking into that explosion, and if it hadn’t of been today, it would have been on another day at another call. Everyone’s hands were tied by his actions, by his allegations, and none of us were going to be able to save him because he didn’t want to be saved.” The words were harsh but they were the truth and Kelly needed Sylvie to hear and to understand them. He wasn’t meaning to burden her with more or to overcomplicate things but he knew she was partially blaming herself, had looked at her in the waiting room when she was sat in the middle with Gabby and Stella on either side of her and had been able to tell straight away that the worry she felt had given way to blame as well.

“I know, I do, I really do… Could you take me home now please?” She was resigned and nothing that Kelly had said was a surprise to her because they had all seen the path he was taking. She did not want to stand at the window anymore and keep vigil because it wouldn’t change anything. There was no way that the past could be changed, there were no way to rewind everything that had happened and there was no way to foresee the spiral that Jimmy had been so intent on completing even though it resulted in his own demise.

“Sure.” He was relieved that she did not reject his offer as she looked as if she was going to collapse at any second. He could feel the way she was swaying beneath his hands and he knew it was from exhaustion, and he could also guess that she had not eaten or drunk anything since they left the firehouse for what would prove to be Jimmy’s final fateful call.

He kept his hands in place as she moved away from the window with one final longing look before she allowed him to guide her out of the hospital and to his car. He opened the door and helped her in before he closed the door and walked round to the driver’s side. He started the car and pulled out of the carpark once he had turned the heater on and up after he glanced over at her to see she had her seatbelt on and was looking out of the side window. The quiet resigned Sylvie was somewhat unnerving but given all that had happened lately, he couldn’t blame her for it.

“Kelly?” Her small murmur of his name broke the silence as she turned to look at him as they came to a stop at the first set of traffic lights.

“Yeah?” He asked in reply, almost shocked by the emotions that he could see in her eyes as the nearby street light shone into the car, illuminating her.

“Why did you come back… to the hospital tonight?” She asked softly almost hesitantly as her voice was laced with uncertainty. She felt like she was overstepping but she had to know, had to ask the question that was on her mind.

“I could ask you why you stayed at the hospital but I won’t because I have a fair idea why… Truthfully, I don’t really know why I did but maybe its because as much as I disagreed with Jimmy and his actions of late, I know he was grieving, and there is not one of us that wanted it to end like it did, not one of us who wanted him to end up like he has.” It wasn’t much of an answer but it was the only one he had in the moment. Despite everything, Jimmy had still been a part of the Fifty One family even though his tenure had all come to an abrupt and horrific end that would certainly never be forgotten for all of the wrong reasons. She nodded softly, acceptingly, at his answer just as the light changed from red to green, and he couldn’t help but be relieved that she accepted it.

The rest of the drive from the hospital to her apartment was made in relative comfortable silence. It was odd how the city seemed to be deserted, the streets were quiet as if the city was mourning what she was. Sylvie saw as her apartment come into view and felt Kelly park the car.

“When was the last time you ate?” Kelly asked as he took off his seatbelt and angled his body towards hers.

“At the firehouse. I’m not really hungry though.” She answered slightly confused at his question as she took off her own seatbelt.

“You need to eat something, and I’m not leaving until you do.” There was no choice, and she would have smiled if she wasn’t so exhausted.

“Is that your way of offering to cook?” She asked in an effort to side track him so that he wouldn’t make her eat as she wasn’t particularly hungry given all that had happened.

“I can cook! And it will be quicker than ordering food to be delivered.” His indignant response had her smiling, it was too great not too. It wasn’t often that she got one over on Kelly, not often that she was a step ahead of him, and had him floundering but she certainly enjoyed when she did.

“Well you can cook while I’m in the shower.” She wasn’t going to argue with him, and she suspected he didn’t want to be alone either. Jimmy’s injuries highlighted that they were not immortal and left them facing their own mortality, and that one bad decision could leave them permanently disabled or dead. It was a stark reminder to each and every first responder when something bad happened to one of their own, and even if they wouldn’t admit it, it often left an impression on them and gave them things to think about.

“I can do that.” He answered easily as they both got out of the car. “Lead the way.” He smiled as his hand once again found its way to the small of her back as he joined her on the sidewalk. They made their way up to her apartment and she let them in.

“Kitchen’s that way.” She pointed towards the kitchen with a smile almost expecting him to back out, or call for delivery as she dropped her keys down on the table then headed for the bathroom knowing he was resourceful and would figure out where everything is. He let out a light chuckle as he slipped off his jacket and draped it over the chair before he made his way into the kitchen.

Kelly opened the fridge and then the freezer and scanned the contents of it deciding to make breakfast for dinner – scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, grilled tomatoes, and hash bites. He pulled out all of the ingredients he needed and set about cooking, making sure to clean as he went because the last thing Sylvie needed was a stack of dishes to deal with.

Sylvie felt so much better for a shower and even as she walked out as she pulled her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head having pulled on a flannel shirt and a pair of ripped jeans she was surprised at how exhausted she felt. She moved towards the kitchen, and stopped as she found her kitchen table set, and she couldn’t help the grumble that was elicited from her stomach at the heavenly smell of Kelly’s cooking. “Anything I can do to help?” She asked softly before she had to raise her hand to her mouth to conceal a yawn.

“Sit down before you fall down. It’s almost ready.” He answered making her laugh as he used the spatula to point from her to the table. She held her hands up in surrender and smiled at him before she followed his instructions and sat down at the table, raising her legs up and curling them underneath her. She watched as he moved effortlessly and stacked two plates full with all the food that he had made before he carried both plates over and sat down at the table with her as his domestic side elicited another smile from her.

“Thank you.” She said as she grabbed the beer that had been opened for her knowing it was too late for coffee, and given the day they had they deserved something stronger. She was thanking him for more than just the food which she had to admit smelt wonderful and made her realise that she was actually starving. She was thanking her for finding her, and for bringing her home, and for staying with her.

“Eat before it gets cold.” He used the fork he had just picked up to point towards her plate. He wanted to tell her that she didn’t need to thank him but he didn’t instead choosing to tell her to eat her food. She smiled as she shook her head lightly but did as she was told as she picked up her own fork and began to eat. The two ate in relative comforting silence as they thought over the day and the last few weeks, trying to process it all although they knew it was somewhat fruitless at that moment.

 

 


	32. Stern Warning

**Stern Warning**

 

_It will be fine._ Kelly’s whispered words into her ear repeated in her mind as they made their way through the halls of the firehouse heading for Boden's office after being summoned. She felt the way his fingertips brushed over her spine as he had his hand pressed flat to her back right up until they entered the bullpen when he dropped his hand away from her back but he remained close enough that she could feel the warmth of his body.

 

Sylvie knocked on the glass window of the door seeing Boden wave them in. With one final deep breath she stepped inside with Kelly following behind and closing the door as he knew this was a private conversation. Boden took his reading glasses off and set them down on top of the paperwork that he had been doing as the two stood at attention in front of him. “Take a seat.” Boden signalled with his hand towards the seats. The two quickly followed his order and sat down as Boden dropped his pen down and pushed himself back in his chair looking at both of them sternly.

 

"Chief." Kelly began to speak but was quickly silenced as Boden raised his hand up signalling him to stop. Sylvie glanced over at Kelly before she returned her attention to Boden who was looking at them both with an unreadable expression on his face.

 

“You two had quite an interesting last shift from what I understand.” Boden said with a wry tone as he had picked up on not only the gossip from the firehouse but from Molly’s as well although he had not seen either of them since their previous shift when their private relationship had become public knowledge.

 

“Chief.” Sylvie tried but was once again stopped from speaking as he raised his hand up. She swallowed thickly and glanced over at Kelly who was itching to reach out and hold her hand in his seeing how worried she was.

 

“I know that you two are both professionals and will be able to separate what goes on inside and outside of this firehouse given your personal involvement with each other. That being said there is no direct conflict of interest but if it causes further problems then I will have no choice but to notify headquarters and let them decide what is to happen...” Boden paused seeing them both ready to talk but again he held both hands up to preemptively silence them. “That being said I understand that your relationship is not new to the both of you but is to everybody else and whilst I understand that the reception you received was less than stellar, I would like to personally say that I am happy for the both of you.” Boden finished watching the two closely and seeing the relief from Sylvie while Kelly remained somewhat indifferent although he was clearly worried about Sylvie. Boden truly meant it when he said that he was happy for them as he knew both of them individually had been through a lot of rough things and they both deserved every bit of happiness.

 

“Thank you Chief.” Kelly was sincere in his words as Sylvie smiled at him before she turned her attention back to Boden who was observing both of them.

 

"Yes, thank you Chief." Sylvie echoed Kelly’s words and the sentiment feeling a little bit more of the weight lift from her shoulders.

 

"Unless you have anything to discuss, you’re free to go." Boden dismissed both of them with ease. Sylvie sent a soft nod and a small smile Boden's way once she stood up before Kelly stood up and followed her out.

 

Kelly waited until they were out of the bullpen and out of the firehouse before he placed his hand back on Sylvie's back and leaned in close to her, so close that his lips were right beside her ear. "Told you it would be fine." He said with a wry voice as she turned into him and placed her hands on his chest smiling up at him once they were out of sight of everyone. He kissed her on the tip of her nose before he pulled his head back to look into her eyes trying to get a read of what she was feeling and he could see how relieved she was but there was tension and worry that still lingered.

 

"You did." She murmured softly in reply grateful that he had not said it just to pacify her but because he truly meant it and he was right. "You’re amazing, you know that." She was in awe of his strong calm presence and the affect it had on her because she felt so safe and loved by him even when she felt like a wreck. And his beautiful boyish smile that showed the delightful gap in his two front teeth always made her smile especially when his beautiful blue eyes lit up the way they did.

 

Before Kelly could reply the alarm sounded calling all of them to action. Sylvie leaned up and pecked his lips with a quick kiss before she pulled away from him and he chuckled as he followed after her a few steps behind.

 


	33. Healing

**_Healing_ **

Sylvie smiled softly as she stepped inside of Kelly’s hospital room seeing that he was asleep. The nurse she had passed on the way in had said that he was, and that he would be waking soon but Sylvie did not mind waiting as she knew that rest was good for him. She slid the glass door closed behind her and then set her handbag, a small backpack and the large gloss black gift bag down on the floor beside the chair that was aptly placed at his bedside. She slipped off her jacket and hung it over the back of the chair before she sat down pulling her book out and opening it up, picking up from where she left off.

Kelly grunted as he re-entered the conscious world feeling the pain that he was all too familiar with before he even opened his eyes. He tried to shift but stopped immediately as he curled his hands into fists for a brief second before he laid them flat on the bed and opened his eyes. “Hi.” His voice was gravelly as he turned to look to his left and found Sylvie sitting beside him with a book in her hands.

“Hi, how are you feeling?” She asked as she closed her book after she had marked the page and let it drop down into her bag as she had heard the moan filled pain that escaped his parted lips as he woke up.

“Sore but given how bad it could have been and what Anna is going through, it is nothing I cannot handle.” He answered with a self-deprecating chuckle as he finally managed to situate himself into a semi comfortable position. “Thank you by the way for being there, for getting me here.” He added on knowing he had thanked Gabby but hadn’t had a chance to thank her.

“Thank me by not scaring any of us like that again… at least not for a while because I know you.” She smiled at him as she leaned down and grasped the handle of the gift bag. “I bought you some things including a backpack of fresh clothes and toiletries.” She lifted the gift bag up and placed it down on the bed beside him catching the look of surprise that he quickly schooled into a more neutral face. She had gotten the backpack from Stella who had asked her to give it to him after she had mentioned that she was coming to visit him.

“Trust me when I say I would rather not have a repeat of falling out of a second storey window again, or the bone marrow extraction without an epidural either…” He replied honestly as he reached out for the gift bag and opened it up surprised at the weight of it. “You didn’t need to get me anything but thank you.” He hadn’t even opened the gift bag but he knew Sylvie and knew that whatever inside the bag would be thoughtful because it was who she was.

“I recall how nice it can be to be distracted when you are stuck in a hospital bed, or even at home recovering.” She shrugged preferring not to go into details in regards to her reasoning for knowing how nice it was to be distracted.

Kelly opened the bag and reached in smiling as he slowly pulled out the various items that included a thick crossword puzzle book, a box of new pens, a large container of homemade cookies, a few packets of his favourite small chocolate bars, a large packet of mint gum, a stack of magazines about motorbikes and cars, a paperback of ‘Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance’, and a plush toy which was a small grey elephant. He held up the small plush toy as he raised his eyebrows at her in question.

“It was cute.” She saw it as she was in line at the counter waiting to be checked out and just couldn’t resist throwing it in the basket nor could she resist slipping it into the gift bag for him. Everyone deserved a soft toy even if it was only the size of her hand. He couldn’t help but smile at the soft toy that was silky smooth as he held it in his hand, and he couldn’t remember the last time anyone had given him a soft toy.

“Have the doctors given you any indication of when they are going to kick you out of here?” She asked although she knew that he would still be in a lot of pain, and would feel the extraction for a while to come whether he was in the hospital or not.

“Clarke said something about wanting to keep me under observation for the next few days but I also need to be ambulatory, or more ambulatory than I already am.” He informed her knowing he had barely left the hospital bed unless it was to go to the bathroom or to move into the nearby recliner so that his bedding could be changed although he decided not to mention those small details. He wanted to go home, be in his own bed and surrounded by his own familiar things but he understood Clarke’s reservations given the trauma from the fall coupled with the trauma of the bone marrow extraction.

“They are being more cautious with you because they know you.” She realised that fact as he spoke knowing he would push himself to be cleared to return to work even if he was not fully healed. She couldn’t help the small smirk that graced her face which had him sticking his tongue out at her making her laugh although there was no protest from him about it as she was right.

“Well why don’t you help me become more ambulatory then? I could do with seeing four different walls.” He wanted to get out of bed and stretch his legs as they felt tight from disuse, and if walking around met the doctor’s requirements to have him discharged earlier than he would try. Clarke had warned him of the pain even before he underwent the painful procedure so he knew that it would hurt, sure he could have not imagined just how much it would hurt, but it was nice to feel the pain and know he was alive.

“How about some fresh air too?” She asked figuring he would enjoy going outside and she knew there was a balcony with a seating area just at the end of the floor that was not too far to walk to for him especially with her by his side.

“Yeah.” He replied already pushing the blankets down and pushing himself up with a grunt after he put the soft toy elephant down but before he took the robe that she handed him having moved round the room to do so. She helped him put it on before she wrapped her hand around his inner elbow as he stood up, taking a few moments to steady himself on his feet, as she waited patiently whilst taking some of his weight although he was careful not to lean on her petite frame too much.

“Just take your time, there is no rush Kelly.” She reminded him as they started walking slowly knowing he had a tendency to push himself when he shouldn’t, hell even the bone marrow extraction procedure was an example of him pushing his body despite all of the trauma it had suffered and had yet to recover from. She could see how each step reverberated through his body and caused him pain as he bit down on his lip to supress the grunts and winces that threatened to escape his lips. “We can stop anytime you want, just let me know.” She told him wanting to give him the option, or rather remind him that it was alright to stop whenever he wanted too.

“I’m good.” He huffed out as he put his hand out against the wall to help balance himself and shift more of his weight from her as they very slowly made it down the hall towards the outdoor area. She placed her other hand on the centre of his back in between his shoulder blades and could feel how tense he was as they paused again just a few feet from the glass door that led to the outdoor area. A few moments passed and he took a few deep breaths before he turned to look at her seeing her giving him an encouraging smile and with that he pushed himself off of the wall he had leant against and they made it the last few feet. She opened the door, having gotten the code from the nurses earlier given it was a staff only area, and helped him through and over to the nearest bench which was just out of sight of the large glass windows that bordered it and surrounded by a few large leafy potted plants.

She made sure he was settled before she sat down beside him as she gave him a few minutes to recover from the strenuous and painful walk from his room to outside to the bench. She suspected that he had pushed himself more than he should have but she was not about to call him out on it. “Being ambulatory isn’t as great as it seems is it?” She asked as she made sure to keep her tone light. He chuckled as he shook his head in agreement still needing a few moments to situate himself and breathe through the pain.

“A part of me had a selfish need to do this, to donate my bone marrow.” It was a few minutes later when he finally spoke as he took in the coolness of the fresh air all around them and looked over at the city that they served, that they called home. He couldn’t explain why he was telling her this but there was a sense of relief to verbalise what he had been thinking.

“Selfish would not be how I would describe you Kelly Severide especially when you underwent a bone marrow extraction without an epidural especially after having to throw yourself out of a second storey window to survive in the first place.” She replied immediately sensing there was more to come seeing the distant gaze in his eyes as he looked out over the city in front of them.

“I needed to do something good, something meaningful. I needed to feel that I had a purpose, a direction. I needed to feel the pain too.” It was the simplest way to explain the mess of the mass of thoughts that was going on in his head.

“Kelly… you have given Anna and her family an incredible gift no matter what the result. You have given her an incredible gift that a lot of people never get, you have given her time. Time can be just as important as anything else… That need you feel, that you have, to do something good and meaningful, to have a purpose… You already have that. And so what if you lost your way somewhere along the way? Sometimes a person has to lose their way for a little bit to find themselves, to find what they need and want, and you will find it if you haven’t already. I have no doubt about that.” She meant every word. It was no secret that he had been struggling but she had seen him struggle before and she knew what he was, he was a survivor, a battler, who could come through even the darkest of heartbreaks and struggles that he found himself fighting. She saw him nod feebly as he took her in words before she followed his gaze and looked out at the city as she gave him the time he needed. Although she kept glancing at him every few seconds to make sure he was alright as he was still in pain which was clear to her despite how much he tried to hide it.

“I really believed I had killed her… that I had driven into that car and hurt that little girl and her mother… and I had no recollection of any of it. I started drinking that day because I was told that I couldn’t donate, that they would be no donation because Anna wasn’t up to it. I was prepared to rot in jail for the rest of my life if it had been me, if I had been the one behind the wheel.” The words tumbled from his mouth as it felt like the last few weeks had been a whirlwind from every direction. He couldn’t turn to look at her, couldn’t see her reaction. “I lost sight of everything, I didn’t even see what was happening, what I was doing, until it was too late, until I ended up in that jail cell and it was a reality check that I need to sort things out. That I need to figure all my crap out…” He breathed out heavily feeling a pressure lift from him that he hadn’t realised he felt.

“I’m here, we all are Kelly. It doesn’t matter what time or where, all you need to do is call. Let yourself grieve, let yourself feel whatever you feel, let yourself heal but don’t shut yourself away from everyone.” She meant every single word as she could see that the man beside her was broken and searching for a truth that even he did not know what too but he needed support and she was willingly offering.

“Yeah…” He trailed off as the exhaustion set in although it had never really left him however it was a different type of exhaustion, more of a mental one rather than a physical tiredness.

“Let’s get you back inside and into bed.” She could see him faltering and given his emotional state she figured that resting was best especially now that he had shared what was haunting him. The weight seemed to have lifted somewhat from him and it was still a toll that he didn’t need on his already weary body.

“I am tired.” His admission wasn’t a secret but it did catch her by surprise although she managed to keep her face neutral as she stood up then turned to face him before she held her hands out for him to take. He slipped his hands into hers and eased himself up onto his feet rather unsteadily as the pain spiked with his movements. As soon as he was standing she slipped up against his side and wrapped one of her arms around his back as he rested his arm over her shoulders while her other hand reached up and took hold of his wrist casually checking his pulse. With practised ease, she supported him through the glass doors and as they slowly made their way down the corridor towards his room.

“When I said ambulatory, I didn’t mean pushing yourself Kelly.” Jeff Clarke smiled as he quickly made his way towards them and positioned himself on the other side of Kelly helping to take some of his weight from Sylvie as he was faltering as the pain and exhaustion were evident on his face.

“I want to go home, and I am ambulatory. I made it down the hall and now we’re walking back.” Kelly sounded drained and his voice was almost completely devoid of emotion as his sole focus was on staying upright.

“You’re still under observation for a few more days.” Clarke waved off a nurse who was coming towards them to help sensing that was the last thing Kelly wanted or needed as he reiterated that there was still a few more days in the hospital before he would be discharged. Kelly didn’t say anything else as they finally reached his hospital room and with the help of both Sylvie and Clarke he sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I’ve got him.” Sylvie smiled softly tipping her head towards Kelly.

“Alright, I’ll be back later.” Clarke knew when he was being dismissed and took the chance to leave knowing he would come to check on Kelly once more before the end of his shift.

Sylvie waited until Clarke left the room and the door was closed before she turned back to Kelly seeing that he was trying to get his robe off without moving too much. “Here let me.” She waited until he nodded noticing how short of breath he seemed but she wasn’t concerned yet before she reached her hands up and helped him slip out of the robe before she tossed it over onto the chair. She wrapped her hand around his elbow whilst her other hand grabbed the blankets and lifted them as he grimaced while he shifted into the bed. “Thank you.” He murmured sleepily as he was already dozing off the moment his head hit the pillow.

“Get some rest Kelly.” She murmured softly seeing his eyes were already closed as she dutifully tucked him in then very carefully hooked him back up to the monitors all without waking him. She picked up the soft toy she had gotten him and tucked it under his hand that was resting across his stomach. With one final smile towards him she picked up her bag and quietly made it out of the room leaving him to rest.


	34. Growing

**Growing**

 

Sylvie recalled the last time she had been in this position but this time felt so completely different and it was in the best way as she stood in front of the bathroom sink and watching with bated breath as she watched the timer countdown on her phone glancing at the test every few seconds. Even before the time was up the strong positive reading appeared and Sylvie couldn’t help the way the tears welled in her eyes and fell silently down her cheeks, as the happiness bubbled within her as she and Kelly were going to have a child, one of the most precious gifts of life, if not the most precious.

 

She took a few moments along with a few deep breaths before she wiped her face with a cool washcloth then she threw it into the hamper. She knew Kelly was just outside asleep on the couch in a post shift nap as she had quietly snuck past him when she had gotten home as she had to stop by the pharmacy for the test on her way home and her replacement for third shift had been running late which meant she hadn’t been able to leave until they had arrived. She waited a few more minutes as she collected herself before she picked up the capped test and slid it into the back pocket of her jeans before she walked out of the bathroom, taking one last glance in the mirror to check that she did not look like she had been crying.

 

She smiled as she quietly made her way over to Kelly who was sound asleep with one arm tucked comfortingly underneath his neck while his other arm was tucked up over his stomach. She bit her lip as she eased herself down into his lap, straddling him lightly without even waking him. She leant down and kissed his nose before she kissed his lips feeling as he smiled against her lips and kissed her back until she pulled back just as he opened his eyes.

 

"That’s one of my favourite ways to wake up." His voice was still thick with sleep as his eyes found hers and he moved his arms, reaching his hands out to rest on either side of her waist as she flattened her hands out against his stomach.

 

"Well I have a surprise for you." She told him smiling even though there was an underlying current of nervousness.

 

"Yeah?" He asked coyly as he shifted his neck as it was a bit sore after the shift that they had just finished.

 

"It’s in the back pocket of my jeans." She wanted to watch him, watch his reaction. She found herself biting her lip again as he tilted his head to the side at her words clearly slightly confused at how his surprise could be contained in a pocket. She felt as his left hand left her waist and moved round to her back, she felt as his fingers wrapped around the rest and pulled it up and out of her pocket.

 

"Are you going to give me any clue?" He had paused in his actions unsure of what exactly he was gripping as it was still behind her back but he had been watching her the entire time.

 

"Nope!" She smiled still with her teeth dig into her bottom lip and he could sense her nervousness. She could have shook her head at the way he was drawing out and she was sure he was doing it to torture her. "Kelly, come on!" She pressed her hands against his stomach making his chuckle at her impatience.

 

"Alright. Alright." He bought the item forward and his eyes widened in surprise as he read the 'positive' result as his lips curled up making showing his toothy smile. "You’re pregnant? We’re having a baby?" He asked looking between the test and her completely surprised.

 

"We’re having a baby." She confirmed smiling as his smile was contagious.

 

"We’re having a baby!" He blindly reached out and put the test on the coffee table as his eyes moved from her face to her cotton clad stomach as his hand returned to her waist with his thumb gently brushing back and forth over her flat stomach. Holding her steadily he leaned up just as she leaned down meeting him halfway as he captured her lips with his in a delicate kiss. "I love you... both of you." He said as he pulled away from her lips and rested his forehead against hers.

 

"I love you too... we both do." His happiness overjoyed her and she knew that he was just as excited as she was for their little growing family, for their future.

 


	35. Horrified

**_Horrified_ **

_The explosion ripped through the building sending large plumes of smoke and dust into the super heated air, and sent those on the outside looking on at the growing horror scrambling for what little cover there was._

_Kelly grimaced as he lifted himself from the fragile ground having to wait momentarily as his vision cleared from its blurred state, and his ears rang painfully. He looked around at his men seeing them in all various states but with relief they were all getting to their feet. “Brett!” She was the only one that he could not see and she had been bought into stabilize a patient before they moved them but now there was only debris where he had last seen her. “Brett! Sylvie! Call out!” The rest of the men came to the sudden realisation that he had as they began searching, calling out only to receive no answer, and the pit of fear coiled deep inside of him almost making him collapse._

_“Sylvie! Sylvie!” As frantically yet as strategically as he could, he began pulling at the debris that he was sure she was buried under as the high pitched scream of a pass alarm blared despite being restricted. “Severide!” There was a shocked gasp from Cruz as his name was called from across the either side of the debris and as quickly and as carefully as he could he scrambled to where Cruz was knelt down with Capp who both moved out of the way._

_“No, no, no Sylvie.” Kelly was at her side within seconds but he knew that she was dead even without checking for her pulse. The large pool of blood under her head didn’t matter as he picked her up, cradling her still warm body in his arms, as the tears made their way down his soot covered face leaving tracks…_

Sylvie woke abruptly to Kelly thrashing violently beside her getting himself all twisted up in the sheets and his haunting cries of ‘no, no, no Sylvie’ as they echoed around the dark and silent bedroom as Kelly was deep in the throes of a nightmare and unable to wake himself up from it. She quickly turned the bedside lamp on to its softest setting before she untangled herself from the bedding and moved closer to Kelly seeing the tears tracking down his paled skin.

“Kelly, honey, it’s okay… just open your eyes for me honey.” She spoke softly not wanting to startle him but wanting to wake him up from his nightmare as quickly as possible. She reached her hands out letting one caress the bare skin of his chest that was slick with perspiration while her other hand took a hold of his hand that was closest to her and carefully untangled it from the bedding that he had a tight hold on. “Kelly, wake up!” She said a little more forcefully that she cared too but he was becoming more frantic in his movements as his chest heaved almost to the point of pain.

With a large gasp his eyes were wide open and his chest heaved as he finally woke up, finally away from the throws of his nightmare. He scrambled to sit up as his eyes frantically darted around the room almost unseeing as his terrified brain tried to settle him into reality. “It’s okay, you’re okay honey, and you were having a nightmare, it’s okay. I’m right here, I promise, just breathe for me honey, nice slow breathes.” Her soft voice coached him to calm down and get control of his erratic breathing although neither of them could not pretend to notice just how hard and fast his heart was beating almost hammering against his ribcage.

“S-S-Sylvie.” His choked call of her name broke her heart as he turned to look at her not even trying to hide the tears that were freely falling down his face and dripping off his chin to the sheet below.

“I’m here, I’m right here Kelly.” She moved very slowly as his hands gently found their way to her waist and tugged at her which she allowed as she crawled into his lap with her knees on either side of his legs. With slow moments she moved her hands to take hold of his face using her thumbs to brush away the tears that were still falling.

He pressed himself forward into her body until his face was pressed into the crook of her neck and he focused on trying to calm his ragged breathing as his arms slipped around her back and he tightened his hold on her. He was a man in need of his anchor, and that was the beautiful woman in his arms that was very much alive.

“That’s good honey, nice and slow.” Sylvie kept her voice soft and quiet as she let her hands mindlessly caress his tense bare back and up into the base of his hair. She could feel how scared he was, how his muscles were tense and how his body shuddered involuntarily against hers, and she knew that his entire body would be aching from the tension and harsh thrashing that it had been involuntarily subjected too. She could feel his hot rapid breaths on her skin and although he had calmed significantly so that he was not at the point of hyperventilating his breathing was still dangerously fast. “You’re safe honey.” She assured him concerned that he was having nightmares; it was not that he had them often but when he did have them they were torturous and left a mark on him for days almost scarring him. She knew that she had to approach the subject with caution so that the man she loved did not feel embarrassed or ashamed or unable to express himself but right now what was most important was holding him as tightly as she could and getting him to calm down as much as he could whilst reassuring him that it was just a nightmare and that it was not real.

Minutes passed slowly but at least he was calming in her arms although she was not sure how voluntary it was or rather that his body was physically exhausted and was succumbing to that exhaustion. Either way Sylvie was not about to let go of him nor was she going to stop speaking softly in reassurance that he was okay, they were okay, and that it was okay. She glanced over sparingly at the alarm clock and even in the softened yellow lightening of the room the bright red numbers still stood out: 02:16. Knowing the time also meant she knew that neither of them would be getting anymore sleep as he would absolutely refuse to despite how exhausted he was and she would not be able to sleep knowing that he was so shaken. She also knew that he would end up in the shower to get rid of the sweat that now coated every inch of his skin and if she did not make sure that he got out then he would stay under the stream of water well after it had become frigid. There were things to do while he was in the shower too like change the sheets so that when he finally did decide to go back to bed which would be several hours later and only with her curled up in arms then it would be ready, and in those hours between him getting out of the shower and finally coaxing him back into bed to sleep they would lay on the couch together with him curled into her and doing everything he could to remain awake so that the nightmares could not come to haunt him again.

He could feel his own body physically trembling and he felt a distain that his body was portraying him in such a physical and visual way. The brutal horror of his nightmare left him reeling in the worst way as he could not get the visual of Sylvie lying dead in a large pool of dark red blood against her near translucent skin even though he could feel the warmth of her skin against his own, the light almost dancing movements of her hands, and hear her soft voice as she reassured him without fail or doubt. And there was the realisation that he was soaked in sweat and so were the sheets as they had stuck to his body in the most disgustingly uncomfortable manner, along with the feeling of absolute discomfort deep within his bones from the panic that had manifested itself so physically as the ache blossomed in every part of him. A part of him wanted to push Sylvie away from him so that she did not see him in the state that his mental torture had sent him into and so that she was not covered in his sweat but he could not bring himself to let her go, not after the scene that his mind had conjured up although he could not explain where it had come from.

“Sylvie.” His voice was gravelly and barely above a whisper against her warm skin. He did not have the energy to lift his head up nor did he want to look into her eyes just yet.

“I am here Kelly, I am not going anywhere.” She reassured him softly yet firmly as her hands made another pass over his slick back and up into his scalp.

“I’m sorry.” He managed to lift his head away from the crook of her neck but he would not look at her as he apologised for waking her up, for being weak, for having a nightmare.

Her hands once against made their way to his face and she cupped his cheeks beneath her own palms making him look up at her so that he understood and felt the importance of what she was about to say. “There is nothing to apologise for, you never have to apologise for this honey.” She reassured him hating how he felt the need to apologise and although he did not define what he was apologising for she knew him well enough to know. She felt as he shook his head lightly but made no further movement instead he was working on settling himself and deciding what was next; it was a process that they had been through before and every time it ended the same way.

“How about you go have a shower and then we will go and lie on the couch and watch some tele?” It was easiest to take any decisions from him knowing that he was still shaken and struggling with calming himself down completely although she knew that some nights he preferred to sit with her in the low lit lounge with nothing to disturb them but tonight was not one of those nights.

“Yeah.” She did not miss the way he swallowed with difficulty or the way his voice trembled just from the single word spoken nor did she miss how lost he looked. He also had not released his grip from her at all which was often the most difficult thing to get him to do as he needed the physical contact to ground him. He had to move on his own time and she would never protest being held by him because it was what he needed.

“I love you Kelly.” It was so easier to for her say but she truly did mean her words because she did love him, was in love with him, and it hurt her to see him struggling when he did so but a part of loving him meant hiding the pain she felt at what he was going through when he was going through it because the last thing he needed was to worry about her instead of being focused on himself.

“I love you too.” His breath hitched as he spoke as he was still having trouble regaining his breath and his composure before he pressed his face back into her neck seeing the warmth and comfort that only she could offer. She let her hands drop back down to the nape of his neck but did not let them wonder instead she held him tightly to her knowing what he was seeking.

 


	36. Discharged

**Discharged**

 

There was stubborn and then there was Kelly Severide stubborn, at least that is what Sylvie was thinking as she watched him dump his crutches down then hop and hobble across from their front door to the couch as soon as they entered the apartment for the first time together in three days after a call had landed Kelly in hospital with a severe concussion which meant he had to be closely monitored, heavy bruising and a severely sprained ankle that was now heavily wrapped. "Would you please be careful." It was less of a question and more of a statement as she knew he wasn’t going to use his crutches as he had been instructed to around their apartment as she busied herself with putting the heavy duffel bag on the table and unpacking it all while keeping an eye on him as he finally settled himself down on the couch and covered himself with a blanket after making sure his ankle was raised up on a couple of pillows; she was grateful that she had made the couch up before going to collect him.

 

"Sylvie..." Kelly spoke softly as he had another headache forming or maybe it was just increasing in pain as he had one since he had woken up in Chicago Med with her beside him as he watched her sort the medication he had been sent home with and then put the dirty clothes that he had worn in the hospital into the laundry basket that he had put even seen her go and get. Her attention was quickly drawn to him as she dropped the t-shirt she held into the basket and quickly made her way over to him noticing how pale he had become once again. "Headache?" She asked as she sat down on the edge of the couch feeling as he wrapped his arm around her with his hand resting on her hip as she placed her left hand flat down on his stomach letting it gently slide across back and forth. "Yeah... but I’ve gotten used to it in the past three days." He answered as he took a deep breath and blinked heavily a couple of times although he hadn’t called out her name for her to worry about his health.

 

"Why don’t you go lay in bed? The sheets are fresh and you’ll be more comfortable." She said thinking it was easier to keep the bedroom darkened and cool which would help, and he could spread out more to be more comfortable. "I’ve been in bed for the last three days." He replied with a pout knowing that he was sick of being in bed but the concussion had really knocked him about and he wasn’t as mobile as he would have liked as he hated the crutches with a passion but he couldn’t bare weight on his ankle yet. She had expected that answer but didn’t know how to combat it as she understood how hard it was for him to stay still. “Anyway, that’s not why I called you over here.” He added making her look at him questioningly as she waited for him to continue.

 

Up close he could see how stressed and exhausted she was even though she was trying to hide it, and he hated that he was the reason for her stress although him being injured really was unavoidable after he had fallen through a floor from the third floor that was constructed from wood to the second floor that was constructed from concrete. He moved his free hand to grasp her hand that was moving gently across his stomach feeling how she turned her hand underneath his and entwined their fingers together. He didn’t want to make anything harder on her as he knew all she was trying to do was make sure he was alright and that his recovery was as painless and as easy as possible so that he could be back at work, not because he had to be but because she knew he loved his job. "Just wanted you to stop for more than a minute because you haven’t since before I got admitted to Med." Even when she was sat at his bedside he could see her brain working overtime as she constantly monitored him for any complications, and he could see that the seldom time she had spent at home instead of at the hospital at his bedside or quizzing the medical staff had been busy given how spotless the place was and how she had made sure there was nothing he could trip over and how the couch was made up. "Thank you... I love you." He truly was thankful for her and everything that she had done and he wanted her to know that.

 

"You don’t have to thank me, and I love you too." She spoke softly smiling as she moved her free hand up to the side of his face and caressed his cheek tenderly just as she had done numerous times in the past few days. "What do you want to do?" She asked knowing he was restless as he had been cooped up in the hospital but she couldn’t help but worry that he would push himself too much as he was still suffering from some concussion symptoms. "I just want to lay with you right here for a while." The headache was really starting to make his skull throb and he knew going out wasn’t really an option just yet but he had missed having her next to him, having her pressed up against him and having his arms around her. "I think we can make that happen." She smiled at him as she disentangled herself from him and went to move away but he grabbed her wrist. "What are you doing?" He looked up at her confused as she turned back to look at him. "I’m going to get you a glass of water but first I’m going to get out of these jeans." She replied seeing the small cheeky smirk that made its way to his face and she couldn’t help but shake her head lightly at him as he let his hand drop from her wrist back down to the couch. "Pretty sure you can get out of those jeans right here." She didn’t miss that comment as she headed for the bedroom.

 

Kelly moved gingerly so that he was on his side with his back pressed against the back of the couch so that she had enough room to lay with him and settled back down with the blanket over his hips and ready for her to get under with him. He smiled seeing her walk out of their bedroom without her jeans but still wearing her flannel shirt, and with one of their fluffier pillows under her arm as she smiled back at him before she detoured to the kitchen and got him a large glass of water. He watched as she made her way back over and put the glass down on the table in front of him. "Lift your head up." She instructed which he followed as she switched the pillows out. He reached his hand out again and wrapped it lightly around her knee, giving it a light squeeze before he let go so she could lay down next to him. He wrapped his arms around her once he had covered her legs with the blanket knowing she was limiting her movements because of his injuries. He closed his eyes as he felt her hands rest over both of his collarbones before he tipped his head forward to rest his forehead against hers not wanting to let his headache ruin the moment between them.

 

Sylvie felt as Kelly’s breathing changed, felt how it slowed as he fell asleep and she couldn’t help but watch him. This time though it wasn’t solely because she was worried, it was also in admiration of the strong man in front of her. The love she felt for him continually grew even when he terrified her but that was a part of love to be by his side always. She knew the coming days would be full of highs and lows, of progressions and setbacks, given the seriousness of his concussion but they would get through it like they always did.

 


	37. Breakfast

**Breakfast**

 

Kelly groaned as he rolled onto his side and reached out for Sylvie all without opening his eyes after he woke with a start. He knew it was still early as their alarm hadn’t gone off as they were on shift today. He grunted as his hand met lukewarm sheets and he forced his eyes open only to find her side of the bed empty. He frowned as he rolled back over onto his back and raised himself up on his elbows as he glanced over at the en-suite but seeing the door was open and it was empty. He pushed the sheet and duvet down and sat up then stretched out feeling as his body creaked and cracked in protest before he pushed himself up and onto his feet quickly picking up his red checkered boxers from the floor and slipping them on as he went in search of Sylvie.

 

He scrubbed his hands over his face as he walked out of their bedroom to hear her humming softly which he followed as he found her stood in front of the stove as she swayed lightly from side to side with her blonde hair up in a messy bun and only wearing one of his cotton t-shirts that he was sure he had put in the laundry hamper the night before to be washed. The sight made him smile.

 

He made sure he kept his footsteps light as he made his way into the kitchen and came up behind her seeing that she had the table set for the two of them. "Morning." His voice was still thick with sleep as he pressed his chest against her back and wrapped his arms around her as he kissed the nape of her neck before resting his chin on her shoulder.

 

"Morning... What are you doing up?" She asked softly as she continued to move the eggs round the pan as she was making them scrambled eggs with chopped spinach and grated cheese with a pinch of paprika, with a side of bacon, and fresh fruit for breakfast.

 

"Missed having you next to me." It was almost like a sixth sense that he had developed as he could sense that she hadn’t been beside him in bed, or at least that’s what he figured had woken him up. She smiled as she turned her head towards him without stopping moving the eggs around the pan.

 

"I couldn’t sleep so I got up to make us breakfast. It’s always nice for it to just be you and me for breakfast before we start a shift." It was always enjoyable to have one final moment alone together in the comfort of their home before they started a shift especially considering their jobs. She pecked his lips softly before she turned the element off as the eggs were done and with perfect timing as the coffee finished brewing. "Go sit down, I’ll bring everything over and join you in a minute." She kissed him again before he grunted and begrudgingly unwrapped his arms from her then made his way over to sit down at the table leaving her to laugh lightly and shake her head as she filled their plates and then grabbed the pot of coffee and carried everything over to the table in two short trips.

 

She sat down and looked over at him then reached her hand out and brushed her fingers through his messy bed hair that he hadn’t bothered to tame in his sleepy state feeling as he leaned into her hand until he reached up and took her hand in his bringing their hands down to rest on the table. It wasn’t because he didn’t love her actions but because he knew they would not finish breakfast nor would they make it to shift on time if it continued.

 

"Thank you for breakfast." It smelt heavenly just like anything that she cooked, and he agreed that it was nice to have breakfast with just her before the start of a shift as they did not always get to see each other much, nor did they get much time alone within the confines of a shift. He picked up his fork and gathered a forkful of scrambled eggs on it then quickly lifted it to his mouth, salivating at the taste, as she started eating slowly. "What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?" He noticed how she was smiling softly towards him despite how distracted she seemed as he squeezed her hand lightly.

 

"How much furlough do you have owing to you?" She asked tilting her head to the side as she let her fork rest down on her plate as he raised an eyebrow at her. Of course only she would answer his question with another question which would leave him more confused.

 

"Enough that if I don’t start taking it soon Boden will force me too, or I’ll lose it." He shrugged as he answered not knowing the exact amount but knew it had built up considerably. "Why’s that?" He could kind of see where her question was heading, or at least he hoped he was thinking what she was.

 

"I’m in the same predicament and I was thinking it would be nice to escape, get away from the city and the firehouse. Just you and me." She paused as she glanced over at the window and at the city behind the glass. "I don’t know where we would go or for how long but it’s something to think about... I mean if you want too..." She shrugged her shoulders as she turned back to look at him seeing he was smiling at her.

 

"I like the sound of that, just you and me." He could see her relax as he smiled truly loving her idea. She was right as it would be good for the both of them to get away from the firehouse and out of the city for a while, and he loved spending time with her alone. "What about a road trip? We could stop where and whenever we want. Have no set destination, just a return date." It was the first idea that popped into his head so he suggested it figuring they could go any direction and discover along the way.

 

"I like that idea." She really liked the idea of a road trip without any arrangements because it meant they could discover small towns and places, and there was no pressure to be anywhere or at anything. "Oh shoot, we better get moving otherwise we are really going to be late." She was glad that he had continued to eat his breakfast while they spoke as the time had gone by faster than she realised considering she still had to tidy up the dishes and they both still had to shower and get to the firehouse. She was already up and moving only pausing to kiss the top of his head as she continued into the kitchen.

 

"We’ve got time." He knew they’d be cutting it close as he finished his last mouthful, a piece of apple, and got up grabbing his dishes as he did and followed her into the kitchen. "Go get in the shower, I’ll load the dishwasher then I’ll join you." He shooed her out of the kitchen.

 

"If you join me in the shower we will definitely be late." She smiled at him catching the tea towel he lightly tossed at her and tossed it back before she headed for the bathroom. He laughed as he watched her walk away knowing she was right as he turned and began stacking the dishwasher hurriedly hoping to catch her in the shower so he could join her but he knew how quick she could be when they were short on time. At least they got to have breakfast together even if it did go by to fast for both of their liking.

 

 


	38. Panic Room

**_Panic Room_ **

Sylvie Brett thought that this call would be simple especially after radioing for Squad assistance and Squad 3 had been despatched to help them deal with a patient who had locked himself into his own homemade panic room and had somehow managed to injure his hand seriously. The patient had managed to talk them through the rather complicated process on how to open the panic room before he had passed out due to the pain he was in and from the blood that he had lost but Squad was needed to help lift the patient through the unstable darkened and narrow dirt tunnel that led to the panic room that had been constructed underneath the patient’s house.

Squad had managed to get the patient out of the room on a backboard however Sylvie and Kelly were still in the room when something malfunctioned or was knocked and the heavy steel doors snapped closed as the room went into its lockdown function leaving them trapped inside and with no working radios due to the heavy steel exterior.

Kelly Severide couldn’t help but smirk as he watched as Sylvie paced the small dimly lit room, he had already assessed the room and knew that they had to wait for Squad to cut through the thick steel doors or somehow figure out how to override the system so that they could get out however given the trouble that they had had getting in the first time he doubted they would be able too.

“How are you so calm?!” Sylvie asked irritated at his calm demeanour and at the entire situation as she glanced at him as she turned to pace back again. She had not planned on being trapped in any sort of homemade panic room room for an undetermined length of time instead she had planned to get back to the firehouse as soon as possible and take a nap as she had not been sleeping well and was exhausted which she would begrudgingly admit probably was not helping her to cope with the situation at hand.

“I think that you are stressed enough for the both of us Sylvie.” Kelly gazed up at her from where he had sat himself down on the floor with his back up against the wall and his legs stretched out in front of him having resigned himself to do nothing but wait as he knew his men would get them out. “They’ll be working on getting us out of here. It will take a while to get through the steel but they will get us out.” He assured her hoping that she would settle, the last thing he needed was for her to collapse.

“Why the hell does anyone even need a panic room in Chicago? What kind of stupid idiot builds a panic room under his own house?!” She asked rhetorically as she kicked at one of the steel walls immediately regretting it as pain shot through her foot and made her grimace.

“Woah! Okay, you need to sit down, calm down, and take a few deep breathes.” Kelly was immediately on his feet and guiding her over to the wall that he had been sitting against, letting her lean some of her weight against him before he helped her to sit down. This annoyed side of Sylvie was one that he hadn’t seen in a long time and even then he had not seen her this annoyed although he knew it was not solely the situation that was annoying her.

“Owww… idiot. Stupid idiot. Who kicks a steel wall?” Sylvie muttered to herself as Kelly sat down next to her once he had gotten his turnout coat off as it was warm enough that he didn’t need it on.

Sylvie took a few deep breaths then let out a sigh as she turned to look at Kelly. “I’m sorry, really sorry. I know that the guys will be working on getting us out… I just… it doesn’t matter, I’m just sorry.” She let her head fall back with a soft thud against the wall and looked up at the ceiling annoyed at herself, and willing the pain in her foot to go away.

“You want to tell me what’s going on? We’ve got a few hours in here at the very least until they get through that steel if they can’t work out how to override the system again.” It was unnerving to see Sylvie so all over the place, and given the way the lockdown had initiated there were multiple layers of solid steel to get through which he knew would take a fair while to cut through and would destroy multiple blades. For a homemade panic room, it was rather elaborate.

“I just haven’t really been sleeping. I can’t seem to shut my mind off lately.” The admission was only a very small part of the truth but it was the easiest to say as the words slipped from her mouth before she could stop them.

“Well what is on your mind?” Kelly asked figuring that they had some time and maybe whatever was bothering her could be worked out, and he suspected her foot was hurting more than she was going to admit.

“Nothing that can be fixed or changed by voicing it.” She wished that she had not have said anything as what she had been thinking about was not something her colleague, a Lieutenant nonetheless, needed to know but he was also a part of her family who she trusted with her life and with that the conflict she felt within herself rose.

“Try me. Maybe voicing it will help. It will strictly between you and me.” He wasn’t going to push her to talk but he also thought that she needed someone to talk to considering the visible toll it was taking on her physically, mentally and emotionally. It was no secret to anyone in the firehouse that she had been distracted and exhausted lately, and although it had not affected her work it didn’t mean that they cared any less. The resounding silence made him wonder how serious whatever it was that was going on was.

“I keep wondering what is wrong with me? And if this is it?” She didn’t know if she was doing the right thing by telling him what was keeping her awake, and what had her stressed out but he was asking and they were locked in a small room with no way out for who knows how long, and she needed to tell someone.

“What do you mean?” He asked needing her to explain her thoughts with more words and to give him more direction than she had given him which was not much.

“I am alone Kelly, I’m surrounded but I am completely alone. What if this is it for me – if all I ever am is a paramedic, not a girlfriend or a partner or a wife, not a mother – what if this is it for me Kelly?” The heaviness of her words, of her thoughts, hung in the air between the two of them. “Its all I can think about lately. I look around and I’m surrounded by all of you who have their life together and I just keep thinking that I am never going too.” Her words gave him an insight into how much this was affecting her and if it hadn’t have been for how serious she was he would have laughed at the mention that she thought he had his life together.

“No one has their life together completely Sylvie, we can all create an idealistic picture for those that are on the outside looking in but I get what you’re saying, I do…” He wanted to say more, to tell her that she wasn’t alone and that she would be an amazing girlfriend or partner or wife, and an even more amazing mother but something, and he wasn’t exactly sure what exactly, stopped him. “Come here.” He wrapped his arm over her shoulders and pulled her into his side, her head falling lightly to rest on his shoulder.

“How can you understand?” She asked without much thought, she didn’t understand how he could, how anybody could really understand what was going on in her head and her heart.

“Look at me Sylvie, look at who I am, look at what I have done, look at my reputation, and look at my father and less than stellar his legacy. I have spent my entire life almost always doing the opposite of Benny, trying to be better, be more stable, yet here I am alone. I want something meaningful and long term with someone, I want to raise a family with that person. I get it more than most because there are times when it keeps me awake too when I look at my life and wonder what the hell I am doing.” He was honest yet still conservative with his words while he related with her. He could admit that there were times when he would see a family somewhere and wish that he had one, had a wife and a child or two running around or waiting at home for him.

“You’re nothing like Benny and he doesn’t define you Kelly, he never has… Maybe I should just find someone to make a pact with like a few people have done.” She had seemingly resigned herself to a fate of being alone. She had begun to look into her options of becoming a mother alone, of having a child alone one sleepless night, although she still was not completely sure of any of it realistically.

“And what kind of pact would that be? What would it entail?” He asked intrigued but also dismayed that she seemed to have given up on finding the things she really wanted and that she so rightly deserved.

“I have read a few articles about people having a baby with a friend pact. Every time I think about it, it seems more and more like a good idea lately.” She shrugged once she’d finished speaking as she raised her hand up and brushed a loose strand of her hair back behind her ear.

“And what does it entail?” He asked repeating the second question noticing how she was relaxing against him as she spoke, and he figured it was a good thing even though he wasn’t about to point it out incase it made her uncomfortable.

“You and a friend, someone who you get along with well, someone you trust, someone who you could raise a child with, well you make a pact, for example, by the time two people are thirty and still single and childless they have a baby together. It doesn’t mean they have to be together but its friend co-parenting. I just like the thought of it.” She explained without going into too much of the finer details despite having researching into them rather extensively.

“You know the paramedic that you replaced, Leslie Shay, we were going to do that, well we did but it didn’t… Shay was a lesbian and she wanted to have a baby as she was ready to be a Mom so we did IVF, I agreed to be her donor, and we only got to do one round which did not take unfortunately. To be honest, I’m not sure how the whole parenting aspect was going to work but I liked the idea of it back then and to be honest I still do. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it if you both trust and care for each other as long as the child is loved that is all that matters.” He found himself volunteering the information readily which even surprised himself as he had not spoke about it since the insemination failed as she lifted her head up off his shoulder and turned to face him.

“I’m sorry, I had no idea, I really didn’t know, I would never have bought it up if I did.” She immediately felt absolutely terrible for bringing up what she assumed would be a sad memory given Shay’s tragic line of duty death and the fact that she was the replacement. She covered her face with her hands, she was exhausted and nothing made sense to her anymore.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not a bad thing to want more Sylvie. We all do at times.” He reached up and gently pried her hands away from her face as he spoke.

“It is if it is unattainable.” She replied instantly as if it was a definite that she was going to be alone.

“Why is it unattainable Sylvie?” He pressed hating that she had given up on finding what she wanted, hating that her usual bright and bubbly demeanour had faded into someone who had become jaded by the world and who had given up on almost everything.

“Look at everything… my history, the job we do. Nothing is stable. It wouldn’t be fair to bring anyone into this life, it’s not like they could possibly understand what we go through.” Her words gave him more of an insight into the state of her mind then she probably meant too but even as more and more pieces fell into place it seemed as though it became more mysterious and more muddled. “I’m exhausted Kelly.” That admission wasn’t new or unknown, everybody knew she was exhausted by taking one look at her, but the way she said it was so raw and so broken that he wanted to wrap his arms around her, hold her tight and protect her from all her worries. That final short statement also signalled the end of the conversation.

“We’re not done talking about this but that can wait until we are out of this ridiculous panic room and you have had some proper rest.” He wasn’t going to forget what she had said nor was he going to push her after everything she had already shared but he knew she needed a trusted confidant that she could voice everything too and he was willing to be that person for her if she allowed it. She gave him a tired nod before she let her head fall back down gracefully onto his broad shoulder and he moved her closer into his body seamlessly. He felt her shiver against him and with as little movement as possible so as not to disturb her he reached for his turnout jacket that he had dropped beside him when he first sat down then tucked it around her as she only had a long sleeved top on whilst he had a long sleeved top and his quilted Squad jacket. “Get some sleep.” He whispered softly figuring it was as good as time as any for her to get some uninterrupted rest whilst they waited to be rescued.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly glanced at his watch and saw that three and a half hours had passed since the lockdown had been initiated and had trapped him and Sylvie inside but he knew that Squad was getting closer to getting them out as the sound of machinery cutting through the layers of steel grew louder signalling that they were close. The room had gotten significantly colder in the time that has passed and he was unable to see any way to control or change it. He turned his neck towards Sylvie who was still curled against him with her head on his shoulder and discovered that she was waking up given the soft groan that escaped her slightly parted lips and her hand curled tightly into his jacket before her eyes opened and quickly found his. “They’re close.” He informed her making sure to keep his voice low and soft as not to disturb her.

“Sorry… how long was I asleep for?” Sylvie asked although she still felt exhausted but that feeling was not at all uncommon to her lately as she made no effort to move as she was warm and comfortable against him and he had his arms wrapped tightly around her holding her close.

“Not long enough.” He answered as he rubbed his hand over top of her arm over top of his turnout coat as she still looked exhausted as the dark circles under her eyes had only seemed to have grown darker. “How’s the foot feeling?” He asked hoping that the pain had eased.

“It’s alright although I won’t be kicking a steel wall again any time soon.” She answered regretting her earlier action. “Sorry for dumping all of that on you too.” She felt she needed to apologise especially given that it was her emotional baggage that no one else needed to know yet she had spilled it all.

“Don’t apologise… and you are not getting out of talking about it once we get out of here and you’ve had some decent rest.” He wasn’t going to let it go and it was because he cared about her. She groaned and buried her face into the soft fabric of his shoulder silently hoping that he would forget about it, or at least let her get away with it but she knew him and knew he wouldn’t.

“Severide! Brett!” Capp’s muffled voice penetrated through the steel making them realise that they were close to getting through and getting out.

“Yeah?!” Kelly yelled back in reply, wincing at how loud he was as it seemed to echo around the small room.

“We’ve got one more layer and then we’ll be through! Are you both okay?” Tony yelled informing them of the situation before wanting to check on their status as he needed to know if an ambulance was needed on standby to treat them especially given how long it had taken them to make contact with them.

Kelly looked at Sylvie who gave a light shrug of her shoulders and a small tired smile. “Cold but fine!” He yelled back answering for both of them just before the machinery started back up and the sound of metal being cut drowned out all other sounds.

It wasn’t long before the last layer of steel fell away and both Capp and Tony appeared both looking haggard as hell but defiantly relieved to see them just as they were relieved to see them. Kelly smiled as he looked at Sylvie who looked just as relieved as he felt to be able to get out of their entrapment in the panic room. “Lets get out of here.” Kelly told Sylvie as she leant forward allowing him to unwrap his arms from around her and stand up from the ground. He held his hands out for her and helped her up watching as she bore weight on her injured foot. “Any pain?” He asked as he let go of her hands and raised them up to wrap his turnout coat back around her shoulders as she still felt and looked cold.

“Nothing that can’t be remedied with a bit of Tylenol.” She answered honestly without giving away that it was still sore but she had expected it to be given how hard she had kicked at the wall.

“We’re going to have to be careful making our way back out of here. The tunnel walls aren’t as stable as they first appeared to be. With all the vibration from the machinery, cracks have started to appear as the ground has started to shift as we worked.” Tony informed both of them as they finally realised that there was a heavy layer of dusty dirt covering him and Capp.

“Tony and Capp lead us out. We will follow.” Kelly ordered ready to get out and back to the firehouse knowing that he was desperate for a shower to warm up, and could guess that Sylvie felt the same. Both men nodded in affirmation as they picked up the tools. Kelly pressed his hand to Sylvie’s lower back and took her hand in his other hand so that he was in behind her but close together as he knew the tunnel was too narrow for him to be at her side. They moved as cautiously but as quickly as they could through the darkened tunnel that looked as though it could collapse at any minute as nothing had been reinforced.

About halfway through the tunnel, Kelly felt Sylvie squeeze his hand tightly as she faltered, he quickly moved his hand from her back around her waist to her stomach and pressed her back against his chest to steady her. “Okay?” He whispered, his mouth was right next to her ear, and it allowed them a privacy that he knew she needed. “Yeah.” She whispered back as she turned her head towards him and gave his large calloused hand another squeeze in reassurance.

“C’mon Sylvie, Severide. This place isn’t going to hold up much longer.” Tony’s voice interrupted them just as a small section of the dirt wall of the tunnel came down a short distance by behind them in way of warning them of the truth in his statement. Kelly nodded which Tony saw in the light beam from the torch attached to his helmet and turned back around.

“Can you walk?” Kelly asked in a whisper again not wanting to alert either of the men that she was hurt. “Yes.” She answered although it did not sound too convincing. He let his hand slip down back round to her hip from her stomach in an effort to be able to catch her and keep her upright if she faltered again. They began walking again and after a few minutes they reached the end of the unstable tunnel. Tony stopped and turned around once he had lifted himself up and out of the tunnel then he held out his hands to help Sylvie up the steep drop. She murmured a soft ‘thank you’ to him once she was up and out of the tunnel and was sitting on the ground watching as Kelly lifted himself up out of the tunnel and immediately kneeled down next to her as the cold night air wrapped around both of them.

“We’ll board it up so no one falls down or goes exploring. The last thing any of us need is to go back down there.” Capp had disappeared over to the Squad truck to put all the tools away that they had used and had returned with a thick blanket for Sylvie as he had noticed how pale she was and how even with Severide’s thick turnout jacket around her she still looked frozen.

“Good. Get it done quickly.” Kelly nodded at Capp as he reached out and took the blanket from out of his hands. Capp moved away with Tony, both men heading to get what they needed to board the tunnel entrance up from the truck. Kelly unfolded the blanket and quickly wrapped it around Sylvie making sure it was tight around her body before he ran his arms over top of her arms trying to create friction to help warm her up.

“You’re cold too.” Sylvie spoke quietly knowing he was concerned about how cold she was but he had to be cold as well.

“I’m warmer than you are.” He answered with a soft chuckle at her concern for him when she was the one shivering even with his turnout jacket on and a blanket wrapped around her.

“The truck is idling and the heater is on full.” Tony advised as both he and Capp returned with the tools they needed.

“Thanks… Right, lets get you in the warmth.” Kelly stood up then helped Sylvie up and over to the truck. Her exhaustion was evident as she leaned into him subtly as he used his body as a wall to give her the small amount of privacy that he could. He helped her up into the truck and closed the door not wanting any of the heat to escape, seeing as she leant her head back against the wall and knowing that he wanted to get her back to the firehouse as soon as possible so that she could rest at the very least.

Kelly trudged across the yard as he made his way back over to Capp and Tony who were just securing the large wooden board back down that had been used to cover the entrance to the tunnel up previously. “The city will condemn this whole place. The tunnel has undermined the structural integrity of the house, of the entire property. We’ve already had main notify the city.” Tony informed him as they secured the final bolt down. Kelly smiled as he thought of Sylvie’s earlier name calling of the home owner as an idiot because it was a fairly accurate description because an idiot he was. “Lets get back to the firehouse.”

Kelly climbed into the truck along with Tony and Capp and looked back at Sylvie who was not shivering as much and had managed to manoeuvre herself so that she had her feet up on the seat in front of her. She looked at him, her blue eyes found his blue eyes, and she sent a subtle nod to him with a soft tired smile as they pulled away from the scene.

**Chicago Fire**

Returning to an empty firehouse when Battalion 25, Truck 81, Engine 51, and Ambulance 61 were out on a call would usually be cause for alarm however this time Kelly couldn’t help but be relieved for the silence that welcomed them especially given the last few hours. There would be no immediate questions to answer instead they could shower and Sylvie could get some much needed rest without all of the fuss that he was sure would come, but if she was asleep when they arrived back he knew that everyone would leave her to rest which was in her best interests. He climbed out of the truck and then helped Sylvie out seeing she had unwrapped the blanket and removed his turnout jacket from her body. He took the jacket from her as she held it out to him and quickly hung it up before he haphazardly tossed the blanket back on the seat in the truck knowing it could be folded and stored away later.

“Shower and bed.” He told her almost as if it was an order rather than an suggestion but she knew it wasn’t, she knew it was his way of showing he cared without alerting and causing concern to rise throughout the others. She gave a tired nod as a small yawn escaped her lips. “Come on, it will be warmer in the firehouse.” His hand once again found its way to the small of her back and he gave her a small push to get walking as he had noticed that her skin was still colder than it should have been and the apparatus floor wasn’t the warmest given the large amounts of cold air that came in when the doors opened.

The firehouse was noticeably warmer and Kelly only removed his hand from Sylvie’s back when she went to walk to the showers in the locker room whilst he headed for his locker so that he could get his toiletry bag and towel for his own shower.

It didn’t take Kelly long to shower and get dressed into a fresh uniform feeling a whole lot better now that he was clean and warm. He sat down on the bench in front of his locker and just as he closed his locker Sylvie walked out looking discernibly sleepier than before but warmer as her skin was flushed with a soft pink hue from the hot water, he also noticed the slight limp that she was trying desperately not to show. She had dressed in a fresh uniform and had a hoodie on that she was snuggled up in with the sleeves covering her hands partly.

“Still cold?” He asked as he stood up and moved closer to her.

“Not as much as I was before.” She answered softly although she was still colder than she liked.

“I’m pretty sure I said it was a shower and then to bed for you.” He smiled as he kept his voice light knowing she was in desperate need of sleep. He wanted to suggest that she iced her foot but she was the medic and she was already cold without the added help of an ice pack.

“I think you did as well, at least that sounds vaguely familiar.” She smiled back at him. “Thank you for taking care of me Kelly.” She truly was grateful for him and the way he had taken care of her and was continuing too. Kelly stepped forward and pulled her into his arms giving her a strong hug that had her melting into him as she wrapped her own arms around his back and reciprocated the hug. She didn’t realise until that moment how badly she needed to be hugged.

“Come on, I have got a report to write and you’ve got some sleep to catch up on. We’re going to breakfast after shift.” He wanted to continue their conversation just like they had promised and what better way than to have it while eating breakfast at one of his favourite café’s which he knew it would be quiet by the time they got there. And he silently hoped that there would be no more calls so that she could get a decent amount of sleep. With his final words she nodded slowly then unwrapped her arms from him as he did the same. He walked beside her out of the locker room and into the bunk room watching as she went to her bed and immediately crawled under the blankets. He moved into his quarters and grabbed the paperwork that he needed to fill out before he flicked off the bunk room lights as he went past heading for the common room.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly finished his report and closed the folder just as everyone returned from the call that they had been on, and he looked up watching as they filed into the common room looking just as tired as he felt. Capp and Tony had gone to get some sleep not long after Sylvie, having pulled some sandwiches together to eat before they did.

“Are you and Sylvie alright?” Casey asked as soon as he was close enough having been listening to the radio chatter from Squad 3 the entire time.

“Yeah… Nothing like being stuck in someone’s home built panic room.” Kelly shrugged as he answered making sure to keep his voice neutral. “Sylvie’s asleep now.” He added sending a silent message that no one was to bother her.

“What even happened?” Herrmann asked joining the conversation and sitting down at the table with him and Casey.

“Still not really sure but some kind of lockdown was initiated. The guy had multi layered steel doors that weren’t going to open again without him cancelling the lockdown which he didn’t do. The city will condemn the place though and probably the neighbour’s property as the ground is severely compromised thanks to his tunnelling… Speaking of the home owner how is he?” Kelly replied tiredly deciding that as soon as the conversation was over he was handing his report in then turning in himself for some sleep.

“He made it to Med and will be kept in under observation; I recommended a psych evaluation as well. He was undergoing surgery for his hand but it didn’t sound like the outcome would be all that good.” Gabby answered as she walked in having caught the tail end of the conversation as she rubbed her hand over Matt’s shoulder.

“Alright. Thanks. I’m going to turn this report in and then get some sleep.” Kelly replied not to anyone directly as he stood up and picked up the folder and his pen then left the common room.

Kelly quickly walked into the bullpen and dropped his report off before heading for his quarters, stopping and checking on Sylvie to see that she was fast asleep with the blankets wrapped tightly around herself and her hands tucked tightly under her chin before he continued to his quarters, closing the door behind himself then drawing the blinds so that he could get some sleep.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie hoped to sneak out of the Firehouse uninterrupted, and truthfully she was kind of trying to avoid Kelly so that she did not have to continue their discussion as she felt incredibly stupid for even telling him although he had been incredibly sweet about it all. She did feel a bit better though but she was putting that down to the uninterrupted sleep she had had after they returned to the firehouse. She looked up as she went to press the button down on her remote to unlock her car only to find Kelly stood lent up against his own car that was parked in front of hers clearly waiting for her.

“Trying to sneak away were you because I am pretty sure we have breakfast plans.” He smiled at her to put her at ease but he could see she was anything but.

“I was kind of hoping too… Wait, when did we make breakfast plans?” She admitted before she focused on his insinuation that they had made plans for breakfast as he had told her they were.

“Well I made them for us. Now, come on, I know a place, I’m driving… Hope you don’t have any plans for today.” He looked at her seeing her shake her head and give him a small smile as some of her tension melted away.

“How far away is this place?” She asked as she picked up his last comment whilst they walked to the passenger’s side of his car as he opened the door for her and took her duffel bag from her all in one fluid movement.

“By the time we get there the morning rush will be over meaning it will be quiet and we can talk.” He answered just before he shut the door and quickly made it round to the driver’s side as the cold air nipped at his exposed skin.

He looked over at her as he got in after putting both of their duffel bags in the back on the seat seeing her smiling at him as he started his car up and pulled away from the firehouse. “How is your foot feeling this morning?” He asked noticing she wasn’t limping but it didn’t mean she wasn’t in any pain considering how hard she had kicked the steel wall.

“I learned my lesson, it still hurts.” She admitted with a small huff, annoyed at herself for letting her emotions get the better of her when they had been trapped although it wasn’t as sore as she had expected it to be given how sore it had been by the time they had got back to the firehouse last night.

“In all fairness you were right about that guy being a stupid idiot. That homemade panic room made him lose his home and the neighbour’s have lost theirs as well. I heard from the city this morning that both properties will be condemned due to the instability that his underground tunnelling created. I mean he could have at least restricted the tunnels to within the bounds of his own property. Unfortunately the homes are unable to be saved as there is no way to do remedial work to the ground without demolishing both houses.” He informed her as he focused on the road only glancing at her when it was safe to do so seeing as she shook her head in disgust at the man’s actions.

“I spoke to Maggie at Med for an update just before I walked out of the firehouse and she informed me that they had to amputate the man’s hand from half way up his forearm as the damage was far too extensive to repair although they tried their best they had to go with the last resort. According to Maggie they have the psychologist’s evaluating him as well. All this damage, all of this loss not just for himself but others as well and for what? For a panic room that he was never going to need to use, I mean surely there were better ways to spend his time.” It all seemed so unjust and unfair that one man’s actions had caused so many others distress and she wasn’t even taking their ordeal into account.

“I don’t understand how no one noticed the tunnelling that was going on, I mean he would have had to get rid of large quantities of dirt and have had to have a decent amount of timber bought in given that he had made a small effort to stabilise the interior of the tunnel not to mention all of the steel that had been used to construct it or the electrical work that had been done. It just seems ridiculous; I mean every neighbourhood has that one nosey neighbour.” He had tried to figure out how it had gone unnoticed which he simply could not find an explanation for.

“More and more people these days turn a blind eye to things especially in that part of Chicago.” She shrugged although she did agree that it would be hard not to notice all of the work that the guy must have done to build it all but then again people did not want to get involved if it did not concern them these days, one of modern society’s character flaws.

“Yeah, you are right about that.” He knew she was but it still bewildered him considering how much of a death trap it was. The silence lapsed between them and it was comfortable although both of them kept glancing at each other when the other was not looking as Kelly drove them further away from the populated area and further out of Chicago although she didn’t mind as there was something relaxing about the whole idea of just driving away from all the hustle and bustle of the city and going to have something to eat.

“We are here.” Kelly broke the silence after another forty minutes or so as he pulled into the empty parking lot in front of a classic American diner. Even before Sylvie could undo her seatbelt, he was out of the car and around it, opening the door for her as she took the hand that he offered and got out. They walked up to the diner, and he opened the door for her allowing her to walk in first.

“Pick any seat you want honey. I’ll be over shortly Kelly.” The older waitress smiled at them as she gestured to the empty diner as she finished clearing up from the breakfast rush.

“Thanks Martha.” Kelly replied as he followed Sylvie towards a booth beside the window. He didn’t miss the look that she sent his way, clearly he travelled out often enough for Martha to know him by name.

“Come here often, do you?” She asked as they sat down in the booth on opposite sides of the table.

“It’s nice to get out of the city and enjoy the quietness that this place has to offer especially after a rough shift.” He answered already knowing what he was going to order as he had been there enough to know the menu while she looked through it.

“Coffee?” Martha appeared with two cups and a pot of freshly brewed coffee. She knew Kelly would want coffee and had already begun to pour him a cup but she was not sure about his guest.

“Yes thank you.” Sylvie needed coffee more than she cared to admit as she still felt exhausted despite that she had slept longer than she had in the previous weeks.

“Sure honey.” Martha smiled at her softly as she filled the second cup up. “I’ll leave you two to decide, you know the drill Kelly when you are ready to order unless you are now.” She told them before she waited for an answer.

“Are you?” Sylvie asked and he nodded before he indicated for her to go first.

“Could I please have the chocolate chip pancakes with a side of fruit?” Sylvie ordered admittedly feeling more hungry than she had in recent weeks.

“Sure honey, and Kelly?” Martha took her order impressed at the polite young woman that Kelly had bought with him as it was the first time he had ever bought someone with him in all the times he had come to the diner.

“The 2x2x2x2 breakfast with the hash-browns please.” Kelly ordered in the mood for eggs, bacon, sausages, hash-browns and a side of toast as he was starving after all he had barely eaten anything all shift.

“Alright, it won’t be too long.” Martha told them before she walked away leaving the two alone sensing that they needed it.

Kelly watched as Sylvie glanced up at him before she turned her head towards the window looking out at the desolate road as she rested her hands flat on the table. “I want a baby Kelly, and there is absolutely nothing that is going to change that. I can’t keep waiting and hoping that I am going to find someone who will want to be with me, who will love me for who I am and not for who they want me to be. I can’t keep getting involved only for it to end abruptly and without reason.” It wasn’t a new admission but rather an expansion of what they had spoken about when they were trapped inside the panic room but it did not make it any easier to express what she felt. Saying the words aloud made it feel like a failure, and there was a desperation she felt that it had come to this point in her life but it had. “I don’t want to keep failing either, I want to be settled in life. I want to feel content with it all. I don’t want to keep feeling this way and thinking about it all the time. Ever since I was a little girl I dreamt of being a mother and I want that dream to come true even if it is not exactly how I dreamt it would be. I have realised that there does not need to be a white picket fence or a loving husband to be able to give the child all the love they deserve and more, to give them a beautiful life. You make your family, you choose them. We both did but then again we got lucky with Fifty- One.” She really had gone over everything in her head, and when she spoke about family it was always her firehouse family that came to her mind because they were her family, at times a dysfunctional one but they were a family nonetheless.  

Kelly couldn’t argue with her because it was only fair in what she wanted for herself and it was what she deserved but there was still a tinge of sadness at how she had gotten herself to this point. “You haven’t failed Sylvie, none of it could ever be labelled as a failure.” He felt that it was important to tell her that she had not failed and that she was not a failure. “You really will be an amazing mother, and you will have the most incredible supportive family.” He knew that without a doubt she would always have everyone at the firehouse, and just by listening to her words he knew she would be an incredible mother.

“Thank you.” His words meant the world to her as they reassured her and gave her a small amount of hope as she turned her attention back to him.

“Just promise me something.” He wanted her to know that she had support, that when things got tough or overwhelming that she could come to him.

“What?” She asked softly and almost suspiciously but she managed to quell that part given how kind he had been and was still being especially given all of the stuff that she had inadvertently dumped on him.

“Promise me that you will come to me whenever you need too… for anything, anything at all.” It sounded cliché as hell but he really did mean it, he wanted to be there for her. “I don’t care if it is the middle of the night. Even if you just want to grab a bite to eat and not talk, or get copious amounts of ice cream to eat, I’m here.” He added on knowing she would not always want to talk but even if his company was enough then he would be present for her.

“I can do that.” There was an acceptance that came with her words and deep down inside she knew that there had been a weight lifted off of her just by talking about everything that was haunting her. She smiled softly as she really was grateful for the man in front of her and to him as well.


	39. Attack On Their Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one kind of spiralled... oops...

 

 

**_Attack On Their Own_ **

Chicago and gunshot wounds were synonymous. Every emergency responder would come across a victim that had been shot, once or several times, several times over in their career. Although the chance of encountering the shooter was slim, the risk was still there, still present. However today had not been one of those low risk calls.

Sylvie froze in fear as the gunshots rang out, her patient was dead, had been killed in front of her with no remorse nor an ounce of hesitation from the shooter. _Please, no._ The gun was suddenly pointed at her, aimed right at her chest. It felt as if time slowed down. The muzzle flash of the gun caught her attention… _one, two, three…_ three flashes in quick succession. She was so focused on the flashes that it wasn’t until she felt her back hit the cold muddy ground and her vision was now of the sky that she realised she had been shot. _I’ve been shot… shot… multiple times._ She felt her lungs constrict, and the pain flow through her body. She wanted to call out for help, vaguely aware of the retreating footsteps of the shooter, but she couldn’t, the words just wouldn’t come out.

It was a strange feeling to feel as the life literally drained from a person. _Death… This is dying or what dying feels like. This is a first hand experience._ The irony was laughable, or it would have been if she didn’t feel like she was drowning inside. She could feel as her own blood trickled down her face from the corner of her mouth, the metallic taste making her panic along with the feeling of growing weaker.

“Sylvie? Brett?” Jimmy called as he let go of the gurney as soon as he saw his partner on the ground, paler than he had ever seen someone, and surrounded by a large pool of blood that was growing rapidly by the second. He slid down hard in the frozen dirt to his knees beside her fallen body as he frantically called for back-up into his radio. “Jimmy.” Her voice was quiet but he knew she was petrified, and yet eerily calm which alarmed him. “You’re going to be alright.” Jimmy’s own voice was strained as he cut through her clothes, and applied pressure bandages. _Three bullet wounds, two to the chest and one to the shoulder. What do I do? What do I do?_ His panicking was of no help but he couldn’t conduct an initial work up without removing his hands that were stemming her bleeding from her most serious gunshot wound, the one dangerously close to her heart.

She lifted her bloodied, muddied, hand to his, using the little strength she had left and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s o-okay.” It was as if she had found a sense of peace, as if she had accepted she was dying. “It’s not okay! Don’t you dare give up on me Sylvie Brett.” _No! I’m not giving up on you. You are not dying, not today._ He wanted to yell, to shake her, but he couldn’t. The pressure bandage had soaked through, and he could feel as her blood seeped under him and into the fabric of his pants.

The loud wailing of sirens alerted him to the fact that help was nearby. “We’ll be at the hospital soon.” He murmured softly as he pressed down on her wounds, struggling to stem the flow of blood that was pooling under her and around him. The brief relief he felt at the sound of sirens quickly diminished as she fell silent and her eyes slipped closed. “Sylvie.” The panic inside of him increased exponentially as he realised her heart had stopped. He began CPR just as their back up finally arrived.

**Chicago Fire**

“We’re at Med.”

Jimmy was on top of Sylvie performing compressions as they fought to keep her alive, as they bought the stretcher out of the ambulance and rushed her into the emergency room of the the hospital. They had revived her once, had bought her back to life, only for her to crash just moments from their arrival at Med. Her skin had become translucent as she was ghostly pale. She had been intubated at the scene, and intravenous access had been gained.

“What have we got?” Will Halstead asked as he met them at the entrance to the emergency room with Maggie at his side.

“It’s Sylvie. She’s been shot… her heart.” Jimmy rushed out in between his gasps for air. “We’ve got her Jimmy.” Maggie reassured him helping him down before she was rushed to the open trauma bay, Baghdad.

Jimmy walked backwards once the glass door was shut until he hit the desk and he slid down to the cool floor. He raised his hands in front of him, and quickly discarded the once blue gloves that were now blood strained down on the ground next to him as the sight of his partner’s, his friend’s, blood made him feel sick. His hands trembled involuntarily. _Please let her be okay. She has to be okay… She died. Her heart stopped… I left her. I left her and she got shot._ He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“We’re taking her to surgery. She’s not stable but we can’t wait.” Jimmy wasn’t sure who had updated him, he had been too focused on Sylvie as she was wheeled past him to the operating theatre. Even from his viewpoint on the floor, he knew it wasn’t good. His eyes never left her until she was out of sight. He couldn’t move.

**Chicago Fire**

The news and the shock reverberated through every member of Firehouse 51; lights and sirens were used as they raced to Chicago Med, for Sylvie and Jimmy. All they knew was that Brett had been shot, no further details had been supplied.

“Maggie. What do we know? How is she?” Gabby rushed the words out as everyone poured through the doors of the emergency room. Maggie held up her hands making them all stop. “She’s in surgery. I’ll have Halstead come and talk to you.” The lack of details was concerning to all of them, and none of them missed the way Maggie looked at them.

“Where’s Borelli?” Casey asked as he ran his hand down Gabby’s back in a silent effort to comfort her unable to see the former truck candidate. Maggie nodded her head, the silent ‘follow me’ understood, as they fell into line and followed her.

It was a shocking and confronting sight for each and every one of them. Jimmy was still sat on the floor up against the desk, pale and shaking, and covered in blood. “We haven’t been able to get him to move, nor have we been able to get him cleaned up or examined. He hasn’t said anything since we made him stop CPR.” Maggie explained softly knowing that April had tried everything except having him forcibly removed.

“We will take care of him. Herrmann take everyone to the waiting room. Case, give me a hand.” _Leaders lead._ Boden’s words resonated in Severide’s head as he took charge knowing they were cluttering up the emergency room, and he wanted to get Jimmy cleaned up as it was a vile sight knowing he was covered in Sylvie’s blood. Boden was making his way from headquarters and had yet to arrive. Casey gave a short but stoic nod in agreeance before turning to Maggie and asking, “Could you find something for him to wear?” as Herrmann ushered the group away. “Of course. Use the staff bathrooms, it has showers. I’ll have some supplies bought to you.” Maggie answered as April nodded and stepped away to get the supplies. Both men thanked her before they stepped forward towards Jimmy.

“Jimmy…” Severide knelt beside him with Casey copying his actions so that they were on either side of the traumatized young paramedic. Severide followed Jimmy’s gaze and his stomach turned at the sight of the trauma room floor that was saturated in blood with bloodied gauze amongst it. _No one can lose that much blood._ The thought almost crippled him but he turned his attention back to Jimmy catching sight of Casey’s expression that told him he had seen it too.

“Her heart stopped... she died.” Jimmy muttered without moving his body. “She was shot… Someone shot her…”

“Borelli.” Casey barked his last name hoping it would bring him out of his trance. Jimmy’s head turned slowly, almost mechanically, his haunted gaze landing on Casey. “Lieutenant?” It was as if Jimmy had only become aware that they were on either side of him. “Let us help get you cleaned up then we will go to the waiting room until there is an update on Sylvie.” Casey spoke calmly as Jimmy turned his attention to Severide, giving both men a small subtle nod once he had finished.

Both Severide and Casey stood up then reached down and hauled Jimmy up off of the ground onto his own unsteady feet. His body was pliable and exhausted, and he didn’t protest as the two Lieutenants almost carried him to the staff bathrooms. Casey reached into the shower and turned it on. The water turned pink as soon as Jimmy was under it. The two lieutenants gave him privacy once he was in the shower but stayed close enough by.

**Chicago Fire**

The waiting room was full of people and of tension. It felt as though time had slowed drastically and each time someone dressed in scrubs walked by their attention was drawn to them in hope. Severide was pacing back and forth with his hands laced behind his back while everyone else sat fidgeting nervously except for Chief Boden who remained stoic as he silently hoped for the best but was expecting the worst given all that he had been told which was not as much as he had hoped.

Jimmy had remained where Casey and Severide had placed him in a hospital chair next to Gabby and Herrmann who were consistently checking on him although he was still distraught and almost catatonic. His skin was ashen and he still looked as if he could collapse any second but he hadn’t uttered another word since Severide and Casey had hauled him up from the hospital floor in the emergency room.

The entire room stood up in an instant as Will Halstead walked out, he had decided and asked to be the one to give the news that he knew her firehouse family were desperately waiting for. He stopped and looked around at the faces as they impatiently waited and looked at him desperately for answers.

“Sylvie’s in critical condition. She is still in surgery but they are just finishing closing her up.” Will paused seeing the relief sweep over the room that she was alive before the secondary wave of panic set in.

“Critical condition. What are we talking about here doc?” Severide asked as no one wanted too but they had to know, it was hard to keep the fear out of his voice as he did.

“She was shot three times, once in the shoulder and two in the chest. We had a lot of trouble stabilising her due to the blood loss and trauma she sustained, she went in hypovolemic shock so we are transfusing her with donor blood products. The bullet to her shoulder clipped her collarbone which broke on impact but it also slowed it down which minimised the damage. She will need some physical therapy but she will regain full mobility.” Will paused letting them absorb all that he was explaining to them.

“What about the other wounds?” Boden asked already alarmed for his paramedic as he surveyed members of Fifty One understanding the shock and dismay as he was just as deeply shocked at the events of the shift.

“One of the bullets nicked her pericardium which is the sac containing her heart and caused a traumatic aortic rupture as the bullet also caused a tear in her aorta. We managed to stop the bleeding and repair both of the tears made by that bullet. The other bullet went through her ribs shattering three of them on her left side and continued to travel through into her lung. We had to insert permanent titanium plates in order to repair her ribs. We had to perform a lobectomy which means we had to remove a portion of the lung that was beyond repair. However because of the damage to her ribs and her lung, it caused it to collapse and she developed a pneumothorax which is where air collects in the pleural space between the lung and the chest wall. We have inserted a chest tube to make sure there is no fluid build-up as well. However we did have to revive her, a further two times whilst she was being operated on so we are not sure if there has been any damage to her brain from the lack of oxygen that she suffered and if there has been to what extent. We will run more tests and scans in the morning but our priority is keeping her stable at the moment.” Will tried to limit the medical terminology as much as he could but it wasn’t easy with the extensive internal damage that Sylvie had suffered, and he had to give them all the facts, had to prepare them for the worst if it came to that.

“What does that all mean doc?” Herrmann asked as he forced Jimmy to sit down as he looked ready to fall down having paled further at the doctors words.

“She has suffered a lot of internal damage, any one of those injuries is life threatening but put all together it’s a miracle she is still alive.” Gabby simplified and spoke aloud what was being said between the lines. Everyone in the waiting room looked at Gabby in shock before they turned back to Will almost in hope he would correct her but when he nodded in agreement the hope that had momentarily built up crashed down and disintegrated.

“She’s fighting but as I said she is in critical condition. We will be transferring her to Intensive Care Unit as soon as we can where she will be constantly monitored. We are keeping her intubated and have her on a ventilator to help her breathe until she triggers it herself. We will be keeping her sedated for at least the next twenty four hours as we want to give her body the best chance to heal… She has a central line in her as we have already started giving her broad spectrum antibiotics to decrease the risk of infection, as well as multiple peripheral lines which are for the blood transfusions, the sedation, and to keep her hydrated. We have also done a nasogastric intubation with a Levin catheter so that we can feed her the nutrients she needs whilst she remains sedated… As soon as she is settled into the I.C.U I will let you know.” Will knew that the men and women of Firehouse 51 would be a permanent fixture around the hospital for the duration of Sylvie’s recovery because he had seen the way they were, how they took care of their own, and that was because they were a family.

“Thank you.” Boden appreciated all that he had done for Sylvie and knew that the doctor would keep his word. Will gave a simple nod before he turned and walked away as everyone settled back down in their seats, the stress and concern was palpable as they settled in for the long wait. Boden turned around and faced everyone as he scanned their faces seeing a full range of emotions from fear to relief to sadness and just about every other emotion that there was. “Every prayer and good thought needs to be directed towards Sylvie right now.” It could have been left unsaid but he wanted to say it aloud even though he knew there would be a constant vigil held by those of Firehouse Fifty One. Everyone nodded in response and returned to their seats; that was the thing about family especially the Fifty One family, they wouldn’t leave until they knew she was out of the operating theatre and in a room in the intensive care unit and even then only a few would leave as a roster would be worked out between them so that someone would remain with Sylvie at all times.

**Chicago Fire**

The intensive care unit of Chicago Med was eerily quiet with the exception of all of the machines that constantly sounded with a steady flurry of beeps and alarms that blared around a patient. It was the ward that catered to the most critical and fought to keep them alive where the patients were monitored constantly and visitors were limited although there were exceptions made when it came to first responders and medical staff alike who became patients.

Will Halstead helped get Sylvie set up in the room after her many hours of surgery, her skin was still translucent and her vitals were still too low but she was at least stable momentarily which given the circumstances was a minor miracle. The nurses had cleaned her up thoroughly making sure to remove almost all of the traces of mud and blood from her battered body.

“How did this happen? Who shoots a paramedic?” Sharon Goodwin asked quietly with an air of disbelief as she stepped into the hospital room despite having been briefed by her staff and the detectives of the intelligence unit who had taken over the investigation. Will looked over to her before he glanced back at the monitors again.

“I don’t know but what I do know is that they didn’t want her to survive. I spoke to Jay, it appears as though the patient that they had been called to treat was murdered in front of her by whoever shot her.” Will informed Sharon although he knew that knowing the details or at least the speculated ones didn’t change anything especially given the circumstances surrounding the shooting after all Sylvie was only doing her job.

“What did you tell those waiting for her?” Sharon asked knowing there was a fine line when it came to explaining the condition of a critical patient, but there was also an added element when explaining to medically trained first responders especially those at Fifty One given how close they all were.

“The truth… most of it anyway… I should go inform them that we have got her settled, I know they’ll want to see her and it might free up that waiting room.” Will answered honestly even though he had used his discretion when he spoke to her colleagues.

“That waiting room is going to be full until she is discharged from here. That’s only her immediate shift out there. In the morning there will be many more from across other houses, and then there will be the families of them… The police are putting guards here as a precaution, I have suggested that only those from her immediate shift at Fifty One be allowed to visit for now.” Sharon advised as Will nodded in both understanding and agreement knowing she was not going to be able to keep any of them away, and for Sylvie’s recovery it would be better to be around those who loved her and that she loved.

“What about her family?” Will asked stalling as his eyes once again roamed over the monitors taking a another look at her vitals.

“I spoke to them with Chief Boden and they have decided to remain in Indiana. We stressed the seriousness but it appears as though they are not that close, that things are strained although there was no elaboration, and we have to respect their decision, after all we cannot force them to come to Chicago.” Sharon answered, “I’ll remain with her while you go inform everyone.” She added on as he nodded.

Will walked out of the intensive care unit and out into the waiting room noticing that there were already a few new additions to the waiting crowd including that of Cindy Herrmann and Donna Boden, both who were trying to convince those that had been waiting the longest to have something to eat from the mass of food that they had bought although it did not look as though they were having much success at it.

“How is she?” Herrmann asked as he was the first to see Will.

“We have got Sylvie settled in intensive care. I know you all want to see her but we are going to ask that you only come in two at a time. Honestly though, I would suggest you all go home and get some rest whilst she is sedated. She is going to need you when she wakes.” Will advised even though he knew it would fall on deaf ears given how they had been unmovable since arriving.

“Thanks Will, Jimmy do you want to see her? I’ll go with you.” Gabby was grateful that the hospital was bending protocol for them, for Sylvie. She also knew that Jimmy was a wreck, understandably so, but he needed to see her, needed to see that she had survived, and that she was fighting for her life. And Gabby figured that no one would object as they all knew Jimmy needed it.

“She’s alive?” Jimmy asked as if he hadn’t heard anything that had been told to them, or if he couldn’t comprehend everything that had been said looking at her wide eyed and almost child-like.

“Yeah, she’s in intensive care. Come on.” Gabby repeated the very basic information as his eyes finally found hers and he gave her a shaky nod. With Gabby and Herrmann’s help they managed to get Jimmy on his feet and Will guided them back into the I.C.U showing them through to Sylvie’s room.

Gabby pushed Jimmy into one of the chairs that had been aptly placed by her bedside as she was still worried that he was going to collapse. Gabby stepped back with Will and examined all of the machines, taking a mental note of her vitals and everything that was going on in an effort to keep Sylvie alive.

Jimmy felt as though he couldn’t breathe as he allowed his eyes to wonder over Sylvie’s blanket covered body. His hand had a mind of its own as he reached out and very gently took her hand in his, the stillness and feel of her colder than usual skin startled him.

“She’s freezing.” Jimmy turned to look at Will and Gabby, his eyes wide in shock.

“We’re getting her another warmed blanket… Have you been examined?” Will was concerned about the young man in front of him and thought of calling in Doctor Charles given the traumatic experience that he had been through. Jimmy didn’t say anything instead he turned back to Sylvie, almost as if he hadn’t even registered Will’s question.

“Lets give him a few minutes.” Gabby sensed that Jimmy needed to be alone with Sylvie and knew that she and Will would be right outside if either of them needed them. Will nodded and stepped out of the room with Gabby.

Jimmy vaguely heard the doors close as he looked up at the blood bag that was hung up, he followed the flow with his eyes until it disappeared into her arm, into her body.

“I’m so sorry Sylvie, I shouldn’t have left you… I wish it had been me, not you. I’m sorry.” The words poured out along with the tears as his guilt grew. He was crying for her, and for himself. He was careful as he laid his head down on the very edge of the bed so that he didn’t disturb her and prayed, prayed for her to get better, prayed for the man who did this to be found so that she was safe, and prayed that nothing would change between them.

**Chicago Fire**

Everyone had cycled in and out of Sylvie’s room and they were all shocked by the sight of her, by how ill she really looked and that was without seeing the mass of bandaged stitches covered beneath her flimsy gown. The vigil was held in the waiting room as they took turns going home to shower and change before returning to the hospital. It seemed that those waiting had only tripled in the immediate hours after Sylvie’s admission to hospital. She had survived the first twenty four hours but had only marginally improved. The only one who hadn’t returned was Jimmy but that was because his brother Danny had forced him to go home and get some rest as he fought to process all that had happened.

A veiled silence came over the packed waiting room as Will walked in with Sharon, both with an incomprehensible yet reserved look on both of their faces, and there was a foreboding feeling that came over them. They all went to stand up but Sharon held her hands up to stop them aware that they were all running on fumes.

“What is it? Cruz asked impatiently. He had sat with Sylvie for a few hours during the night just talking about whatever came into his mind.

“We have all her scans and test results back…” Sharon informed them before she turned to Will as the tension grew inexplicably as they all turned to look at him and waited for him to tell them.

“We can see no areas of damage to her brain on any of the scans, and we ran them twice to be sure. Her vitals have improved a lot better and quicker than we expected them too although they are still low and not where we would like them to be. We also performed an ultrasound on her heart and its performing exactly as it should so that tells us that the repairs made are holding and have been successful… This is amazing news… We’ve removed the intubation tube as she was fighting against it even with the sedation but have left all of the peripheral lines in although we have stopped the blood transfusion. We have also removed the feeding tube but the chest drain remains however we hope to take that out within the next twenty four hours but that will depend on how she comes out of the sedation which we have made the decision to stop so she should be awake within the next several hours as we are going to give her a medication that will help to counteract the sedation… However we have had to lower the morphine infusion significantly while we wake her so she is going to be in a significant amount of pain when she comes too.” Will explained, happy to be giving them good news and feeling as well as seeing the relief that spread through each and every person in the waiting room however he was well aware just as they all were that there was still a long way to go for her to be fully recovered.

“Will you increase the morphine once she wakes?” Matt asked as he rubbed Gabby’s back feeling the way her entire body relaxed at Will’s words despite the lingering tension that he could feel.

“Yes, I’ll be happy to max her out on it once she’s awake. The reason we are lowering the morphine dosage while we wake her is because we have found it makes it easier for the patient to wake up and be more aware of their surroundings especially after the trauma she has been through. It also allows us to get a more accurate reading on everything physically.” Will explained knowing that no one wanted Sylvie to be in pain including him but it was also in her best interests medically.

“We’re going to monitor her closely throughout this entire process but we also knew that it is best for the patient to see people that they know and trust when they do wake as it helps them remain calm. We don’t know what Sylvie will recall immediately and we have to be prepared for any possibility including in the event that she could possibly injure herself further if she panics which is why we would like two of you to sit with her and talk to her just as all of you have been doing.” Sharon assured them before telling them their part in the plan that they had devised to wean Sylvie off of the sedation.

“Gabby and Cruz?” Herrmann suggested knowing that they were incredibly close, they all were but Gabby and Cruz had a bond with Sylvie that was different. Gabby knew the medical side of things and remained calm in tense situations whilst Cruz loved Sylvie and would do anything he could to help. Everyone nodded in agreement at the suggestion as they knew that would remain in the waiting room and be constantly updated just as they had been.

**Chicago Fire**

Gabby and Cruz sat on either side of Sylvie’s bed, each holding one of her still to cold hands in theirs, and a steady stream of medical professionals coming and going as Sylvie had started to show signs of waking with her eyes moving under her eyelids and fluttering open a few times. Since they had first seen her after she had survived the hours of surgery, the difference in her colour and temperature was noticeable. The colour had almost completely returned to her skin although she was still paler than usual, and she was back to being warm which they both welcomed although she was not as warm as she usually was.

“We’re here Sylvie. I know I cannot wait to see those pretty blue eyes of yours when you are finally ready to open them for us.” Cruz kept his voice soft as his thumb ran lightly over her knuckles; talking to her was supposed to help her but it was helping to ease his worry and his nervousness. “Everyone is waiting to see you. They are all outside. We’ve been here the entire time.” He knew he said plenty in the hours that he had sat with her but now more than ever it was important for her to hear something comforting.

“Sylvie…” Gabby called her name as she stood up making Cruz stand up and look at her. “Sylvie, open your eyes from me.” Gabby spoke firmly as if she was issuing an order but they had both felt the small flutters of movement in her fingers, and could see her eyes moving rapidly under her closed eyelids. It had been almost four hours that they had spent at Sylvie’s bedside and since the sedation had been stopped.

“Sylvie, open your eyes for us please.” Cruz’s voice was softer as he followed Gabby’s lead having felt the small movements as well. They watched and waited and squeezed her hands gently with theirs as they watched her eyelids flutter until a soft sigh escaped her parted lips and her eyelids opened completely.

“It’s alright Sylvie, you’re alright.” Gabby reassured her as Sylvie’s eyes found their way to Cruz’s and almost instantly she relaxed. Gabby felt as though she was intruding on a private moment between the two so she stepped back and allowed the medical team in to examine and evaluate Sylvie who were standing by. Cruz went to step back but Sylvie only tightened her hold around his hand, albeit weakly, making him pause in his movements. He lifted his hand to the top of her head and brushed his fingers through her hair as he murmured reassurances softly, his worry growing as she didn’t say anything.

“Sylvie, can you tell me where you are?” Will tried again as he finally managed to get her to tear her eyes away from Cruz’s. It was clear that she hadn’t heard him the first time but he wasn’t too worried.

“Hospital… I got shot… Is Jimmy okay?” It hurt, her throat burned, but everything was coming back to her and her blood pressure and heart rate spiked making the monitors blare out in warning, and then the pain hit her and the tears were abrupt as they began to pour down her face. She wanted to curl in on herself but couldn’t as any little movement was already painful for her.

“He’s fine, worried but he wasn’t hurt. He got you here.” Cruz answered quickly before anyone else could, his words helped to settle her although she had paled again in her panic. Gabby passed Cruz a cup of water with a straw which Sylvie willingly accepted as the room temperature water helped to ease her raw throat as she calmed at Cruz’s words.

“We had to operate on you Sylvie, and we need you to be careful with your movements for now. We will give you some morphine in a few minutes but…” Will began to explain but was interrupted.

“No, no morphine.” Sylvie strained to get the words out but she did even if they were rushed. She didn’t want morphine, she didn’t want to feel out of it, she needed to know what was going on, she needed to be in control as much as she could given that everything had been so beyond her control up until this point.

“Sylvie the pain will be excruciating especially given that we had to insert permanent titanium plates to repair three of your ribs that were shattered by one of the bullets. Your collarbone is broken as well.” Will couldn’t understand how someone who had just woken up and was clearly in a significant amount of pain was denying themselves the chance to feel nothing with the help of morphine although he could see she was competent enough to make her own medical decisions, that was very clear to all of them.

“I can’t, I can’t have it. Please don’t give it to me.” Sylvie almost begged as more tears poured out of her eyes. She needed to stay calm but this was important to her and it was upsetting her as she couldn’t control it.

“Sylvie it’s alright. I can’t give you any morphine now that you have made your wishes known. I’m going to have the nurse come in and put your arm in a different sling to take more of the pressure off of your collarbone so it’s immobile. Now I know that you need to rest so I will have the surgeons came by later and go over everything with you in regards to your treatment. But if you change your mind about having any pain relief at all, all you have to do is say.” Will knew that pushing her was likely going to do more harm than good as it was only serving to spike her heart rate and blood pressure but he also knew that her firehouse family might be able to get to the reasoning behind her reluctance and change her mind. Sylvie gave a tired nod as she settled back in the bed before Will left the room with a quick nod to Gabby.

“I’m going to let everyone know you’re awake.” Gabby decided to excuse herself knowing Will wanted to talk to her already distressed by Sylvie’s reactions.

“I want to see them then they can go home.” Sylvie knew they would have practically camped out in the hospital although she still couldn’t completely figure out the timeframe in her head but figured that it would clearer in days to come although she hadn’t asked either but she needed too at some point.

“Alright.” Gabby was perplexed by Sylvie and her reactions but she wasn’t about to question them, at least not yet. Gabby left the room making sure to close the door behind her.

“You scared us.” Cruz sat back down, her hand still held firmly in his, as she turned her head to the side and looked at him.

“How long?” Sylvie asked knowing he wouldn’t lie to her, and if he did lie then she would be able to tell.

“You were in surgery for over four hours, they had a lot of trouble stabilising you. And they kept you sedated for a little over twenty four hours to let you rest.” Cruz told her unable to hide the truth from her and knowing if he did not tell her that someone else would have too; he figured it was better that he told her then for her to hear it from someone else who was unfamiliar to her.

“And you’ve all been here?” Sylvie asked softly although she already knew the answer because she knew them and she knew they would have because they were her family.

“Yeah, we took turns at going home to have a shower and change but we’ve all been here…” Cruz answered wondering what she was getting at and where her questions were leading.

“They didn’t want to come did they?” Sylvie asked quietly, and Cruz knew exactly what was going on in her brain as the pieces fell into place.

“Boden called them, told them that you had been badly hurt.” It was the truth and although Cruz didn’t know what was said for the entire call he knew enough to know that they hadn’t come to be by her side.

“And they didn’t come.” Sylvie let her eyes close for a moment and took as deep as a breath as she could while she processed the fact that her family didn’t travel from Indiana to be by her side given the seriousness of her injuries. She hadn’t realised until that very moment how strained things really were. She tried to move but froze as the pain flared monumentally throughout her entire body. She let out a slow unsteady breath as she willed her body to relax to try and mitigate some of the pain.

“I’m sorry.” Cruz didn’t know what else to say, there was nothing that could ease that feeling of abandonment especially given her vulnerability right now, and he didn’t have all of the facts. He let his thumb sweep over her knuckles in an effort to calm her as he had seen and felt the way she tensed in pain, and whilst he hating watching her in pain he knew that he couldn’t convince her to take any pain medication not when she got so worked up about it just minutes prior, and that was the last thing she needed.

“I know who my family is and it is everybody who has been out there in that waiting room.” Sylvie stated as if it was the simplest thing in the world, as if it didn’t hurt her even though it was clear to see it was tearing her apart as her big blue eyes had become glassy with tears. “My heart stopped didn’t it?” There was a lot going on her head but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she had died at some point, that her heart had stopped and that it had taken time to revive her.

“They had to revive you three times, once in the ambulance on the way here and twice more while they were operating on you.” Cruz answered honestly as Sylvie nodded and let her eyes close once more although she was fighting against both the tears that were threatening to fall and going back to sleep as she knew Gabby would return momentarily with everyone.

**Chicago Fire**

Gabby returned to the waiting room after having taken a few minutes to talk to Will about Sylvie’s meltdown over morphine and any other pain medication, and neither of them were closer to figuring out why she had reacted the way she had but it was something that would be monitored closely in the coming days along with everything else medical.

“She’s awake and wants to see you all so you can go home.” Gabby informed everyone, the relief that flowed through the room was immediate and overwhelming at the news that she was awake and talking.

“Lets go see our girl so she can get some rest.” Herrmann clapped his hand down on Otis’ shoulder. Gabby led them through the hall to the familiar room where Sylvie was now sitting upright due to the bed being raised at a forty-five degree angle. She smiled as they all filed into the room being overly quiet and careful not to disturb anything.

“Guys…” Sylvie started trailing off as she didn’t know how to say what she wanted to say, and her throat was still sore from the intubation which had made her voice hoarser than she cared for. She wanted to tell them not to be worried, she wanted to tell them that she was fine, and that she was sorry for making them all worry but she couldn’t because the words wouldn’t come because she knew that they were worried and that she wasn’t close to being fine.

“You took your time to wake up.” Herrmann moved closer to the bed as he placed a delicate kiss on her forehead being careful not to jostle her as his words eased some of the tension that had grown in the room. She offered him a small tired smile.

“Thank you all for being here.” Sylvie spoke quietly, her voice was strained given how long she had been out and she was still exhausted as she fought against the medication that was still lingering in her system and threatening to have her fall back to sleep.

“There’s nowhere else we would have been Brett.” Casey offered as Gabby lent back against his chest as she had been a permanent fixture since they had arrived after Sylvie was shot and he knew she hadn’t slept at all. Casey also had a fair idea of the fear that was coursing through Gabby had a lot to do with the loss of Shay as even despite the different circumstances they had been partners and were best friends although he was smart enough not to bring that up right now, if ever.

“You should all go home or go do whatever you need too. I won’t be going anywhere for a while.” Sylvie was overwhelmed with everything from being shot on a call to waking up in the hospital in pain to being surrounded by those that she loved who cared for her more than words could ever explain.

“And we should let you get some rest.” Otis smiled softly knowing that none of them were ready to leave but Sylvie needed to rest, and sooner or later the hospital staff would come by to kick them out so she could do just that. Everyone moved towards Sylvie, either kissing her cheek or giving her hand a soft squeeze before they left except for Severide who was stood quietly in the corner of the hospital room with his hands clasped behind his back and his head was pressed back against the wall.

Sylvie turned her head towards Kelly once the glass door was shut, and she was almost grateful that he was there albeit slightly perplexed. She knew the rest of her firehouse family would check in on her over the coming days and for that she was grateful but she really did need some time to process everything that she could recall.

“Are you alright?” She asked him as she tried to shift into a more comfortable position but the pain that bloomed had her pausing very quickly.

“Woah… I’m fine and I should be the one asking you that but I know you are going to get sick of that question very quickly and it’s obvious you are not okay.” He quickly crossed the room in two large steps and stopped at her bedside quickly slipping his hand into hers having heard Gabby as she quietly told

Casey that Sylvie had refused any and all pain medication as they had made their way through the corridors and in to see her. “Do you want to tell me why you’re refusing to have any pain medication?” He asked softly aware that it could be a precarious topic but he didn’t understand her refusal given that she wasn’t an addict that was risking her sobriety by accepting it as she finally settled down into a relatively comfortable position momentarily. Sylvie went to lift her arm up but stopped as the movement pulled on her stitches, which set she was not completely sure of but she could definitely feel them. “You really have to stop moving.” Kelly reprimanded her lightly as he realised that she was trying to move the position of the pillow that was behind her head. He let his hand slip from hers and quickly readjusted the pillow for her which she was highly appreciative of before he sat down in the chair that Gabby had vacated and slipped his hand back into hers.

Sylvie let her head roll to the side so that she was facing him although she looked completely perplexed and slightly haunted at the same time. “I looked into his eyes and watched as he raised the gun at me. I froze, I couldn’t escape… I remember telling Jimmy it was okay if he couldn’t save me… I was prepared for that to be the end and I don’t even know why.” She paused as her eyes became glassy and her emotions threatened to overwhelm her. “I need to know what’s happening, I need to feel in control of myself and what’s happening around me because I didn’t before I woke up here... that’s why I don’t want any pain medication.” She struggled to explain her reasoning but she hoped that she had explained enough for him to understand. “Maybe I want to feel every bit of the pain that I can to know that I am alive too.” She added as another part of her reasoning although she knew she couldn’t explain that part any further.

He couldn’t say that he did not understand why she needed to be aware of what was not only going on around her but within her but like everybody else he hated that she was in pain and he knew it would be a while before the pain eased or even dissipated. He could also understand needing to feel pain to know that she was alive, that she was still fighting. And he knew how it felt to have a gun pulled on him, having faced down a barrel of a gun more times than he cared for or to even recall, and he wished most of all that it had not have happened to her. “What can I do to help?” He asked figuring that the least he could do was to help to distract her from the pain that she was feeling; he didn’t have anywhere to be and he knew that they had already sorted out shifts to sit with Sylvie.

“Tell me it is going to be okay, that I am going to get through this. Please.” She was emotional and maybe it was not fair to ask him to do what she was asking but she needed any reassurance, no matter how big or small it was.

“Oh Sylvie, you have already made it through one of the hardest parts. You are a survivor. You are going to get through this and you are going to be okay. It will take some time but I know you will.” He reassured her believing every word he said because she was a fighter after all she had made it this far.

“Thank you Kelly… Will you stay with me and talk… about anything, just something that distracts me?” She asked pausing a few times as the pain spiked and intensified a bit more, and inadvertently squeezing his hand as she was extremely uncomfortable as she tried to move again to ease it.

“The only place I have to be is right here. Have you ever heard the story of the first baby I delivered?” He asked assembling a whole array of stories in his head to keep her distracted knowing it was the only thing he could do.

“No.” She smiled softly thankful that he had something to discuss that clearly had a happy ending even though he had not started the story.

“Good… So I was still at Firehouse 36 with Grissom in command and we were called to this ginormous children’s playground at this family restaurant. This heavily pregnant woman had a three year old as well who would not come out of this enclosed playground, it was full of these large tunnels that lead to giant ball pits and viewing platforms with those bubble like plastic windows so kids can see their parents and out onto the street. We were told that the kid had been in there for over an hour before the mom decided to crawl inside in the hopes of dragging him out to take him home… Anyway she crawls in and her water breaks which just happens to progress rapidly given that she had been having contractions all day but thought it was Braxton hicks.” He paused in his story as a nurse stepped in to check over her vitals, and to ask if she had changed her mind about having any pain medication which she once again adamantly refused with a glare that had him refraining from chuckling at.

“So what happened?” Sylvie asked as soon as the nurse left the room, closing the door and shutting the world out turning her attention back to him.

“Well somehow and I am still not sure exactly how I drew the short straw but I had to climb through the tunnels of this playground to get to this woman whose right in the middle of this playground, I think it was because I had just taken a refresher course for my medical certificate. We had paramedics on the way but they were still minutes out, it had been a busy night… At least I wasn’t the candidate because he had to chase after the toddler who loved to have him chasing after him, he thought it was a great game… So I get to the middle of this playground as the rest of the guys are working out the safest way to disassemble it due to the elevation and the way it went in and out of the building so we can get her out but they can’t because of the kid that the candidate is failing miserably to catch… and she is crowning at the bottle of the tunnel just above one of the ball pits.” He couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped his lips as he recalled how hard it was to catch the kid and how perplexed the other firefighters were as they figured out how best to disassemble the playground in the place where they needed too.

“Oh no! You cannot stop there.” She had to hear the end of the story especially as she saw Jay Halstead arrive and talk to Will through the glass of the window at the nurse’s station and she knew he was here to question her so he could get a statement from her.

“I’m not. I couldn’t get her out because the only way out was to climb up as both of the tunnels had a steep incline into the ball pit. So I made the decision to deliver the baby right there, I really had no choice anyway as the baby’s head was already out. I’m stood in this waist deep ball pit surrounded by those awful coloured plastic balls with this woman screaming bloody murder that is echoing through the tunnels because her husband is not there and her kid is still running loose with the candidate after him and she is giving birth in a germ filled children’s playground. And within minutes I had this gorgeous tiny baby girl wrapped up in my turncoat because that’s all I had and was holding her in my arms… I remember the woman said to me that because of how the baby was bought into the world she had sole naming rights. The little girl was named Emma Rose. Both Mom and baby Emma were extracted from the tunnel, as well as the little boy who the candidate finally caught only after our Lieutenant finally took pity on him and crawled in to help corner him.” He concluded the story seeing her smile just before a knock on the glass caught both of their attention and Will stepped in with Jay following closely behind.

“Hi Sylvie, Kelly. Jay would like to go over what happened with you Sylvie.” Will told her as he glanced over at the monitors taking her vitals into consideration and seeing that she had stabilised and improved greatly enough for Jay to talk to her as she was lucid and situationally aware of what was going on around her.

“Only if you feel up to it though.” Jay quickly interjected knowing he couldn’t push Sylvie given all that she had been through and still had to go through, and he could come back if she wasn’t ready which he understood completely.

Sylvie gave Jay a nod that was laced with uncertainty and Kelly could feel the way she tensed and felt her hand begin to tremble in his. “I’m not going anywhere.” Kelly quietly murmured so that only she could hear while Will left the room and Jay moved to sit on a stool near the foot of the bed so as not to crowd her but be close enough to hear her.

“Okay.” Sylvie spoke softly as the tiredness was setting in for her again, not that it ever really went away. She knew she had to give a statement about what had happened and figured it was better to get it out of the way rather than to wait and have it linger.

“Just tell me what you remember. If I have any questions, I will ask once you’re done. If you want to stop at any time, I can come back later. And if you have any questions then you can ask me at any time.” Jay did not want to put to much pressure on her as he knew that getting shot could be traumatic, and given the limited information of what Will had told him he knew that her survival was nothing short of a miracle. He watched Sylvie, saw how she glanced at Kelly for reassurance before she turned to look back at him then moved to try and get comfortable although he could see she was in a lot of pain. Will had made mention to him that she was refusing pain medication so that she was clear and there was no chance that she under the influence whilst giving him her statement.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly looked at Sylvie knowing she had been over exhausted by the time she had finished giving her statement to Jay who had been really patient with her as she struggled at times, and almost as soon as Jay had left she had fallen asleep although it was a restless sleep, that was evident from her facial expressions filled with pain and the way she would try and move to get comfortable but it seemed that she was only becoming more and more uncomfortable and restless. She had fought against her exhaustion until he had assured her that it was safe to sleep.

“How’s she doing?” Cruz asked quietly as he stepped inside the room having come to sit with Sylvie after having gone home and had a shower as well as something to eat and a nap. He had also taken the time to pack a small bag for Sylvie, with Otis’ help, of some of her things knowing it would not be long before she asked for them having stopped by the firehouse to get them from her locker. He was kind of surprised to see his Lieutenant still at her bedside but he was smart enough not to comment on it although he did not miss the way Sylvie was holding onto Kelly’s hand even in her sleep.

“She’s still in a lot more pain that she is admitting too but there’s no convincing her to have any medication to help. She hasn’t been asleep that long so try not to wake her.” Kelly replied with as little detail as possible as he was not going to repeat anything that they had spoken about or anything that she had told Jay. He knew Cruz cared for her, knew that there were still some feelings that lingered although as far as he could tell they were one sided and not reciprocated in the way Cruz hoped they would be although it wasn’t his business. Cruz nodded as he took on board what he was being told although he was a little disappointed that no one had been able to convince her to let the medical staff give her some medicine to help with the pain as he still did not understand her refusal. Kelly as gently as he could slipped his hand out from hers doing his upmost not to wake her but a small gasp escaped her lips as she startled awake. “It’s alright, you’re alright.” Kelly immediately tried to settle her seeing her panic just as the monitors sounded making them aware of her rising heartrate and pulse before it settled once more.

“’at’s ‘appening?” She asked her voice laced with confusion and pain as she opened her eyes to see Kelly stood beside her. “It’s alright, you’re alright. Cruz is here so he’s going to stay with you for a while.” Kelly told her making her aware that Cruz was in the room with them. He could see her open her mouth as if to say something but he bet her to it. “I’ll be back later. I’m just going to go home to shower and get some sleep but I’ll be back later.” He assured her softly as she nodded at him tiredly. With one final nod to her, Kelly stood up feeling his body’s protests from how long he had been sat down and went to turn to leave but he turned back, lent down and placed a soft kiss on her temple seeing her smile softly at him before he grabbed his jacket, sent a quick nod to Cruz, then left.

Cruz waited until Kelly was out of sight before he turned to look back at Sylvie who was shifting in an effort to get comfortable again. “I bought you some things from your locker, also I stopped by the magazine stand outside and bought some for you. Gabby is going to go by your place to pack you a bag as well.” Cruz informed her as he sat both small bags down next to the bed before he took a seat beside her. Sylvie was too tired to talk and strangely enough she did not really want anyone else to hold her hand so she busied herself with arranging the blanket around herself as she finally found a position that was less painful and only somewhat uncomfortable to go back to sleep, and she allowed herself too. Cruz let out a soft sigh once she was back asleep as he settled into the chair, waiting for her to wake up again.

Will walked back into the room with Nurse Dina who was pushing a trolley making Cruz sit up and scrub his hands over his face, it had only been a few hours since he had arrived but time had passed by slowly and Sylvie had showed no signs of waking up which was good as she needed her rest to heal. “Joe, would you mind stepping outside for a while? We’re just going to wake Sylvie, examine and change her dressings, and remove the chest drain.” Will explained keeping his voice soft. “I’ll go grab a coffee.” Cruz was almost grateful for the reprieve as he stepped out and headed off to get a coffee.

As soon as Cruz left the room and the door was closed, Sylvie opened her eyes as she had been dozing on and off for the past hour or so having heard what Will had said. “Can I have a shower before you replace the dressings?” Sylvie’s voice was groggy and still laced with tiredness but she wanted a proper shower even if she had to have a nurse help and sit down as she shifted again with a grimace to look at Will. “I thought you were asleep but we can arrange that… How are you feeling Sylvie? How’s the pain?” Will asked as Nurse Dina pulled the blankets back and partially opened the gown so that her incisions could be examined as he could see the steely determination that Sylvie had to shower which he could understand even without all of the details as Dina worked efficiently to clamp and remove the chest drain whilst she was distracted although it did not go unnoticed as Sylvie still felt it be pulled from her body. “It’s not to bad as long as I don’t move too much.” Sylvie looked up towards the ceiling as she answered without giving to much away before she cocked her head to the side and looked at Will. “Did the patient make it? The one we were dispatched to treat?” She asked having suddenly occurred that she hadn’t asked and no one had told her about him as Will lifted the dressings off as he examined the wounds knowing they would be replaced with waterproof ones so she could shower before new ones were applied. “I’m sorry, he didn’t… There’s no sign of infection so that’s great… Is there anything I can get or do for you before I leave you with Dina who will help you shower? Dina, we can remove the peripheral line for the blodd transfusions as well.” Will answered then asked but she simply shook her head before she began to move to get out of the bed, neither Will nor Dina moved to stop her instead they both stepped forward to help hold her as she got to her feet for the first time since her admission, both helping her the few small steps to the bathroom before Will took his leave as Dina asked him to send in a second nurse with supplies including a fresh gown and to help.

Sylvie wanted to cry as the warm water finally touched her skin, wanted to pull away from it but at the same time it felt so nice against her skin as it rid her of the feeling of dirtiness that she felt from the betadine on her skin around the surgical sites as well as the dried blood and mud that still lingered in her hair and around her nails. She was exhausted, to exhausted to even be embarrassed at having to have two nurses help her shower then dress back in a fresh hospital gown and tie her damp blonde hair up into a messy top bun, and to exhausted to deny that she needed a wheelchair to make it the short distance back to her bed that another nurse had made up with fresh bedding while she had showered, and she was barely awake by the time they got her back into the bed and hooked back up to the monitors and intravenous lines. And when they asked her if there was anything else that she needed she only shook her head before she let her eyelids close fully and allowed her weary pain ridden body to rest.

**Chicago Fire**

The next time Sylvie opened her eyes she found Herrmann sitting at her bedside going over what looked to be stock orders from Molly’s. “What time is it?” She asked having no idea of the time making Herrmann look up at her and smile and he sat the papers down on his lap as she pushed the blankets slightly down and turned towards her side withholding a wince as the pain once again spread throughout her body. “Hey sweetheart, it’s almost 7 at night. You were still asleep when I got here about two hours ago and sent Cruz home. How are you feeling?” He understood how she felt in some way given that not long ago he had been on the very same ward fighting for his life and then recovering after being stabbed by Freddie although her injuries were a lot more severe. “I’ve been better.” She answered once again not giving much away. “Cindy sends her love, she’s home with the kids but she’s going to come by tomorrow while they are at school. She also told me to ask you if you wanted anything as she will bring it in with her.” Herrmann decided not to pull her up on her obscurity with her answer on how she was feeling instead changing the subject slightly.

Sylvie smiled softly but shook her head gently. “It’s okay, I’m not going to be out of here for a while so there isn’t really anything I need but that’s really sweet and tell her thank you.” She had resigned herself when she was showering, or rather when the nurses were showering her, that she wouldn’t be discharged for a while especially given the extensive surgery she had underwent, and that she wouldn’t be back on duty for an extended length of time given how long everything would take to heal.

“You’re family Sylvie, and it’s what family does.” Herrmann reassured her having spoken to Boden about how her parents had reacted when he and Sharon had phoned them upon her admission, when she was still in surgery and fighting for her life. “Don’t scare us like that again though.” He added lightly although he was completely serious about it as she had terrified every single one of them the moment they heard Jimmy’s frantic call over the radio. “I’ll try not too but the same goes for you too.” She answered back as she shifted again trying to ease the pressure that she felt having been created from trying to lean more towards her side as her back had been getting sore from laying on it for too long. “Deal.” It was their agreement and although they knew that given their line of work it may not be kept in the future, for now it was the best they could offer each other.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly smiled at the sight he was greeted with as he returned to the hospital and to Sylvie’s room as he had promised after having gone home and showered, had a nap and then had something to eat, finding Sylvie awake with Herrmann sat at her bedside in a comfortable silence. She looked a lot better than she had just a few hours ago which was great, and it was a relief.

“Hi.” Sylvie was the first to notice him and although her voice was small he could see her smile as Herrmann looked over at him sending a nod towards him. “Hi.” Kelly replied as he stepped into the room and shrugged off his jacket then put it over the back of the chair that was free, the very one he had sat in only hours before, as his eyes roamed over the monitors reading her vitals before he sat down.

“I’m going to head home to Cindy and the kids. Cindy will be by tomorrow and if you think of anything just let me know.” Herrmann reached out and squeezed her wrist gently before he stood up to take his leave now that Kelly had arrived gathering up his folder with all of the paperwork he had been looking over stuffed inside. “Thank you Herrmann.” Sylvie was grateful for the offer and for all of the kindness that was being afforded to her. “I’m here if you need to talk too.” Herrmann added on before he nodded to both her and Kelly then left but not before he noticed how relaxed she had become in Kelly’s presence however he was smart enough not to say anything about it.

Kelly waited for Herrmann to shut the door before he felt Sylvie reach her hand out to his and let her fingertips graze against his palm, he reacted immediately as he moved his hand and took hers in his own. “How are you feeling truthfully?” He asked having already caught up with Will on his way in who had informed him that he was worried that she wasn’t letting him know how she really felt as well as what had happened in the hours that he had not been with her. “I feel better but there’s still a lot of pain.” It was hard to admit but it was also easy at the same time which felt odd as Kelly nodded in understanding at what she was saying. “Resting is what your body needs at the moment.” He told her knowing how easy it was to push yourself when injured and wanting nothing more than to be healed and back to normal which included being back on the job. “I know, I have slept since you left actually almost for the entire time that Cruz was here. I only woke up when Will had to examine me and then the nurses helped me shower before I went back to sleep. I only woke up to Herrmann and he said he had been here for a while… I would like to hear another story though. It helps to distract me from the pain.” She answered before she turned it back on him wanting to hear another story from him because she found him fascinating as he was showing her another side of him, a softer side that she knew was there but hadn’t been the lucky recipient of it before, at least not in the way he was by keeping her company and distracted as much as he could.

“Sure but first have you had tried to have anything to eat yet?” He asked as Will had told him she could eat some soft food but had not said whether she had tried or not. “I guess I am kind of hungry. I haven’t had anything except for water since I woke up.” She wanted to shrug her shoulders but stopped herself as she did not want to cause herself more pain knowing she had slept a fair amount since she woke up with Gabby and Cruz at her sides. “What do you want to eat?” He asked glad that she was willing to try and eat something as he pushed the button to have a nurse come in. “Spaghetti Bolognese... What? You asked!” She saw the way he shook his head and smiled at her choice after all he did ask. “Lets crawl before we walk this time but when you get cleared to eat that I will get it for you from that Italian place that you love near to Molly’s.” He chuckled as he was amused by her answer, and he knew that she sometimes would stop by the small Italian restaurant on her way to or from Molly’s as he had seen her go in a few times as he headed to Molly’s or home from there. “I’ll hold you to that.” She looked at him with her sternest face completely serious as it was one of her favourite places to indulge herself with a bit of takeaway from although she tried not to indulge too often before. “I know you will.” He replied with a chuckle happy at how much brighter she seemed just before a night nurse walked into the room.

“Is everything alright?” The nurse who was unfamiliar to both of them asked as she checked the monitors. “Sylvie would like to have something to eat.” Kelly stated as the nurse smiled. “Getting your appetite back is a very good thing. For now its only soft foods so I can offer you jello either strawberry or lime, yoghurt, ice cream – vanilla or strawberry, or vanilla custard.” The nurse listed off what was available given she had missed dinner having slept through it. Kelly looked at Sylvie who had her nose screwed up at her choices; clearly none of them were favourable to her. “I’ll get you a selection.” The nurse decided seeing that she wasn’t exactly pleased before she left the room to get her a selection of the pre-packaged foods that she was allowed to have.

“Surely fries are soft enough, I could really go for hot salty fries right now

seeing as you have already agreed to getting spaghetti Bolognese for me as soon as I can eat it. Why weren’t fries an option?” Sylvie asked him rather seriously as she had a craving for them and not any of the soft foods that had been listed by the nurse. “I’ll talk to Will in the morning and make sure that you get some hot salty fries as soon as you can have them too but at least ice cream was in those options.” Kelly guessed she was using it partly as a distraction and he could understand how none of those foods sounded remotely appealing especially after all she had been through. “I guess.” Sylvie replied just as the nurse walked in with a tray with multiple small circular containers with each of the listed items as well as a couple of spoons and put it on the table then slid the table over her bed. “There’s enough for both of you.” The nurse gave them a smile before she left the room again leaving them alone as she had been informed that Sylvie was an exception to the rules of the intensive care unit and those from the firehouse would be rotating around so that she was not alone.

“Nothing beats hospital jello.” Kelly said as he slipped his hands from hers then reached out and picked up one of the strawberry flavoured bright red jello cups and held it out to her after he removed the lid for her wiggling it slightly and eliciting a smile from her as she took it from him. “What order are we going to eat these in, after the jello?” He asked as he picked up one of the lime flavoured bright green jello cups and a spoon for himself. “Ice cream has to be last.” Sylvie pointed out as the best had to be saved for last and it looked as though it needed to thaw a little before the spoon would even be able to go into it as she began to slowly eat the jello little chunk by little chunk. “Fair point and excellent choice.” He pointed his spoon at her as he spoke doubting she would get through the all of the varieties but at least she was eating so even if she skipped to the ice cream after eating the cup of jello he would be pleased as it was progress and a small step in her recovery.

“Can I ask you something?” Suddenly she became meek and it felt like a lot of tension returned to his body and built within the room at her words. He looked up at her and saw that she was pushing her spoon in and out of the small portion of jello that was left but not eating it rather breaking it up into tiny little chucks as she focused on doing it rather than looking at him.

“Of course.” He answered unsure of where it was leading but she deserved to ask what she wanted too however the way she asked caught him off guard as she had not been meek at all around him for a very long time, so much so that it was reminiscent of one of their first meetings at the firehouse when she had introduced herself to him.

“Did they catch the man who did this to me, who shot me? I didn’t ask Jay, I didn’t think too when he was here but when I was being helped back into bed by the nurses after I had showered I saw… well I think I did… is there a police officer stationed just outside of my room on some sort of protection detail? Do they still think there is a threat to me?” Her words felt heavy even to her as she lifted her eyes to watch Kelly closely so that she could gauge his reaction to her questions as she knew Jay hadn’t mentioned anything about either of them when he had come for her statement.

Kelly was not sure how to answer her first question even though he knew the answer to it but he didn’t want to scare her either if it would hinder her recovery however he knew that there was not the option of not telling her or lying to her. He was not about to break the trust that she had shown him so he leaned forward and sat his jello cup and spoon back down on the tray in front of her then reached out and gently took hers from her hand along with the spoon, setting both down beside his before he took her hand in his once again and loosely entwined their fingers together seeing her eyes following him and his movements closely. “There was an officer stationed outside of this room up until a few hours ago, well a rotation of officers that were all selected by Intelligence and Trudy. Intelligence wanted it merely as a safety precaution however the detail was ended because they found the man who shot you." He explained pausing as he tried to figure out the best way to describe the next part and instinctually he squeezed her hand a little tighter as if to ground her and himself… “The police were looking for him, they located him and there was an exchange of gunfire, the man who shot you is dead Sylvie. He can’t hurt you again, or anyone else for that matter.” He watched her closely for her reaction and could see the relief that coursed through her and eased some of her lingering tension. Clearly the answers had been helpful to her, had bought her a sense of peace that he could understand as he and everyone within the firehouse were just more relieved that the threat had been voided even if it felt like the shooter got off easier than he should have but the main thing was that she was safe and healing. He felt as she squeezed his hand back and saw as she nodded her head somewhat unsteadily. She settled back down in the bed, grimacing as even the smallest movements elicited some sort of pain from her battered, bruised and broken body although she was still adamant that she did not want any pain medication.

“Now, I do believe our agreement was that you had something to eat and I told you a story. Well you did eat your jello so it must be time for another story.” He decided to shift her attention and their conversation away from what had happened to the man who had attacked her; and he was not about to push her to finish the small container of jello even though there was only a spoonful or two left. And if it helped get her mind off of the pain that she was feeling then he was happy to do it as he had to admit it was nice to reminisce from the earlier days in his career with her.

“Before you do I have one more question… In the morning, can you see if Jay can come by again?” She asked wanting more details from Jay and figuring that he would be able to offer them to her especially given that he had been the one to take her statement even if it did not seem like a lot at the time.

“I’ll send him a text to let him know that you want to see him again.” He understood her need for some sort of closure and if Jay, or any of the members of Intelligence, could give her that then he would ask for her. He figured she was asking for Jay because he had been the only one that had heard what had happened from her when he had taken her statement, and even Kelly had to admit that Jay had been incredibly patient and soft with her which was appreciated. He pulled out his phone and quickly sent the text to Jay before he slipped the phone back into his pocket as he did not expect a reply given the hour. “Now… wait what are you doing?” He asked seeing that she was trying to remove her sling.

“It’s digging into my back; I just want it off for the night.” She figured it would be fine as long as she kept her arm raised. He didn’t protest or try to stop her instead he stood up, reached over and grabbed a few of the spare pillows that were in another chair before he put them down on the bed and then helped her remove the thick sling from her body and laid her arm on the pillows to keep it propped up so that the weight was not pulling down on her collarbone. He sat back down seeing as she situated herself so she was as comfortable as she could be despite how much pain she was in which he knew was a lot. “Thank you.” She was grateful for the help and the care as she settled down in the bed as much as she could given the mass of tubes and lines that were still connected to her body and how restricted her movements were.

“Now, I have a story for you that I think you will get a kick from. It is from when I was a candidate and we somehow ended up attending a call that turned into a domestic argument after the wife came home. Anyway we responded to a call about a person being entrapped and we get to this house hearing this man screaming for help, for someone to cut him free. We search the house and find him in the bedroom completely naked and tied up. I’m talking chained with these two inch wide steel forged cuffs secured around his wrists and ankles; he could not move an inch… You can imagine our surprise and shock at how he even found himself in this situation.” He paused as she looked at him questioningly although she said nothing as she waited for him to continue. “Turns out his mistress found out he was married and they had been having their rendezvous in the martial home and in the martial bed which she was not happy about at all. The mistress had chained him up and then left him, and had taken the key with her for the cuffs. This guy is more concerned that his wife is going to be home at any minute than he is about the fact that we have to cut him free and in the position he was although the police who were first on scene had the decency to throw a sheet over him.”

“Wait, who called 9-1-1?” She asked feeling like it was a pivotal piece of information in this story which she had to admit was interesting to hear.

“A neighbour heard him shouting for help but did not want to investigate first so they called for the police who then called for us as they had no way to cut him free.” He answered seeing her snicker at his answer making it his turn to look at her quizzically. “He must have been shouting loudly.” She shook her head at the thought of someone calling for help given the situation that they had found themselves in all for a bit of infidelity.

“Anyway none of us really want to be the one to cut this guy free given how thick the cuffs were and how close to his arteries they were. So my Lieutenant at the time along with this police officer convince this guy to give them his mistress’ details hoping she would be persuaded to return and give us the key. They managed to get a hold of her finding she is actually sat in her car outside down the street watching the whole scene unfold.” He paused as he shook her head as he shifted again in the seat. “She walked into this bedroom and glanced at him as he begged her to forgive him. She waits for a few seconds after he finally stops before she very nonchalantly tells us all that the key is now in the storm drain, adding on a good luck and that she had kindly called his wife. Just as she tells him this, a female’s voice screams his name through the house, and she is pissed, understandably… All of a sudden the two women are in the bedroom together, and the wife is attacking her husband with her high heel while the mistress is encouraging her. The entire room is in chaos as the wife turns on a few of us who are trying to stop her including the two officers, one of whom is shoving the mistress out of the door… Finally we managed to separate the three of them leaving the two officers to deal with the two women while we had to deal with this guy. We had to cut the chains and the paramedics had to take him through to Lakeshore to free him of the cuffs as it was safer to remove them in the operating theatre rather than on the scene.” He finished knowing it was short but it was distracting enough.

“I bet that is when it is good to be a candidate, and you only have to observe.” She smiled imagining a bunch of grown men, firefighters no less, being incredibly awkward and uncomfortable in the situation that he had just described. She was sure that the call had lingered in their memories and had been talked about for a while after at the station or told in a bar or two. Although she defiantly did not have any sympathy for the man who had been chained and cuffed given his infidelity and lack of respect for both women.

“Without a doubt but you would be surprised at how many calls I have attended or know of other firefighters have attended because of bedroom mishaps or a partner’s revenge.” He replied cringing as the number was too high although he had to admit he hated people that cheated on their partners even though he could not let that influence how he handled those particular calls.

“I once went on a call to a strip club when I was doing a fill in shift while I was still in Indiana. Undoubtedly one of the more embarrassing calls for everyone involved.” She revealed recalling how uncomfortable the entire call had been and even after they had taken their patient to the hospital.

“I need to hear this one.” He could not recall hearing about this particular call although he had not heard much about her time in Indiana as a paramedic.

“One stripper doing extras and one man whose equipment was defiantly not up to muster… We are guided to a back room having passed a number of big butch security guards who all looked incredibly queasy. We get into this room and there is a young man sat on a couch gritting his teeth while this older woman, the stripper, is holding her breath and terrified to move…” She began to tell the story.

“Please tell me this is not going where I think it is?” He asked hoping it wasn’t as he already wanted to wince as he tilted his head backwards and looked up at the ceiling briefly before he looked back to her.

“It probably is.” She cringed and could have laughed at him and his expression but she knew it would only cause her pain.

“Anyway the woman looks up at us and says ‘I broke it, it just snapped, I felt it snap’ all without trying to panic but failing miserably. My partner for that shift was an older guy who had been on the job for twelve or so years but even he couldn’t handle it. Turns out the stripper was riding this guy so fast and so hard that she caused a 

penile fracture. We had to help her get up and off of him so we could rush him to the hospital for emergency surgery.” She heard as Kelly winced. “But what was worse was that months later we got another call to the exact same strip club only this time it was the same woman but a different guy. She got herself quite a reputation within the Indiana Fire Department.” She couldn’t help but smirk at she recalled how every single member of the department knew that story, it didn’t matter if they were retired or had not even been on the job that long. It was one of those stories that became one that was passed through every house and every academy class throughout the years.

“Not what I would have thought Indiana would be infamous for.” He quipped as he shook his head as that is one thing that no guy ever wanted to happen to them. Even hearing about it made him wince in pain, just at the mere thought had him feeling fidgety.

“At least it wasn’t in Fowlerton, given the small population of only about two hundred people those men would have been outed quicker than we could have gotten them to the hospital. I sure do not miss that small town noisiness. Actually I really do not miss much about that town and I don’t even think I could go back there. In Fowlerton it was more farm accidents and tractor versus car accidents than anything else.” She explained knowing all too well just how bad small town gossip was as she had been a victim of it more times than she preferred to have been especially when she had packed up and left to move to Chicago.

Kelly did not say anything as he could see that she had more to say although he could see it was with some reluctance so he decided to wait, to let her have the time she needed. It seemed that Fowlerton had not been good to her after all he could still recall their brief conversation in the kitchen at the firehouse not long after she had started and her ex-fiancé Harrison was in town and how adamant she had been that she was not going back when he had asked.

“My parents are hurt, I hurt them… we argued because I asked them about my birth parents, if they knew anything… I thought that getting shot and being in the intensive care unit would put all of their anger aside and be here but they didn’t, they couldn’t and they still have not reached out in any way. My whole life especially from the moment I learned that I was adopted was dictated by them until one day I realised I wasn’t happy with how my life was turning out. They would have preferred to see me in a loveless marriage because it was safe rather then to be happy. I broke their hearts the day I left Fowlerton and they never really forgave me for it but asking them if they knew anything about my history decimated our already strained relationship.” She paused as she took a break and inhaled and exhaled a few times feeling the movements pull against the stitches and her skin that littered her chest and torso. “Chief Boden called them and they flat out refused to come be by my side but do you know what the worst part of it all is? It’s not their rejection, it is the fact that I am happy they aren’t here at my bedside. And I’m happy that they are not here because I know exactly how they would react; they would tell me how this would have never happened in Fowlerton, or if I was married to Harrison or if I had never decided to become a paramedic. And they would be right but none of that matters because if I was still there I would hate everything and be so resentful. It sounds crazy.” She filled him in on more than she had meant too but it felt good to verbalise some of her thoughts and feelings.

“Sylvie, hey, you are allowed to know your birth parents and it is only natural to wonder who they are and what they are like. Surely your parents had to realise that you would ask questions when you got older. And it’s their loss because you have to be happy in life Sylvie, if you aren’t then it wears you down and that is not good for anybody. It’s not crazy, none of it is.” He assured her wanting to understand that it was only natural to want to know a person’s family history, and to be happy and fulfilled in life. His hand reached for hers once more and she turned her hand over making it easier to entwine their fingers together as the contact seemed to comfort her.

“Tell me something else, anything else.” She wanted to change the subject as she did not want to think about the heaviness that had settled deep inside of her as she knew she was not in the wrong even before he had assured her she wasn’t but somehow she still felt that she was in the wrong, that she had somehow betrayed her parents. He knew what she was doing and once again allowed her to change subject and shift her focus as he had noticed the sharp increase in her heart rate and blood pressure although it wasn’t enough to be dangerous but he was not about to risk it becoming so either.

“How about the first time I met Connie?” He figured that would provide some levity given how scary the woman could be without even saying a word.

“I don’t think there is anyone that has not been terrified of Connie at one time or another during their tenure at Fifty One.” She replied knowing that it was better to not be on Connie’s radar and the last place anyone wanted to be was on her bad side.

“That is very true but I am talking about my very first day at Fifty One under Boden’s command.” He replied fondly remembering the entire shift as it was a record setting day not just because he was the youngest ever member to join a Squad team but also because in an odd way it felt like coming home under Boden’s command especially given how long he had known him because of Benny and their tumultuous relationship.

“Now this sounds interesting.” She was grateful that he was distracting her as the pain had started to increase again throughout her entire upper body.

“I walked straight into the bullpen and she looked at me, up and down, before she pointed me towards Boden’s office. Connie did not say a word to me until after I walked out of that office. And then she stood up in front of me, blocking my path and said ‘I know whose son you are but I know you are not him’. I remember being so relieved that somebody within the CFD did not expect me to be Benny, someone who wanted me to be me and for that I will be forever grateful. Those words changed something for me that day, somehow they allowed me to be able to figure out that I may share his last name but I didn’t have to meet the expectations that were set for me because I was his son instead I could met the expectations I set for myself because I wanted to be better, a better leader and more importantly a better man.” Sometimes he would walk into the bullpen just to see Connie give him the same nod that she did that day all those years ago after she had stepped aside and allowed him to walk out but not before he turned back to look at her. As terrifying as she could come across, she had this way of making things better when it was needed the most.

“Have you ever told her that?” She asked sensing just how relieved and comforted he still was by those words even after all the years that had passed by. It was something that was clearly dear to him and she could understand why given how large Benny’s presence within the department still was despite all of the drama that he seemed to create, if there was ever a physical definition for the saying ‘a storm in a tea cup’ it was Benny Severide.

“No, I never have. But she knows.” He answered because somehow it had become a silent and mutual contract between the two over the years. Before anything else could be said a sharp rapt on the glass of the door had both of their attention to see Jay stood outside. Kelly waved him in with his free hand, surprised to see him given the late hour. Jay slid the door open and stepped inside then closed the door behind him.

“Sorry it’s so late but I got your message and wanted to make sure everything was alright. I was still at the precinct.” Jay kept his voice low as it only seemed fitting within the walls of the ICU.

“Thank you. I…uh… I just had some questions and wanted to know what was happening. It really could have waited until the morning given what Kelly has told me.” She was grateful that he had rushed over despite there not being a need too.

“I was going to come by in the morning anyway to update you Sylvie. Lets start with the questions you have if you want.” Jay took a seat although he maintained a cursory distance so as not to crowd her before he glanced at Kelly who had shifted his eyes towards the screen that listed all of her vitals picking up the concern that was silently radiating from him. It seemed to be that Sylvie felt safe and comfortable with Kelly more than she was with anyone else at the moment but given all that she had been through it was understandable.

“The man who was shot in front of me… do you know why he was?” Sylvie did not miss the sharp intake of air from Kelly as she asked the first question that was on her mind and she squeezed his hand just for a split second in hope that it would convey that she was okay.

“We do. They were both bad people. The man who shot you was a part of a crew from Detroit and they were in town to close a deal but the deal went sideways.” Jay kept the answers as vague as he possibly could as the less she knew would be better and given that the file was still not officially closed he had to be careful with what information he shared. He also did not want to give her any details that she did not need to know so that she did not worry.

“Okay… And the man who shot me, none of his associates are going to come after me or anyone else close to me?” It was another question or situation that Kelly had not even considered as Sylvie asked her next question after she took a few minutes to absorb what Jay had told her. He glanced over at Jay who remained calm which was anything but how he felt.

“We would not have removed the protective detail from you Sylvie if we thought that there was any risk to your safety or anyone else’s.” Jay was firm in that fact knowing that they all wanted to protect her and the rest of the firehouse family. If there was any chance that there was still a risk then the protective detail would have remained although from what Jay could see the members of Fifty One were keeping their own kind of detail.

Sylvie turned her head towards Kelly who watched as the last of her tension left her body and she physically deflated down into the bed before she turned back to Jay. “Thank you, and thank the team.” She wanted Jay to know how grateful she was for what they had done for her. She could recall their conversation that they had in the waiting room when she had not long been new and a woman had taken a bullet that had been meant for him, could recall how cut up he had been at the time. It was a weird thing to think about, to recall, but she knew how much he cared for those around him and knew the lengths that he and the rest of Intelligence would have gone through to ensure she was protected and safe even though she had been unconscious for a significant amount of the time they had spent investigating.

Jay simply nodded as he stood up knowing it was late and Sylvie looked ready to fall back asleep despite how wide awake she had seemed when he had arrived. “Thank us by healing Sylvie. If you need anything, or you think of anything else that you want to know then let me know.” Jay nodded his head once he had finished speaking before he stepped back and left the room.

“Are you okay?” Kelly asked cautiously once they were alone again as he watched closely for her reaction.

“Yeah… I know it’s going to take some time, not just the physical recovery but the mental one too… but knowing that everyone is safe helps.” Her voice started to slur together as her body finally went completely lax as her exhaustion came to the forefront.

“Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He kept his voice soft seeing the way she was trying to keep her eyes open as she fought against her exhaustion once more. He meant it when he said he would be there when she woke up as he had already settled himself into the chair for the night. With a soft nod she let her eyelids close and let herself drift off to sleep.

He stayed right where he was as he watched her sleep, seeing how her face contorted in pain whenever she tried to move, and he felt as she kept a firm grasp of his hand. He really was in awe of her, of awe of how she was coping.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie opened her eyes as the first rays of sunlight shone through the half turned blinds and bathed the room in a soft golden glow. She smiled as her eyes landed on Kelly who was asleep in the chair next to her bedside with his neck tilted back in what she could only imagine would be painful when he woke up and had to move it, and he was still holding her hand tightly in his. She made no effort to move as she somehow had found a somewhat comfortable position as she had slept although she slowly became aware of the pain again the longer she was awake. She let her eyes close again as she dozed on and off for a while longer until the sound of the door sliding open had her forcing her eyes open again.

“Morning.” Gabby greeted with a duffel bag over her shoulder and Casey following close behind. Sylvie raised her hand to her lips and indicated for them to be silent before she pointed towards Kelly who was still asleep and showed no signs of waking. “Has he been here all night?” Casey asked quietly knowing how uncomfortable it was to sleep in the hospital chairs, and how horrible your body felt once you woke up especially a firefighter’s body as sometimes it was hard enough to get out of a bed. Sylvie nodded in reply as she lightly squeezed Kelly’s hand and let her thumb lightly brush over his knuckles a few times; as much as she wanted to let him sleep she doubted he would appreciate having Gabby and Casey watching him do so.

Kelly grunted as he blindly raised his free hand up to his face and scrubbed it down just as he lifted his head and felt a distinct pop that was more uncomfortable than he cared for. “Morning.” He spoke cringing at how deep and hoarse his voice was from sleeping as he opened his eyelids and saw her smiling at him before he caught sight of Gabby and Casey who were both smiling. “Hi.” Sylvie was the first to speak and even then her voice was soft before she disentangled their hands as she moved again wincing in pain. Gabby quickly rearranged the pillows behind her, fluffing them up.

“Why don’t I drive you home Sev? Let you grab a shower and let the girls talk.” Casey proposed as he had not seen Kelly’s Mustang when they had driven in, and it looked like he needed a decent sleep in his own bed as well as a hot shower as he looked haggard. Casey watched as Kelly glanced at Sylvie seeing her give him a soft nod.

“Alright… I’ll be back later though.” Kelly relented knowing that Sylvie could probably use some girl time and to talk to Gabby knowing that before he left he wanted to check in with Will and see what she could have. Sylvie nodded before Kelly pushed himself up out of the chair, and picked up his jacket. “Want me to bring anything back?” He asked not knowing what she wanted, if anything. “I’m okay.” The double meaning was picked up on immediately as she could sense that he was hesitant to leave, and she wasn’t really sure if she needed anything as she certainly had not been up to doing much. With one final nod in her direction, he made his way out of the room with Casey following a few steps behind after he kissed Gabby and murmured that he would be back later.

“So I stopped by the apartment and packed you a bag of things, just some toiletries and some clothes. I grabbed some pyjamas and your lounge clothes so that you are comfortable.” Gabby set the bag down on the end of the bed lightly making sure not to jostle her before she took a seat. “Thank you, would you mind passing me a glass of water?” Sylvie replied as the water was just out of her reach and the last thing she wanted to do was move and pull on any of her stitches. Gabby dutifully poured her a fresh cup of water and handed it to her, taking note of how shaky her hands still were. “Thank you.” Sylvie said before she took a few small sips of the room temperature water and then handed the cup back to Gabby.

“How are you feeling girl?” Gabby wanted to pry about what was going on between her and Kelly but decided to wait a few moments. She still looked significantly paler than she should have been but at least her vitals had improved even though the dark circles under her eyes were still prominent against her hollowed cheeks.

“I’m okay.” Sylvie answered not really feeling like talking although she did not want to be rude but the pain was getting worse and the nausea came on suddenly.

Gabby did not believe her for a second but was not about to argue with her so she decided to ask the topic that she had dutifully avoided for the shortest amount of time possible. “So what is going on between you and Severide?” Gabby asked teasingly wiggling her eyebrows up and down knowing that Kelly had practically been glued to her side since she had first woken up which she did not understand at all as they were not particularly close before she was shot.

Sylvie let out a soft groan that was laced with pain as she closed her eyes which alarmed Gabby who was immediately on her feet. “Sylvie, what’s going on?” Gabby asked but before Sylvie could reply her stomach revolted and she vomited violently bringing up a watery bile. Gabby couldn’t get a basin in front of her fast enough so her bedding and the gown she was wearing got coated. Gabby stabbed at the call button as Sylvie retched violently and the tears streamed down her face freely.

“What’s going on?” Will ran into the room having been on his way to check up on her before his shift started in the emergency department already pulling on a pair of gloves as nurses followed behind.

“She just started vomiting.” Gabby was alarmed as she stepped out of the way letting one of the nurses take her spot before another nurse practically forced her out of the room, leaving her out in the hallway worrying.

“Let’s run a repeat CBC… Sylvie how bad is the pain?” Will ordered before he turned his attention to Sylvie who had stopped gagging although he suspected that was because she had nothing left in her stomach to bring back up; and he suspected that the nausea was a direct result of the pain that she was in as there was no medication except for the intravenous anti-biotics being pumped into her body which would have shown the side effects a lot earlier but he was not ruling out any sort of secondary infection.

Sylvie shook her head as she fought to catch her breath as the nurse carefully cleaned her face with a warm cloth while another drew several vials of blood to run the tests that had been ordered.

“Alright, give 5 milligrams of Zofran intravenously **.** Sylvie, I am giving you a medication that will help with the nausea and the vomiting. I would like to give you some pain medication but I need you to consent to that.” Will knew that if they could not get the vomiting under control that there was a high chance that she could tear her stitches or worse and it would set back her recovery greatly.

“No, no, no pain medication.” Sylvie remained adamant about that before a nurse put an oxygen mask over her face as her oxygen levels were dropping dangerously low once again just as the Zofran was pushed into her intravenous line. Will nodded albeit disappointed that no one had managed to change her mind about accepting some medication to help ease the agony she was in.

Will nodded towards the nurses knowing there was nothing else he could do until he had the test results back and until the Zofran took effect. He pulled off his gloves and stepped outside leaving the nurses to get her cleaned up and changed into a fresh gown and the bedding changed out.

“How is she Will?” Gabby asked with urgency concerned that there had been a set back with her recovery.

“I’ve ordered a complete CBC to rule everything out. What I suspect at the moment is that she is in a tremendous amount of pain which is causing her body to revolt which the nausea is a direct result of. She is still refusing any and all pain medication but I have given her an antiemetic to help reduce the nausea

and vomiting. We have had to put an oxygen mask back on her as her oxygen levels are still low. The nurses are just changing everything out so give them a few minutes.” Will explained even though he only had speculation as to what had bought the onset of vomiting.

“Thanks Will.” Gabby knew he was doing all he could but she also knew that if somebody did not manage to convince Sylvie to accept some pain medication that all of his efforts were in vain.

“As soon as I have any results, I will be back up.” Will gave Gabby’s shoulder a squeeze before he left to head down to the emergency department for his shift.

Gabby leant back against the desk as she waited until she was allowed back into Sylvie’s room. It was another fifteen or so minutes before the nurses walked out and nodded towards the room letting her know she could enter. Gabby made her way into the room seeing that Sylvie was back asleep with an oxygen mask on her face and her arm back in the sling as the intravenous line was wide open and letting the fluids flow wide open so that she was staying hydrated. She took the seat that she had previously been sitting in and kept an eye on the monitor with her vitals.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie didn’t remember falling asleep as she opened her eyes and found that the room was empty for the first time since she had first woken up. She reached her free hand up and pulled at the oxygen mask until it was off of her face and hanging down. She took a few short breaths as she felt a lot better than she did before, the medication having kicked in and the nausea had gone completely. She wanted to get out of the bed but she did not have the energy.

“Hey, can I come in?” Jimmy asked from the threshold of the door that had been left open at some stage whilst she had been asleep. He looked hesitant and almost like he did not really want to be there but he was forcing himself to be or he had been forced to be.

“Sure.” She hadn’t really seen him since he had left to get the gurney on the fateful call that had landed her in the hospital although he was not to blame for any of it although she could vaguely recall him leant over her after she had been shot although her recollection was somewhat hazy. She knew that if he had been there then he probably would have been shot and neither of them would have survived or made it to the hospital.

Jimmy shuffled into the hospital room, shutting the door behind himself, feeling incredibly uneasy and increasingly uncomfortable and ended up stood at the end of the bed as he couldn’t bring himself to sit down or be close to her. The last time he had seen her was just after she had come out of surgery before Danny had dragged him out of the hospital in protective big brother mode. “Do you know when you get out of here yet?” It was a stupid question to ask considering she was still in the Intensive Care Unit being monitored closely but it was the only thing he could think of to say as he did not want to ask how she was as everyone who came to see her probably asked that.

“Not for a while.” Sylvie answered hating how awkward it felt between them, and if she was being honest she really did not want to see him right now. There was a rising sense of dread inside of her and she really did not want to talk about what had happened or have to placate him. She didn’t have the energy or the emotional strength to cope with his guilt or trauma although she felt she was being too harsh by even thinking it.

Jimmy glanced up at the tiled ceiling briefly as he fought to reign in his emotions before he looked back at her. “I’m going back to work tomorrow but I wanted to tell you that I am sorry, I am sorry I couldn’t do anything to stop him from shooting you, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop you from bleeding.” The words were rushed as he didn’t know what else to say but he had to say that.

“Jimmy please…” She wanted him to stop, wanted him to leave.

“No! I need to apologise, I need you to know.” He interrupted her as he shook his head.

“Stop… I need you to leave.” She wanted him to leave, needed him too. She wasn’t ready and she didn’t need to be pushed. She could feel herself getting upset but couldn’t stop it.

“I’m not leaving until you hear me out.” He raised his voice heatedly not even noticing how her heartrate and blood pressure began to rise steadily.

“Jimmy please leave.” She felt her breathing become ragged as her stress levels rose feeling trapped as she couldn’t go anywhere.

“You died Sylvie, you died and I couldn’t do anything!” He stated very bluntly as he began to pace back and forth at the end of the bed. “You were shot and you told me it was okay. Okay? How is being shot and bleeding out in an icy muddy lot okay?” He sounded maniac and angry. “You don’t get to tell me that it’s okay, not when I can feel your blood seeping through my fingers despite how much I tried to stem it. You don’t get to give up. And you don’t get to act like nothing happened, like your heart did not stop, like you did not have to be revived! I performed CPR on you and every time we got you back you gave up again. You gave up!” He continued to rant as he paced.

Sylvie felt frightened and in her panicking state she managed to free herself from all of the monitors and tugged at the intravenous line disregarding that she had burst the vein and blood was running down her arm as she used all of her energy to get herself off of the bed and up onto her feet despite the way her pain spiked. She managed to stumble her way over to the wall and blindly pressed her hand against it to steady herself as she tried to get to the attached bathroom while he ranted. She felt her legs begin to shake and she lent as much as her body against the wall as possible as she became dizzy and her world became fuzzy…

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly made his way through the all too familiar corridors and frowned immediately as a bunch of security officers ran past him. A sense that something was wrong settled over him immediately and he found himself following after them as quickly as he could. He pushed his way through the doors that led into the Intensive Care Unit and halted briefly as the commotion was coming from Sylvie’s room. He gathered himself quickly as he stepped forward concerned making his way past a few nurses who were on stand by and waiting for security to deal with the problem.

“How dare you? Don’t touch me!” The voice was un-mistakenly Jimmy’s as the security officers tried to grab a hold of him to forcibly remove him from the room.

Kelly inched his way into the room seeing that Doctor Charles was stood in the middle of the room, and that Jimmy was surrounded by the officers although he could not see Sylvie which made him panic as the bed was empty with crumpled blankets hanging off the edge. Doctor Charles saw him and slightly stepped to the side revealing Sylvie crumpled up and trying to curl into a ball down on the floor all while being pressed up against the wall as it was the only thing keeping her upright. He didn’t miss the steady stream of blood that was coating her arm and the hospital gown or the way Doctor Charles had protectively positioned himself in front of Sylvie.

“Jimmy, you’re making Sylvie upset and we need you to leave.” Doctor Charles tried to reason with him although he wasn’t sure he could given how aggravated he was.

“I’m not leaving until she hears me out!” Jimmy yelled with venom lacing his voice. With that, Doctor Charles gave a single nod towards the security officers authorising them to get him out however they needed too.

A part of Kelly wanted to grab Jimmy and personally throw him out of the room but his focus and his concern was on Sylvie. He moved fast across the room and slipped past Doctor Charles immediately sinking down to his knees on the floor in front of Sylvie seeing she was struggling to breathe and that there were tears pouring down her face and she seemed to be paling further. He could see the sheer terror on her face and hated it.

“Sylvie…” Kelly reached his hands up and took her face in his hands trying to get her to focus on him rather than the scene going on behind him as Jimmy screeched as security wrestled him out of the room. “Sylvie… hey I want you to look at me and I need you to take a few deep breaths.” He instructed seeing as her terrified eyes finally met his and she reached her trembling hand out to him and grasped his wrist weakly as all the movement and panic had left her in a further weakened state. “That’s good, now just inhale…and exhale…good. Now keep doing that, inhale and exhale.” He coached as she followed what he was saying breathing in and out although she could still feel the panic coursing through her pain ridden body. Kelly glanced back at Doctor Charles who was watching carefully and keeping the medical staff back from them before he turned back to Sylvie.

“Give them a few moments, and organise a transfer out of this ward immediately into a private room.” Doctor Charles usually wouldn’t override any orders of the treating physician as he quietly ordered the staff to leave the hospital room but he could see how terrified Sylvie was and how she only seemed to be letting Kelly in, and he felt it would be better for her to be in a private room on a different ward just in case Jimmy decided to come back in the state that he was in as he had been escorted out of the room.

Kelly could see that Sylvie was still panicked and her breathing had only slowed minutely and he was running out of ideas on how to get her to calm down as he had no idea what had happened although finding out was not his immediate priority. He could see that her eyes were still darting from him towards the door and back. “It’s okay Sylvie, it’s okay. You’re safe” He spoke softly as he ran his hands down to her shoulders then down her arms feeling her shake before he reached down and very carefully placed his hands on her hips. He managed to manoeuvre himself so that he was sat down with his legs stretched out beneath him and his back up against the wall as he pulled her into his lap with her back towards the door. Her hands immediately and weakly clutched at his shirt as he wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he dared too as the last thing he wanted to do was cause her any more pain. He felt as she pressed her face into the side of his neck and he could feel as her warm tears fell against his skin although she seemed to have calmed down as he continued to hold her and rock from side to side very minutely.

He looked up to see Doctor Charles approach him silently and very cautiously handed him a large piece of gauze which he gratefully took as her arm was still pouring out blood from where she had pulled out the intravenous cannula from her arm. He nodded in thanks to him seeing him quietly step back out of the room once again leaving them alone.

“I’m just going to press some gauze to your arm Sylvie to help stem the blood.” He told her in an attempt not to startle her as she was still curled up into him and had shown no sign that she was even aware of what was going on around her. He waited a few seconds before he very carefully placed the gauze over the burst vein and applied a light amount of pressure which only had her curling in closer to him. “It’s okay, you’re okay.” He reassured her softly again concerned by how shaken she was before he rested his head lightly against hers knowing that there was nothing more he could do except keep holding her how he was for however long she needed it.

Kelly had no idea how long he sat with Sylvie curled into him as tightly as she dared but he knew by the way her body was that she had cried herself to sleep as the exhaustion had set in or she had passed out from the pain she was in. He lifted his head from hers and looked over towards the glass doors seeing Doctor Charles patiently waiting at the nurses station along with Will Halstead and a few nurses who all looked ready to enter but it was Doctor Charles who was holding them back. Kelly caught the eyes of Doctor Charles and gave him a cautious nod that signalled it was okay to come in which was returned.

Doctor Charles made his way into the room making sure to keep his footsteps as light as possible as Sylvie still had her face pressed into Kelly’s neck so he had no idea if she was awake or asleep but from her posture he could see that she had relaxed significantly which he was pleased about. It had only been a coincidence that Doctor Charles had been up on the Intensive Care Ward when he had heard Jimmy’s raised voice and the nurses who were calling for security although he had been meaning to check in on Sylvie and see how she was doing given the trauma that she had suffered.

“She’s asleep.” Kelly spoke softly to let Doctor Charles know as he removed the bloodied gauze and dropped it down to the floor beside him now that the bleeding had stopped.

“We have prepared another room for her on another ward, merely as a precaution. I would like to get her up there and situated before I let Will examine her and let the nurses get her back on all the machines so she is monitored and her intravenous line back in.” Doctor Charles informed Kelly who merely nodded as his attention was on Sylvie. “If you are okay with it, I think it would be best if you stay with her as she seems quite content in your arms and being settled is the best thing for her right now.” Doctor Charles figured it wouldn’t do anymore damage given all of the movement she had done and he also suspected that Kelly was not too keen to let go of her just yet given how protective he was of her.

“I can do that Doc.” Kelly answered slightly concerned how she would react when she woke up especially if she panicked given she would be in an unfamiliar room with unfamiliar staff. “I might need a bit of help getting up though Doc.” He added as an afterthought knowing that he couldn’t exactly use his arms to push himself up from the ground and he had to be careful not to jostle her too much.

“That I can arrange; what we will do is have the bedding changed out and then we will get you and her up on the bed and transfer the both of you up there with all of her things. It should only take a few minutes.” Doctor Charles informed Kelly of his plan. Kelly simply nodded and let his head rest back down on top of her head as he watched Doctor Charles wave the nurses in who quickly got to work stripping and remaking the bed with fresh linens before they grabbed the meagre amount of her personal belongings and piled them on the end of the bed.

“Doctor Charles, can you get an extra blanket please? She’s cold.” Kelly realised how cold to the touch Sylvie had become despite sharing his body heat.

“We will get up both up on the gurney.” Doctor Charles nodded towards one of the nurses to get the requested spare blanket before he stepped forward to help Kelly up with the second nurse.

With both Doctor Charles’ and the nurse’s help, Kelly managed to get up off the ground without jostling Sylvie or waking her up. With ease he got himself situated on the gurney mirroring the position they had been in on the floor just as the nurse returned with the requested extra blanket and handed it to Kelly who took it with ease. He single-handedly spread the blanket around her petite frame and made sure to tuck it in before he relaxed back into the bed continuing to hold her close before the gurney was finally moving.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie snuggled closer to the warmth that was enveloping her as she started to wake feeling groggy, dry mouthed and still exhausted. The pain was bordering on intolerable and her entire body felt stiff which only added to the unpleasantness. She let out a soft sigh and flattened her hands out before she realised that the warmth was a person and that person was holding her but as soon as she smelt the familiar and comforting scent she recognised exactly who it was. But then she recalled what had happened… Jimmy… and then Kelly had appeared and that was the last thing she remembered as she recalled his blurry face finally came into focus even in the midst of her state of panic.

“Kelly.” Her voice was barely above a whisper and it was hoarse even as she kept her eyes closed and her face pressed into his neck as she didn’t want to risk moving for fear of the pain growing worse although she knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to move and feel the pain grow.

“I’m here Sylvie.” Kelly’s own voice sounded tired and hoarse from disuse as he started rubbing his hand lightly over her back with his fingertips brushing along her spine. “How are you feeling?” He asked cautiously not wanting to upset her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way. He had been surprised that she had not woken up when Will had examined her with some difficulty or when the nurse had reinserted the cannula into her arm for her intravenous lines which he was glad to see she had not pulled out again although he had understood why she had as she had been trying to get away from Jimmy’s yelling although he still did not have all of the details as to exactly what happened but he had worked out enough.

“Everything hurts.” As much as she wanted to live in denial that she was not in pain, the words slipped from her lips without a second thought as she finally pulled her face back and tilted her head backwards so she was still resting on his shoulder but she could see him as he turned his head to look at her. “I panicked, I wasn’t trying to hurt myself. I asked him to leave but he wouldn’t. He was irate.” She rushed the words out wanting to assure him that she had not meant to injure herself further.

“I know. I know what you have been through and while I do not understand Jimmy’s behaviour I do know that you weren’t trying to hurt yourself purposefully.” He was quick to reassure her and despite how much he wanted to ask the questions that were forming in his head he was not going too.

“I told him it was okay when I was bleeding out. He was panicking. I told him it was okay.” She spoke so softly and so quietly that if it had not been for their proximity then he would not have heard her. His hand stilled in his movements on her back as he did not know that she had said what she had although he was not going to hold it against her either. He took a few seconds for him to recover from her words before his hand resumed their movements on her back. “I didn’t want to die but I knew the chances. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew how bad it was… And then all I could see was Jimmy and I could hear the panic in his voice so I told him it was okay. I don’t even know where those words really came from but I said them as I was bleeding out on the ground.” She explained further as she recalled those moments after she had been shot as that was the last memory she had before she had woken up in the hospital.

“Jimmy still did not have any right to come here and upset you.” He assured her of that and made a mental note to have Boden bring in a trauma specialist for Jimmy because the Lieutenant side of Kelly was saying that Jimmy was not fit for work given the state he was in although he understood that this incident had left every single one of them shaken and in some disbelief. “And he should have enough respect for you and your wishes when you asked him to leave to have done so.” He added knowing that she would have asked him to leave as politely as she could, and she would have only asked him to leave as a last resort because it was the type of person she was. She was quiet for a few minutes and he did not rush or push her.

“Do you remember that conversation we had in the kitchen at the firehouse not long after I started and my ex came to town unannounced?” She asked suddenly making him quirk his eyebrows in response at the change of subject although he knew she was making a point, what that point was he was not sure of yet. “You asked me if I was going to go back to Indiana.” She added on as he confirmed with a nod of his head that he did recall that conversation as he still remembered how she had taken him by surprise with the way she blurted out that she had slept with her ex-fiancé while munching on dry cereal as he drank his coffee. “ _Sooner or later this is going to be another one of those things that you just give up on_ …That is what Harrison said to me and I always got this pit in my stomach when he would put me down and make me feel as though I was crazy, and then he told me that I couldn’t handle this kind of life but I told him I could and I was handling it.” She could still vividly recall Harrison’s words, could still recall how they had made her feel when he had said them, and she hated them even more now. “I got shot and I died Kelly, I had to be revived multiple times and now more than ever I hate those words. But the truth is despite everything I can handle this because I am not going to let this beat me.” Her voice got stronger as she spoke as her resolve grew, and that made him smile because she was showing the strength that had kept her alive and would help keep her moving forward in her recovery, not just the physical recovery but the mental one too.

“We are not, I am not going to let you give up, never was going to either.” He informed her and he meant it. He pressed a kiss to her forehead once he had finished speaking.

“I know.” Those two words made him smile softly as she pressed her face back into his neck seemingly comfortable as she still felt exhausted, now even more so. She felt as he shuffled down a little bit further in the hospital bed so that he was lying

a bit flatter before he tucked the blankets back around her and kept a gentle but firm hold on her.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly once again had no idea when he had fallen back asleep or for how long he had been asleep but even before he opened his eyes he knew that Sylvie was still tucked into him and asleep as he could tell by the warmth of her skin against his and her breathing. The feeling that someone was watching him, was watching them, had him opening his eyes immediately and searching the room before he found Boden, Herrmann and Cindy all sitting around talking quietly amongst themselves. He relaxed slightly as he was hesitant to move as he did not want to disturb Sylvie as she needed to rest but he also knew that she would want to see those that had come to visit her. With one final glance over towards her visitors, he made the decision to wake her and he hoped he would be able to get her to eat something.

“Sylvie, hey, it’s time to wake up.” He kept his voice low and let his hand gently run over her back again feeling as she let out a soft breath through her slightly parted lips against his neck and stretched out before she recoiled. “Chief’s here with Herrmann and Cindy.” He knew she was waking up and understood that it was taking her a little longer than usual given how exhausted she was. She let out a quiet groan that was laced with pain and pressed her face further into his neck for a few seconds before she finally pulled back from him and opened her eyes to look up at him. “Hi sleepyhead.” He kissed her forehead and gave her a small smile as he realised how pale she still was and how the dark circles around her eyes had only darkened despite how long she had been asleep.

“Hi.” She murmured as her voice felt hoarse before she looked over towards Boden, Herrmann and Cindy who had all realised she was now awake but were keeping their distance respectfully to allow her to wake up more and give her and Kelly a little privacy.

“Are you hungry?” He asked gaining her attention again knowing she had not had anything to eat since the jello that had been provided by the nurses.

“A little bit… some apple juice would be nice though.” She really wanted some apple juice, and he chuckled at her request.

“I’ll go and get you some apple juice. What about some fries?” He had spoken to Will after she had exhausted herself enough to pass out in his arms about the possibility of eating some freshly cooked fries which he was okay with if it meant she was having something to eat, and he could do with a cup of coffee as well.

“That sounds good.” Her appetite was returning slowly, and she knew she needed to eat to regain her strength.

“Alright, I’ll be back soon.” He knew that she would not be alone and for that he was grateful as he carefully unwrapped himself from her, slipping out from under her as his body protested the movements after the lack of movement, and got off of the bed before he re-tucked her in as she already missed the strong steady warmth of him.

“Chief, Cindy, Herrmann. I’m going to go down to get Sylvie some food, do you want anything?” He finally acknowledged the three who were patiently waiting as he got himself and her situated.

“Herrmann and I will join you Kelly. I’m sure Cindy and Sylvie have things to catch up on.” Boden wanted to speak to Kelly out of earshot of Sylvie after the disturbing call he received from Doctor Charles, and Kelly had given them the perfect opportunity as Cindy was staying behind.

“I’ll be back soon.” Kelly told Sylvie seeing her nod in affirmation before he made his way out of the room with Boden and Herrmann following behind, both with worried looks etched on their faces. They made in it down the hall and into the elevator before Kelly spoke. “Jimmy needs help. He needs to be assessed and a professional needs to be bought in for him to speak too.” Given his tone it was not a suggestion.

“I got a call from Doctor Charles in regards to Jimmy’s behaviour but I hoped you could provide more information.” Boden explained seeing how on edge his Squad Lieutenant really was underneath the calm façade that he was showing.

“He terrified her Chief to the point where she felt threatened by him. She asked him to leave but he wouldn’t so she tried to escape from him and it could have been a lot worse for her health if she had managed to get any further.” Kelly’s words were full of anger and bitterness at the entire situation as he knew how precarious her injuries were and the last thing she needed was a set back. “They had to get security to escort him out, and he fought against them. He did not represent the CFD in a good light.” He let his head fall back against the wall of the elevator.

“We knew Jimmy was struggling with what happened but Danny has been keeping him close. Maybe we should talk to Danny.” Herrmann tried to be diplomatic although he was angry that Sylvie’s recovery could have been compromised by Jimmy and his spiralling emotions.

“I believe if he was to go back on active duty at the moment that he would be a danger to his colleagues and to his patients… And Danny knows the CFD, and he knows what happens when one of us suffers a trauma and help is bought in, he knows the stigma that marks that person, there is no way he is going to allow that for Jimmy.” Kelly wasn’t talking as merely a concerned friend but as the Lieutenant that he was.

“I will reach out to Jimmy myself and bring Chaplain Orlovsky in.” Boden thought about and understood what Kelly was alluding too just as they reached the ground floor as the food trucks and coffee cart outside the hospital seemed more appealing that the café inside it.

**Chicago Fire**

Sylvie stretched out as gingerly as she could after Kelly, Boden and Herrmann made their way out of the room. She winced which caught Cindy’s attention as she made her way over to the side of the bed. “Hi Cindy.” Sylvie spoke softly as she pushed the blankets down and took hold of the I.V pole.

“Hi Sylvie, what are you doing?” Cindy replied before she became alarmed as she realised Sylvie was trying to get out of the bed and stepped closer.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” Sylvie answered as she pushed herself up and let her sock clad feet touch the floor. She refused to use a bed pan and the quicker she was ambulatory the sooner she would be out of the hospital. Cindy smiled softly and gave her an understanding nod before she placed her hand on her elbow to support her. “Thank you.” She was grateful for the support as Cindy helped her cross the short distance across the room to the bathroom before letting her go in alone.

Sylvie finished using the toilet and washed her hands before she looked at herself in the mirror. She took in her appearance seeing how sunken in her cheeks were and the dark circles around her eyes that stood out against her paler than usual skin, and felt herself falter as she swayed on her feet. She steadied herself as she tightened her hold on the I.V. pole just as Cindy knocked softly on the door and called out her name. Sylvie blew out a soft breath at the pain she felt before she opened the door and was grateful at how Cindy immediately took hold of her arm again and helped her across the room and back into the bed. “Thank you.” Sylvie was grateful for the help and smiled as Cindy tucked the blankets around her before she sat down beside her.

“So I bought you a couple of things just so that you are more comfortable.” Cindy produced a large bag that Sylvie had not even noticed and sat it on the edge of the bed. “I bought you a nice set of pyjamas which are freshly washed. I figured it would be more comfortable than that gown.” Cindy explained as Sylvie reached into the bag and pulled out the folded set of long sleeve flannel pyjamas that had a chequered pattern. “And there is some moisturiser and lip balm as well as some juice boxes and the kids drew some pictures for you too.” Cindy explained as Sylvie pulled out each item knowing that it was nice to have a few little items like that on hand.

“Thank you, really, and tell the kids I love the pictures.” Sylvie did not take her eyes off of the pictures as she looked at them as she recalled how just weeks before when Herrmann had been the one in the hospital she had taken care of the kids so that Cindy could be by his side.

“I will. Now is there anything else you need or want?” Cindy smiled softly although Sylvie’s attention was still on the pictures from the kids.

“I need to see Doctor Halstead, I want to be discharged.” Sylvie’s statement caught Cindy off guard at the abrupt shift but Sylvie had already pushed the call button intent on getting what she wanted.

“They will discharge you when you are ready to be discharged.” Cindy tried to reason but she could see the determination written all over her face.

“Everything alright Sylvie?” A nurse stepped into the room in response to the call button.

“Could you get my discharge papers ready please?” Sylvie asked and Cindy did not miss how the nurse’s eyes widened.

“I will be back with Doctor Halstead, and he will go over your options.” The nurse offered quickly before she left.

“Sylvie, you really need to stay in the hospital until you are ready to be discharged. You still need monitoring.” Cindy spoke softly using a tone that she would use on her children to explain something that could be perceived as harsh despite it being in their best interests.

“I want to go home.” Sylvie’s bottom lip trembled as she spoke the five words that she needed too. She wanted to go home, she wanted to feel some err of normality, and she wanted to be away from the hospital that reminded her of everything that had happened although her still healing body was a constant reminder of that. She wanted to be in control of things as it felt like everything was so far out of her control and she hated it vividly.

“I know and you will but you need to heal properly, and being here is the best for now.” Cindy was patient with her words and kind in her tone but she suspected that she was fighting a losing battle given the determination that she could see in the steely blue eyes of Sylvie’s.

“No, it’s not.” Sylvie did not agree that being stuck in the hospital, confined to a bed and with medical personal that she did not know caring for her was in her best interest any longer. Before any reply could be mustered by Cindy, Will made his way into the room as he had received an urgent page that could only indicate a problem, as soon as he had arrived on the floor that she had been transferred to the nurse had informed him that she was asking to be discharged, or rather demanding to be discharged.

“Hi Sylvie.” Will greeted as he stopped at the end of the bed and took a quick look at her vitals relieved to see her awake.

“Have you got my discharge papers?” Sylvie asked immediately, not bothering with any pleasantries.

“I want to talk about your request first.” Will glanced at Cindy who signalled that he would have an uphill battle on his hands to change his mind before he turned his attention back to Sylvie.

“I will sign out AMA if I have too.” There was something cold in Sylvie’s voice that shocked him although he made a concerted effort to conceal that.

“Sylvie that would not be in your best interests medically.” Will reasoned hoping to appeal to her medical training and logical side.

Kelly walked into the room with Boden and Herrmann following behind him and he stopped immediately at the weird tension that was radiating between Sylvie, Cindy and Will, a tension that had certainly not been there when he had left. “What’s going on?” He forced his feet to move and made his way to Sylvie’s bedside wordlessly passing the freshly cooked fries to her along with the chilled bottle of apple juice that he had taken the time to shake on his way back up along with a red and white candy striped paper straw.

Sylvie’s small hand on his forearm made him turn his attention to her fully as she looked up at him with wide eyes. “I want to go home.” Her soft voice gave him an insight to how she was really feeling and what she was not saying.

“Can you please give us a minute?” Kelly asked knowing that they did not need any spectators for the conversation that they were about to have.

“Sure.” Boden looked as confused as he felt but left the room along with Will, Cindy and Herrmann almost immediately.

Kelly waited until the glass door was firmly slid shut before he sat himself down on the edge of the bed and took Sylvie’s hand in his that had been resting on his forearm. “Do you want to tell me why you want to be discharged right now?” He kept his voice soft and levelled as not to pressure her or for her to shut down as he settled into wait knowing she would answer him eventually even if he had to wait for her to gather her thoughts. He did not miss how her fingertips lightly swept against his own hand or how she opened her mouth then closed it again a few times but he waited for her to begin.

“Being here is not good for me.” Her opening statement gave him no further indication of her sudden shift but he remained silence as he waited for her to continue. “Everything is a reminder and there are parts that feel like they are a threat.” She blew out a harsh breath. “I want to feel some normality; I don’t want to be the poor paramedic that got shot… Everything feels so beyond my control right now and I hate it. I want my own things, not things that people are buying me, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, really, I don’t but I want to feel comfortable and I can’t be that when I am being monitored constantly and poked and prodded…” She rushed out the words as her feelings overwhelmed her. Her lips set into thin lips as she looked down at her blanket covered lap wishing she had not just sounded so ungrateful and childlike especially in front of the man who had been her rock, who had helped her more words could ever express.

Kelly could understand some of what she was saying after all he hated hospitals as much as the next person especially given his numerous hospital admissions, and more pieces fell into place. He knew that signing out against medical advice was not ideal given her extensive injuries and the pain that she was still in but he also realised that sometimes it was better for a person to recover where they were comfortable and in control which was clearly going to be beneficial to her. “How about a slight compromise?” He knew he was stupid to even be offering it but given all that she had been through he wanted to help and this was the best way as he could see how set she was in her decision to be discharged one way or another.

“Like what?” She looked up at him through her long eyelashes as her fingers momentarily stilled against his hand pausing from the absentminded stroking they had been doing.

“I will talk to Will about what is required – medications and appointments and anything else – and you can be discharged as long as you come and stay with me at Gabby and Casey’s, or I stay with you at yours… You are going to need help but you can determine with what. Also, I want you to stay until the morning just so that everything can be arranged at whichever place of your choosing.” He knew it was late in the afternoon but he figured that he could get either his place or Sylvie’s sorted with help from their firehouse family. He had no idea why he was proposing what he was but it was a compromise and given everything he believed that she believed that it would be better for her and who was he to judge what she felt was best for her.

“Okay, okay… my place though. I want my own bed and I think Casey and Gabby’s will be to cramped.” She knew that he was putting himself out for her but she knew that agreeing to his compromise was the only way that she had a chance of being discharged as she was sure that Chief Boden had a few cards up his sleeves that he would not be averse to using to make sure she stayed put and under medical supervision.

“Alright… I am going to step out and talk to Will and then I will be back. Whilst I do that you can eat your fries and drink your juice.” He pointed at both items that were still sitting untouched knowing that he was about to face adversity in regards to the choices that they had both just made but Sylvie was not going to be alone and that was what counted, at least he hoped it did because he did not just have Will to contend with but Chief Boden, Herrmann and Cindy who were all formidable forces on their own but together was another force.

Sylvie smiled, and it was a smile that he had not seen in a while, one so bright that it lit up her own light blue eyes. “Thank you.” She said before she picked up the first fry from the steaming hot carton. She was not just thanking him for the fries and the apple juice but for how he had been taking care of her and was continuing to do so.

He shook his head lightly before he stood up and headed to face the people who he had to convince. Will was lent up against the nearby nurse’s station looking over a chart with Boden, Herrmann and Cindy close by as they talked amongst themselves quietly although as soon as they soon him all conversation ground to a halt.

“How did you go?” Will asked immediately as he dropped the chart down and straightened up, and Kelly realised that he was hoping that he had been able to talk Sylvie out of discharging herself. Everyone’s attention was on him.

“I need you to work out her appointments and medications so she can be discharged in the morning.” Kelly figured it was easier to rip the metaphorical band aid off as he kept his voice stern leaving no room for any argument although he was sure that there was going to be some protest.

“Kelly… Sylvie cannot be alone and she is going to need a lot of help which is why it would be best for her to remain here where she is.” Will hoped logic would prevail especially given how much Kelly clearly cared for Sylvie, and how comfortable she was with him.

“She is not going to be alone, I will stay with her. Being at home is what is best for her, and if anything happens then I will be the first one to bring her back even if she does not want too.” Kelly was determined that it was for the best but he also knew that if something did happen that he would bring her back to the hospital immediately.

“Kelly, are you sure that you can handle that responsibility?” Boden interjected and as much as Kelly hated the insinuation and was ready to protest that he would be unable to help Sylvie he knew that it came from a caring place for both of them, after all Boden cared for them like a father cared for his children.

“I am going to get everything ready tonight and I will be here to take her home in the morning.” Kelly did not respond to Boden’s question directly but rather indirectly as he laid out his plan or rather the barest outline of a plan that he had hastily come up with only minutes before.

“Alright.” Boden nodded his head realising that the man in front of him was not going to back down and he had already seen Sylvie’s determination to be discharged before he looked at Cindy and Herrmann.

“What do you need us to do Kelly?” Cindy asked picking up on Boden’s silent acceptance and instead of disagreeing she decided that Kelly would need help getting everything organised as the morning was fast approaching.

“Hold on. It is my medical opinion that Sylvie still needs to remain here under observation.” Will interjected shocked at the turn of events, at how easily Kelly had managed to get the three others on board with his insane plan.

“With all due respect doc, if Sylvie feels that this is what is best then we have to give it a try especially given what happened earlier and the hospital’s failure to stop it quickly.” Herrmann knew it was sort of a low blow but he hoped that Will would fall into line.

“I cannot believe I am about to say this but I will discharge Sylvie into your care Kelly but I will be making house calls as she is going to need her wounds to be checked, cleaned and redressed daily. I also want to keep her on a course of intravenous antibiotics as they are stronger than any oral ones so that can be done at her home as well.” Will paused knowing it was highly unorthodox but he also knew how the people of Firehouse Fifty One rallied and that allowed him to use his discretion. “I will go organise her follow up appointments and everything she could possible need so it will be ready for the morning.” With that closing statement Will stepped away to make the arrangements that would be needed.

“Kelly, what can I do to help?” Cindy asked once more knowing that the man would want to get back to the hospital something during the night as he had been doing almost every night.

“Someone needs to stay with Sylvie, and I need to go home and get some things. I also have to go to the grocery store and go to her apartment, maybe give it a clean, and get it ready.” Kelly rattled off whatever popped into his mind as he formed a rough list in his head.

“Christopher and Wallace can stay with Sylvie for a while. I will go to the grocery store and pick up a whole lot of supplies while you go and get some things for you then I will meet you at Sylvie’s apartment.” Cindy took charge as she arranged all of them knowing that Wallace had wanted to check in with Sylvie and that Herrmann would keep the young woman company after Wallace had left to get home to Donna and Terrance. She made a mental note to make some meals that could be frozen and could just as easily be defrosted and heated so that Kelly did not have to worry too much about cooking.

“Yeah… alright… Thank you.” Kelly ran a hand down over his face before he turned away so that he was looking through the glass into Sylvie’s room and saw that she was slowly albeit steadily making her way through both the bottle of apple juice and the hot fries; it was relieving to know that she was eating or at least trying too. “I’m going to let her know that I will be back later and that she will be discharged in the morning.” He told his curious onlookers however he did allow any time for them to reply as he slid the door open, stepped inside and then closed it behind him.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly stayed close to Sylvie as he followed her down the hall to her apartment ready to grab her if she faltered in any way. He couldn’t help smile at just how happy she was at being out of the hospital despite how much pain she was still in, and the recovery that she had in front of her which would not be easy.

“It’s so good to be home.” Sylvie said as they reached the door making him chuckle as she leant against the wall and steadied herself as she rested while she waited for him to unlock the door.

“Not even inside yet and you’re already home.” He explained at her questioning look as to why he was laughing but he also understood more than most how nice it was to come home after being in a hospital bed. After all there was nothing like the familiar comforts of home. He unlocked the door and let her walk in first before he followed in after her, taking the opportunity to close and lock the door before he sat her duffel bag down on the ground. Between him and Cindy they had made sure that everything was ready for her from the bed with fresh linen to the fridge being well stocked especially with Cindy making a whole bunch of freezer meals that only had to be defrosted and reheated.

Sylvie already felt a lot better and a lot more relaxed just from being out of the hospital. “Kelly…” She turned to look at him as she leant back against the back of the couch. She waited until he looked up and over to her. “Thank you… I know that you got some flak for backing me up, for letting me discharge myself but I want you to know that I am grateful for everything that you have done for me.” She had to tell him that she was thankful because she really was. He had spent hours in the hospital with her, had been the one that was now staying with her so that she could recover at home. She was not blind or deaf as she had heard how everyone else had tried to talk her out of leaving the hospital but not one other person asked why she wanted to, and she had seen the worry in their eyes and the tension in their bodies. But Kelly had listened, had understood, and had gone above and beyond to make it happen.

“Thank me by taking a seat on the couch and picking a movie.” Kelly smiled as he pointed towards the couch knowing that the short trip from the hospital to her apartment had tired her out but he also was not about to point it out to her instead he chose to distract her and a movie day was in order given the snow that was beginning to settle on the ground outside once more although he knew that she would most likely spend the day napping on and off. He made his way into the kitchen to make them both hot chocolate and grab them something to pick out as he hoped he could entice her to eat a little more even if she only grazed.

Sylvie smiled as she lightly shook her head from side to side at his deflection but she still followed what he had said as she slowly eased herself around the couch and down onto it taking notice of the extra pillows and blanket. With a few slow but cautious movements she managed to get her sling off and her arm braced up on a pillow that she put over her lap as she settled down into the plush couch and turned her attention to the snowflakes that were falling just beyond the window. She let out a breath that she did not realise she was holding in as the realisation that she had survived, that she was home, and that she would be alright settled deep inside her heart and washed over her like a wave of calmness that she had not expected.

“Sylvie?” Kelly questioned as he kept his voice soft in an effort not to startle her as she clearly had not heard him the few times he had called her name. He had put a plate filled with a few varieties of snacks down alongside the two cups of hot chocolate on the coffee table before he sat down next to her.

“Hmmm?” She pulled her eyes away from the snow and over to him feeling the warmth of his body radiate next to her.

“You okay?” He asked wondering where her head was at although he had not missed how serene she had become.

“I am. I survived and I will recover. I am recovering.” It was such a proud and determined declaration but she truly meant it. Kelly smiled but said nothing more as they both settled in for the day. She rested her head on his shoulder contently as he played with her fingers, both content just the way they were.

                                                                                                                                                                  

 

 


	40. Burning The Candle At Both Ends

**_Burning The Candle At Both Ends_ **

Kelly sat at the Squad table with the paper in front of him and a pen in his hand as he worked on a crossword while Tony, Capp and Cruz played a few rounds of cards, although his attention was drawn to Sylvie yet again from across the apparatus floor as she climbed out of the back of the ambulance having just completed inventory looking exhausted. He knew she had been picking up a lot of extra shifts in the last month due to a shortage of skilled paramedics, and many of those extra shifts had been double shifts so she was working forty eight hours on and only had twenty four off which was running her ragged especially when many of those double shifts were running overtime, there had been at least two occasions that she had worked a quadruple shift. She had been practically living at the firehouse and Kelly had taken to taking one duffle bag home only to swap it over when he returned for his next regular shift so that she had fresh clothes and anything else that she requested.

“Is Brett okay?” Tony asked having seen the way Kelly was watching intently. It was a question that he had fielded from almost everyone in the firehouse over the past few shifts as her exhaustion really began to show despite how much she tried not to let it get to her.

“This paramedic shortage has her working a lot of extra shifts. And it isn’t helping that she is being paired with inexperienced floaters fresh out of the academy.” Kelly answered knowing that it meant she had to do all the work and keep an eye on whoever her partner was on those extra shifts which did not sit well with him given that was not what she should have to do. She had told him of a few floating EMT’S that she had been paired with lately who couldn’t even start an intravenous line or the one who had fainted at the site of an amputated limb from a construction site accident.

“How many double shifts has she worked this month?” Cruz asked knowing it would be a high number given how many times he had noticed Kelly swap her duffle bag out for her.

“I’ve lost count of the doubles. I know she has worked two quadruples though.” Kelly answered as he watched from across the apparatus floor as she stopped and frowned before she straightened up and began to head towards him. He was hoping that he could get her to rest for a while as he silently hoped the bells would not ring for a while.

“Is that even within the regulations?” Tony asked knowing there were limits to the hours that could be worked in a row.

Kelly was about to answer but his attention was on Sylvie as she paused in the short walked across the apparatus floor and faltered. He was out of his chair and sprinting towards her as her eyes rolled back in her head and her legs gave out as she collapsed to the ground. He managed to catch her head with his hand so that it did not hit the cold hard concrete floor after he slid to his knees although he couldn’t catch her body. “Sylvie?! Hey, come on, open your eyes for me.” The panic was in his voice as he felt for her pulse relieved when he found it although he was concerned at how slow it was. He leaned down and knew instantly that her breathing was irregular as she was short of breath.

“Here.” Tony was already shoving a turnout coat under her head.

“Sylvie, I need you to open my eyes or squeeze Tony’s hand if you can hear me.” Kelly told her as he applied a sternal rub to her chest making her groan and try to move away from him before she opened her eyes groggily looking straight up into his.

“There you are.” He was still concerned but he was relieved as Tony, Capp and Cruz stepped back although they remained close by as a precaution.

“What happened?” She asked as she moved to sit up.

“You collapsed. We’re taking you to Med to get checked out right now. Guys, lets take a ride. Cruz go tell Casey first to take 61 out of service and that we are heading to Med.” He replied as she placed her hand on his arm and made him look back at her. The guys moved away with Cruz rushing off to find Casey and rely Severide’s orders while Tony and Capp moved towards the rig, grabbing all of their turnout gear as a precaution if they got a call and loading it into the truck.

“I’m okay.” She tried to assure him despite how weak she felt recalling how lightheaded she had felt moments prior and the chest pain that had been intermittent over the past few days which she had been monitoring. She knew she was exhausted which is what she put her symptoms down to.

“Excuse me if I don’t believe you considering you just collapsed. We’re taking you to Med.” Kelly was not taking no for answer and Sylvie knew he wasn’t going to give into her that easy considering she could feel the worry that was running through him. Sylvie nodded but before she could say anything Kelly swept her up into his arms and carried her towards the Squad truck as Cruz ran back having fulfilled his given duties. Sylvie pressed her face into Kelly’s neck as he manoeuvred them into the back of the truck holding her close as they pulled out of the firehouse.

**Chicago Fire**

“Need some help here!” Kelly called as he walked in carrying Sylvie in his arms with the rest of the members of Squad trailing behind him who all stopped at the waiting room.

“Kelly? Sylvie? Room 2.” Maggie directed Kelly towards the room as she waved April over along with Doctor Connor Rhodes who was already making his way over. Maggie had been notified that Squad were bringing someone in but she was surprised to see it was Sylvie as she was given no further details.

“What happened?” Connor asked pressing his fingers to her neck to check her pulse as Kelly very gently put Sylvie on the bed, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead before he turned to Connor.

“She collapsed approximately fifteen minutes ago…”Kelly began before he was cut off by Sylvie as his hand blindly found hers and held it once he entwined their fingers together.

“I’m fine really.” Sylvie interjected as April moved to put the leads on to get a reading on her vitals as well as a pulse oximeter on her finger.

“Her pulse was slow and she was short of breath. Was only unconscious for a minute or so but her hands are cold.” Kelly continued annoyed that she still believed she was fine.

“Well we will run some tests to see what made you collapse. How have you been feeling Sylvie generally?” Connor asked knowing how difficult patients paramedics could be just like doctors.

“It’s just exhaustion, I’ve been working a lot of shifts lately due to the shortage. Really I’m okay.” Sylvie negated to answer his question as April put a nasal cannula on her as she was still short of breath.

“That’s not what your vitals are telling me. April, get me a CBC and an EKG. Lets run a bag of fluids to help hydrate her as well. Put a rush on those results… What symptoms have you been having? No skipping any.” Connor pushed Sylvie knowing she was experiencing more symptoms than she was letting on as a healthy young woman usually did not randomly collapse without any prior symptoms. April moved to draw blood from her and put an IV in as per the orders.

Sylvie glanced at Kelly before she turned back to Connor knowing she could not avoid answering him. “I’ve been lightheaded and had some intermittent chest pains as well as the fatigue.” She admitted begrudgingly seeing Kelly’s eyes widen as April pushed a stool underneath him and silently directed him to sit down.

“What?” Kelly couldn’t believe that she hadn’t gotten checked out or at least slowed down or even bothered to mention it to him.

“How long have you been having these symptoms?” Connor shot Kelly a warning look as he asked Sylvie the question.

“Four days.” Sylvie admitted hearing as Kelly sucked in a breath.

“Her heartbeat is irregular.” April offered to Connor as she passed the blood draw to Maggie who was waiting to have it rushed down to the lab.

“Alright. We are going to get to the bottom of this. I’ll be back to check on you soon.” Connor reassured her before he left the room with April following behind.

Sylvie let her head roll to the side to look at Kelly who was watching her intently and biting his lip with worry. “I’m sorry. I know I should have told you but I have been monitoring it and I know that I am exhausted.” She wanted to ease his concern although it was hard to do when she was in a room at Chicago Med with an IV in and a nasal cannula on.

“Yeah you should have told me. I know you’re exhausted but you can’t overlook your own health Sylvie. What would have happened if you collapsed on a call or while you were showering? What would happen if you collapsed and hit your head and no one was around?” He wasn’t trying to scare her but he wanted to make her realise how silly it was to ignore what was going on with her body.

“We’re in the busiest season and I didn’t have time to stop but you are right.” It wasn’t a placation from her, it was because his words hit home for her. She was relied upon and she was unwilling compromising and jeopardising not only herself but the care of patients.

“I love you and I only want the best for you.” He needed her to know he was not angry with her but he was concerned for her.

“I know, I love you too.” She loved him, she really did, and she knew that she had scared him.

“Why don’t you get some sleep while we wait? I know you’re tired.” He suggested as she already looked ready to fall asleep. She nodded and mumbled a soft murmur of agreement as laying on the bed, even though it was a hospital bed, had made her exhaustion even more evident to herself. There had been a few times in the past few weeks where she had found herself catching a quick ten minute nap on a gurney here and there. He leaned down and kissed her wrist lightly as he watched her eyelids flutter a few times before she finally let herself fall asleep. He kept watch as he let himself worry knowing she was going to make him greyer than he already was but he loved her and he was never going to worry any less about her.

Kelly straightened up as April and Connor reappeared almost thirty minutes later.

“We’ve got the test results back.” April informed him softly as she moved to hang up another bag of fluids and begun to run them alongside the saline.

Kelly stood up and leaned towards Sylvie letting his free hand run over her head. “Sylvie, time to wake up. Test results are in.” He spoke softly as she woke slowly and uneasily before she turned to look at Connor who was stood on the other side of the bed.

“What is it?” Sylvie asked feeling completely unprepared for the results, seemingly dreading the worst.

“You are anemic. The test results show that you have iron deficiency anemia which fits all of your symptoms. We’re starting you on an iron infusion which will take about three hours. With the exhaustion and the hours you have been working, I would hazard a guess that you have not been eating a lot of iron rich foods like you usually would hence why you are anemic. I’m also going to write you a prescription for some iron supplements and April will get you some pamphlets on foods that are iron rich. I will also want you back here once a week for the next month for blood tests so we can make sure that we are getting on top of it. For now though I want you to take it easy and rest; the iron infusion will make you feel good but you are exhausted so you need to let your body recover.” Connor could see the relief show as he gave his diagnosis.

“Thanks Connor.” Sylvie gave him a tired smile.

“Yeah, thanks Connor.” Kelly’s relief was palpable as he looked at Sylvie, his eyes not having left her once the entire time that she was getting her results and diagnosis.

“I’ll check in on you a bit later.” Connor took his leave figuring the two needed some time alone and the infusion had already been started.

Sylvie once again turned to face Kelly. “He’s right. I’ve been living on coffee and vending machine food a lot lately.” She had eaten at the firehouse a lot but she defiantly had not been eaten a lot of iron rich foods.

“Well I’ll be making sure you do from now on. I don’t want this to happen again… I never want to see you in the hospital… I’m going to call Boden and tell him that you need until next shift off, no more doubles or quadruples for a while at least… plus I kind of miss having you next to me so I am going to take full advantage of having you back home.” The last sentence made her smile as she reached her free hand out and caressed his cheek lovingly. She had to admit she had missed being next to him which had not been helping her sleep as she had gotten so used to sleeping with him.

“Once you’ve called Boden and updated the guys in the waiting room, do you think you could get me some apple juice please? She knew she wouldn’t be able to stop him from calling Boden but she really wanted apple juice.

“Sure, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He kissed her forehead once more before he left the room, as he passed April he nodded towards the room that Sylvie was in silently asking April to take his place, she smiled and moved towards the room. He walked out into the waiting room and was slightly taken aback as everyone including Boden were all waiting in the now crowded waiting room although he should have known given they were family and when a hospital visit was required for one, it was required for all of them.

“How is she?” Casey was the first one to notice him as he stood up capturing everyone’s attention as he did, and they followed suit standing to attention alongside him

“Sylvie’s being treated now. She’s not going to be back until our next regular shift. She’s rundown and its caused her to become anemic.” Kelly filled them in although his words were more for Boden than anyone else.

“How serious is that?” Herrmann asked as he glanced round the group knowing they were all wondering the same thing.

“It’s pretty serious especially with some of the symptoms she has experienced but once she has the transfusion she will be fine along with a few small changes including making sure she takes an iron supplement daily and eats a lot more iron rich food. She’ll also need to come back for a few more of these transfusions over the next month but she will be good to go by next shift.” Kelly answered as best as he could.

“Is there anything we can do, or get you or her?” Cruz asked wanting to help in any way he could.

“Right now I need to get her some apple juice and get back to her. Chief, can I get a minute first though?” Kelly answered Cruz before he turned his attention to Boden.

“Sure.” Boden had a fair idea of what Kelly was about to say.

“I’ll get the apple juice from the vending machine while you talk.” Cruz stated already turning towards the vending machine as Boden and Kelly moved out of earshot from everyone else.

“I need to stay with Sylvie Chief, I want to stay with her. Capp can cover for me for the rest of the shift… Also Sylvie is going to need to only work her regular shifts at the moment while we get this sorted.” Kelly informed Boden.

“Take all of the time you both need. I want her healthy.” Boden clasped Kelly’s shoulder for a few seconds before he let him go. Kelly nodded and stepped away as Boden smiled watching as his Lieutenant retreated wondering if he even realised just how in love he was with the petite blonde paramedic who had defiantly stolen his heart.

Kelly nodded in thanks to Cruz as he was handed a bottle of apple juice and a straw on his way past as he wanted to head back to Sylvie, to be by her side. He vaguely heard Boden order everyone back to the firehouse but it wasn’t his priority in that moment because Sylvie was.

Kelly stepped back into the hospital room as April took her leave. “One apple juice as requested with a straw.” He held both the bottle and the straw out for her to take which she promptly did as he had already shaken it up to get the remnants that had settled on the bottom off and opened it for her, as he sat back down on the stool beside her. He took her hand again cautious not to knock the intravenous cannula.

“Thank you.” She said before she took a big drink of it, enjoying the sweetness and the coolness of it before she handed it back to him to put on the table which he did.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly knowing the transfusion had only being going for a few minutes but considering everything he had to ask.

“I’m sorry that I scared you.” Her answer made him shake his head at her because of course she was worried about him despite being the one in the hospital bed.

“I’m just happy that we know what has been going on and it’s being treated. I’m also happy that I get to have you next to me in bed for the next few days at least, and then after our regular shift.” He did not want her to worry as she shifted onto her side and curled in on herself.

“Go back to sleep honey. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead as she let out a yawn as she nodded and let her eyes close.

It only took a few minutes before Sylvie was asleep as Kelly lovingly watched over her while the iron transfusion continued.

**Chicago Fire**

Kelly held the door open for Sylvie, letting her step inside first, as after more than five hours at the hospital they were finally returning home with both of their shifts having ended with Sylvie’s collapse. Even though she had slept for at least three of those hours at the hospital she was still beyond exhausted although it was going to take a lot more rest before she felt better and back to her usual energetic self.

“All I want to do is crawl into bed with you right now.” She said as soon as she had turned to face him once he had closed and locked the door. The two had managed to catch a lift back to the firehouse with another Ambulance who willingly detoured to Fifty One for them, to get their bags and to get Kelly’s car so he could drive them home.

“That’s good because I’ve missed having you in bed beside me.” He stepped forward and scooped her up into his arms easily as she kissed him softly as he carried her through to their bedroom.

He put her down on her feet beside the bed and raised both of his hands to her neck and caressed her jaw as he stared into her eyes for a few seconds needing to do so. She understood why he needed to do it and there were not any words to be shared between them about his actions before he stepped back from her. “Bedrest for you for the rest of the night. Actually for the both of us.” He would not admit that he was tired because he did not sleep well without her in bed next to him but he knew that she was aware of the troubles he had whenever she wasn’t beside him.

Within a minute or so they were both changed and ready for bed, foregoing their usual routine of showering as they were both desperate to be in their bed together, both desperate to sleep in each other’s arms. He pulled back the covers and let her get in first before he crawled in after her as she turned over so that she was on her side and facing him. He opened his arms and she curled into him as he slipped his leg in between hers loving the way it was so automatic for her to curl her legs around his.

He rested his chin down on the top of her head as she pressed her face into the centre of his chest. He let his hands skim over her soft skin as delicately as he could knowing she relished in his feather light touches as he felt her relax against him just as he had hoped and as he felt her breathing become deeper he knew that she was asleep and after a few minutes he let himself fall asleep knowing she was going to be alright as she was safe cocooned in his arms, entangled with his body.


	41. By Your Side

**By Your Side**

 

Sylvie moved quietly through the firehouse in search of Kelly having returned from Chicago Med. She had seen how shaken up he was after their last call, and hated that she had to leave him to take their patient to the hospital when all she wanted to do was comfort him and hold him close acutely aware that it was what he needed. She was headed towards his quarters having already seen he wasn’t at the Squad table or in the common room as she made her way through but she could see through the glass and the open blinds that the small room was empty so she turned and headed for the locker room figuring that he was showering given that her last sight of him had been covered in dirt and grime from the sink hole that had appeared suddenly and without warning in the middle of a residential street which had left two adults alive and fighting for their lives, and a child dead as the sun had set on the day. The child, the toddler, a boy named Jack had died in his arms as Kelly comforted him whilst everyone did everything they could to try to get him free but it was too late and his injuries were too severe.

 

Sylvie paused as she walked into the locker room and found Kelly sat on the bench in front of his open locker only half dressed as he had managed to get himself into a fresh pair of pants. A part of her was relieved to have found him but a bigger part of her was worried about him given how deep in thought he looked and how oblivious he was to the environment around him, his situational awareness seemingly nonexistent. "Kelly..." She spoke softly as not to startle him as she made her way over to the bench and gently sat down next to him making him finally turn and look at her, angling his body in towards her. His eyes were clouded and bloodshot and she could see the minute trembling in his hands that he was desperately trying to stop by tensing. Her heart physically ached at the sight of his distress and she immediately wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into her body. His face pressed firmly against her neck and she could feel his soft warm breath on her skin as she let her hand sweep lightly up and down his spine repeatedly feeling his warm skin beneath her own whilst her other hand rested on the nape of his neck. His own arms wrapped around her tightly and he twisted wads of the fabric of her shirt in his trembling hands as he held onto her tightly. She knew there was nothing she could say that would ease the pain and torment he felt but she hoped that just being there would help.

 

After a few minutes he let go and pulled away from her turning back to face his locker as he bought his hands up to his face and roughly scrubbed his hands over. She kept her right hand on the nape of his neck before he let his hand fall gently down onto her thigh. She leaned her upper body forward into his bare back and rested her chin on his shoulder lightly as she bought her left hand up and over his arm then laid it flat upon his toned stomach. "You were there with him. He felt you. He wasn’t alone and he knew that... He was at peace and in no pain." She reiterated what he already knew but he needed to hear it again and she would tell him as many times as he needed. She also knew that they had maxed the little boy out on morphine as she had readied the syringe which she had to have Kelly administer which was why she knew that he had been in no pain; it had been the kindest thing that could do in an effort to ease his agony. "It’s okay for you to feel whatever you want too... Just know I’m here." She hoped the sentiment of her words would not be lost on him. She wanted him to let her in, and to share what was going on inside of his head in order to help ease his agony.

 

"I know there was nothing more we could do, that his injuries were too severe and the weight of that concrete slab coupled with the metal pole of the street lamp on him was too much. I knew he was dying before I even got down in that sinkhole but I couldn’t let him die alone. He was so scared and I wish that I could have taken that fear away from him completely." Kelly's voice was barely above a whisper but it was clearly brittle. He had stayed with the toddler until his body had been recovered from the sink hole and transferred to the coroner's van. He had been on a lot of tough calls over his years as a firefighter but this one had been one of the hardest but then again the death of any child on a call were always the hardest calls. "How are his parents?" Kelly knew that they were in a critical condition at the scene but he couldn’t imagine how they would cope with the death of their son if they survived, he couldn’t imagine how any parent would truly cope with the loss if a child.

 

"They’re both in critical condition and it’s not looking promising. They both suffered extensive injuries." Sylvie couldn’t lie to him, it wouldn’t be fair too especially when he already knew given he was at the scene and had helped to extract them. She tilted her face downwards, letting her chin slip from his shoulder, and pressed her lips to the exposed skin of his shoulder laying a gentle kiss there as his hand gave her thigh a small squeeze.

 

"Will you lay with me for a while?" The thought of being alone right now was unbearable to him, and while it wasn’t strictly allowed or professional he really didn’t care. They had made their own rules when it came to being on shift in the firehouse but he needed to break one again, they had before on occasion and would again especially when they had tough calls like this one had been. All he wanted was to shut the world out for a little while before another call came in and be with her as he both wanted and needed her and her calming presence beside him.

 

"I will always be by your side... Let’s go and lay down in your quarters." She wanted him to know that she was always going to be there for him whenever he needed to be and even in times when he didn’t know that he needed her. And truthfully she wasn’t ready to let go of him because as much as it affected him, it affected her too. With a lot of effort the two untangled themselves although Kelly’s hand quickly found Sylvie's and entwined their fingers together as he grabbed a clean shirt then draped it over his shoulder and closed his locker. She leaned into his body and wrapped her free hand around his forearm as they made the short walk from the locker room to his quarters.

 

"I’ll get the blinds." Sylvie stated as she regretfully pulled away from him and quickly closed the blinds that allowed them to be separated from the rest of the bunk room. While she moved around the room closing the blinds, Kelly pulled his shirt on to avoid the suggestion of any improprieties between the two before he turned on the bedside lamp to give the small room a soft glow then he turned towards her simultaneously as he kicked off his shoes.

 

Sylvie turned around and looked at him as she gave him a soft smile. Kelly smiled back at her before he laid down on the bed on top of the blankets making sure to lay on his side and leave enough space for her to join him. He made sure to slide his arm underneath the pillow as she toed her own boots off, pulled off her jacket and laid down with him, mirroring his position as she laid on her side facing him. She raised her hands to his chest, letting her fingers span across and feeling the warmth of his skin through the fabric of his shirt. She let her forehead rest against his as his free arm wrapped itself around her and his own hand spread flat across the expanse of her lower back, and they entangled their legs together.

 

The pair laid together in silence for a while, there was no need to talk because they knew and they felt what they other was. Sylvie however could see that Kelly eventually was fighting against his own exhaustion as his eyelids kept drooping before he would force them to open again as he fought against the sleep that he so desperately needed so she lifted one of her hands up from his chest to his neck and let her thumb brush lightly back and forth over his chiselled jaw. "Go to sleep hun... I’m right here." She murmured softly not wanting to disturb the comfortable silence that had enveloped them but needing him to know that he could give in to his exhaustion and that she wasn’t going anywhere by choice. "I love you." He murmured back sleepily as he finally let his body fully relax and his eyes close as the soft movement of her thumb against his jaw was lulling. "I love you too." She replied immediately loving the man and his heart. She knew that in the coming days they would be ups and downs as they both dealt with one of the harder calls of late but she knew they would get through because even in the quietest moments they had each other.

 

 


	42. It Itches

**_It Itches_ **

Sylvie shook her head as she made her way quickly across to Kelly to snatch the plastic ruler out of his hand as she wondered where the hell he had gotten it from as she was sure she had removed almost every item that he could use to reach the large patches of bright red inflamed and welted skin on his body. “Stop scratching it!” She scolded him like a mother would a child as she did not know how many times she had said that exact phrase in the past twelve or so hours but it had certainly been enough that he should have figured out that scratching was only making it worse but it appeared he had not made the connection that the more he scratched then the worse it itched.

“But it itches!” He whined like a small child who had just been denied a trip to the candy store as his hand automatically migrated towards his side but was slapped away before it could reach the desired area to provide some much desired albeit short lived relief.

“Well that is what happens when you decide to tackle a guy into a patch of poison ivy instead of letting CPD do it!” She was exhausted and he was driving her crazy just as much as the itching was driving him crazy and to the edge of despair. She let out a sigh of frustration before she took a few calming breathes and let the ruler drop down on the top of the coffee table. She knew why Kelly had done it but she wished he had not because now he had a rash that went down his entire left arm, part of his left side and across his lower back where his shirt had ridden up in the middle of the scuffle with the guy who he tackled, a suspected arsonist that had set multiple fires that only seemed to be growing in danger to civilians and first responders each and every time. “Come on, I’ve got something that should help… otherwise I might just drown you in it.” The last part was mumbled under breath as she held her hand out for his but she was sure he heard it.

“It can’t make it any worse, can it?… What is it?” He could not argue with her that it was his fault that he was covered in a rash from the poison ivy after he had landed and fought in it, and he knew she was not mad but she was exhausted but the itchiness was driving him to the edge of insanity as nothing seemed to relieve the itching and he could not get his mind off of it either.

“Kelly…” There was that exasperated tone that he knew meant she was struggling to keep calm or keep the inclination to help him alive. “Right now, it is the best option we have so would you please just come with me.” She pinched at the bridge of her nose as she was tired as it had been a long shift, and now her grown boyfriend had become childlike as she held her hand out to him and wiggled her fingers hoping to entice him to the point that he would just take a hold of her hand and let her try this option without whining or questioning her otherwise they were both in for a very long night that she was not sure either of them would survive.

Kelly relented seeing he was pushing her and he did not want to cause her any more stress so he slipped his right hand into hers and got to his feet letting her lead him through their apartment and into the bathroom where the tub was half filled with a milky white liquid that looked less than appealing but before he could protest she cut him off. “Strip!” She let go of his hand and ordered making him raise his eyebrows in question but seeing the scolding look that he was being levelled with he decided it was best to obey after all she was his partner and a paramedic so surely whatever was in the water was meant to help even if it looked unappealing. With another glance at the water that filled the tub he stripped out of the loose t-shirt and his boxers that he was wearing before he glanced back to her almost hoping that she would recant and change her mind. With a simple gesture of her hand as she pointed from him to the tub, he climbed in and eased himself down into the warm milky water hesitantly as it rose until he was covered from the neck down.

There was a part of Sylvie that was relieved that he had gotten into the tub without much argument but she was more focused on how his red rash covered skin could be seen through the dense milky white water however she knew that it had only gotten worse because of all of the relentless scratching that he had done to the affected areas. She knew that she had been harsh and was mad at herself for letting her frustration get the better of her. With that thought she pulled her hair up into a messy bun before she made her way over and stepped into the tub, letting her feet wedge under his warm bare thigh before she sat on the edge of the tub knowing that the poison ivy was not contagious as she had made him scrub all of the oil that caused the rash from his body multiple times so there was no trace left. “It’s Aveeno in the water, basically it is made from oatmeal and it is specially formulated to help treat irritated skin for the likes of those who get caught in poison ivy.” She explained as all the fight and the frustration bled from her as she had realised she would probably be just as whiny if she was the one who was suffering with an insane amount of itchiness like he was. She ran a hand over her face as she forced her eyelids open a little wider.

“I’m sorry, and thank you.” He wanted to say more but he knew that she was tired and did not have the focus or the energy for anything else. He hoped to shift his mind away from the itchiness that was going to drive him to madness if the Aveeno bath did not help so with that thought of needing to distract himself he reached his hands out and wrapped them around the ankle of hers nearest to him and gently moved her foot up onto the top of his thigh. With steady movements he began massaging her foot and focusing on her reactions as he let the oatmeal bath work its magic on his irritated skin.

“I’m sorry too.” She spoke softly as her hands clenched around the edge of the bathtub as he worked his fingers into the soles of her foot easing the soreness from them. “I got you some calamine lotion too so you should be able to get some sleep.” She added on as an afterthought as she had applied a thick layer of an antiseptic cream at the firehouse after he had gotten all of the remnants of the oil from his skin that had lasted him the day. She felt as he switched his hands to her other foot and began to massage that one.

“How long do I need to soak in this stuff?” He asked as he watched her relax and continued his hand’s movements.

“Until the water goes cold. The longer you are in it, the better it will work.” She let go of the edge of the tub and reached her nearest hand out to caress his freshly shaven cheek softly feeling how he responded as he lent into her touch. He turned his head and kissed the palm of her hand before he settled his check back against her hand. “I love you.” He knew she knew but he knew he could be trying and yet she was still by his side and had never walked away from him, not once.

“I love you too.” She let her thumb brush over the corner of his lips. “But please don’t get yourself covered in poison ivy again.” She was serious about him not landing in it again.

“Yes Ma’am.” He answered with his signature smirk making her nudge him with her free foot but she smiled so he knew he wasn’t in trouble.

“Just remember that.” She knew who he was, knew his belief system, and she knew there would be a next time. It might not be poison ivy next time but there would always be something that would take its place because he had a massive heart and all he wanted to do was help even if it was at the risk of his health. She knew that it would frustrate her, that the next time would panic and stress her just as each incident did but she knew that was one of the things she loved most about him – his willingness to help even when he should step back because of the heart that was contained in his chest, that beat strong and clear, and that was his guiding force.

 


End file.
